Here's a little backstory. There is a sex toy called the Hitachi Magic Wand. Now bear with me, since it's not really a sex toy. It's marketed as a "personal massager" but put that bad boy on your clit and watch sparks fly. Anyway, as the in house sex toy "expert" on Twitter, I tend to start conversations about toys. And everyone loves the Hitachi. EVERYONE. So I figured Pilot Eric would too.

This chapter was started back in August before my insane semester started. It was finally finished a few days ago, after completely rewriting it. The original was in Sookie's POV but Pilot Eric is way more fun to write. I hope you enjoy! For continuity's sake, this takes place between the Thailand and Las Vegas chapters of TA.

In other news, some of you will notice this chapter went up a few days ago on my person blog, lubadub(dot)wordpress(dot)com. This is the last chapter I'll be posting here. I'm officially moving to posting on my blog only. I already started posting there exclusively for my NH stories and o/s I wrote for the Weekly One Shot challenge last week. There's a subscription option on wordpress that works just like alerts here, so you'll still be able to find out just when I update, and their alerts actually work, unlike this sites. I'll be honest, I really hate this site. After getting a story pulled unfairly, admins who don't really give a shit about their writers, and the site being in a constant state of fail, I had enough. I'll still post the odd contest entry here but for my stories, you'll have to follow me to my blog. If you're part of the LJ community, I post alerts there, but don't really like the site for posting my stories. I really do hope you'll continue reading what I have to write on a site where I can let my creativity flow without being restricted by someone else's rules. Thank you!

Disclaimer: If you really need a disclaimer at this point in Terminal Attraction, you're on drugs. This story is nothing much porn. Don't like it? Fuck off. Also, I don't own a damn thing.

Muchas gracias to my beta-darling, chiisai-kitty!

I was staring at my phone in disbelief. I wasn't quite sure how we'd gotten on the topic of sex toys, but I could be certain that I was the one who led us there.

"How can you not own a vibrator? Seriously? I was fairly certain that every woman owned at least one."

"I don't know. Before you, I didn't really think about sex a lot. Remember, you were the one who taught me how to masturbate."

"I helped you perfect the art. Are you telling me that before I gave you that hands-on demonstration, you never tickled your own fancy?"

She was blushing, I knew it. I could feel the heat through the phone. I loved when she pinked up like that; I'd follow the path from the apples of her cheeks down her chest with my tongue, which did not help the blush at all.

"No, Eric. I told you, I was totally inexperienced. Sex and I didn't really mix."

"Well then, in a way, I'm the best thing that could have ever happened to you. Otherwise, you'd be miserable. You seem happier, more laid back, since I've started getting you off on a near daily basis."

If I had my way, the "near" would be removed from that sentence. I wanted her day and night, and the feeling was mutual. We were insatiable for each other. Give us a dark corner and a lull in the flight schedule and we were ripping clothes off.

"Yes, Eric, you're a sex god. Can we change the topic now? Bubba did the cutest thing this morning!"

"Sweetheart, I care about your pussy, not your cat. It's time to lift the sex toy embargo. Come to my place early tonight and I'll take you to my favorite sex shop in Monroe. They have everything there. We'll find something you like."

"Eric Northman, I am not going to a sex shop with you! That's disgusting! Do you know what types of people go to those places?"

"Yes. People who are open minded about their sexuality and are looking to explore new ways to get off. It's not all perverts who are jacking off in the back to nasty porn. It's couples who want to spice things up, singles who are desperate for a little action, repressed housewives who are interested in bondage. It's normal people, Sook. Just like you and me."

"You are not a normal person. You're sexually depraved."

"Oh please. You loved every minute of being tied to my bed. You begged me to do it again last night. Owning a vibrator doesn't make you a nasty girl, Sookie. The rest of the stuff I've been able to convince you to do makes you nasty. But that's exactly how I like you."

I had called her a nasty girl in bed the other night. At first, I thought it might get me slapped but the words mixed with my husky voice in her ear only sent her off into another orgasm. She saved the slap for afterward.

"You're not getting me to go to that place. So drop it, or I'm not cooking for you tonight. If I'm going to get groceries and make it to Shreveport in time to make dinner, I should go. I still need to shower and make myself beautiful for you."

"You couldn't possibly be any more beautiful. I'll see you soon, Sook. Give me a call when you're close so I can have a nervous breakdown, yet still look calm, cool, and collected by the time you show up."

She started laughing, which only confirmed to me that Alcide had, in fact, filled her in on my more feminine qualities when it came to getting ready to see her. She thought it was adorable. It showed her that I was just like any other guy, desperate to look good and impress my girl.

"Five minute warning, you got it. See you soon!"

Knowing Sookie, I'd have at least another two hours before she'd actually get here. She'd primp and fuss over herself in the shower then stare at her closet for a while, trying to pick out an outfit that would just end up on my bedroom floor. I foresee a sundress. She usually sticks to sundresses; easy on, easy off while still looking respectable in public.

Doing the exact opposite of Sookie; I jumped in for a five minute shower, decided my day old stubble looked hot, and slicked my hair in place with a little product. I did, however, have my Sookie moment as I stared into my closet. Deciding I hated everything in it, I closed my eyes and blindly grabbed a shirt, pairing the vintage Ramones shirt I selected with my favorite worn in jeans. I slid on my sneakers and headed out to Monroe to get Sookie a little surprise.

Twenty minutes later, I was strolling into the Pleasure Zone. I'd fucked the girl behind the counter a couple of times, but couldn't remember her name to save the life of me. The way she smiled at me let me know that I had, in fact, rocked her world and she was hoping for another sample. Sorry, sweetheart, but that ship has sailed.

I gave her a slightly less friendly smile that said, "Hi, how are you? There will be no fucking here today, I apologize," and continued towards the back of the store where the vibrators were kept. I stared at the wall for a while, completely overwhelmed. This was by no means my first purchase, but it could quite possibly be the most important. This was Sookie's first taste and I didn't want to leave a bad first impression. Of course, in my hands, anything would bring her pleasure, but I wanted to give her pleasure beyond her wildest dreams. No run of the mill dildo was going to do it for my girl. I needed the best.

I needed… oh yes. Picking up the large box, I knew this was exactly what would do it. I'd heard rumors about its abilities and knew them all to be factual.

I headed back to the counter to complete the transaction where Busty McBlonde was still trying to get back in my bed.

"Do you need someone to use this on? I'd be happy to demonstrate it for you."

"No thank you, it's for my girlfriend." I loved that word. I'd only been able to use it for a short while now, but it was climbing my list of favorite words quickly.

Her smile finally faltered and she swiped my credit card. She shoved the slip for me to sign across the counter with a pout, not so gently tossed the box in a bag and grumbled out a "Have a nice day."

Fuck that. I didn't need her approval. I'd broken plenty of hearts in my whoring days; she was just one of many. I was a one woman kind of man now and Sookie's satisfaction was all I cared about.

I was back at my apartment in no time. Staring at the barbecue, I questioned my sanity in offering to grill with Sookie. I had no idea how to work the damn thing that was shared by all the tenants in the apartment complex. I'd seen other guys using it and chose to believe that I could do it too. Now that Sookie was on her way over, I'd come to the realization that I couldn't. Here I'd thought the ability to work a barbecue was innate in all men.

I had the bag of charcoals in my hand, lighter tucked into my back pocket and empty kettle grill in front of me. Concentrating really hard was not magically downloading the information into my brain. Luckily Creepy Neighbor saved the day.

Every apartment complex has the one creepy neighbor that no one likes. I had no friggin clue what the guy's name was, but he'd been living here longer than I have and still gave me the willies every time I saw him. Something about his eyes just screamed, "Don't leave me alone with your children or livestock."

"Need help?"

"Yeah, just trying to get it started. I'm not really sure what to do first."

He came over with a swagger that made me want to gag. He was checking me out, which normally I didn't have a problem with. Guys checked me out all the time, but with him, it made me want to bathe in bleach for about a week straight.

"I'm more than happy to help, Eric."

Oh, crap, he knew my name. Knowing Creepy Neighbor, he also knew I preferred to sleep nude and on my left side, as well as the names of my last three dates, which was information not even I was privy to at the moment. Names aren't my strong suit. "Oh thanks. I really would appreciate it…"

"Felipe."

"Right, Felipe. I suck at names. It comes with the profession. I see a plane full of new people every day; I don't bother to learn names."

"It's quite alright. Here, hand me the coals and grab the lighter fluid."

"Lighter fluid?"

"You don't have any lighter fluid?"

"Nope."

"I have some in my apartment, I'll go grab it. I'll be right back."

Damn it. Why couldn't the hot girls from around the corner know how to grill? Now I'm stuck getting the tutorial from hell by a guy who probably has an altar to Justin Bieber hidden in his closet.

I spread the coals out evenly in the belly of the grill in what looked like proper formation. He came back with a broad smile on his face, bottle in hand.

"Here we are. Problem solved."

I would have just used my Forman Grill instead. To hell with Sookie and her desire for actual barbecued food.

He started a conversation with me, and while I was being as friendly as possible, I kept my answers short and impersonal. The less Creepy Felipe knew about me, the better. Once we got the fire going, I tried desperately to find a way out of talking to him. My phone buzzing was a sign that God did still love me. I knew the ringer was for text alerts, but Felipe didn't. I led him to believe that I was having a very serious conversation with my baby sister, and he luckily had the social skills to take his cue to walk away.

Once he was out of earshot, I read the message, which was from Sookie, letting me know she was leaving the grocery store and was ten minutes away. Perfect timing. I babysat my flame as if I were the first caveman to discover fire and was terrified of it going out.

Standing over a grill in the heat of a Louisiana summer proved to be hotter than I anticipated, so I took off my shirt and tucked it into my back pocket. Shirtless grilling might not be recommended by the Food Network, but they never had to work in these conditions.

Sookie pulled up a few minutes later, looking adorable in a lavender sundress, her hair curling gently around her shoulders. My cock was hard instantly, begging to be freed from the confines of my jeans. I made sure the grill wouldn't explode, well, prayed it wouldn't, and went across the parking lot to help her with the bags of food.

We chatted casually as we walked into my apartment, continuing the light conversation as we prepped the meal. It was some sort of chicken and veggies on a stick served over rice. She gracefully made the marinade for the chicken, giving the cutlets a quick soak while she chopped the vegetables. How she was able to float from one task to another all the while carrying on the conversation was beyond me. I would have chopped a finger off by now if I tried to multi-task like she was. I was more than content to lean against the counter and talk.

Eventually, I started sticking various bits on the skewers, getting them ready for the grill. Sookie got quiet, which is never a good thing. I looked up from my most recent completed masterpiece to see what caught her attention.

"You are so insanely focused right now. Sweetie, it's not that hard to put these things together."

"I'm not exactly adept in the kitchen. I'm just as likely to get the stick through the chicken as I am through my flesh."

"That's nasty."

"But it's the truth. I know how to make about ten things; after that, I'm useless."

"You really need me in your life, Eric Northman, or you would starve."

"Or gain a thousand pounds from eating out every night of the week."

After she was done snarking at me and my chicken skewers, I went out to get them grilling while she stayed inside to make the rice. I got everything on the grill, trying not to fuss with it too much with my tongs. To try and distract myself, I started watching Sookie through the window. The light was hitting her just right, creating a halo around her. She really did take my breath away. Looking a few windows over, I saw Creepy Felipe staring at me. It really made me want to put my shirt back on. And maybe a parka.

After everything was grilled to perfection, and the risk of salmonella minimized, I came back inside just as Sookie was dishing out the jasmine rice onto plates. I couldn't help but notice how well we worked in the kitchen. We were perfectly in sync, moving as if we'd been doing this for years.

As soon as we were finished with the meal, and I had completely wiped out the plate of snickerdoodles Sookie's Gran had made, I decided it was time to drop my bomb.

"So, lover, I bought you a present."

"This present wouldn't have anything to do with our earlier conversation, would it?"

"It has everything to do with that little chat."

"Eric! I can't believe you went and bought me a sex toy!"

"But it's not just any sex toy. It's the ultimate sex toy. See, I stared at the rows of vibrators for a solid twenty minutes trying to figure out what you would like best. Would you want one that was angled to rub your g-spot or something more natural looking? They even had kits where you can mold your lover's cock into a personalized dildo! Now that was tempting. But then I realized you're a balls to the wall kind of girl. You don't do anything half way. You're not going to buy some pansy ass toy; you'd need the best on the market."

"You can't be serious."

I went into my bedroom and came back out with the box I had purchased earlier. She had her best poker face on, giving me no indicators of how she felt about all of this. "Sookie, meet the Hitachi Magic Wand."

"Eric, what the fuck is that? It looks more like a baseball bat than a sex toy."

"I just said. Hitachi Magic Wand. This will give you the best orgasms of your life, guaranteed."

"Even better than the ones you give me?"

"Let's say on par for my ego's sake."

"So how exactly do you intend to get that thing inside me?"

"No, it doesn't go inside; you use this on your clit. Why are you so skeptical? You've trusted me with your pleasure in the past. Stop being freaked out. Get out of your crazy little head. I know you're over thinking this right now, so knock it off. Believe me, you'll enjoy using this."

"Doubt it."

"I'll make you a deal. If you don't have the best orgasm ever with this, I'll do anything you want in return, from taking you to a chick flick to detailing your car. But, if I can get you off in less than five minutes, you have to come back to the Pleasure Zone with me and buy at least one item."

It was the one bargain she couldn't shoot down. She'd been trying to get me to take her to see some rom com for the past few days. I prefer my porn without the plot, but thanks for playing. If there was any way to get her to agree to this, it was challenging her.

"I accept. Alright, hotshot, show me what you got."

The Hitachi in one hand, and Sookie's slightly trembling hand in the other, I headed back towards my bedroom. I knew she was nervous about this, and wanted to put her mind at ease before whipping out the big guns. If she was going to enjoy this at all, I was going to have to take my time.

I put the toy out of her line of sight so she would stop thinking about it. I sat down on the edge of the bed, spreading my legs and pulling her closer to me while she was still standing. Cupping the back of her head, I gently pulled down to me. Our kiss started slowly, I let her increase the pace at her own free will.

I left her lips, encouraging her to stand up straight as I kissed across her cheek and down her throat until I got to the neckline of her dress. I reached behind her, working the zipper down, pulling the thin straps off her shoulders until the dress pooled at her feet. Her strapless bra was on the floor seconds later, leaving her before me in nothing but delicate panties.

I was eye level with exactly what I wanted. I only had to lean forward ever so slightly to pull one of her already hardening nipples into my mouth while I toyed with the other using my fingers. She moaned, arching into me, holding my head closer to her body by weaving her fingers in my hair. My mouth continued tasting exactly what it wanted while my hands traced their way down her ribs, alternating between a firm touch and using only my fingertips. I had her panting in no time.

I wrapped my arms around her, getting a good grip before standing, lifting her and depositing her flat on her back. I kissed, licked, and nipped along an imaginary line from her collarbone to her belly button, playing with the lace edges of her underwear. Biting the fabric, I pulled it down her legs, finally getting her completely naked.

I plugged in the Magic Wand so I'd have it at the ready. Spreading her legs, I positioned myself between them, ready to devour her. I could smell her sweet perfume; see the moisture already starting to pool. She was more than ready for me.

"You're cheating."

That was an accusation I'd heard plenty of in my lifetime. The women I fucked always got this delusion in their heads that I was being monogamous. "Huh?"

"You said you could use the Wand to get me off in less than five minutes. If you get me all primed up using your mouth, that's cheating."

Ah. She meant "breaking the rules" cheating, not "fucking other women behind my back" cheating. That I could handle. That I expected of her while we had a wager going.

"Fair enough. I was just trying to get you comfortable before I used it."

She waved her hands at me, silently telling me to get on with it already. Smiling, I grabbed the vibrator and flipped the switch. As it started to hum, she got a panicked look on her face but as soon as it landed between her legs, all arguments ceased. In thirty seconds, I had her moaning. Her hips started to roll shortly after, working in time to the way I was rocking the head of the Wand against her. She fell apart just shy of a minute.

I could have continued the torture to see how long I could keep her coming but I'd rather show her all the ways I could use the toy while we were together. Masturbation is fun, but fucking is so much better. But first, I wanted my taste. I flicked my tongue against her now ultra-sensitive clit. The gasp she let out while digging her fingers into my scalp let me know just how on edge she actually was. The slightest of touches later, I had her coming yet again.

I kissed her hip as I went to my nightstand to grab a condom. She was still panting while she tried to find the right words.

"You knew it would be like that, didn't you?"

"I told you it would be the best orgasm of your life."

"Part of me really wants to argue with you, but the rest of me is tingly and floating."

"That didn't make a whole lot of sense."

"Am I supposed to be making sense right now?"

I laughed as I came back to the bed, finding her sprawled out just as I had left her. I sat up with my back resting against the headboard, and pulled her into my lap. She pressed herself against my chest, covering my neck with kisses, which made it slightly harder to concentrate on getting the condom on. With a firm hold on her hips, I guided her back, but it was all the coaching she needed. She took over immediately, taking me inside of her in a tortuously slow way that made me want to grab her and impale her.

With a wicked grin, she kept up her snail's pace, clenching around me. She seriously made me feel like a teenager sometimes, testing my will power in ways that no woman ever has. But if she thought I was done with the Hitachi, she was clearly wrong. While her head was thrown back in ecstasy, eyes screwed shut tight; I brought it between her legs and flipped it on high.

That got her attention quick. She went from a seductress in complete control of the situation to clinging to me, moaning, begging, chanting my name until her orgasm came barreling down like a freight train. Her nails dug into my shoulders in a way that was sure to leave marks behind but ask me if I cared. Not one tiny bit.

She was an image of pure orgasmic bliss, her body writhing as wave after wave crashed down on her. I cannot begin to describe how all of that felt while being inside of her. She finally got to the point where she was begging me to turn it off, her body too sensitive to take another minute of it. I obliged her, coming forward so she was on her back as I started thrusting in earnest. It didn't take me long to finish, aside from the fact that watching her get off is quite possibly the hottest thing on the planet, she was tight as a vice after coming that hard.

I rolled off of her, tossed the condom, and came back with a warm washcloth to clean us both up. I got her under the covers and cuddled behind her, stroking her hair and she slowly came back to Earth.

"You win."

"I know. There was no competition really. But after the orgasms you just had, can you actually call yourself a loser?"

She giggled into the pillow, nestled deeper into my embrace, and dozed off for a nap. I had contemplated sending the Wand home with her, but after watching how she responded to it, I had second thoughts. It would be stupid of me to render myself completely useless. Oh yes, the Hitachi would be staying here with me. I'd get her a less powerful model for home use when I take her out shopping.

Two Weeks Later:

"I can't believe you're dragging me in there."

"I won fair and square. You've delayed this trip long enough. We're going inside."

"What if someone sees me? What if my Gran's pastor sees me?"

"What is your Gran's pastor doing in a sex shop?"

"That's not the point!"

"So what is the point? You're sitting here whining when you could be unlocking the secrets to the sexual universe!"

"Over-exaggerating much?"

"I'm a firm believer in hyperbole. It's quite possibly the best thing on the face of the planet. Now can we go shopping?"

"Do I really have to buy something?"

"I'm doing the buying, as promised; you're just picking it out."

"Do condoms count?"

"Only if they're flavored or glow in the dark."

"I really hate you sometimes."

"You weren't saying that when we were locked in the bathroom at LAX."

"You're incorrigible."

"And yet, you still date me."

"There's something seriously wrong with me."

"Nothing wrong, but you excel at wasting time. Come on, lover, out of the car."

We were inside for no less than ten minutes when her eyes lit up.

"Oh Eric, the Wand comes with attachments?"