Chapter 2: Spocks Revenge.

Authors Note: This takes place one month after, Vulcan's Don't Fart. I hope you all like it. Please Please review.

I'm still just playing with them.

Another successful mission Jim thought as he mentally patted himself on the back.

The Molens were a rather strange race that loved just about everyone. Even though they were a part of the Federation, they allowed any and all beings to visit their planet. Including, Romulans, and Klingons. They had a very healthy trade agreement with them and many other worlds and the Federation could not tell them who they were allowed and not allowed to create commerce with. As long as it was not illegal, no conflicts of interest, and the Molens did their part in fulfilling their obligations with the Federation.

A few days ago the Enterprise was diverted to Molen 3 because of a minor incident and Star Fleet wanted to make sure it was not something that was going to turn into a full blown intergalactic war.

After things checked out ok, the Enterprise left orbit.

Jim was getting hungry and decided to head to the mess hall and get something to eat. Alpha shift was over and he could now relax.

He walked into the mess hall and went over to the food replicators to see what looked good or.. not.

"Oh, look," he said to no one in particular. "Leftovers from….. what?.… last week?"

"This looks yummy" he said, as he grabbed the selection he made. "There's only a little green fuzz then last time."

"McCoy will be real proud of me taking my penicillin. "

Actually they had been having some malfunctions in the food replicators as of late and had to wait till they got to the next nearest Star Base to have them repaired. Scotty could only do so much.

As he was getting his food, he looked around to see who was in the mess hall.

Most of the Senior Bridge officers from Alpha shift were off duty and milling about, either getting food or just conversing with others.

He spotted McCoy and Spock sitting at a far table in the corner talking.

He smiled as he saw them hunched over together apparently discussing something on a pad that Spock had in his hand. Their personalities were like night and day, and always seemed to clash.

He wondered what was so interesting that could bring these two together talking, much less sitting next to each other.

His curiosity was getting the better of him as he walked over and took a seat opposite them.

Bones was the first to notice him.

Hi Jim. Glad to see you finally decided to get something to eat.

"Yep, no one can say that the flag ship of Star Fleet doesn't have the best food in the Universe.

McCoy looked at Jim's plate and frowned.

"Well at least yours looks like food. Mine looked like something the cat drug in."

"No offense Spock."

"None taken Doctor." He had also had some unpleasant food surprises.

Spock looked up and acknowledged Jim with a nod.

Jim pointed to the Pad. "What's that?"

"I am reviewing some reports that a Superior Officer has not completed per the required time frame, which in turn is causing a back log, and holding up department's requisitions. This will also cause crew efficiency to go down since they can not do their jobs properly."

Jim nodded his head in reply. "Well, looks like we better put a fire under their butt to get these reports done!"

"Spock, you take care it. There is no excuse for anyone not doing their job."

"By the way, who is it?"

Spock looked up and glanced at McCoy.

McCoy sighed. "Well, Jim my boy, you are said officer who is seriously lacking in your duties."

"What!…..Me?"

Jim stared at both of them.

"No way."

"Yes way", said McCoy, leaning across the table. "I have been waiting for you to sign off on a requisition that I sent to you 10 days ago for some much needed supplies in sick bay. You can't just keep avoiding these. Believe it or not but it is part of a Captain's responsibilities. "

Spock looked at Jim. "Captain, you are approximately 3 weeks behind in reviewing these reports."

Jim really hated doing any kind of paper work. He felt that a Captains job should be on the bridge and not pushing paper.

"Ok, Ok, I will look at them when I have finished my dinner. It can wait until then, can't it?"

"I don't think another 20 minutes or so is going to make that much of a difference now," Spock replied.

"If you would like Captain, I can come to your quarters and help you. I am aware of many of these requests."

"Well Spock, since you are aware of most of these requests, how about… you… take care of them for me," Jim said sweetly.

"No," came the curt reply.

"Why not?"

McCoy rolled his eyes. "Jim, you still have to sign off on all of them. Spock can only let you know if the requests are valid and needed."

"Ok, Ok."

Spock gathered up the pads from the table.

"I shall meet you in your quarters in approximately 30 minutes Captain", and he walked out of the mess hall not giving him a chance to reply.

"Don't let the door hit your tight ass on your way out," Kirk quietly snickered.

"Jim, you really have to stop doing this."

"What?" was Jim's innocent reply.

Trying to get him to do your work, embarrassing and making fun of him, just to name a few. He has his own duties to perform instead of babysitting you to get yours done."

"Ah Bones, it's just in fun, Jim smiled, that's what friends are for." "In fact last month, Spock and I bonded," Jim said chuckling.

"Yea, I heard about your little bonding adventure. Why do you continually do these things to embarrass him?"

"What happened in the turbo lift was not on purpose," Jim replied.

"No, but telling the whole bridge crew that Spock farted in the turbo lift was," McCoy said a bit frustrated.

"Look, he's my friend and my bud," Jim said. "Plus, I apologized to him in front of the Bridge crew and told them the truth."

"He forgives me."

"Really," McCoy smirked. Are you so sure about that?"

"Sure," Jim replied, while picking at the remainder of his food.

"You don't sound so sure of yourself. I just know that one of these days you are just going to go too far with him. I don't want to be around to pick up all the pieces when he goes off on you……again."

Jim just looked at McCoy and smiled.

"Well, I have to go now Bones, as I have the grim reaper visiting me in 30 minutes."

He went back to his quarters to take a quick shower and change his clothes. He figured it was going to be a long night, especially with Spock dragging it out by analyzing everything down to an atom.

He was getting dressed in his bedroom when he heard his door signal. He knew it must be Spock as he is always punctual, almost down to the second.

"Come in Spock, I will be out in a minute."

When he finished dressing, he walked out into the common area where his desk was.

Spock had already taken the seat opposite his desk and was looking over one of the pads.

Jim walked over and sat down. "I thought you already memorized all that Spock? Not having a brain fart are ya?" (snicker)

Raised eyebrow but no answer.

"Okey, Dokey, where do we begin?"

Without looking up Spock handed him one of the pads.

"Ok… I guess I will start with this one," he said, as he took the pad from Spock.

After about an hour, Jim was starting to get a headache staring at the reports.

He thought he would get up and stretch his muscles a bit.

As he stood up, he sniffed the air, wrinkling his nose.

"Spock? Do you smell that."

"No," Spock said without looking up.

"Are you sure, because it is …(gag) really…..nasty smelling."

"I can assure you Jim that I do not smell anything."

Jim started walking around his room sniffing.

A wave of nausea came over him.

"Wow," he breathed, "that smell is really making me sick to my stomach. I wonder what the hell it is."

"Spock, I can't understand how you can not smell it." (Jim gagged again).

The next second, Jim was rushing for the head, retching up his dinner.

After a few minutes he took some water and splashed it on his face, but it still did not alleviate the nausea.

He breathed deeply, then looked out at Spock who was still deeply engrossed in the report he was working on.

"Ah..Spock?"

"Yes Jim?"

"Do you notice something strange about me?"

Still writing on his pad he answered, "You mean more so then your usual strange behavior?"

"Yes… No… I mean Yes."

"No, I do not," replied Spock

"Did you say.. NO?"

"Yes, I believe I did."

Jim walked out of the head with a wash cloth over his nose and mouth.

The smell was so strong now that the wet cloth was not even helping.

His stomach rolled and his eyes were starting to burn.

"Spock I need some fresh air. I will be back, but I need to find out where this smell is coming from."

As he walked towards the door, he suddenly begins to feel weak and dizzy.

He stumbled over to his door, shooting a glance at Spock, thinking, "I can't believe he can not smell this odor."

The smell was becoming even more intense and rancid.

He turned back to the door and crashed right into it, falling to the floor. The door had not opened.

A bit dazed, he looked at the door and then over at Spock who was still working and acting like nothing unusual was happening

"Spock, why is my door locked." (cough, gag)

No answer.

He got up and started punching in his command codes. Nothing happened. He also tried the intercom but it was not working either.

"Spock?"

"Yes Jim."

"Did you lock ..(gag, gag) my door and turn off my intercom?"

"That would be an affirmative."

"Why?" Jim croaked gagging, trying to breathe through his mouth and not his nose.

No answer.

"Spock! Open it now!"

"That, would be a negative Jim," Spock replied.

"Wha……..What do you mean no?" (cough, gag)

Spock finally looked up from the pad and stared Jim straight in the face with a slight upturn of the corners of his lips.

"I believe that I had to endure 20 minutes. It has only been 10 for you."

Jim just stared at Spock for a moment, trying to think clearly. Trying to make some sense out of what Spock was saying.

"Spock?" (gag)

"Yes Jim."

"What the hell are you talking about." (gag, cough)

"I would have thought you would have guessed by now," Spock said, as his lips turned into a smirk.

??.... then Jim recalled that look from the bridge 3 months ago.

Suddenly Jim's mouth opened and shut a few times before he could speak between gagging again.

"No……..No freaking way. You would not do something like that to me"……..(gag)

"What do mean Jim?" Spock asked innocently.

"I apologized to you for that!"

"Yes, you did Jim, however, you enjoyed the moment way too much, and you did say that I could…. what were the words… Ah yes. Rip one off."

"Spock, I'm feeling dizzy"……(gag)

"Then I suggest you lay down on the floor for a few moments. You still have 8 minutes to go."

"What?" Jim said, as he laid down on the floor, before he fell down. He was breathing heavily and moaning.

"Spock," I …think…. I need a doctor. "I'm dying". (gag)

Spock looked down at Jim with an expression on his face that Jim could not identify.

"Very well," he said, as he walked over to the intercom and hailed sick bay.

"McCoy here."

"Doctor, the Captain is not feeling well and wishes for you to come to his quarters."

"Well, what's wrong with him?"

Spock looked over at Jim. He had his eyes closed with his arm draped over his face breathing heavily.

"I am… not sure Doctor."

"Is he in any danger?"

"No"

"How do you know?"

"Trust me Doctor."

"Well, is he conscious?"

Spock glanced over at Jim again.

"Barely"

"All right, I'm on my way, " McCoy mumbled. "I wonder what the hell he's done now."

Spock clicked off the intercom, unlocked the door and turned on the ventilation system that he had shut down when he entered Jim's quarters as Jim was getting dressed in his bedroom.

He walked over and knelt down beside Jim.

He patted Jim's check a few times saying, "Jim are you in there."

A most illogical feeling (a giggle he thought) was trying to bubble up inside of him, but he squished it down.

Jim opened his eye's a bit and took a deep breath. (cough, cough)

His voice was hoarse but he finally was able to speak.

In a very low voice he said, "Spock, you said..(cough) Vulcan's Don't Fart!"

"We don't Jim."

"But this is your,…..your fart smell. Right?"

"Yes."

"Then you lied."

"No,….. Vulcan's don't fart,…… however we do……..expel gas." When needed, quietly."

"What's the difference," Jim wined as another wavy of nausea swept over him

"Vulcan's have the ability to control our….bodily functions at will."

"The chemical reaction in our……intestines can be very unpleasant and as you can tell, and quite overwhelming to humans. So we normally would not expel it while we are around them.

"So…(cough)…let me get this straight."

"Your telling me that Vulcan's (gag) expel gas silently and in a controlled manner. Not like farting which is usually loud and uncontrolled?

Spock thought for a moment and said, "That would be correct."

Kirk moaned and closed his eyes. "I can't freaking believe I'm having this conversations with you about Farts." "I hate you," Jim moaned.

At that moment the door opened and McCoy started to walk into Jims quarters.

Suddenly he back peddled a few steps and put his hands over his nose.

"My God!" "What is that smell." "It smells like a rotting corpse."

"It's me Bones, I'm dying and rotting from Spocks fart." "He's trying to kill me for revenge."

McCoy glanced over at Spock.

Spock just shrugged as if to say he had no idea what Jim was talking about.

"It could be that Jims food processor has malfunctioned," Spock replied. "I will have Scotty take a look at it."

Kirk groaned. "It's……. Spock."

"Uh huh," McCoy sighed, as he ran his Tricorder over him.

"No….no, its true. He poisoned me," Jim said as another wave of gagging took over.

"Jim, there are no poisons in your system."

"And your sure he didn't hit his head on anything, Spock?" McCoy asked.

"I am quite sure doctor."

"It was Spock," Jim coughed, "he…..farted." "Oh my God I can't breath."

McCoy was speechless.

"Jim, are out of your mind?

"Has he been drinking Spock?"

"No," Spock replied.

"Then what the Hell is he talking about?"

Spock just looked at McCoy and said. "I do not know."

He then walked over to Jim's desk and retrieved the Pads they were working on.

"I will leave you in the good hands of the doctor now Jim."

"I will work on the rest of these reports in my quarters," he said as he was walking toward the door.

He stopped as the door opened and turned around.

"Jim?"

(Heavy breathing) "What?"

Spock hesitated a moment then said, "We are still Buds…. Right?"

Without waiting for an answer he walked out the door heading for his quarters.

"He tried to kill me," Jim yelled.

"I'm surprised he has not done so already," McCoy mumbled. "Jim, I'm taking you down to sick bay to find out what the hell kind of drugs you are taking."

As Spock was walking down the hall to his quarters, he could just make out Jims muffled words from inside his quarters.

Stinky, Toxic Bastard

Spock entered his quarters and placed the Pads on his desk as he sat down in his chair. Leaning back and closing his eyes, a small smile grew across his face, then the smile grew into a chuckle, and the chuckle grew into a full blown belly laugh as he said to himself,

"Gotcha Jim."

The End.

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