(A/N: This is a totally random idea that came to me today when I was working on another story. I think I might make it two or three chapters. Or it might just be a oneshot. Not sure yet. The song is If All She Has Is You by John McGlynn from Anuna. A truly beautiful song and I would recommend looking it up if you get the chance. I hope you like it and please REVIEW!)

The Sloe Gin

The streets of Camelot were dark and quiet.

Children lay silently, tucked away in their beds and their parents were also long gone to the realm of dreams. The only thing one could expect to see at this late hour was the guards who patrolled the streets, making sure that nothing was amiss. However, another person was out of bed as well, though didn't seem too happy to be so. Arthur Pendragon stalked down the shadowed road, muttering unintelligibly under his breath, his long jacket streaming behind him and his boots making dull thudding noises every time they made contact with the ground. A deep frown marred his aristocratic features and his brow was furrowed in what seemed to be irritation. Absently, he kicked a rickety wooden crate that had been left in the middle of the path out of his way, never once halting the angry tirade issuing from his mouth. Most of what he said was garbled and incoherent, but a few particularly incensed words like 'idiot' and 'useless' could be clearly distinguished and it was obvious that whatever else he was saying wasn't anything too favorable.

The only building that still had light emanating from its depths was the royal stables and it was in that direction that Arthur was headed. Reaching the familiar structure, Arthur took a deep breath in an attempt to calm his temper before yanking the door open, not even reacting to the sharp crack and groan it gave in protest at being treated so harshly.

"Merlin!" Arthur hissed, striding into the darkened stable and heading towards where the only lamp rested on the wall of his own horse's stall, "Where are you?"

"Sire?" a weary voice replied and Arthur saw a dark head poke out of the from behind the wooden post, "What are you doing here?"

"Merlin, do you have any idea what time it is?" Arthur asked, his voice rising a little in his aggravation as he made his way over to his errant manservant, "Gaius is looking for you. What on earth is taking you so long?"

"Lots of muck to muck out," the other boy quipped as Arthur reached him, grinning dopily from where he stood leaning on the pitchfork in his hands, "And you said I had to get it done tonight or-"

"I know what I said," Arthur snapped, crossing his arms over his chest, "You can finish in the morning, before bringing me my breakfast. But for godsake, go so that I can get some rest without Gaius harassing me about where you've gotten to. Seemed to think you might have jumped off a cliff or something without me there to watch you."

"Gaius worries too much," Merlin mumbled.

"On that we are agreed," Arthur growled, remembering the panicked look in the physician's eyes when he had come looking for Merlin in Arthur's chambers, "But he cares for you. Do not take that so lightly."

"He cares too much too," Merlin replied softly, averting his eyes to the ground. The grin had faded slightly, but still clung to his features looking oddly out of place.

"No he doesn't," the blonde rolled his eyes at his manservant's behavior. Half the time Arthur was convinced that the only reason Merlin argued with him was because he liked to contradict everything the prince said, "Now go home."

Merlin stumbled a bit as he turned back to the messy stall, "But I have to finish this or you said-"

"Merlin, you obviously weren't listening to me," Arthur said, tapping his foot in annoyance. Stupid boy doesn't obey him even when he's telling him not to work, "What I said was to leave it for tomorrow. You look dead on your feet. Go home."

"Sorry, Arthur," Merlin said, not bothering to turn back and look at him as he started shoveling again in a somewhat uncoordinated manner, "Too much muck needing mucking. And you know me, got to do what I think is right even though it's always the wrong thing to be doing."

"Merlin," Arthur groaned and grabbed the boy's arm prepared to drag him out of the stable if necessary, when he got a whiff of something very strong.

"Merlin," Arthur said incredulously, peering into his manservant's glazed eyes, "Have you been drinking?"

"I wouldn't call it drinking exactly," Merlin said slowly, scrunching up his face in thought, "Drinking usually implies having a lot and I'm pretty sure I only had one…or two…or…three..."

Arthur smacked his hand against his forehead in exasperation before dragging it slowly down his face in an attempt to pull himself together before he gave into the temptation to give the boy a good whack 'round the head. Knowing his luck, the only effect that would have is Merlin getting sick all over his boots.

Sighing, Arthur pulled on the servant's arm again, "C'mon, I'll take you back to Gaius. Maybe he can give you something for the horrendous hangover you'll be sure to have in the morning."

"NO!" Merlin exclaimed, yanking his arm out of Arthur's grip with surprising force, "I have to finish mucking the stables."

"As I am the one who told you to muck them out in the first place," Arthur said impatiently, grabbing hold of his arm once more despite Merlin's rather clumsy attempts to evade him, "I think I retain the privilege to change my mind. So, I am telling you that right now I want you to go home."

"But I have to muck out the stables!" Merlin cried, and Arthur was disturbed to see tears gathering in his manservant's eyes, "I promised I would and I have to keep my promises or I'll get fired and then where would you be?"

"To be honest, it probably wouldn't make much difference," Arthur muttered, attempting to tug Merlin out of the stall, "You don't do much of anything anyway."

"Stop! Let me go!" Merlin fought him, yanking on his captured arm with this other hand and attempting to dig his heels into the, unfortunately, hay-covered ground, "Let me go! Let me g- whoa!"

Merlin's foot caught on the wooden post, actually allowing him to break free from Arthur's hold, and he fell backwards, arms wind-milling in the air theatrically before he finally landed with a small oof! in a pile of (thankfully clean) hay.

"Honestly, Merlin," Arthur threw his hands up in exasperation, "You are ten times more of an idiot drunk than you are sober."

Merlin looked up at him blearily, not seeming to have really heard what he said, "Uh-thanks…I think."

Growling in frustration, Arthur rested his head in his hands and began swearing under his breath in a manner that would make even the boldest sailor blush. Merlin, for his part, didn't seem to be paying much attention as he reached over to a blue bottle resting on the ground near him which had previously escaped his notice. Pulling the cork out of the top with a loud popping noise, Merlin gazed thoughtfully into its depths before taking a long swig, wiping his mouth on his sleeve. Then, looking once more at the gin lying in the bottom of the bottle, Merlin swirled it around absently and began singing under his breath:

"She told me we would last forever
That all she'd ever had was me
I've just said good-bye
Based on a lie that I told to my sweet love
But if all she has is you
Make sure you're one in a million
If all she has is you
Make sure you're one in a million"

Merlin paused and looked up at Arthur who was still swearing away. "Do you remember when that bard sang that at the last feast? I'd never heard a song like that before," Merlin glanced down at the bottle still clenched in his trembling hand before taking another drink, "All the other bards sang about war and epic battles and heroes and damsels and great loves that turn the tide of time. But he didn't sing about victories or greatness. He was singing about his mistakes."

Arthur looked up to stare at his manservant's bowed head, but his eyes narrowed when they caught sight of the bottle still resting in his hands. "Give me that," he snapped, snatching the offending liquid away, leaving Merlin staring at the spot where it had been like he wasn't quite sure what had happened to it, "You don't need anymore gin. You've made enough of a fool out of yourself already."

Merlin was quiet for a moment, before he looked up at Arthur again, tears once more glistening in his eyes, "I am a fool, Arthur. I've made so many mistakes."

"Yes, you have," Arthur agreed gruffly, bending over to haul his servant to his feet, not really wanting to deal with a drunk Merlin or an emotional one, "The biggest one being when you decided you were going to get smashed this evening."

"No," Merlin said mournfully, no longer bothering to fight against Arthur who was literally trying to drag his limp form out of the stables, "The biggest one was much, much worse."

"It can't have been that bad," Arthur argued half-heartedly, "Give me a little help would you? You might be scrawny but you're not that light."

"It was," Merlin replied, not paying attention to Arthur's other comment and continuing to stand limply with his arm slung over Arthur's shoulder making their progress infinitely more slow, "I killed her."

"You didn't kill anyone," Arthur said wearily, still trying to coax Merlin into walking on his own.

"Yes, I did."

"Oh yeah? Who?" the prince inquired absentmindedly, pausing as a thought occurred to him. Reaching awkwardly around Merlin, he grabbed the lamp still resting on the side of the stall and blew it out, covering them in complete darkness.

"Morgana."

Arthur froze, "Morgana?"

"I poisoned her," Merlin said somberly, "With hemlock."

"Merlin, what are you talking about?" Arthur didn't even realize he had stopped dead in the middle of the stable, his servant still half-draped across his own body. Instead, he was staring at Merlin's face which gleamed in the moonlight seeping through the still open door, illuminating the tears that were running down his face.

"The dragon told me I had to," Merlin replied thickly, staring searchingly into Arthur's own eyes, looking at the same time more drunk and more sober than he had before, "He said it was the only way."

Arthur released the breath he didn't realize he'd been holding as he realized what Merlin was saying. Shaking his head at himself for getting worried in the first place, Arthur continued to drag the young man towards the exit. Merlin must really be inebriated if he was having hallucinations. He must still feel guilty about Morgana being kidnapped and now his mind was playing tricks on him, making him think he was directly responsible for her death. Arthur did not envy the headache he would surely have the next day.

"I'm sorry, Arthur," Merlin moaned, shutting his eyes tightly in an attempt to stem the tears, "I didn't want to do it."

"Oh calm down, Merlin, and stop your blubbering," Arthur rolled his eyes, "I'm not angry."

"I didn't know what to do," Merlin went on and Arthur sighed to himself. It seemed he wouldn't be able to get him to shut up till he'd gotten this 'confession' out of his system, "I hope Morgause was able to save her."

"Well, she is a sorceress," Arthur replied, hauling Merlin over to the wall of the stable and propping him up against it so that he could shut the door, "If anyone could save Morgana from poison it would be her."

"She was so angry," Merlin murmured as Arthur lifted him to his feet again and Arthur could feel him shivering, "She didn't understand that I had to do it. Otherwise the knights would have killed you."

Despite knowing that Merlin really had no idea what he was saying, Arthur couldn't help but feel offended by this comment. "Nice to know you had so little faith in me, Merlin," Arthur groused, pulling him along a little harder than was strictly necessary.

"You're a good fighter, Arthur," Merlin replied absently, "but even you can't defeat magical knights who can't die."

"Point taken," Arthur sighed, "Now, really Merlin, could you walk on your own just a little bit? I don't really fancy the idea of hauling your sorry ass all the way back to the castle."

"She had to die," Merlin continued, clearly not paying any attention to Arthur anymore, "The dragon said so."

Arthur groaned and continued their slow way through the deserted streets, the light of the moon their only guide in the darkness.

"And who is this dragon who told you to kill Morgana?" Arthur grunted as he maneuvered Merlin into a different position that would hopefully do less damage to his back.

"The dragon under the castle."

Arthur raised his eyebrows, "The Great Dragon talked to you? What'd he do? Just invite you down for a cup of tea and a nice chat in the caves?"

"He talks to me all the time," Merlin mumbled, "After all, I'm his kin."

This last word was uttered very bitterly and when Arthur glanced down at the dark-haired servant he saw that he was a deep frown on his face.

"His kin? So you're a dragon, then?" Arthur questioned, smirking in amusement and at the same time wondering if Merlin was merely drunk or had lost his sanity.

"No," Merlin replied shortly, "I don't want to talk about it."

"Fair enough," Arthur said, focusing once more on the road in front of him and silently wondering how the gates seemed to have moved so much farther away than he remembered, "So, why did he want you to kill her?"

"She was the vessel for the spell Morgause put on Camelot that made everyone fall asleep. That was why she was the only one awake."

Arthur shook his head in astonishment at the story Merlin's mind had managed to conjure up. It was so ridiculous that if he didn't know better, he might have almost thought it was true, "You sure it wasn't just the potion Gaius gave her."

"No, I made that up," Merlin replied flatly, but tears appeared in his eyes once more making them glow with an almost eerie light in the dark street. He looked almost crazed and at the same time utterly broken.

"Why'd you make it up?" Arthur said, stopping and looking at the boy quizzically. This fantastical tale had taken an odd turn and Arthur found himself strangely intrigued.

"To protect her."

"From who?"

"From you."

Arthur reeled away in shock. "Me?!" he repeated, stunned.

"I thought that the reason she was awake was because she had magic," Merlin said quietly, his eyes glazing over once more, "At least, at first."

Somehow, they had finally reached the edge of the drawbridge, but Arthur was not quite so happy to see it as he would have been a minute ago. He wanted to know what Merlin's mind had concocted in his drunken state as it was a bizarrely fascinating tale, however unrealistic.

"Hold on," he said, and lowered the servant to the ground, leaning him against the city wall. Stretching his neck and shaking his arm to get the feeling back in it, Arthur glanced around for anyone who may be nearby. However, no one was. The town was quiet without even the marching of the guard to be heard. They would not be interrupted.

"Ok, Merlin," Arthur said, sitting down next to him, "So tell me this again. A dragon told you that you had to kill Morgana to break the spell on Camelot that was keeping everyone asleep. The reason was because Morgana was the vessel for the spell. And Morgana was the vessel because she had…magic? And that's why she wasn't asleep?"

"No," Merlin replied, leaning his head against the wall and tiredly shutting his eyes, "She had magic, yes. But the reason she wasn't asleep was because she was the vessel. Anyone else with magic was affected the same as everyone else."

"How do you know that?"

"Because people who had magic were falling asleep."

"But how to do know that any of the others had magic? They were all citizens of Camelot and magic is banned."

"I know because," Merlin's voice trailed off as his head came to rest on his chest, "because…"

"Merlin!" Arthur elbowed the dark-haired boy in the ribs making his head snap up and flinch away, "Don't go to sleep! I had to drag myself all the way to the stables to get you and then drag you all the way here. You are not going to sleep until I say so."

"Yes, sire," Merlin replied wearily, and Arthur felt only a twinge of guilt.

"Now," Arthur said, poking him in the ribs pointedly, "Lets move on. So, you poisoned her with hemlock. And then…?"

"Morgause came in and I told her I wouldn't say what I'd poisoned her with until she called off the knights," Merlin replied softly, eyes closed once more, "When she did, I gave her the bottle and then she took Morgana away."

Arthur stayed silent, contemplating this. What an odd tale. Merlin's mind was really more convoluted that he had originally thought.

Arthur was taken out of these thoughts when he heard Merlin speak brokenly, "You should have seen her face. She looked so betrayed."

"Merlin, you didn't kill her," Arthur said, deciding that since he'd heard the whole story there was no need to encourage him any further in his delusions. He sounded far too upset.

"I might as well have," Merlin whispered, tears running down his face, "She trusted me. She thought I was her friend. And I lied to her. I was the only one she'd told about her magic and I threw that trust in her face. I should have found another way. There must have been another way."

"Merlin, Morgana didn't have magic," Arthur insisted, putting a hand on his friend's shoulder and shaking him gently, hoping to snap him out of this gin-induced hell, "She was kidnapped. You didn't kill her. You didn't poison her. The Great Dragon can't talk. Everything is fine."

Merlin lifted his head and looked at him through unfocused eyes, "You don't believe me."

"Merlin, it just isn't true," Arthur sighed, "You're drunk. None of that is real."

"I knew you wouldn't," Merlin murmured, not listening, "You never believe me. Not even when I told you I was a sorcerer."

"That's because you're not a sorcerer," Arthur replied, trying to fight down a laugh at the very thought. If Merlin was a sorcerer then he was a woman.

"Whatever," Merlin said, sounding resigned and he struggled to push himself to his feet.

"Merlin wait!" Arthur said, scrambling up after him, just in time to catch the clumsy servant as he stumbled.

"I think I'm going to be sick," Merlin whispered, face paling dramatically as he dropped to his knees. Then he began to retch.

Arthur tried to control his disgust and stood there awkwardly as Merlin convulsed on all fours, throwing up a pitifully small amount before giving way to dry heaves. When he was finally finished, Arthur grabbed him before he could collapse face first into his own vomit and lifted him slowly to his feet. Merlin's pale face was covered in a light sheen of sweat and his breathing came in short, shallow gasps that sounded almost painful.

Placing Merlin's arm around his shoulder once more, Arthur muttered, "Calm down, Merlin. Deep breaths."

As the drunken boy's breathing slowly evened out, Arthur maneuvered them over the drawbridge towards Gaius' quarters. When they entered the room, it was dark, Arthur having assured the physician that he would return Merlin to his room and wake him if there was any problem.

"Quiet now," Arthur said, softly, "Don't want to wake Gaius."

Merlin obediently made no sound and he was carried up the stairs to his small room and set gently down onto his bed. Kicking off his boots, Merlin almost seemed to forget Arthur was even there. As he lay down, not even bothering to get under the covers, Merlin began humming the same song from before:

"What can I say?
I didn't know what happened today
I'd written a song to string her along
I knew it was wrong

She told me we would last forever
That all she'd ever had was me"

Merlin's soft, lilting voice trailed off and Arthur watched him silently. Merlin was drunk, Arthur knew. But he still was worried. He couldn't ever remember Merlin getting this trashed. He knew that Merlin had had a little thing for Morgana, with the flowers and late-night visits, but it seemed that her absence was affecting him more than he'd originally thought. 'Perhaps that was why Gaius was so worried when Merlin didn't come home,' Arthur thought, 'He knows he's heartbroken and was worried he'd done something rash.'

Pulling the covers out from under his manservant gently, Arthur lay them over Merlin's frail body, telling himself all the while that it was only because he didn't want Merlin getting sick and missing even more work than the day he would surely miss tomorrow due to a hangover.

Turning and moving towards the door, Arthur paused one last time and glanced back at the boy's sleeping face, lined with worry even in unconsciousness. He lingered for a moment, before shaking himself and leaving quickly. However, the haunting melody of the bard's song echoed in his head long after he himself had surrendered to the temptation of sleep.

She told me we would last forever
That all she'd ever had was me
I've just said good-bye
Based on a lie that I told to my sweet love
But if all she has is you
Make sure you're one in a million
If all she has is you
Make sure you're one in a million