AN!! So here it is as promised! I must give thanks to Life-Live-Love-Learn for sending me a message this morning… purely excitement for this :)

So I know that this is a little dark... or whatever but its obvious why. This story is going to be 3… maybe 4 parts long and I hope to get a whole bunch of reviews :)

It had been a month since Spencer's death and Ashley still couldn't find the will power to make an effort in her life. She wished that she was dead and when she wasn't wishing that she was dead, she was wishing Spencer was alive.

Paula wouldn't even let her go to her funeral and even worse; she wouldn't tell Ashley where Spencer's grave was.

Ashley had thought of ending it all a few times. She knew that she wanted to be with Spencer again but she also knew that Spencer wouldn't want Ashley to commit suicide. Spencer thought it was a cowardly, selfish act, even though she had tried it a few times herself.

Ashley sat on the edge of her bed, flicking through her contacts in her phone. She got to Spencer and her heart sank. She hit the call button.

"The number you have called has been cut off."

She listened to the message repeat itself a few times before she accepted defeat and hung up. Sighing, she got up and made her way downstairs.

"Mom, how did you cope when daddy died?" she slumped in the chair and frowned.

"I didn't. I surrounded myself with my friends and I drowned myself in cheap wine." She said quickly.

"But what made you stop?"

"I realised that your father wouldn't want me to drink myself to death. I had you to look after and I also had the bills to pay."

"But what about daddy's money?" Ashley enquired.

"Most of your father's money is tied up in trust for when you are eighteen. The rest went on paying off the mortgage on the house and a large amount went away for your education."

"So you do care about me." Ashley looked at her feet, slightly ashamed because she had lived her life believing that her mother was heartless and cruel, but she really did care.

"We do what we have to do Ashley." Christine smiled briefly before she picked up her newspaper and walked in to the kitchen.

--

School soon came and Ashley was faced with even more sad memories of Spencer. Everywhere she looked she was reminded of her blue eyed blonde. She looked to the quad and remembered that it was there that Spencer received the text where Ashley had first told her that she loves her.

She walked slowly to her locker and started grabbing her books for the day. The halls were empty because Ashley had gotten there late. She didn't care though. She found herself not being able to care for much now.

She felt two arms wrap around her waist and a familiar low and seductive whisper in her ear.

"If we hurry, we can go to the janitor's closet before home room."

Ashley turned around so quickly that she made herself dizzy. She was greeted by the empty corridor.

That's when she knew she was going crazy. Her mind was playing tricks on her.

But it was so real. She could smell Spencer. She could feel her touch.

"Ash?"

"Aiden." She deadpanned.

"How are you doing?"

"How do you think I'm doing?" She spat. She went to walk away but Aiden grabbed her in to a hug. She resisted and tried to get away but the tighter Aiden held on, the more Ashley relaxed. She cried in to his chest. "I can't do this Aiden."

"Do what?" she asked quietly in the silenced hall.

"I can't live without her. I need her. I fucking miss her." she sobbed. "I'm trying so hard to keep it all together but all I can think of is her."

"What's the last thing that you said to her?"

"That I love her forever."

"Well every time you get sad about her being dead, think that she died knowing you love her."

"It should have been me instead of her."

"Come on, I am taking you to the beach." Aiden grabbed Ashley's hand and led her to his car.

The journey was long and silent but Ashley was glad that Aiden didn't try to talk to her. She was glad that he knew to leave her to her thoughts, however dark, twisty and sometimes suicidal they may be.

They sat by the water, just far enough that the water would tickle their toes. Ashley was sat in between Aiden's legs and his hands were wrapped protectively around her waist. It was ironic really because what Ashley hated most about guys was their protective behaviour yet here she was, relaxed in Aiden's arms.

"Spencer and I used to do this when we were bored of being at home." She sighed. The wind blew softly and Ashley knew that Spencer was with her, watching over her. "Except, I would be in your position and she would be where I am. We would sit and talk for hours about everything. We would watch the sunset and go home when it was dark."

Aiden listened to Ashley reminisce. He thought that it was important to her grieving. He cared deeply for Ashley and wanted what was best for her. Sure sometimes he wished that they could work out as a couple but they both knew that something would be missing if they tried it again.

He shook the thoughts of having a relationship with Ashley from his head. Now really wasn't the time to be thinking about it.

"How do I do it Aiden? I don't want to forget her but I don't want to be miserable for the rest of my life. Am I a bad person for saying that?" she sniffled a little.

"Of course you aren't Ashley. And you won't forget her. She will stay with you for the rest of your life. You just have to focus on the good times you had with her. You loved each other."

"I feel like I would be cheating on her if I moved on. I don't even know where she is buried. Maybe if I did, it would give me some closure. I mean, I keep feeling her and hearing her. What if she isn't dead Aid?"

"Ash, they have her body and she died as she went over the edge of the bridge." He said sincerely. Ashley knew it was the truth but she just couldn't let go yet. It was too soon.

Maybe one day.

--

Ashley crawled in to bed that night and thought about the day's events. Today was the first day in a while that she had actually had a good time. After the beach, Aiden took Ashley to another of her and Spencer's favourite places, a small meadow that we found.

Aiden swore to Ashley that he would help her through her grief by helping her to live in the good times. She was glad to have him as a friend and as she laid her head on her pillow, she hoped to see her blonde in her dreams.