AN: I wrote this fic way back around the time the last episode of 02 came out. Sorry to those of you who hate script format, but I really think this fic would lose something, and not be as funny, if it weren't in script. Beware of bad language and drug references. If you hated the ending of 02, hopefully you'll like this. R&R please?
The writers of Digimon have gathered around to write the last episode of the season. For the sake of convenience, we'll just call all of them Norm.*
Norm1: Well, now that we've just smoked all that CRACK COCAINE, we should get down to writing that episode!
Norm2: Yeah! Now, let's see, we should make all of the main characters get married! And we should put at least some of the Digidestined with each other! But who...?
Norm3: God damn those fans! They piss me off so much! Giving us all this success! I fucking hate success! I'll show them!
Norm2: Why do you hate the fans so much?
Norm3: SHUT UP AND GIVE ME MY CRACK PIPE!!! I know! Just to piss off the fans, let's put together the most unpopular couple! Norm2, who won the least amount of points on our "What's your favorite Digimon couple?" poll?
Norm2: Let's see...that would be...Yamato and Sora.
Norm3: Well then, by God! We'll have Yamato and Sora get married!!!
Norm1: Sounds like a really crappy idea! Let's do it!
Norm3: Brilliant! We'll be breaking up Taito AND Taiora in one fell swoop! We'll piss off every single shipper in the entire fandom at the same time!
Norm2: But what about all those obvious Taito hints we put in the show back in 01? And just a few months ago, we let the artists draw official Taito art for magazines to advertise Digimon!
Norm3: That's exactly the point! It was all part my brilliant plan to confuse and anger the fans!
Norm2: But...
Norm1: Now, we should have a couple of the second generation kids get married. Any ideas?
Norm2: How about we put Takeru and Hikari together?
Norm3: What the hell? NO! That would make those damned fans happy! Takari was one of the two most popular couples in 02!
Norm2: What was the other most popular couple in 02?
Norm1: Let's see...that would be Ken and Daisuke.
Norm3: Then let's make Ken and Miyako get married!
Norm1: Good plan! Ken should marry a girl he never showed the slightest bit of interest in!
Norm3: Great! All the Daiken fans will be so fucking mad!
Norm1: Let's move along! We should have all of them get jobs!
Norm2: Should we just go with each character's personality and history and match up a job for them?
Norm3: Good God, man! We don't have that kind of time! Quick! Write down a bunch of random jobs on these pieces of paper and put them in this hat! Then we'll draw a piece of paper for each character!
Norm1: OK, let's draw a job for Iori. Let's see....lawyer! Perfect!
Norm2: A lawyer? But they have to lie! Remember that episode where Iori got all upset just because he had to tell one lie?
Norm1: God fucking damn it, Norm2! You shut your cake hole and smoke some more crack is what you do!!!
Norm2: Yes sir...
Norm3: OK! Let's see, Yamato...he'll be an astronaut! Perfect!
Norm2: Um...shouldn't he be a rock star?
Norm3: Norm2, what did we just tell you about smoking crack?
Norm2: To do it some more?
Norm3: Right! Now get on it!
Norm1: OK, now for Sora! Let's see...fashion designer! Right!
Norm2: Now that's just it! I can't in good conscience allow you to make a girl who wears ugly, mismatched clothes, a fanny pack and a bike helmet a fashion designer!
Norm1: Oh, here, Norm2, your crack pipe wasn't fully lit.
Norm2: Oh, thanks.
Norm3: Right! On to Daisuke! Let's see, he's young, innovative, a risk taker, the job he shall have is...running a mobile noodle cart! Great!
Norm1: OK, let's see...Jou will be a...doctor? What? No! That makes too much sense!
Norm3: We don't have time to argue! Let's move on!
Norm1: Right! Let's see what Taichi will be...Ambassador to the Digital World??? That's not a random job!
Norm2: Sorry, I wasn't high enough when I wrote that down.
Norm1: OK, Miyako....she's smart, brave, and a people person, she'll be....a house wife! Perfect!
Norm2: How about Mimi? She's an air head, superficial, slightly conceited...she'll be...a cook! Right on!
Norm3: People love nerds! We'll just make Izzy a Digital researcher or something!
Norm1: Great! Some of these jobs actually make sense! The fans will be confused 'til they don't know what's what!
Norm2: OK! Time for Hikari! Let's see, she gets possessed a lot and has a dark side...school teacher! Great!
Norm1: Now you're cooking with narcotics, Norm2!
Norm1: I love how all the girls have the most stereotypically feminine jobs possible! It's perfect for a bunch of brave, heroic women!
Norm2: Right on!
Norm3: Now Takeru...what will his job be? Novelist! That makes total sense!
Norm2: Yeah, if you're as high as we are! HAHAHA!
Norm1: OK, lastly, Ken. Let's see, he's super smart and good with computers and math...investigator!
Norm3: Great! Now they all have jobs!
Norm2: Now we should put them in a picture for all to see!
Norm3: Yeah. Man, you know, I just can't get over how mad all those fans of Taito and Taiora will be! Hey! I know! To confuse them even more, let's have Yamato and Taichi standing off to the side in the picture together! And then we'll stick Sora next to Jou or something!
Norm1: Excellent! Man, those fans are going to be so damn confused! Serves them right!
Norm3: Yeah! I swear, every morning I have to get up and live with all this success!!! And the only thing I have that makes me feel good in this world is all my wonderful crack! I hate that success! It makes me sick! God damn those fans! They'll pay for their tom foolery!
Norm1: I'm with you!
Norm2: Well, everything looks good here. Maybe we should get a head start on season 3!
Norm1: Great idea! I guess we should just have the Digidestineds' kids fight a new evil, since we have them holding their own Digimon in the picture?
Norm3: NO! That's just what those fans will be expecting! We can't do something that would actually make sense!
Norm1: I've got it! We'll have it take place in an entirely different universe, and the old Digidestined won't even be in it at all!
Norm2: My God, that's genius! I know! We should make it be about the Digimon card game!
Norm1: Perfect! But just to make it even more confusing, let's give the new Digi kids Digimon! And let's only have three kids this time, so it sucks more!
Norm3: Yes! This is a masterpiece! Well, I guess we've all earned a little break. Let's go drop some acid in back!
Norm1: Good idea!
Norm2: I'm game!
And so, off they went, their work complete for the time being. But what new dangers await the season 3 Digidestined? What new horrors and villains will they have to battle? And more importantly, will any one watch it since it is crap?
Answer: No.
*Norm is a guy that works for 4Kids, the company that used to dub Pokemon. He was the one who put in the stupid fake AAML hints, and he sucks very much. All his hints are retarded and he makes Ash look less gay while making James look more gay. He really, really, really sucks and I hate him. Drugs are bad, you should not take drugs. They make you stupid and bitter, like Norm. Thank you.
AN: Because I've gotten a couple of questions about it: Yes, there is official Taito art. I have it posted on my website. My website is a Palletshipping site, but it contains some Taito stuff as well. Check my profile for a link. Anyways, thanks to all who have read and reviewed!