AN: So here's yet ANOTHER story. I'm not entirely happy with it, but it's alright. Gonna be working on two more soon. Might take a break after that, I dunno. Enjoy.

Obsession.

It's not a very pretty word, is it? In jest it might be. But in seriousness… it's a dark thing. A powerful thing. A scary thing. I know what's it's like. It's like an addiction. A horrible, dangerous addiction…

I constantly asked myself how he didn't notice. Had I not made it clear enough? Did he refuse to believe me? I knew he was attracted. I knew he was. I'd known for years that he was gay, and I'd lost enough weight to be desirable. But did he have no idea that I felt the same? Did he have no idea that I wanted him?

Did he even grasp how much I needed him?

He was always there. Always. I couldn't escape him. But he was always out of reach, always hovering just past my fingertips… I saw him every night in my dreams and in my nightmares. His face shone brightly in my mind when I closed my eyes. He was always there…

Even if he knew I liked him, he had no idea what went on in my head. How I really saw him, and how much I craved him. It started way back in sixth grade, when my obsession with making him miserable met up with puberty… Suddenly I wanted him more. I wasn't in love with him yet, but I still needed him. Even if I was just making him mad… it was enough, because he was talking to me.

It got progressively worse as we grew up. He got more and more attractive with every passing year, and when he starred prominently in one of my wet dreams, I finally came to terms with how I felt. He was the only one in those dreams from that moment on. It was hard, realizing how I felt, though. I had to tell myself that I was in love with the one boy I'd hated for so long, the boy whose death would have no affect on me, the boy who ruined my best schemes and held me back from my goals… But I did it. I told myself that I was in love with Kyle Broflovski. And I accepted it.

I lost weight to make myself more appealing, and I was able to be nice to him (and only him) when I tried. At first, he was confused. He didn't understand why either of those things were happening. And as much as I knew it would help… I couldn't just tell him. No. I feared rejection more than anything else. As far as I was concerned, I had one chance to make him mine. Just blurting out my feelings would ruin it all. I tried to be tactical about it and make myself appealing, all the while dropping vague hints and being genuinely kind. But despite being such a smart boy, Kyle never got it. That or he was denying it.

I always felt afraid, though. I was terrified that someone else would get him… that I'd see someone else holding him and kissing him and loving him. I always got tense around school dances and Valentine's Day, because both were highly threatening as far as keeping him to myself went. But there was nothing I could do. So I sat back and waited, praying that no one would take him from me.

Even though I constantly told myself that just coming out with it would ruin it all, there did finally come a time when I'd had enough of waiting. I was going to end it all – either I would know he'd never get with me, or I'd finally have him all to myself and away from the others who might desire him. It was something I'd avoided for a long time, but I'd had too much of the pain of never being sure. I'd gone through enough in only a few months to finally decide that I was done waiting for him to get it.

When I was sixteen, my mom and I were planning on going out to California for an entire summer. She had some distant relatives and friends up there, and she told me I'd like it. Of course, I knew I wouldn't – my precious Kyle had almost died in California when he was there during the 'smug' epidemic, and if I hadn't realized how much he meant to me back then I never would have seen him again. California was an evil place to me. And it was filled with the homeless people me and my friends had chased there, too.

But my mom insisted, and I had no choice but to go. Three months without Kyle! It was almost unfathomable. Ever since I'd fallen in love with him, I didn't have to go so much as a week away from him. And even that long was painful… I craved him so much, and nothing alleviated it. But my mom really was persistent. I thought that maybe that long away from him would be good for me, though. Perhaps the months would help me to distance myself from him.

Naturally, this didn't happen.

I spent that whole summer in agony. Every voice I heard was his, but when I turned to look he was nowhere to be found… I saw him around every corner, just out of reach but so tantalizingly close… But in reality I knew where he was. He was miles away from me in a different world, hidden in the desolate and snowy mountains as I was held prisoner in this crowded streets by the sea. There was only one connection to him, and it didn't turn out so well when I tried it.

I called him up one day early in the summer when my cravings had just become too much. I needed to hear his voice, even if it was only for a few minutes.

"Hello?"

You sound just as beautiful as ever, I thought. "Hey, Kyle." My voice was smoother now. The hint of my old 'accent' remained, but just barely.

"Cartman? What do you want? I'm busy."

I gulped. "I just… just wanted to talk to you."

"Bullshit, Cartman. You never 'just want to talk.' Tell me what you want, or I'm leaving. Don't you have California stuff to do, anyway?"

"Uh… well…" My mom had left earlier to hang with her friends. She'd invited me, but I stayed in our hotel because of the pain I was feeling. "My mom is out. I'm just… you know… hanging here. And I wanted to talk to you."

"Right. You want to talk to me. About what, Cartman? The pigs flying outside of your window? Look, I don't have time for this."

And he hung up on me. I pulled my phone away from my ear, staring at it as if it might somehow make him come back. But it wouldn't, and I knew that, and I started crying.

That is what I'd become. My obsession had taken me so far that something so small could make me cry – and that was something I didn't do often. But it wasn't so much that he'd been rude to me. No, he was that way all the time; it was understandable, with how I had treated him for so many years. What made me upset was that it was nothing to him, and he'd decided to leave me without any idea of how much I needed him. His voice still lingered in my mind, fresh and beautiful as always… but it wasn't enough. And he was gone now, and he wanted nothing to do with me, and he had no idea how much I was hurting. How much I fucking needed him.

I didn't call him again after that. I wanted to, of course, but I was too torn up and too scared to try again. I wondered if it would have made a difference, had he know of my suffering. Kyle was a nice boy by nature, but with me, everything was different… he would probably think it was all some ploy…

And the summer went on. My mom was so oblivious. I put on my happy face for her, because if she had any idea what was going on… I didn't know what she'd do, but she'd get involved at least a little. She would never know. No one would. It was my secret, my addiction. I was alone with it, and by god I was keeping it that way.

When the summer finally ended, I was so excited that I couldn't contain myself. I would see his beautiful face again, and I'd hear his gorgeous voice, and I could be near him. But first, I had to go through the plane ride. But it was better than being in a car or something, so for the few hours that I was stuck in the plane seat, I was able to entertain myself by looking out the window and thinking about Kyle. I was ecstatic when we landed.

I didn't expect my friends to be waiting at the airport for me, but I was still a little disappointed. They probably didn't even remember that I was coming back. School was starting in a week, after all, and they had more important things to worry about.

Once we were home, my mom and I put our suitcases in our rooms in preparation to be unpacked. But I told her I was going out instead of unpacking, and it's obvious why – I was going to find my Jew. I knew where he would be during this time of day and would hunt for him until I got to him. I'd been away from him for too long, and I was suffering from a form of withdrawal. I've said it before and I'll say it again – I needed him.

I found him at Stark's Pond. He was alone and sitting on one of the benches. He was reading some big book, and I couldn't see the title of it. I wasn't that interested anyway. For a few moments, I observed him from behind a nearby tree (honestly, I never really stalked him… much), and I was captivated by him as always. He looked so beautiful, and I would have given anything to have been able to walk up and take him into my arms and just… just hold him. But it wasn't possible, and I knew it.

I walked around behind the trees until I was behind Kyle, and then I stepped into the open and approached him. He was too immersed in his book to hear my footsteps, and that was what I'd counted on. I got close enough and leaned over, wrapping my arms around his neck and putting my head on top of his.

"Hi, Kyle! Miss me?"

He jumped, which clocked me in the jaw but didn't really hurt too bad.

"C-Cartman? Where the hell did you come from? Don't fucking sneak up on me like that!"

I laughed and nuzzled his hat, which he didn't seem to like. "Aw, I'm sorry Jewboy, I just missed you so much... I couldn't resist."

Kyle grumbled and pulled away from me before turning so we were face to face. God, he was gorgeous.

"Just because you 'missed me' doesn't mean you can freak me out like that. Jesus, I thought I was gonna die." He was wearing that disapproving look of his. Oh, but it just made him sexier.

"Sorry," I said genuinely. I reached forward to brush a curl of hair out of his eyes, and he flinched away. He always did that when I touched him. I'd become accustomed to it, and it was almost like a game at that point. See how much I could touch him before he moved away.

"I didn't remember that you were coming back today," he said a bit hesitantly. "I thought it would be, like, right when school started or something."

"Well, a week ahead is close enough, right?" I smiled at him. "Didja miss me, Kyle?"

He sighed heavily. "I guess I did. Everything is a lot more… quiet without you. Kind of boring." He shrugged.

"It's nice to know you care at least a little, my precious Jewboy," I said playfully. Kyle rolled his eyes and turned around again to continue reading.

I was happy to see him again, and I was intoxicated by his presence as always. But I was also upset – almost angry – that he didn't make more of me coming back. I hadn't expected him to, really, but a little more would have been nice. And he still didn't get it. No matter what I did, he still thought I was out to get him. If only he'd known. If he knew the pain I'd felt, the agony I'd suffered as he sat here playing games with his stupid hippie friends –

But no. I wouldn't get angry at him, at least not now. I didn't want to hurt him… not like my anger ever would. He always just brushed it off. But I hadn't really lashed out at him in so long, and I wasn't going to do it now. I was sure he'd figure it out soon. He had too. He had too!

I put a hand on his shoulder. "See you later, then," I said softly.

"See you," he replied, obviously immersed in his book once again.

When school started, things were perfectly back to normal in everyone else's eyes. But there was a storm raging inside of me that refused to go away. My desire was horrible… I found myself at his window so much more often as he slept, and I was constantly drawing pictures of him and writing poems about him and making observations of him in my mind. I was so close to snapping. So close to just taking him by force. But I couldn't do that, I loved him too much. But still… How long would it be before he finally saw the truth?

But I seemed normal. I was back to my normal antics of being a dick to everyone who wasn't Kyle, and as for Kyle himself I was back to playful insults and vague hints. I gave no indication of how close I was to the edge. Maybe if I'd acted a little differently Kyle might have finally noticed something, but I doubt that. Me loving him was apparently such an unheard of idea that he couldn't even consider it. That was one thing that the past few years had taught me, and yet I still tried…

But then there was the straw that broke the camel's back… Or brick. It was what finally made me snap, and I suppose it was for the best that I finally did. I'd had enough. His cluelessness, the past summer, how nonchalantly he treated my advances… I was so close already. And then… that happened.

I was walking home alone one day, as Kenny and Stan were off doing whatever and Kyle had left the school a bit before I had. I usually tried to keep up with him, but he'd run off fast enough to get away before I tried to tag along. That was okay, though. I'd see him tomorrow, at the latest. Even if that was a little long for me…

But as I walked, I heard his voice coming from somewhere to my right. I glanced over, and there he was in the opening of an alley, talking to one of the new kids to our school. He looked older than Kyle. A junior or senior, I suspected.

They were both smiling, and Kyle's cheeks were tainted a faint red. He laughed nervously every few seconds, but I wasn't really close enough to hear what they were saying. It was probably for the best, though, because I was mad enough without hearing them.

The guy leaned a little closer and said something that made the faint red on Kyle's face turn to the same shade as his hair. Then the guy walked away, and Kyle watched him go longingly.

I was by his side in an instant. "Who the fuck was that?"

Kyle started and turned to look at me in surprise. I hadn't talked to him so harshly in a very long time. "Uh… that was Michael. He's a Senior. Why does it matter, Cartman?"

"Does he like you?" I asked through clenched teeth, my eyes on Kyle's face and nothing else.

"I… I think so… But –"

"Do you like him back?"

Kyle backed away from me a little. I don't think he'd ever heard me talk like that. "Yeah, I do. But Cartman, you… you know I'm gay. Everyone does. Why does it matter?"

I looked at him for a moment, and he looked terribly confused. He was so fucking clueless. This stupid senior could grab his attention, but I couldn't, and I was the one who'd loved him all these years! I looked down at the snow, my fists clenched at my sides and body rigid. How dare he…

"Cartman? You're scaring me…"

How dare he…

"Cartman…?"

I turned around and grabbed him by the collar of his jacket and pulled him close. I lifted him off the ground in the process, but I barely noticed. It was like he weighed nothing. But it was probably just the adrenaline.

"Are you fucking stupid?" I hissed, searching his eyes for any sign that he knew what I was talking about. He obviously didn't.

"C-Cartman, please, I don't like this… put me down…"

I shook him a little, and he made a strangled sort of whimper. "You don't even fucking care, do you? Or did you just never notice? Did I not make it clear enough? Does it not matter? Answer me, dammit!"

Kyle's head was turned to the side, his eyes shut tight as I yelled at him. Some inner part of me felt horrible for this, but I was so mad… I couldn't really make myself care. "Cartman, I have no idea what you're talking about," he said pathetically. "Please put me down… please…"

I shocked myself when a single, choked sob escaped me. Kyle turned to look at me, and at the look in his eyes, the tears started to flow. No, no, no! He was never supposed to see you cry! You're ruining everything! But I just couldn't stop.

I lowered him so his feet were touching the ground, but I didn't let go of his collar. I was afraid he'd run away. He didn't try, though.

"How could you never notice?" I asked him, and he just continued to stare at me with a mixture of fear and concern that pained me to see. "Kyle, I've loved you for so long," I said past clenched teeth, and his eyes widened. I went on before he could speak.

"It's been so long, Kyle… so fucking long… how did you never notice? How? Every passing day, it just got worse and worse, and… I started to need you… But… but you never knew…"

Kyle gulped and put his hands over mine, as if to dislodge them from his jacket. To my surprise, he didn't move them after that. "Cartman… you… you love me…?"

"I'm obsessed with you," I hissed quietly, and more tears flowed down my face. My eyes were closed. I couldn't look at his face. I just… I couldn't. "I want you so bad… I need you… I'm addicted to you…" I hung my head and let out a few more sobs. I was trying so hard to control myself, and I was falling just short of the goal. "I know you thought it was all some act because of how I used to treat you… it wasn't, Kyle, it never was…"

"I… I wouldn't have guessed," he said softly, the shock evident in his voice.

"You don't even get it," I said as I opened my eyes and looked up at him. He looked more surprised than anything now. His hands were still over mine. They were so warm. "I always think of you. Always. I draw you, I write poems for you, I have dreams about you… You're in every daydream, every fantasy, every motherfucking nightmare…"

I couldn't believe I was telling him all this. It just came spilling out of me, and I knew that things would never be the same between us. Kyle would call me crazy. He would refuse to talk to me. He'd tell others to stay away from me. It was over. It was fucking over. But I was far from done.

"And now this douchebag. How much do you care for him, Kyle? Really?" Now the anger was back, lacing my words with fire.

Kyle shrugged. "I… I dunno… he's a real sweetheart…"

"And what am I, Kyle? What have I been to you?"

He looked away. "Cartman, I… I just… I never thought…"

"I know," I growled as I closed my eyes again. "Because of how I was. Because of how I looked to you. But I love you more than he ever could. More than anyone ever could. But you never got it. Do you know what this past summer has been like, Kyle? Three fucking months without you. I was at my wit's end. I was going insane, Kyle. Fucking insane."

"I… I didn't know…"

"I'm creeping you out, aren't I?" I asked, my tone turning to panic over rage. "This really is the end. I knew it was, but… You're scared of me, aren't you?" I knew he was. He just had to be. Letting it spill like this… telling him how much I fantasized about him… obsessed over him…

Kyle looked at me again. "No, no, that's not it. I just… this is a lot for me to take in, Cartman. I just… I never thought this would happen. And Michael wants to go on a date, so I'm not sure if I can –"

"No." My voice was back to anger, but now instead of fire it was thick venom. It definitely got Kyle's attention. "He can't have you, Kyle. You're mine."

I removed my hands from his collar and put them on either side of his face, and then I pulled him forward and pressed my lips against his. It was everything I'd ever imagined… But I wasn't even dominating him yet. I moved one hand to the back of his head and the other to his waist to hold him close. He was rigid and unresponsive, but that was fine with me because it meant he wouldn't be running away. I licked his lips slowly, and they tasted so wonderful… And then I pushed past them, working for a moment or two to get him to lift his teeth before I was inside. And here was where he finally melted into me. He wrapped his arms around my neck and relaxed against me, and his tongue – inexperienced but oh so perfect – rubbed up against mine.

I didn't know why he was kissing back. He was probably just getting caught up in the moment. But I would be taking advantage of it, oh yesiree. I did everything I could – explored his mouth, sucked his tongue, nibbled on his bottom lip… And he seemed to enjoy it all. That was all I wanted. This was my fantasy in action, my greatest dreams realized… to some extent. I didn't know if he was willing to try and love me. But he was kissing me, dammit, and that's all I needed.

When we parted, our lips were mere centimeters apart, and I could feel his warm breath fanning out across my face.

"I… I think… I think I can give you a shot," he panted quietly. "I mean… after all… Michael isn't in love with me… you know?" He was shivering a little, and I held him tighter.

"Really, Kyle?" I asked in surprise, and he nodded.

"Yeah… can't be too bad, right…?"

I couldn't believe it. I was stunned, in fact. After all these years… and that's all it took to get him? Was it really that easy?

"What about that date?" I asked. I had to make sure he was totally for real.

"I'll tell him I'm not interested," Kyle replied.

I pulled away and looked him in the eyes, and he looked a little dazed but otherwise actually rather happy. I couldn't believe it. He was serious.

"Kyle… you have no idea how I feel right now," I said gently. "Are you sure? Really? After everything I just said?"

He nodded again. "I'm gonna try, Cartman. I mean, if you hurt me I can just leave you… I'm not in love with you, after all." He looked into my eyes for a moment. "Yet, anyway."

That did it for me, and I pulled him into a tight hug.

I had him. I finally had him. My perfect, precious Kyle was all mine. He would belong to no one but me, and I could finally show him how I truly felt. Kyle was finally mine. One hundred percent, totally and completely, for real and for true… mine.

"So… you said you wrote poems for me?" he asked, and the inquisitive tone of his voice was just to die for.

"Yeah, I did," I said gently. "And if you want, I can show them to you. And I can make more, if you'd like. Anything for you, Kyle. Anything."

He hummed quietly and buried his face in my chest. "If you stay this way, I'll be head over heels for you in no time… You better not be playing a trick on me, Cartman…"

"I'm not," I said immediately. "I promise, Kyle. It's all true. Every bit of it. I love you. I need you."

"Mmm, okay… I'll trust you. For now."

"That's all I want," I said. "I just want you to trust me." I put my hand up under his hat and gently stroked the curls I could reach. He hummed again and tilted his head back towards my hand.

"Are you agreeing to date me just because I'm an awesome kisser?" I asked a little suspiciously. My words hadn't seemed to have the desired affect at first; only after I kissed him did he agree to be with me.

"Well… not entirely…"

"Sneaky Jew," I said playfully. Perhaps the kiss just cemented to him that I was worth it? Or had my domination over him attracted him? I didn't know. But I could speculate later, when I wasn't basking in the moment. I gave him a brief kiss, to which he eagerly replied.

"I still love you, though," I said affectionately as we parted. And indeed of saying anything, Kyle just gave me a cute little smile. But that was definitely good enough for me.

AN: So didja like it? I feel like the ending was too abrupt but whatevs. I'll just write a sequel or something. Gah, that'd be THREE stories I'd have to work on. Jeebus. Anyway, please review.