Title: Communication Breakdown

Summary: "I'm not gay." He proclaimed to her with clenched teeth. -Hibari, Chrome. Crack fic

Disclaimer: I wish I owned KHR. Sadly, Akira Amano stole the idea from me. (Kidding, btw. C:)

-X-

"But... isn't he, isn't he playing for the other team?" Chrome's face was etched with a slight bewilderment, since, really now, how could they ever expect her to do such a horrible thing to a man that was... you know, already... er. Determined.

Not that there was anything wrong with that.

She was completely supportive, rest assured, and respected how much courage it must've taken him to come into terms with it himself. Hence, in saying so, it would be really cruel of them to suddenly barge into his private life like that, especially since he was at that stage where he was like a... a flower.

Yes.

A flower, which just began to bloom in the early spring. Just about to blossom, you know, not exactly a wholesome flower yet. He would need guidance, support, and er. Carbon dioxide, to get into that phase, and numerous of cruel and sadistic remarks would do nothing but make his inner flower shrivel up and die.

And God knew they couldn't do that. Men like him... men like him, were uh. Sensitive— sensitive, yes, at times like these. Even if he didn't look it, or seem like the type to be it, she was sure he was. Without a doubt. Sensitive.

Chrome tried to explain this to Mukuro, and Mukuro had only paused, mind seeming to have automatically shut down at the words Hibari-san and is like a flower to prevent any nauseating thoughts to enter his mind.

Him? A flower? Like the man-eating kind, right?

"... What do you mean?" He perused, eyes slightly crinkled.

The girl looked a little dumbfounded, and felt uneasy as she tried to rephrase her sentence. "Well... he's... he's, you know." Chrome seemed troubled, chewing her bottom lip. "Haven't you ever noticed?"

Noticed? Noticed what? How could she notice something he hadn't?

Mukuro made aggravated noises, believing that his eyes were getting impaired with age.

He tried to see it in her expression though, if only because the girl had started to stare at him like the fact was so obvious it was almost sneering in his face, and that the only reason for him not being able to see it was because he was retarded. Whatever it was.

Hell, he finally grumbled. If she noticed, then in a way he noticed too. It was good enough.

He nodded sagely, if a little stiffly, and Chrome immediately brightened, glad that someone finally got it.

She continued, enthused. "Like in the meetings."

"The meetings. Yes." Mukuro echoed half-heartedly, though with enough attention to sound imperious.

" And the way he stares at them."

"Stares. Definitely."

"He treats them with a little bit of kindness,"

"Kindness. Of course."

"Hibari-san is clearly in love."

"In love. Clearly—wait." His mind backpedaled. He stared at her. "Who?"

"Dino-san and Tetsuya-san," Chrome said, as if reminding him. She then smiled a bit. "It's sweet, actually. He's like a flower."

"Hibari?" Mukuro stressed, before his eyes narrowed at Chrome surreptitiously. "Did Ken try to spike your tea again?" Because I will kick his ass.

"Um. I don't think so." Chrome murmured, and then trailed off. "Because it just seems so natural—"

"... Natural..." He repeated, speculative. Mukuro stared at the girl's expression. Chrome would never blatantly lie in his face, right? And even if she did, why would she lie about the cloud guardian's affairs, and not something useful like almost running over an old lady at traffic? Wait, that was him.

Even so. He found it suddenly agonizing to look the girl in the eye without bursting off into demented laughter. Mukuro's jaw twitched. He seriously thought he was going to kill himself holding it all in.

"It's plausible," He managed to drawl, wrestling inner demons and things. Pity she missed the evil glint in his eyes.

And so began Plan A.

-X-

"Can I talk to you?"

Wide eyes. She's really, really wide-eyed.

Was the first thing Hibari noticed about Chrome. Ten years, you know, really made you notice things about people.

It was almost shining up at him. He fought the urge to cringe, because it was just so detestable like that.

"What?" He immediately snapped, noticing that the girl still didn't leave even after seeing his obvious annoyed expression. I mean, he was already making it evident as is. What else did she need to take a hint?

"Mukuro-sama wanted to ask—"

"No." His face darkened. Chrome stared at him desperately.

"Oh. Um. Did I say Mukuro-sama?" She laughed, waving her previous sentence away like it was some sort of dust. "I meant, I wanted to ask--"

"You're not any different." He furrowed his brows. "No."

Chrome's lips pursed. She looked at him, and then opened her mouth. "It's very important." Her then, probably to her, very determined face cracked slightly. "To. Umm. Cloud-man, please—"

"I have a name." Hibari stated tersely, cutting her off. Chrome paused, and he felt oddly annoyed at this.

"Hi—" He started, growling. Chrome brightened.

"Right. Hibaki-san—"

"Hibari," He growled, and made a turn to leave because this was just getting ridiculous—

"Wait!"

– the girl didn't even know his name. He hoped they'd both crash on their next air plane flight and go to hell—

"He has something about you!" Chrome almost squeaked. Hibari immediately paused, face stiff. He very nearly shuddered at the sudden cold chill that rampaged up his spine, if he wasn't, you know, so stoic.

Noticing her slight chance, Chrome became serious and added in a raspy sort of voice that was meant to be secretive; "It can destroy your reputation." Though it came out in a much higher-pitched tone, sounding more like school-girl gossip than a menacing premonition.

Which. Probably wasn't that much of a significant change.

He didn't lose face, but unfortunately managed to trip over his own brisk stride. It was only a little bit. And he acted like it didn't even happen after he regained himself, though it was enough for the girl to try to catch up and grab his sleeve and she had three seconds to stop touching him before he'd fucking decapitate her arm—

"Are you gay?"

The question felt like a hard slap.

Hibari spun around sharply, feeling the whiplash recoil at his neck. "Excuse me?" He tried not to sound hysterical.

"Are you—"

"I know. I mean. Just. The hell." His frame shook with unreserved anger. He was so far off from reacting indignantly, it really wouldn't be unreasonable if he suddenly just bit her head off instead.

"I'm not sure I understand you." She had the gall to be confused, when he here was supposed to be. So fucking—

Hibari made strangled noises. He wanted to choke her so badly.

"No." He finally hissed, regaining enough composure to clear the violent turmoil inside his head and resist all temptations to chuck the eye-patch wearing girl through the window. You're not a pirate, damnit. Wear the fucking proper dress-code.

He needed to stop and think about this rationally. Had to be calm, patient, and collected. She was not the type of girl to go around slandering people. She was not—

"Stop staring at me." He groused.

Chrome blinked. "Um."

"Stop it." He threatened. His eyes were vicious.

"I was just."

"I know." He drummed his fingers together, and then snarled as she once again adopted her sympathetic, softening-of-the-eye-because-he's-misunderstood look. It screamed understanding. It was almost painful.

Hibari breathed deeply, trying to clear his head. "What makes you think that I'm..." He paused, struggling, and abruptly hated her for making him say a word that shouldn't even be in his vocabulary. "...gay."

She looked surprised at his question. Which was, no. No, damn it. She didn't even have the right. "I-I'm sorry, I just couldn't help but notice—"

"You noticed." He ground out, and immediately felt agitated about this. What part of him did she deem uncertain? Hibari gritted his teeth. "Explain. Now."

To his horror, the girl nodded obediently, and then smiled. "The way you look at Dino-san... and the way you treat Tetsuya-san...its unlike how you treat the rest of the family. Its... special."

What.

Hibari tensed, hair possibly standing at the back of his neck. He should've never. He should've. Just. Never.

She... she assumed he was gay with... Dino, and Tetsuya? What.

"I think... I think its sweet." Chrome murmured gently, repeating the exact same words that she had said to Mukuro after receiving the exact same response. She thought it would help them understand.

No. Far from it. Hibari felt the muscles in his hands tighten, deliberately balling them into fists. His nails dug into his skin.

"I'm not gay." He proclaimed through clenched teeth.

-X-

Dino entered Sawada Tsunayoshi's office and left three hours later, softly closing the door behind him with the guilty smile of having accidentally ripped the tenth Vongola's boss off and later surprising his family with an extra onslaught of euros.

Then he saw Hibari and he immediately froze, smile slipping off of his face as he discerned the younger man's murderous and lethal glare.

He was pretty sure it was just the lights. I mean, what the hell did he do this time? A minute hadn't even passed after he had left Tsuna's office and came face to face with the cloud guardian.

Was it the way he closed the door? Was it the way he walked with the prominence of having just swindled Vongola's boss—accidentally! He didn't know that Tsuna couldn't tell the difference between a joke and a serious business proposition! The kid was sweet, but Vongola was pretty much fucked up with his entrepreneur skills— and being caught red-handed?

Hibari's eyes narrowed as the blond repeatedly tried to open and close his mouth, like a fish out of water. The younger man's homicidal tendencies, emitting in voluminous, thick waves that could probably choke a cow, produced a dangerous beeping in Dino's time-to-haul-my-ass radar.

As he should, with the quickest and nearest escape route. But he didn't, because he was too optimistic, and therefore foolish, to think that maybe it was the lights—or you know, indigestion, that made Hibari appear bloodthirsty and menacing.

Err. More so than usual, that is.

Meanwhile, Hibari glowered, the events from yesterday tearing into his mind like a ferocious wild beast upon running into Dino Cavallone.

He shouldn't have taken offense in the first place. He shouldn't even have remembered. But he did. A man of his personality could only sit and brood in front of his desk so much before he started looking demonically possessed, and worst of all, embarrassed to the point of restlessness.

He wasn't gay, damn it.

So, being Hibari Kyoya, his patience inevitably snapped, not that it was very long in the first place, and he quickly, determinedly decided to do something about his situation, contemplating his options with twisted meanderings and a quiet, evil smile.

Among which were:

1) Kill Dino.

2) Kill Dino slowly and unmercifully.

3) Feed Dino to his pet.

Had a week passed by, and had he not seen the Cavallone man, then perhaps—perhaps, he would've forgotten and just brushed it off.

But there he was. The bane of his existence. Alive. Breathing. That wouldn't do anybody any good.

His inner serial killer tempted him with liberated, promising thoughts; almost like a sort of peaceful mantra for murdering people, and suddenly, the desire to kill a human being had never felt so justified in his mind.

If he killed Dino and left his dead body outside of Chrome Dokuro's office, then maybe she'd be finally convinced that he wasn't bent, but instead ruler-edge straight, and maybe he'd finally be able to sleep peacefully at night with a clear conscious, and without the troubling trepidations that someone out there was questioning about his sexuality.

Dino saw the pleased, maniacal glint that passed in Hibari's eyes. A cold sweat rolled down the side of his face.

The cloud guardian's attention snapped at him suddenly, like a cobra would its prey, and he flinched.

"Dino Cavallone." The younger man addressed.

He fought the tremor in his voice. "What?"

"I'm going to bite you to death."

There was silence as Dino considered the probable meaning behind his words, and then sighed in relief as he decided that it was most likely just another one of his student's numerous episodes.

"You had me going there, Kyoya. I thought—"

"As in I'm going to kill you right now." Hibari finished.

Dino paused again, and pursed his lips. "Training, right?" He deciphered.

"No." Hibari scowled. How could one misunderstand one's words when he said it so clearly? Maybe he underestimated the Cavallone's stupidity. "Murder."

"... okay." Training. Dino's mind insisted. After all, everything to the cloud guardian seemed to be vaguely related to killing; maybe it was some sort of weird fetish, maybe he was dropped on the head as a child, he wasn't sure, but there was no need to fret.

Dino took a moment to glance at the mansion's pristine wallpapers. He frowned. "Here?"

"Yes."

"Are you sure? We could go to the training grounds—"

"It'll be harder to drag your lifeless body from there."

"That's... efficient, I guess, but Kyoya, look, it's so clean here. If we damage this—"

Hibari made an irritated noise at the back of his throat. "I don't care. Sawada Tsunayoshi will take care of it."

Tsk. Poor kid, his guardians must give him hell everyday. Dino shook his head and finally resigned, sighing. "Fine. But it was your idea." He produced his whip from his jacket pocket the same time Hibari unlocked one of his ring boxes.

"Ready?" A fond smile tugged at Dino's lips despite himself. Sudden recollections of the past vaguely played in his head.

"I would worry more about yourself, if I were you." The younger man muttered tersely, and glanced at him with the same disgruntled, narrowed eyes he always wore when fighting. He took hold of his tonfas, tightly gripped in each hand, and lunged.

The good old days. Dino couldn't help but snicker. His student was one to always make the first strike, a method that he had once tried to direct him out of, but soon found it useless and almost impossible.

Hibari would always attack first because he found it a waste of his time to linger and wait for the enemy, when he could've been doing something productive.

So Dino merely grinned, and prepared his stance. He brought his arm over his head and then lashed his whip with the intent of tying the younger man's legs together, only to trip on air and then abruptly fall face-forwards unto the floor, an "Oh shit" expression adorning his features.

What came next was an unexpected, and a completely unforeseen circumstance that both men had never anticipated.

Hibari, charging forwards, felt a sudden blunt force smack at his forehead and knock him back, teeth gritting together to subdue the intense migraine that would shortly come afterwards.

In normal circumstances, he would've easily blocked the force back, or sidestepped it, but Dino's clumsiness without any of his men present proved to be so stupid, so ridiculous, so fucking absurd, it was enough to throw the laws of human physics off balance and rape gravity.

So they found themselves strewn together as Hibari's back hit the carpeted floor with an unceremonious thud; Dino landing on top of him a short nanosecond later.

Anything that ever looked wrong was effortlessly topped off by this scene right here.

Hibari was about to rip Dino's head off and vigorously threaten him to get the fuck off, right now, or so help him God he would gag him with his own whip and—

A soft, girlish voice broke through the tense air, making him freeze mid-threat and his face contort in silent horror.

"Um." Chrome bit her lip, holding her trident close to her chest. "Err. E-excuse me, I have to go. To the Boss's office, since he called me... uh, but you two—carry on! I didn't see anything—s-sorry for interrupting."

She sidestepped them and dashed awkwardly into the next hallway.

Realization hitting him in the face, Hibari's eyes momentarily widened as he both tried to asphyxiate Dino and get him off of him, at the same time barking for the girl's immediately retreating figure.

"Wait. No, Chrome— it's a misunderstanding—"

"Chrome, eh?" Dino's grin was suggestive.

"Shut up," Hibari rasped, and then broke his nose.

-X-

It's my first KHR fic C: Go ahead, be ruthless. I need as much constructive criticism as I can get (with a side of compliments, because I soak up praise like a sponge. Something shameful, but. Er. Yeah.)

I support 1896. Shut up, they're cute! (xD) And this will probably be a two-shot, depending on my work ethic and if I my muse—high-energy British poprock songs—will give me enough stuff to work on. And school, and depending how people react to this story. So.

Reviews are what keeps me focused on my stories, by the way. C: Hinthint.