Oh bleh. Honestly, I'm a total angst-eater. Angst will all be cut down on during later chapters as the plot moves on, but for now the chapter is all about depressing sadness. Mainly, this is all setting the scene. If you wish to not read most of the angst, it stops around the * Asterik in bold and underlined. Warnings: There is more angst towards the end. Sorry those who hate it! Onward~

Edit 13/06/10 5:20 pm - I finally got round to solving the problem of killing and etcetera.

She was always his guardian angel.

Even in death.

Natsu Dragoneel stared brokenly at the grave - maybe for the thousandth time. It didn't make a difference to the dull ache in the left side of his chest. The organ which cried out in pain each time he heard her name. He could feel the soft imprints in the earth as he lowered himself to his knees, coming to eye level with the simple marker of someone's demise. Imprints hard in the earth - evidence of where he had come to exactly the same spot for the last three years.

The eyes of the fiery Salamander were tortured - bleak and empty; missing that spark which made him the most laughable of companions. Vaguely, he reached out his index finger to trace the words carved in a delicate, neat writing. Like her, he thought, Delicate. So delicate. His unseeing eyes read the words again, repeating the process they had done since she was gone: hoping, maybe, that one day they'd disappear.

Lucy Grace Heartphilia

1990 - 2007

Died Protecting Fairy Tail

Now Away With The Fairies

Away with the fairies. It had always been a small joke: just between the two of them. That one day they'd find out if fairies really did have tails - prove the existence of the Guild's name. A pang ran through him, making him stand so abruptly that he stood unstably for a few seconds. They'd never get to try such an idea now.

He stared down at the once vibrant, now wilting flowers in front of the marble marker, all traces of the care-free dragon slayer gone from existence for a brief few minutes in mourning. No, not even mourning. More like contemplating what had been ripped away. Ripped from the unrealised other half of his soul. Cruelly taken, without warning. Memories rushed over him before he could stop them - cold clear memories which shook his reason.

The enemy - a man maybe in his twenties - stood confidently before the three, eyes wide with what Natsu, before, had assumed as anticipation for a battle. Now, he could tell it was madness. The man in the suit laughed to the skies: the eerie sound spreading and echoing like a whisper across the wide field. Natsu grinned at the feeling of challenge simply radiating from the person. He liked a challenge. But there were more important matters to attend to.

"Where's Lucy?" he barked questioningly, a brief spot of worry dancing in front of his eyes but he shook it off. Luce was strong. She wouldn't get hurt. She was tough.

Another laugh and an uneasy feeling spread through the group. He could feel Grey's eyes flickering between him and the unnamed man before them - anxiously, Natsu realised in a blinding flash of clarity. He could feel Erza stiffen in front of them, too. Panic seized him, but he shook it off. Of course, they knew too that Lucy was coming back. She'd only be gone with this guy for a few hours.. surely he couldn't have done anything in that short space of time?

"You mean the little girl?" mocked the man, voice twisted with insanity, features to match, "Oh, I had fun with her. But she's disposed of now. Nothing to worry about it. You can thank me later."

He felt it. The wave of pain that flashed through his team mates. Erza's fighting stance went limp as she stood staring dully at the man who had spoken the confusing words. Grey just froze - not even breathing. Like the damn ice he used all the time. Natsu stopped breathing for a moment too. Disposed of? Surely.. No, No…

"What do you mean disposed of?" he asked desperately - voice rising in volume.

"Isn't it obvious?" he sneered, the emotion marring his facial features, "She's dead you idiot."

Dead. Lucy was dead.

The three words cackled at him - like his eternal tormentors. He stood in tatters for a moment - life ripped apart at the seams. And then he crumpled, like a puppet with its strings cut, to the ground in a heap, the words meaning not sinking in but tauntingly prodding him and whispering lies in his ear.

'Lucy's dead and it's your fault.' 'She died in pain - because of you!' 'You just couldn't save her in time, could you, Natsu?' 'Couldn't reach her in time? You're not the knight in shining armour any more, eh, Salamander?'..

The distinctive words of his partner in crime, Happy, calling out to him tentatively to hurry up was what broke the reverie. He touched the grave again, simply staring. He didn't cry - there weren't any tears left. They'd all been spent, so long ago, over the body of the person he loved. The person gently sleeping in the coffin beneath his feet.

"I'll be back soon, Luce," were the hoarse words that were uttered from his mouth, "Erza says this one will only take a couple of days. Then I'll come see you again. Just.. Just stay with the fairies for now."

Silence. But he wasn't supposed to expect an answer. No affectionate laugh in return. Hands clenching into fists, he twisted with sharp, steeled movements as he walked away from the stone which marked the other half of his life - head cast down, eyes shielded in shadows as he manoeuvred through the countless dead. Struggling to find something to be happy about. Something to create at least a happy disguise; to hide behind from the pitying eyes of the members of Fairy Tail who waited back at the guild. At least, he wouldn't have to face them for a few days. Wouldn't have to watch as they hastily covered the pity they offered and tried to joke around normally.

* He was met, at the gates of the cemetery, by his one true companion - the small blue cat named Happy he had hatched himself from an egg. The small cat's namesake, however, was void from both partners faces as they began the walk towards town - where Erza and Grey were bound to be getting impatient from waiting. Normally, Natsu wasn't late. That had changed within the last three years. Three years, two months and five days, he amended.

The two walked in slow companionship, taking comfort in the presence of one another as the sun beat down heavily. It was Happy who broke the silence. Like every time.

"So, you got everything? Made sure that you haven't left anything?"

"Aye," Natsu replied, smiling; the signature action which had been denied of him the past few minutes.

"Do you think we'll find him this time? Really?"

There was a small pause as Natsu contemplated that. Since Natsu's goal was to find Igneel, it had also become very much Happy's dream as had the boundless enthusiasm and optimism Natsu possessed on the subject. The question was, would they find him there? He was fairly sure that, in there travels before meeting Fairy Tail, they'd never been to Jishin before. And it was said that the place was famous for its large mountains and secretive caves. Perhaps Igneel had hidden in such a place, in the hopes he wouldn't be found?

"Maybe," he finally replied, slowly gaining the enthusiasm which came with the talk of his foster parent, "It does seem like a place you'd find a dragon, if anywhere, doesn't it?"

Happy nodded, pleased with the slowly spreading smile on his partners face before they finally reached the beginnings of the street which led to the centre of town - even there, they could both hear the alarmingly vicious voice carrying over the crowd of busy people.

"I swear, if they're not here within the next sixty seconds I'll get out my Herculean armour and I'll..!"

Exchanging an alarmed glance with his blue-furred companion, no further conversation was needed as the unnatural wings of the cat were spread and carried Natsu with the incomprehensible speed of magic to the fountain where he was hurriedly dropped in the water - earning shouts and yells of indignation from the residents as they were sprayed with the liquid. Paying no heed, he sprinted across the element in bounds and Grey rolled his eyes in exasperation as the fire dragon slayer leapt out of the stone landmark and stood dripping on the cobbled street.

"I'm here, I'm here!" he yelped quickly, steam already coming off the regular clothing he always wore from his own body heat. Happy nervously glided down and resumed the role of a walking cat as both waited for Erza's reaction. She appeared about to make a point about it but suddenly realising the reason, the accusations fell limp on her tongue before she turned away with a nod of acknowledgement. Trying not to think of why, Natsu sighed both their good fortune and held his right hand up behind his back discreetly to which Happy promptly high-fived.

"Alright, so we're setting off as agreed now. Everyone got everything?" Nods of assent for a moment before she turned towards the gates, her team mates automatically following in comfortable familiarity. This was how it should be, Natsu settled into his own contented pace as he thought. Erza, Grey and him, setting off into the day to face more evil guilds and twisted people - beating them all down. Their team. A pang in his chest told otherwise. Not quite complete. They were one short.

The three travelled through the forest without speaking for a while: the silence comfortable, not awkward as each person thought of things to their own. It was merely in walking distance to Jishin, due to the movement of Fairy Tail. Destroyed half a year ago by a dark guild, it had been decided - by Makarov himself - that Fairy Tail was to move on from the town it was originally based; Magnolia. They'd caused a little too much destruction this time, apparently. The towns people were fairly eager for their troublesome presence to move on. None of these less than happy thoughts dwelled on each of the travellers' minds, though, as they continued towards their next mission.

Happy opted between walking and flying; twisting intricate patterns in the air above them to which Natsu laughed appreciatively every now and again. The wildlife was few and far between - apart from one animal which Natsu had yelled about in such an alarming fashion that Grey and Erza had sped the few metres back to help, thinking it was an enemy. As it turned out, a russet coloured fox had decided it hadn't liked Natsu - unsurprisingly - blundering in upon his home and had proceeded to give him a sharp nip. The supposedly powerful dragon slayer had howled until Grey had - muttering something like 'dumbass' under his breath as he rolled his eyes - thrown a packet of first aid plasters at him, leaving Natsu to his own devices afterward.

This proved an unwise action as the fiery mage returned twenty minutes later with a scratch on his cheek - earned from climbing trees and disturbing an owl, none too pleased to have been disturbed from its rest by a rowdy mage.

Reaching the end of the forest was a small surprise as they all stood in silence, looking down on the town below them. It stretched in all directions: sprawling to the very bottom of the mountains which loomed like great guardians over the place. In the dark early evening, the light of each one was like a tiny firefly below: something you could snatch and extinguish with your bare fingers. The air was quiet and only faint murmurs of conversation travelled up the banking of the slope towards them - people winding down for the day as they left jobs and work to return home.

Natsu stared at the mountains, rather than the town - a frown marring his forehead as he wondered. Could, possibly, Igneel have been hiding here? The small flame of hope flared slightly and abruptly his frown broke into a wide grin of anticipation. Out of the corner of her eye, Erza saw it and smiled. This, was the Natsu they knew. The grinning idiot who didn't know when he was beaten. The idea was confirmed as the said mage whooped his enthusiasm and sped at a far-too-fast-to-be-safe speed down the steep slope below.

"Last one down is the least powerful mage!" he yelled distantly back up.

Erza shook her head with a small smile on her features at the childish antics, but true to form Grey twitched slightly - a vein in his forehead beating furiously as he followed.

"You're not getting' away with that one, Salamander!"

"Wanna try and eat those words, Icicle?"

"We'll see who's laughing when I get there first!"

"Don't you mean me?"

The decidedly insulting barrage of conversation faded as they drew further down the slope and Happy, decidedly unhappy to have been left behind, spread his wings and took after them. Erza simply walked: eyes dancing with amusement as she watched Natsu walk into a dying tree log and Grey in turn tripping over an indiscreet rock protruding from the ground. Some things never did change, she mused.

It ended up with the pair nearly destroying one of the out skirting houses and both being held by the back of their shirts off the ground by Erza. The owner of the house at hand gulped nervously as Erza glared darkly at her team before smiling sweetly at the civilian.

"Sorry for all the trouble they've caused - they're sorry too, aren't you?"

The words were reinforced by a fairly visible tightening of grips and both boys stumbled over their own words in an effort to get their apology out. Decidedly scared the middle-aged woman barely got a quick nod out of her body before she slammed the door in their faces - eager to keep the two sorry boys and the creepy redhead out. Promptly, Erza dropped the hold on both and let them fall to the floor as she pushed a stray lock of hair out of her face with a sigh. Classically, she could only do what was natural for Erza: stick her hands on her hips and glare at them.

"Can you two ever go on a mission without destroying the clients town first?"

Natsu and Grey quivered at her degrading tone of voice but managed to stumble down the path - the top female mage of Fairy Tail's glare boring holes in their backs. Satisfied that she'd chastised them enough, she continued after them. The whispering ahead stopped after she strengthened it.

When it came down to it, she was the one who dealt with all the serious details, she mentally sighed as she stood in front of the town hall - Natsu having excused himself in the event that he needed food, Grey in the excuse that he was helping him. Their loud bickering over whether ice cream or chilli was a better sustaining food could still be heard above the rooftops. Erza wished, not for the first time, that Lucy was here. In her own way, the blonde stellar spirit mage had been serious enough to stick around for the details but carefree enough to laugh when necessary. She was the balance between the three, when they couldn't be equals alone.

Pushing open the door the ex-quipping mage walked down the hallway, taking in the grand, gold-framed works of art and masterful vases dotting the long hallway in various places. Between them, doors remained resolutely shut and - when curiously tried by Erza - locked. Coming to the door at the end which simply read 'Mayor' she knocked hesitantly and cursed her team mates for not being there.

The shiny door opened to reveal a large, oval-shaped room. A desk took solitary position in front of the window and she had to squint to see the dark figure silhouetted against the bright sun of midday.

"Erza Scarlet, I presume?"

"Yes." Despite the reasonable words there was something about the voice that sent a strange feeling through her.. Like she was facing someone familiar. Shuddering at uncomfortable thoughts - forbidden thoughts - she shook herself out of the feeling to focus on the mission. It appeared that the mayor also was.

"You're task is simple but I want it to be discreet. At the foot of the mountains to the east there is a single house - solitary. The resident there goes by the name of Ara Tamphil. I want her assassinated before the end of the three days starting from tomorrow."

The sharp intake of breath from the armoured mage was clear enough in the silence of the office and Erza struggled to hide her shock beneath the normal calm façade she kept up as she nodded in acceptance. It had stated on the sheet of paper that there was likely to be bloody work involved - but she had imagined that it wouldn't be down to killing. Nobody else had been willing to take the job, despite the unreasonable reward, so she had brought it to their team for inspection. Natsu had seemed distracted at the time, but willing as had Grey so she'd gone ahead. She hadn't expected such an abomination as killing though, of all things!

Surely, the man knew that such things as killing were not in the lines of work? And in the first place, killing was a cruel thing. The end of one's life. For such a thing to happen..

There could only be one reason. There was something wrong in Jishin.

Her thoughts took on a dull, grey tone as she realised. Natsu. She'd have to tell Natsu. Dear god..

Silently, Erza struggled for words so as to stall accepting it. "I may have to discuss this with my team.."

"Fine, but I expect this to be completed within the three days from tomorrow, as pointed out before."

Nodding her assent and getting the same feeling of - what was it called? - déjà vu, she turned on heel to leave - eager to get away from the voice which awoke memories best left dormant and feelings which should stay forgotten. She was stopped by the smooth voice.

"Oh, and Erza? Keep this little idea secret for me will you? It wouldn't do good for Fairy Tail's members to come to an inexplicable.." he paused, for what seemed might be effect, "..end."

"No sir," she growled, anger rising at the barely concealed threat to herself and her team mates, "Wasn't even thinking about it."

"Vhat? Cowe onm, ish thwat awl wou've got?" garbled a familiar pink-haired dragon slayer.

"I-I'll b-b-beat you i-if it's-s th-he l-last th-thing I-I do-o!" shuddered the answering tone of a still stubborn ice mage.

Following the voices, she found Natsu in a bar with Grey - having yet another eating contest. Natsu was, with some difficulty, trying to consume a plate full of steaming food at once while Grey was struggling to eat something large which resembled, perhaps, a snail? Empty shells and plates lined the table with their efforts as Happy cheered on Natsu in a vaguely infuriating way. There was a half crescent moon shape around them of drunken cheering men as they bet cheerfully on who would win. Erza had to push her way through the sweaty, alcohol drenched bodies to get to them. Natsu was halfway through his fourth plate and Grey on his third snail-like.. thing when Titania dragged them away with rolling eyes before her expression turned serious.

She could see the effects of rivalry dying away as each took on a more sombre look. If Erza thought things were bad, they must be really bad. From some hidden pocket in her armour - could you get pockets in armour? Natsu wondered - she produced the crumpled job form which detailed the mission. It wasn't particularly interesting: covered in a dull black font which instantly didn't catch Natsu's already wondering attention. But Erza never-the-less smoothed out the dishevelled document before lightly circling the information she wanted them to read. It took all of five seconds to read the job request; the words seeming clipped and dignified even on the now battered paper:

'Requesting Hands'

'Or in another manner of speaking. May involve bloody work. Not for the weak-stomached. Details given by Mayor of Jishin. Task to be completed within three days of assignment.'

Natsu's face screwed up in incomprehension whereas the smarter of the pair blanched slightly at the implied meaning. Happy hovered before stumbling to the floor with a slightly dazed look on the normally smiling cat features when he realised the true underlying meaning of the quest. The tiny blue paws clenched into fists at his sides.

"So what've we got to do? Beat up some mysterious dark guild? Find a bad guy and make him pay? What's with the mention of blood?" Natsu's features started frowning as he tried to understand what Erza was pointing out. Even in the middle of something so dramatic as murder, how he could still be the simple idiot he was born to be was simply beyond the armour mage. Resisting the urge to punch him, she gathered her restraint before replying.

"No," Happy cut in harshly before she could speak, "Natsu.."

"No," she repeated blankly, her voice turning rather emotionless for a few moments, "We have to assassinate someone. No rumours, no scandal. A woman by the name of Ara Tamphil."

Silence. Empty silence. The words she'd just spoken left a vile aftertaste in Titania's mouth - like the disgusting taste of bile after you'd retched your stomach contents out. Oblivious to Erza's own discomfort, the reactions were slow in coming to the task. Grey turned an icy white, ironically almost the same colour as his mage abilities, before leaning against the wooden wall faintly.

"But.. Assassination?" he muttered in disbelief, eyes wide. "We.. Surely he knows we don't do assassination. We're a good guild. We.. We don't kill.."

Erza nodded grimly, face cast in shadows as she stared at the floor. Happy let out a little mewl - which may have been considered cute under other circumstances - of pain and fear, mixed in a turmoil of questions. And Natsu.. Natsu just died. Literally died.

For a few moments, it seemed that he may have misheard the dreaded words - that it was simply a joke. But everyone could see the visible effect it had on him as the words impacted upon him - searing into the fragile barrier he had mentally constructed and breaking it. His face became a tortured mask as he sank to his knees, staring at the ground. His shoulder shook with an unknown silent emotion. There was no sound - much like a silent film. The actions were there, but hollow without the sounds. As if he couldn't bear to make them. It was like Lucy all over again, Happy realised vaguely, eyes pained as he recognised the same actions. It was almost exactly like when Lucy died. For one mage's death to affect someone such as Natsu so much.. it was totally out of character. Wrong even.

"Natsu.." Happy whispered, reaching out a paw. His best friend slapped it away angrily, and the cat seemed further distressed by this.

The fire dragon mage, in his folded, crumpled position on the floor, could feel the pitying eyes again - the eyes which held such pity that it angered him beyond belief. That they should be the ones to pity him when Lucy was the one that had suffered. Lucy was the one that had died. But he couldn't stay angry for long.

Not when Lucy was on his mind.

"I-I can't kill someone," Natsu whispered hoarsely, his voice shaking with all traces of the fiery Salamander soul gone. Erza stared at the once fiery boy, eyes losing their usual spark. Could one persons death really do this to Natsu? "Not after L-L.. her. I m-made her a p-promise."

He didn't cry, but when he glanced up the irises were shiny with unshed tears - clear enough for Grey, Happy and Erza to see the truth of the matter. Killing had never been something Natsu had done or even thought about before Lucy's death. And now.. Not after Lucy. Never what happened to Lucy.

Happy nodded in vigorous but distracted agreement. "Aye."

Nodding her own confirmation Erza stood there for a moment, giving the scarf wearing mage a moment of personal space before sinking to the floor next to him and pulling the boy's bowed head onto her lap. Her sword scraped cringingly across the ground in its scabbard on her belt, but she paid it no heed as she started dragging her fingers through the spiky hair in silent comfort. It was more of a sisterly gesture, because she considered him a brother. A brother who had been ripped away from his family as well as her, in all senses. So they just sat there, taking comfort in another humans presence. Without conferring, Happy moved and leant against Natsu's still body and Grey simply sat down and leaned against the shoulder of Erza's armour.

And so they lay motionless there, with the laughter of drunk men behind the closed door, the sound of clinking glasses and bottles as the evening darkened and more drinks were poured; sat still.

Remembering a girl who had become part of their lives and then been ripped out just as abruptly.

Remembering Lucy Heartphilia.

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