Disclaimer: I own nothing, everything belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

This story is from Carlisle´s POV of a certain event in Breaking Dawn. I know that this has been done many times but I wanted to take a little bit different view of it. It´s also canon so no worries that I´m changing any of the storyline. This is just my take of what happened in Carlisle´s mind. If there are any mistakes I am very sorry about that.

Enjoy the story. Please R&R

A ray of hope

I had always been a true believer. I had been raised that way, God, heaven and hell existed in my world. The Bible being a true companion in the darkest of times where I could find some evidence that my forsaken existence would not end in the flaming fires of hell.

There had to be taken some credit for trying, at least I hoped so. In my believes many claimed me to be a fool, a dreamer of dreams which would not come true. Some of my former acquaintances stated that my still young mind would grow out of those kinds of thoughts, yet time passed and my believes stayed put. Maybe I was too stubborn to claim defeat but I was a man of God and I would not give up on my faith.

Although I did believe there were times when a trace of doubt appeared, I told myself that it was because of my rational mind. My profession insisted upon rational and critical thinking.

It was in my nature to question things, I was in general overly curious and I drunk in every knowledge that was available. Knowledge was very important to me, for I remember the time when knowledge and education were not so common where poverty and death ruled the world.

Therefore I was eternally grateful that I received the chance to learn, a chance to see the world change into a word where people could live without fear. Since I was a man of knowledge, having studied my entire life, dedicated myself to the science: I had been trained to question the world around me. Of course the world had changed, in my time every single child was raised to believe in God but now science has taken the throne, throwing religion out of its steady throne. Today as a scientist I was told that God and science could not combine therefore I should cast away my old religious believes.

I resented the 21st century believes, where people believed only in the darkest of times and prayed whenever they felt like it. Although I resented the new ideas although I had developed a certain fault which seemed to afflict most of human kind: the bad habit to question the world around me.

I cannot deny that it had crossed my mind God´s purpose. I had never questioned his existence, not even the fact that I had been thrown into the endless abyss of immortality where I should be doomed forever. But I did question him and his methods: why bad things happened to good people, why murderers, rapists, terrorists and generally bad people existed in the world.

However there was a voice in my head that said it wasn´t my place to question him, he must have his reasons. Sometimes I wondered whether he was trying to teach humanity, teach them so they would not make the same mistakes they had done before. Yet I didn´t understand, sometimes it seemed that humankind (and vampires) didn´t learn from former mistakes.

In the century I was born in, many intellectuals tried to do exactly the same thing, figuring out God´s reasons. They were driven by the fear of the eternal flames of hell. People of that age feared damnation above anything else, then religion was the only thing in the world that could bring them peace.

In a world of plagues, poverty, hunger and death the only light in that dark existence was God. Faith was the only thing that brought them hope. I am glad for many reasons that the world view I was raised in has disappeared but then again I feel the loss of hope and the beautiful hope that afterlife would bring people something good. In those times people feared not death, they embraced it believing that they were entering a life so much better. Today people fear death; fear the unknown which is tragic, mankind is so fragile.

Sometimes the rational voice in my head became silent and I seeked answers which I couldn´t answer.

This was one of these moments, the moments where I had to question Him.

Although those where the moments where I needed my faith the most. My family relied on it, sometimes I think that they relied on me too much, putting their trust in my hands; so therefore I had to stay strong- for their sake.

But these moments were becoming more frequent, the last couple of years had been tough to say the least. First with the arrival of Bella and the impossible fight my son had to battle so that he could be with her. Then the series of events following his decision to stay with her, it seemed that nothing but misfortune followed their every step. A certain event few months ago entered my mind; the fight against Victoria had left nothing but fear, fear that we would lose our entire family, although it had strengthened us exceedingly and strengthened our bonds. But I would never want to go through that again; the fear of losing the one thing that makes you a whole person, that makes you a good person.

After these eventful couple of years I had hoped that the fight would mean the end of it all.

But I had this nagging feeling that it was not the end and that something bad would occur sooner rather than later.

The few peaceful months we had were fairly uneventful but I knew it was just the calm before the storm. But out of all things I had imagined that would raise the storm this was the last thing I would have imagined. The most likely thing had been a visit from the Volturi but never in a hundred years had I imagined that this would happen. That this was possible, but then again nothing seemed impossible these days.

It all started two days ago. I was alone in my study; I had taken the day off so I decided to read since it was unusually quiet in the house: Esme had taken Rosalie out to Port Angeles and the boys had gone hunting. That meant that me and Alice were alone in the house, it had surprised me that Alice had insisted to stay when Esme had offered her to join them.

Therefore I took liberty of the long earned peace and quiet and took out one of my favorite pieces of English literature. The book was torn and vulnerable since it was my original copy from 1667 when it was first published.

How ironic it seems to me now that I chose that particular piece, Paradise lost by John Milton. The title said it all although the context of the work itself was what evoked that particular feeling.

Paradise Lost had been my favorite work in years, the craftsmanship of it was of a pure genius, the richness of detail and use of language were masterfully crafted.

When I first read it in 1667 I knew that my father would have disapproved of it. It was complete contrast to what the bible said, he saw sin everywhere around him. Salvation was gained if you had faith in God.

I admired Milton for his views, that they gained salvation although they had sinned. I found comfort in his words and they mirrored my own believes brilliantly.

In Paradise Lost he was trying to seek the answers people had been asking for centuries, what is the purpose of humankind? What was God´s intention? Milton came to the conclusion that while sin invaded the earth, humankind could seek salvation by going God´s way.

As I read Edward appeared in my mind. I cannot comprehend how many times we had fought about this particular topic. He couldn´t believe how I could have faith in our kind, to him we were damned regardless. To him we were lost souls, biting the sour apple of our cursed existence. In Edward´s world there was no hope. Therefore his determination made my hope even stronger, when I was changed I only had to worry about my own soul but when Edward came I had to pray for his too.

How could I believe that he could be damned? I refused to believe it.

As I was marveling over this I heard a loud knock on my door, by the lavender and vanilla scent and the fast tapping of shoes I estimated that it was Alice. I put a bookmark on my worn book as I murmured a "come in". Alice stepped inside quickly her eyes cast downwards as she walked to my desk. She stopped right in front of me, although her eyes were glued to the floor I noticed the slight creasing of her brow.

Something was terribly wrong, my stomach churned as I guessed to whom her concerns were directed.

Edward and Bella came immediately to mind as it raced over the possibilities, there were so many things that could go wrong. I stepped around my desk and walked towards Alice, placing my hands on her thin shoulders. "What is the matter? What happened?" I questioned her trying to keep my voice even and calm. She looked up "I don´t know, Carlisle. I can´t see." She whispered in distress.

My mind raced trying to make sense out of her words. This had happened before but that was because she could not see past the wolfs, compared to her distress I guessed it had nothing to do with them.

"What can´t you see Alice?" I asked her gently, her eyes were distant for a second but then she shook her head.

"I can´t see Bella." The knot in my stomach turned.

My intuitiveness overtook and I grabbed my cell phone speed dialing Edward. Alice walked toward me with her hand outright "Can I talk to them?" I nodded and handed her the phone.

The phone rang, as the third ring came I began to worry. It was unusual for Edward to take so long to answer the phone and my worry grew. I glanced at Alice who stood nailed on the spot her eyes spacing in and out, searching for the unknown.

She seemed as surprised as I was, at the fourth ring someone answered. I heard a faint "Hi, Alice" the tone in Bella´s voice worried me. Alice seemed relieved as she answered her "Bella? Bella, are you okay?" her tone anxious. I heard her mention my name from the other line and I moved closer to Alice. "He is. What is the problem?" she demanded as she lifted her finger in my direction, giving me a signal to wait. "I´m not… one hundred percent… sure…" Bella hesitated.

"Is Edward all right?" she asked warily but added more demandingly "Why didn´t he pick up the phone?"

"I´m not sure." That answer caught me off guard, what could have possibly happened that Edward could not answer the phone? I extended my hand towards Alice, she didn´t seem to notice it and continued her voice pitching up "Bella, what´s going on? I just saw-"she stopped, that was the problem. She couldn´t see at all. Bella seemed to notice her hesitation as she asked frankly "What did you see?"

Alice stood there silent, marveling whether she should tell her the truth, she bit her lip then answered "Here´s Carlisle." She handed me the phone, I took the phone from her small hand

"Bella, it´s Carlisle. What´s going on?"

"I-"she began but paused. That pause frightened me more than anything else. It seemed that she wasn´t quite sure of the situation which made things even more conspicuous.

"I´m a little worried about Edward… Can vampires go into shock." That statement worried me greatly.

I did not know of any vampire going into shock and I wondered what could have possibly happened.

As a parent I assumed the worst "Has he been harmed?"

"No, no" she said quickly and I breathed a sigh of relief. "Just… taken by surprise." She added.

I frowned; this whole situation was getting absurd, what could have possibly surprised him in such a way?

"I don´t understand Bella."

"I think… well, I think that… maybe… I might be…" she paused and I heard her take a deep breath from the other line then she continued "Pregnant." My breath caught in my throat the word echoing in my head. Out of every possibility I could never have guessed that this would happen. I barely noticed Alice beside me who stood as perplexed as I did. Then my mind kicked in gear, hundreds of questions entering my brain. First of all, how could that happen? Secondly, there must be a mistake. My intuitiveness caught in as I bombed questions at her. "When was the first day of your last menstrual cycle?"

"Sixteen days before the wedding." She answered immediately, that meant she was five days late.

There was always the possibility that she had an anovulation, it was common that that happened after flight. However I could not make such haste judgment, there could be a possibility that she was pregnant.

"How do you feel?"

"Weird," her voice broke in the end. That did not excess my hopes, she was worried and it pained me to not be able to be there for her.

"This is going to sound crazy- look, I know it´s way too early for any of this. Maybe I am crazy. But I´m having bizarre dreams and eating all the time and crying and throwing up and… and… I swear something moved inside me just now?"

I froze, the usual symptoms of pregnancy included nausea, excessive tiredness and craving for certain food but to feel the baby move was not possible so early in the pregnancy. I was almost certain that she was pregnant but the whole problem now was what it was she was carrying. It was a fact that she was not carrying a normal baby, considering the baby was half-vampire/half-human I feared the worst.

"Um, I think Edward wants to talk to you." Bella´s voice from the other line snapped me out of my thoughts. "Put him on" I tried to keep my calm, there would be a way. I heard faint ruffling as she handed him the phone.

"Is it possible?" Edward whispered urgently. Well that was the big question, was it possible? I had read myths but none had ended well, in all of them both mother and child died. How could I tell Edward the truth when he was already on the verge of break down. I didn´t want to frighten him but he had to know the truth. I decided to tell him everything I knew: "Yes, I believe it to be possible. Since Bella is human it changes the situation. In female vampires the eggs stay frozen since the body does not change but it seems to differ for males. I have read myths of human women carrying a vampire child but as you might guess it did not end well for both mother and child." I finished, I disliked telling him it like this but he had to understand how severe the situation was.

"And Bella?" my son´s voice nearly broke at the end.

I hesitated then answered "It is most likely that the fetus grows quicker than a human one. It is not human and it goes against the nature of the human body so it will weaken her body, she might not make it in time." I paused; it was very likely that Bella would not survive this. We had no idea what we were facing, not even what it was.

"Edward… I´m afraid what this is and I believe that the only thing that will keep Bella alive is to remove the fetus. Although I dislike the idea, since we don´t know what is at stake but I can´t take the chance."

I paused, waiting for his argument but all I met was silence. I guess he didn´t want to scare Bella so I took it as a yes. "I´ll meet you at the airport, it will be all right." I swallowed then added "Edward please be careful."

"Yes. Yes, I will." Then the line went dead. I shut my phone and stared at the wall before me. How could it come to this? The life which I had so carefully built seemed to be falling apart like a deck of cards.

Alice stood few feet away completely perplexed, she relied so much on her visions that when they failed her she felt hopeless. She lived in a world where she was few steps ahead of everyone, without it she didn´t know how to act. She glanced at me worriedly before she skipped out of the room.

Leaving me alone to my thoughts. I placed my elbows on my desk and placed my head between my hands. I closed my eyes and concentrated on breathing in and out. I had to stay focused, Edward relied on me and I could not fail him. I thought of the task at hand, I had no idea how to remove the fetus and I didn´t know what effect it might have on Bella. But I was sure that if we didn´t do anything Bella would lose her life and I would lose Edward.

I moved my elbows from the desk, in the meantime dragging the book which I had laid on my desk when Alice came in. It dropped on the floor with a low thud; the worn copy barely managed the fall.

Milton´s Paradise Lost lay opened on the floor; I picked it up, the familiar passage written before me:

What hither brought us, hate, not love, nor hope.
Of Paradise for Hell, hope here to taste
Of pleasure, but all pleasure to destroy,
Save what is in destroying, other joy
To me is lost. Then let me not let pass
Occasion which now smiles, behold alone.
(IX. 475-480)

This passage I was very familiar with, where Satan decided to lure Eve into biting the forbidden fruit of the Tree of knowledge. This passage hit a nerve, where it contained nothing but the desire to destroy. It was Satan in his full form mocking me right before my eyes bringing those hateful words at the worst of times. It seemed that life brought nothing but fear, despair and hopelessness.

In the short time of happiness I almost believed that this would end well for Edward and Bella but now it seemed that paradise was lost to them forever. As that revelation came to my mind a new, familiar urge lightened. The urge to keep my family safe and that urge felt stronger now than ever. I would find a way to save them, if that meant I had to remove the fetus I would do it. It didn´t matter how I did it, all that mattered was that it was a threat and I oathed that I would do everything in my power to save Bella, to save my family.

Thank you for reading. I know that this has been done before but I wanted to do something different with this part of the story. Paradise lost by John Milton is actually one of the most famous work in English literature and since it was written in the 1600´s I thought that Carlisle might see it in a different light. Also I tried to find the passages that fitted in the story so if anyone thinks otherwise I won´t blame them since people see things differently. If there are any mistakes they are all mine and I am sorry of any mistakes in there.

Please review, it only takes a second and it means a lot to the author :)