Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or anything what you can recognize from the books. I do however own the plot of this story but I don't have profits because of it unless you count improving my English as a profit.

So read, enjoy and review (because I love to read your criticism and as long as you are logged in or I have your email I'm answering to your questions).

Thanks to omega13a and aalens for beta-reading and helpful suggestions.

This story is side effect of working on appropriate plot line to Wheels of Time (which sadly at the moment is still on hiatus) as well as reading too much of Harry's twin brother or sister being the Boy/Girl Who Lived. Together time-travelling and the Twin Who Lived creates quite interesting plot-line which I hadn't meet before. The beginning of the story has its importance in following chapters even though for some time will remain dormant - that's from where the title of the story comes from. And no, I didn't merge two chapters of two different stories together without realising it, I did it on purpose because this story needed Wheels of Time beginning to give you a clue of what is (or might be) going to happen in following chapters.

Happy reading.

Chapter one: Stepping into a New Life.

"I've got to go back, haven't I?" Harry asked resigned.

"That is up to you," replied Dumbledore gently.

"I've got a choice?"

"Oh yes," Dumbledore smiled at him. "We are in King's Cross, you say? I think that if you decided not to go back, you would be able to … let's say … board a train."

"And where would it take me?"

"On," said Dumbledore simply.

Silence fell after that.

"Voldemort's got the Elder Wand."

"True. Voldemort has the Elder Wand."

"If I go back…" Harry paused and thought of Remus, Tonks, his little godson and so many others who had lost their lives. "Would it be possible to travel back in time … to save people? I'm …" he paused again, and saw Voldemort with the Elder Wand as if he was standing in front of him. He wasn't the true master of the Elder Wand, "I'm master of all three Hallows. Voldemort doesn't know that Snape wasn't the master of the Elder Wand. I'm its master."

"I cannot say what may happen if you chose to go back in time, but I doubt that you will be able to go farther back in time than to the day when you became master of the first Hallow, in your case the cloak," said Dumbledore pensively. "But I might be wrong, Harry."

"That one would be the only one that happened before people started getting killed," sighed Harry while he thought about the Resurrection Stone and Elder Wand, he had mastered them too late to change much, too late to save Sirius or Cedric, too late to prevent Voldemort from coming back. "I will go back, to save Sirius and Cedric and so many others…. Just tell me one thing," he paused and looked up at Dumbledore. "Is this real? Or has this been happening inside my head?"

Dumbledore beamed at him, and his voice sounded loud and strong in Harry's ears even through the bright mist was descending again, obscuring his figure.

"Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on Earth should that mean that it is not real?"

A. D.

It was just three days until Halloween and it showed in the students. It was as if there was some general rule which made students less focused on schoolwork and more prone to causing chaos. Privately he found it endearing, particularly because times like these allowed him to take a trip down the memory lane of his own childhood, way before everything went to hell… Professionally he was going more and more blind, deaf and probably speechless, in favour of his children, much to Minerva's continuous frown. After all they were at war and even in dark times people, especially the young, needed to feel free and happy, even if it was for only a short while.

He didn't have children on his own. That had been for many reasons; the most important one being that he was homosexual, and despite advances in wizarding medicine, male pregnancy was still not possible, and even if it had been, he would be far too old for changing nappies and waking up in the middle of the night to calm a screaming baby.

But he had children, many of them … they were just not only his children. And tonight he was awaiting the visit of his three most favourite sons.

He heard footsteps on the stairs to his office, they sounded as if his first visitor was running. Soon enough the heavy door to his office banged against the wall and a very agitated Severus Snape tripped on the edge of the carpet and tumbled to the floor.

"Fucking fireworks," Severus muttered. "When I will get my hands on those simpletons they will regret gracing the world with their presence."

"Ah, Severus," Albus beamed at the younger man. "Who caused you grief?"

"The Dark Lord, Headmaster," Severus snorted as he gracefully picked himself up from the ground. "Though a pair of idiotic Gryffindors haven't improved my mood either, I didn't see them but I'd bet my new cauldron they are the culprits".

There was a loud bang from outside in the corridor, loud enough to echo through the stone walls, and about ten seconds later a blur of blue robes tumbled into his office.

"Death Eaters in the castle!" the blur announced. "Big attack, all the windows went out!"

"Ah, James," Albus smiled. "I didn't expect you so soon."

"Headmaster," James mumbled, and his eyes immediately settled on Severus and he muttered, "Snivellus."

"Potter, the perfect waste of clay," Severus hissed, surprisingly calm considering who was in the room with him.

There was small period of silence before James, apparently deciding that he had more important things to do than getting into a fight, said more calmly, "Headmaster, the Death Eaters…"

He didn't finish, because suddenly the noise outside his office cut him off. A bunch of shouts, 'Let me go!', 'Damned Auror', 'Why didn't you come to arrest Snape?'.

Less than fifteen seconds later a pair of fifth year Gryffindor pranksters were dragged by the necks of their robes into the office - by a grinning Sirius Black.

"Here're your Death Eaters, Mr Gryffindor Bravery," Sirius snorted. "You were running away screaming like a sissy because two fifth years decided to blow up the entire seventh floor with fireworks. A sight which I will commit to memory for a very long time."

"Must be the robes," whispered young Mr Campbell whom Sirius was holding. "Put it on and suddenly he is all law-abiding and saint-like."

"Yeah, four years ago it would have been him," snorted Mr Spallow, Mr Campell's companion.

"You two have a lot of growing up to do," Sirius snorted calmly. "Yes, four years ago it would probably have been me, but I wouldn't have let anyone to catch me, and if I had been caught I would have faced the punishment like a Gryffindor instead of running away with my tail between my legs. Right Headmaster?"

Albus watched the exchange curiously until Sirius's question reminded him that of all four of the adults in the room, he had the highest authority.

"Oh, yes," he sighed. "The damage?"

"Repairable," Sirius shrugged. "Nothing which several Reparos can't fix, or a good scrubbing, Muggle way, with toothbrushes," he added as he looked down at the two culprits, who upon hearing the last bit groaned in unison.

Albus hummed and patted his beard. Apparently Sirius had done a lot of growing up since he'd been a student himself, and knew quite well how to punish the boys properly.

"You heard Auror Black," Albus said finally. "You have a meeting with toothbrushes tomorrow right after dinner, until everything is cleaned up. Mr Filch will keep an eye on you gentlemen. You are dismissed."

Nothing was said until Albus heard the gargoyle downstairs shut the door behind the pranksters.

"Did my ears just deceive me or did you really take Black's suggestion, Headmaster?" Severus asked sceptically.

Sirius glared but didn't say a word.

"Knowing Black, those two would only need to scrub for about five minutes before their detention would end," Severus added lividly.

"If they would start now…" Sirius muttered. "Not after I would be done with it…"

"Are you planning to finish what they didn't?" Severus snorted.

"No, just add some doom and gloom," Sirius shrugged. "The prank itself would be relatively harmless if it wasn't for small fact that those two had picked the wrong wall. Behind the wall on which the fireworks struck is Flitwick's quarters, in particular his bedroom, and considering the hour, Flitwick should be there. Thankfully I managed to repair the wall before it collapsed, but someone had better inform those two idiots that killing staff members or students are perfect grounds of expulsion," he added grimly.

"Filius?" Albus asked alarmed.

"I sent for Madam Pomfrey and a calming draught," Sirius answered simply. "I don't carry a time-turner on myself and I couldn't split myself in two."

"I will contact Poppy, later," Albus said more calmly. "Now, boys."

Ah, he couldn't ask for more perfect example of 'we/I won't tell you anything as long as he/them would remain in the room'.

"Wonderful weather we have tonight," Sirius said finally, his voice was too light and too false to treat him seriously.

"Very starry," Severus supplied.

"Though I spotted small cloud coming from the east," James added uncomfortably. "There might be rain later."

"Yes, a storm might be very probable in few hours," Severus continued the conversation, much to Albus's surprise in very Sirius-ish tone.

"Any news?" Albus asked calmly.

"Will arrive tomorrow, in the Prophet," Sirius said lightly. "The word has it that Lucius Malfoy mooned Crouch at today's luncheon."

"Full moon," Severus confirmed. "He was crouching when Mr Black kicked him in the bottom. Malfoy toppled over with his robes flying up. Perfect full moon."

"Yeah," Sirius continued. "Uncle Ciggy does that to people. Lucy had to fall into his bad graces to get the kick. Probably Lucy denied a request of having another heir which didn't make uncle Ciggy happy."

"I thought that the Malfoys always had one heir," James hummed.

"They do," Sirius and Severus confirmed in unison much to each other's disgust.

Amazing how those three could get creative when they wanted, Albus mused. But obviously each of them had something they wanted to share with him and not the others.

"Severus," Albus finally sighed.

"Uhm, yes?" Severus asked quickly.

"Is there something you wish to share with us?" Albus asked calmly.

"No," Severus shook his head and when Sirius and James started looking relieved he added slowly and quietly, "Actually yes."

"Then…" Albus prompted.

"How many people are aware of that fact that Mrs Potter is expecting again?" Severus asked after a minute of silence.

"How… did… you…" James mumbled.

"He knows?" Sirius asked impatiently, effectively cutting James off. Unlike James who wasn't an Auror, Sirius, who was one, had Albus' ban on catching Severus, and on pursuing him very hard during his investigations.

"Yes," Severus confirmed grimly. "Somehow that knowledge made its way to the Dark Lord. I don't know how and I intend to find out. There is a very big possibility that there is another spy in the order, and this one isn't working in the Headmaster's favour."

"Benjy Fenwick, Emmeline Vance, the Longbottoms, James and Lily obviously, me, Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew and…" he paused and shook his head.

"Sirius," Albus pressed.

"… and Mirzam Verascez, whom I cannot imagine skipping to the Dark side and spilling the wanker any secrets," Sirius finished with a snort. "Even if she did, she would be killed upon sight, too many people there know that she is a Muggle-born."

"How do you know so?" James asked sceptically.

"Regulus," Sirius coughed grimly. "If not I will eat my wand for dinner."

"You are sure that not one of you passed it on as gossip to someone else who could have then betrayed that secret?" Severus asked sceptically.

"I vouch personally for the Longbottoms," Sirius said simply as he shook his head, "Frank and I are on a case together, a mysterious death which doesn't look like something your gang would be behind. We spent the last two days with our noses in exhibit boxes, only taking breaks for food and trips to the loo. Crouch is practically breathing down our necks without any mysterious deaths going on as they are with the Wanker hanging over our heads. Any Auror on a case is an Auror less in the field fighting."

"And the others?" Severus pressed.

"Benjy was with his Muggle relatives, cousins or something, in Blackpool, or at least he was supposed to be there. But I doubt that it would be him, too tough material for a traitor and too emotional for one too," Sirius shook his head. "James?"

"Our house is under Fidelius," James too was shaking his head. "Lily won't let me go outside the garden fence if a red-robed prat isn't accompanying me," he added as he motioned to Sirius.

"She gave you a sitter?" Severus choked out, he wasn't even trying to contain his laughter.

"No," James denied quickly at the same time as Sirius said, "Yes."

"I sooo see you trying to argue with your pregnant wife. Come on, I dare you," James snorted.

That comment effectively shut up Severus.

"I'm not sure about the other's though," Sirius continued. "As I said, I can only be in one place at any one time and I had eyes on the Longbottoms only. Someone had to spill the beans, maybe not directly, but they might have been overheard when they were talking with their families."

"Try the oldest trick in the book," Severus commented. "Give them each something which isn't true. A different story for each of them, and I will wait to see what will happen, then I will tell you who might be the traitor or if not the traitor, then at least possibly an imbecilic leak who cannot keep his or her mouth shut."

"That's the reason we actually came here, Headmaster," James decided to take part in the conversation. "I… we want you to announce to the others the names of our Secret Keepers."

"James, I don't think that it's very good idea," Albus shook his head sadly, James was rash but hardly a total idiot.

"Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, Mirzam Verascez and me," James continued. "Divide the information into groups which rarely meet together."

"Not one of those 'secret keepers' are really your secret keepers are they, Potter?" Severus asked more calmly.

"If they were would I be giving away the name of my secret keeper so bluntly in front of a known Death Eater, who I know is supposed to work for the Order, but I've no idea who he really works for. That's a hook for you too, you know."

"That's my cue to leave," Severus muttered and then he turned to Albus only. "I will give you the rest of the report tomorrow, Headmaster. There is nothing overly alarming at the moment."

Severus left, with his dark robes billowing after him. For a long moment there was silence in the room before James started scribbling something on a loose piece of parchment and Sirius lit a cigarette.

Neither had turned to each other, but Albus saw. James had written on the parchment the name 'Peter Pettigrew', and the smoke from Sirius's cigarette formed Peter's name in the air. As soon as Albus read James's note and Sirius' message disappeared in a cloud, James walked to the fireplace and threw his note into the fire, making sure that it burned.

"We thought you should know Headmaster," James said finally. "It's essential that only the three of us know that."

"You mean four, or rather five," Albus nodded slowly. "Is it all?"

"Yes," Sirius nodded. "Other 'secret keepers were informed about the identity of another false secret keeper, well, beside me and James."

Albus sighed in relief, "Stay safe and try to not attract any trouble. Give my love to Lily."

"Thank you Headmaster," James nodded.

They started approaching the door when Albus decided to ask a favour, "Would you mind terribly having your family come over on Halloween to visit me?"

"I don't know," James grimaced and looked at Sirius uncomfortably.

"I will try to arrange safe transport, Headmaster. Not that I'm promising," Sirius sighed.

J. P.

"I hate you, you know," James grimaced when they walked into almost dark sitting-room in his house in Godric's Hallow.

"Believe me, that feeling is mutual," Sirius snorted as he walked into the kitchen. "Do you have beer in the kitchen by any chance?"

"You were the one who was doing the shopping," Lily's voice carried from the stairs.

"Excuse me for my short memory," Sirius snorted, not in a very kind tone.

"Sirius," James hissed warningly.

"Sorry," Sirius mumbled quick apology. "I have bitten more than I can swallow," he shook his head.

"You said that it won't be a problem for you…" Lily started saying as she walked into the kitchen.

"It isn't," Sirius shrugged. "I want you safe, if you stay inside then you are safe. Since you will be staying inside shopping is out of question, and Mr Smartass freed all the Potter house-elves which, with all due respect Lils, because I know that you were behind it, was an incredibly stupid idea considering the fact that we are at war. Someone needs to do the shopping for you and since I have to make sure that you are safe then it's me… The fact that I'm doing the shopping for a few other families as well is simply nothing."

"Are you on duty tomorrow?" Lily asked, quite patiently.

"No," Sirius shook his head and then pressed the backs of his hands to his eyes. "Actually yes, Order duty, plus I need to take care of few things before I will disappear."

"There you go again," James grimaced. "Sirius, it's Fidelius, everything is going to be fine."

"Then why do I feel as if something is missing?" Sirius muttered grimly. "Anyway, give my love to Harry and Charlie and don't burn the house into the ground when daddy is away. I'm going to sleep like a log."

He kissed Lily's cheek, patted James on the back and within seconds he was out of the house.

"I'm worried about him," Lily sighed as she rubbed her belly. "Why do you insist on dragging him around when Peter could help too?" she asked sceptically.

"He is an Auror, Lily," "Peter is not. If I'm supposed to be lead around by a hand then I prefer having someone with me whom I don't need to protect."

"Remus?" Lily asked sceptically.

"We already talked about that Lily," James muttered. "I don't want to talk about it again."

S. B.

"I would feel much better if you ditched this flat," Sirius commented as he walked into his kitchen in his flat.

"Yeah, because having you Flooing to and from Hogwarts is going to keep our secret very, very safe," his partner grimaced.

"Mirzam," he sighed and his tired gaze meet a pair of concerned violet eyes.

"I will be at Hogwarts, after you will go into hiding, not before," she shook her head making her curly hair slip from behind her left ear. "That's not the subject of the discussion. How was it at Hogwarts today?"

"Ran into our spy," Sirius grimaced. "Who thinks that we have a leak because the merry news from three days ago made its way to the Wanker. I kind of figured the leak part out after hearing that He knows. What is worse is that not many were informed."

"That should be better, shouldn't it?" Mirzam asked sceptically.

"James and Lily, Alice and Frank, you and me, Benjy and Emeline, Peter and Remus," he shook his head. "James and Lily are out of the question, so are Alice and Frank, because the former isn't stupid and the latter I minded personally for the last three days because of our new case. That leaves Benjy, Emmeline, Peter and Remus, and not one of them is a person whom I'd want to consider a traitor."

"But you have to," Mirzam approached him and placed her chin on his shoulder, "Facts, no second guessing, no what-ifing."

"I guess that it's Remus," he sighed finally.

Mirzam grimaced and she reassumed preparing tea. Her posture told him everything she wanted to say but didn't say.

"You think that I'm wrong," he stated as he sat down at the kitchen chair. "That apart from…" he couldn't bring himself to say that, not yet, not so shortly after… "I'm trying to blame him for everything else. Don't you?"

"We already talked about it," she answered blankly without looking at him. "It has been three months Sirius," she paused. "I don't blame him for what happened and neither should you."

"Well if you don't blame him for what happened then you blame yourself and I won't have it," he spat angrily.

"But it's my fault!" she snarled as she whirled around to face him. "Curiosity killed the cat, you know. He had no control over what happened, you had no control over it. You told me to stay away from you on 17th June, I didn't listen. I chose to follow you and I got what I deserved for my curiosity!"

"Don't say that!" he hissed as he stood up. "Don't you ever say that you got what you deserved! Because every time you do part of me breaks into tiny pieces, because I hate to see you so vulnerable when you say it."

He had his arms around her, her head against his shoulder within seconds.

"That still doesn't change the fact that you almost always assume the worst of him just because of something he had no control over. Because when you judge him by that then you judge me…" she whispered into his shoulder. "And you swore that you will never judge me because of what I became."

"Mimi," he whispered.

"I was bitten by Remus Lupin, when you and he were running through the forest while I chose to follow you. I'm a fucking werewolf," she hissed. "If you love me, get the fuck over it, if you don't… I will leave your flat after Halloween. Divorce papers will be on the kitchen table…"

"Mimi," he choked out in shock at her statement.

"Now, I'm going to bed, I expect your answer by twilight tomorrow," she said as calmly as she could, then she slipped from his arms and without looking back, she went to their bedroom.

He was left in the kitchen with two mugs of cooling tea, feeling more lost than when he learned that his godsons were the children of fucking prophecy and had Voldemort breathing down their necks, worse than in the moment when he saw what happened, when his newlywed wife was almost bleeding to death on the ground of the forest with an angry werewolf behind his back…

Tea won't be good enough, not nearly good enough. He made a beeline to the liquor cabinet and poured himself a whole mug of Firewhiskey. He downed it in three big gulps.

Two seconds later he was pounding at the door of Remus's cottage.

It seemed as if Remus took ages to open the door. When he did so Sirius saw how disoriented Remus was, and judging by his pyjamas Sirius had woken him up.

"Sirius?" Remus mumbled sleepily. "What happened? It's two o'clock in the morning."

"Show me your arm!" Sirius demanded as he pushed past Remus and entered the kitchen which was behind the door.

"What?" Remus mumbled, more awake this time. "What for?"

"Don't ask questions!" Sirius spat. "Just show me your bloody arm! Both of them."

For a moment it seemed as if Remus was going to refuse but after he took a better look on Sirius's face he changed his mind, and rolled both sleeves past his elbows.

"If that's not enough," Remus said and he started unbuttoning the top of his pyjamas.

The normally quite self-conscious Remus, shed his top turned around so Sirius could see him better. There were scars on his back and arms, bruises as well, but Sirius did not spot the Dark Mark anywhere on Remus's body.

Something inside Sirius broke. Day after day, week after week, month after month of hard work to the point of exhaustion, sleepless nights which he spent worrying over everything and anyone, the pressure of keeping his friends safe, his wife away from people who would gladly kill her upon sight, finally caught up with him and he did something which he hadn't done ever since James, Remus and Peter turned their backs on him after his sending Snape into the Shrieking Shack.

Some sound tore from his throat, it might be a growl or cry, he didn't know. He felt his knees going weak and he crumbled to the ground under the pressure of the last few months. He tried to maintain what was left of his dignity by trying to not let the first tears fall, but he lost the battle.

When long arms came around him and hugged him awkwardly to a skinny chest he was crying his eyes out.

"Sirius," Remus's voice was gentle and comforting in some way. "Tell me what happened, please. You are obviously upset. Had…"

"Everyone is safe," he mumbled through the tears. "Last time I heard anyway. I just… Oh Moony I'm a fucking idiot and I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

He didn't know how long he was kneeling on the floor crying his eyes out like an infant, repeating his mantra of 'I'm sorry' to Remus, but surely it had to have taken Remus some time to calm him down enough to pour two cups of cognac down his throat. Even longer to hoist him up to sit at the kitchen table with a third cup of cognac placed in front of him.

He wiped his eyes with his sleeve and wiped his nose into Remus's dishcloth before he looked up at his friend. Remus put his pyjamas top back on and buttoned it up.

"Tea?" Remus asked calmly.

"Thank you," Sirius mumbled.

"Two sugars, lemon, no milk?" Remus asked patiently.

"Just lemon," Sirius sighed. "I'm too much of a prat to deserve sugar."

Remus rolled his eyes and dropped two spoonfuls of sugar into Sirius's mug without asking any other questions until after he had seated himself at the table, opposite to Sirius, and with mugs of tea in front of them both.

"Can you talk now or do I need to search the house for some Veritaserum to drag something out of you?" Remus asked patiently before he blew on his tea.

"Wouldn't work," Sirius mumbled. "Only Black family trait I'm happy to have: natural immunity to Veritaserum, quite high resistance to other truth serums, Imperius and everything which messes with minds. Though I mess with my mind well enough on my own without any outside help."

"Care to elaborate?" Remus sighed. "Still."

"I'm a fucking idiot," Sirius groaned.

"We already managed to establish that," Remus nodded calmly. "Details please before I will firecall St Mungo's that I have an Auror in need of very serious treatment."

"You probably know that the Order is aware that there is a traitor amongst us," Sirius said tiredly, observing Remus carefully from underneath his fringe. "I suspected you."

Hurt and not relief was what he saw on Remus's face and in return he sighed in relief.

"Me?" Remus mumbled. "Have I ever done…" his voice wavered and Remus shook his head. "It's my furry little problem, isn't it?" Remus's eyes bore into him.

"As hypocritical as it's going to sound…" Sirius started and then heaved a sigh, "Yes. It's your furry little problem. But let me explain before you hex me out of your house, you have every right to do so, but please hear me out."

"I'm listening," Remus said quietly.

"Do you remember the full moon three months ago?" Sirius asked quietly. "The one on the 17th July?"

"I wish I could," Remus grimaced. "Judging by how I felt next day I was sat on by an elephant. Took a while to heal and I had more cuts than ever before that full moon. It's a bit weird because I remember seeing you before the full moon but not after."

"I was there," Sirius confessed. "Before the full moon, until I beat the shit out of you, stunned and locked you in a basement."

He saw alarm on Remus's face, Remus's greatest fear dawning on him and he hated himself for being the one who was going to confirm it.

"I…" Remus whispered, but it didn't seem to make it past his throat. "Who? How badly?"

"You attacked…" Sirius said quietly. "My wife."

Remus paled so drastically that Sirius feared that he would fall off the chair.

"Now she has a furry little problem and I have a problem with her furry little problem, so she is in fury because she thinks that I have a problem with your furry little problem which is the reason of her furry little problem… and I have no fucking idea what I'm saying," he tried to present his problem as lightly as he could considering the gravity of the situation.

Remus only gaped at him.

"So to speak," Sirius started again, hoping that this time around he would be able to explain it better. "You are a werewolf, you had bitten my wife. Now she is a werewolf and she is pissed off at me because I blame you for the fact that she is a werewolf along with everything else… I'm…"

"Drunk," Remus finished sadly. "It seems to me that you already had alcohol in your veins when you showed up…"

Sirius grimaced and quickly downed what was left of his cognac.

"How long it had been like that, Padfoot?" Remus asked quietly.

"Since…" he started and sighed. "Since she nearly died in my arms."

"It's not your issues with me I'm asking about," Remus shook his head sadly. "I'm asking about you relying on liquid bravery."

"A while," Sirius sighed tiredly. "Since we lost Ori… but I guess that it was always there."

"Ori?" Remus whispered.

"Orion," Sirius whispered. "It was New Year's Eve, almost two years ago. Third month. We didn't say anything because… we were afraid, and later… there was not much to talk about. I hate myself for that," he grimaced and quickly poured himself another cup of cognac, "and yet I cannot stop … Even if I know that despite what I think, it's not helping me," he downed the cup in two gulps. "I'm not blameless, Remus. I despise what it makes me do, I remember how much pain and grief it had caused me and yet…"

"Your father?" Remus asked quietly.

"I wish that it was him," Sirius muttered. "At least then I wouldn't feel so badly about him never being there when I needed him the most. It was my mother. It wouldn't hurt if she was a quiet drunk … she wasn't. I really don't want to talk about it now, Remus…"

"But you will talk, some other day?" Remus asked patiently.

"One day," Sirius sighed and looked through the window. "Just not today. I have no right to ask this of you, but can you please come by my flat tomorrow, to talk…"

"I will," Remus said quietly.

J. P.

Sirius certainly wasn't a man he wanted to piss off, he decided after seeing a grim looking Padfoot on his doorstep. He seemed thinner than he was last time James had seen him, and the bags under his eyes were more pronounced than ever.

"Bad day?" James asked.

"You have no fucking idea," Sirius snorted. "Ready to go? Because I don't have whole day to lead you around." he asked impatiently.

"Who stuck a broom up your arse?" James muttered.

"James!" Lily berated him. "Children!"

"Harry and Charlie are with Bathilda upstairs," James pointed out. "I'm sure that they are going to be fine."

"Before we leave, can you at least think about changing the Secret Keeper to Dumbledore?" Sirius asked grimly.

"Why you are so agitated, Pads?" James snorted. "Peter is fine. No one would expect him to be our Secret Keeper, Voldemort of all people too."

"That's exactly what worries me, James," Sirius shook his head. "That no one would expect him…"

James rolled his eyes at that as he muttered, "About a month ago you were certain that he would be the best Secret Keeper because no one would expect him to be one. Now you are wary of him for the same reason. Can't you pick a side and stick to it, Paddy?"

"I do pick my sides and stick to them," Sirius hissed. "But unlike you I have better access to information or lack thereof. The fact is that the Order has a spy in the ranks, and it's not Mr Doom and Gloom."

"Of course it's Mr Doom and Gloom, Pads," James snorted. "He is a Death Eater. You-Know-Who. Ultimate evil apart from Voldemort."

"Do I have to remind you that because of HIS information you, your wife and sons are safe, instead of waiting for Voldemort to attack you like a bunch of sitting ducks?" Sirius snorted. "I hate him too, and frankly I have my reasons to hate him and my feelings for him are completely mutual. But I cannot deny that his information had saved a lot of people already. I cannot deny the risk he takes every time when he goes to a DE meeting. I cannot deny that quite a few of Voldemort's most trusted Death Eaters were either killed or captured because of the information which the Order received from him."

"I can't believe that we are having an argument over him," James muttered.

"No, we aren't having an argument James," Sirius shook his head. "You cannot call an argument something which is a one sided sputtering of what you want to believe instead of facing facts."

"Why you think that we should switch to Dumbledore, Sirius?" Lily asked, deciding to cut off their argument.

"Because Remus isn't a traitor," Sirius said quietly. "I wanted him to be a traitor. I trusted Peter when he brought his suspicions to us, but now, when I have evidence that Remus isn't a traitor, I'm no longer sure that Peter isn't a traitor."

"Why should Peter be a traitor?" James snorted. "Come on, Pads! It's Peter."

"Exactly," Sirius said grimly. "It's Peter Pettigrew, your shadow, greatest fan and loyal follower, but are you truly sure that he wouldn't betray us if the price was high enough?"

"Paddy, it's Peter," James sighed. "He is too weak and too much of a coward to betray us."

"That would be actually a good reason for him to betray us," Sirius shook his head. "Never mind, I'm going to bring my suspicions to Dumbledore and we will see what he will say."

S. B.

"How are you feeling?" he asked Mirzam quietly while James and Lily were busy with their conversation with Dumbledore.

"Better, the talk helped," she nodded as she took a look at the map of Order members' households. "The more important question is: how are you feeling?"

"Like a piece of dragon dung," he admitted. "Tired, overworked, underpaid and terribly worried about the idiot over there," he motioned with his head to James. In the meantime he heard the door opening and from the corner of his eye he spotted Snape, "Hello Git! You have news?"

"Can you make sure that Potter won't interrupt me?" Snape asked grimly. "Because I have something to say which might be bad news."

"Then don't say it," James called out. "It's Halloween, don't spoil the holiday for other people."

"Don't worry if someone is going to spoil someone's Halloween it won't be me," Snape spat. "If you cannot act like an adult then you are welcome to leave the room, because it's not a conversation which should involve dim-witted children."

"Come Sirius, we are obviously unwanted here," James snorted as he started standing up. "We will wait outside."

"As I said it's not a conversation for dim-witted children," Snape said sourly. "I never said that Black is one," he paused. "At the moment at least," he added.

"Thank you, that's actually the best compliment I heard from you Mr Doom and Gloom since Merlin only knows when," Sirius snorted. "What's wrong?"

"The Dark Lord," Snape muttered. "That's what wrong. At the meeting he was quite happily boasting that he is going to kill the Potters tonight but since they are here…"

"I don't want to interrupt you, Sev," Mirzam said nervously. "But if the Potters house in Godric's Hallow is under Fidelius Charm, how come I can see the house on the map?"

"Boys!" Sirius breathed out. "Mimi send for Aurors to capture Peter Pettigrew, I don't give a fuck how they are going to do so, but they need to apprehend him, dead or alive. Remember to tell them what I told you."

He said everything while he was conjuring a Portkey. The floo was out of the question, he didn't know what would meet him inside the house, if Voldemort had managed to get to Harry and Charlie before him. A portkey to the garden fence would be a bit safer.

His feet hit the ground in front of the house, he looked at the house,, and he felt his knees going weak. The house was in ruins. He heard a noise behind himself but he didn't look in that direction as he ran to the house.

He spared one glance at Bathilda's body on the floor in the living-room, his mind was on the boys, who surely would be dead, but until he saw their still forms there was still some small hope that…

The boys' bedroom upstairs still had its door. He yanked the door off of its hinges as he fell inside the room, and immediately he stopped dead in his tracks.

Little Harry was lying dead on the floor and next to him was kneeling a wide eyed Charlie, very fucking much alive.

"Charlie!" Lily, who had to be behind Sirius, squealed and immediately grabbed Charlie into her arms. "It's a miracle," she sobbed into Charlie's pyjamas.

James slowly approached Harry and checked his pulse and breathing before he shook his head sadly just when a painful sound tore from Lily who leaned against the crib heavily.

"James, Lily," Dumbledore's voice tore through the air and Sirius felt the older man's hand on his shoulder. "How are the boys?"

"Charlie is fine, but Harry is dead," James whispered. "Now excuse me, I need to take care of my wife and son who is still alive, we are going to St Mungo's. Can you please take care of Harry's body?"

They Disapparated instantly and Sirius was left starring at Harry's still form. He was so small, so vulnerable, that bloody gash on his forehead… Merlin.

"Sirius, can you please take Harry's body to my office. I will join you in a minute. I just need to check something out. The wards will allow you to Apparate," Dumbledore said as he slowly picked up, and then handed Sirius, Harry's still body.

He was so small, so innocent and so …

"Black?" Snape's voice tore through the air. "What happened?"

"Voldemort," Sirius mumbled. "Harry…" he couldn't bring himself to say that.

For a reason he couldn't understand losing Harry felt so painfully familiar like losing Ori. But Ori died before he was born. He was yet another number in the sad statistic of miscarriages to most people. Not for his parents, not to hearts which swelled twice in size to accommodate the life they created together. He was their secret, their hope, their power to keep fighting when like many other parents or parents to be, they were simply scared.

And then Ori died. Died and left gaping holes in their hearts, love which they never had a chance to show to their son. Love, something so sweet, supposed to be cherished, after Ori's death it tasted of ashes and bitterness. How he envied James being a father of not one but two sons…

When the boys were born James had given him not much of a choice when James wanted him to become the godfather of his firstborn son, the stronger and healthier twin, Charlie. But for a reason he couldn't understand Sirius felt drawn to the weaker one that was more prone to sicknesses, Harry, who had his mother's green eyes and features… That's why he decided to become godfather of both. Harry started looking more like James later when the previously very similar to James brown-eyed Charlie, had developed more of Lily's features. The only thing both had in common was James's messy hair…

There wasn't a thing which he wouldn't have done for Harry or Charlie and now Harry, just like Ori was gone for good.

If James and Lily were going to ask him again to become a godfather… He didn't believe that his heart would be able to take yet another blow like that, the tiniest possibility of losing another child he loved so dearly…

"Black, let go," Snape's voice which tore Sirius from his thoughts was calm but demanding.

"What?" Sirius snarled. "Can you at least have some…"

"Black, corpses don't blink," Snape said calmly.

"Of course they don't," Sirius huffed. "They are corpses!"

"Then you will allow me to find out how it is possible that the dead child in your arms blinks when by all rights it shouldn't?" Snape asked sourly.

"What?" Sirius yelped and immediately looked down at the child in his arms.

Harry wasn't moving, he wasn't even twitching, but his eyes… His big, green eyes, were open wide and he was staring at Sirius pleadingly. They weren't the emotionless eyes of a corpse.

Harry's body was slowly taken away from him and placed on Dumbledore's desk. Harry didn't move his head but his eyes immediately followed Sirius.

It was tiny and irrational, but it was hope, a small hope which blossomed in his heart and made him choke down his former grief.

"He is alive," Snape said quietly, after performing flourish wand movements over Harry's prone body. "But as good as dead," he added even more quietly. "Something is consuming his life-force and magic rapidly. Come morning he will be dead."

"Can you save him?" Sirius whispered.

"There is not much I can do, Black and everything I would do will be prolonging his agony," Snape shook his head. "Not without blood magic and a terrible amount of it, as well as the Dark Arts."

"Few hours," Sirius whispered. "That's all I ask. To give his family a chance to say goodbye to him."

"Bring them to my quarters," Snape said quietly. "I will try to do as much as I can… but don't expect miracles. Two, three hours, is as much as I can promise. Be quick. Mirzam, can you help me?"

How he managed to Apparate through Hogwarts anti-apparition wards he had no idea, perhaps Dumbledore's permission for him to do so was still in place or perhaps his determination was stronger than the wards. It was irrelevant, all that mattered was that he did so and he found himself in the foyer of St Mungo's.

He shouldered past other patients who were visiting relatives or asking for loved ones.

"Where are Lily and Charlie Potter?" he asked harshly.

"I'm not…" the witch at the desk started.

"I need to speak with James Potter urgently, if you don't tell me where his wife and son are you will wish that Voldemort got you first when I'm done with you," he hissed lividly.

"Paediatrics ward, third floor," the witch mumbled.

"Thank you," he called over his shoulder.

He was too anxious to wait for the lifts so he sprinted up the stairs until in no time he found himself on the third floor, and immediately spotted a familiar black mop in the waiting room.

"James…" he gasped.

"Sirius," James sighed in relief. "I'm so glad you came…"

"Harry is dying…" Sirius didn't allow him to finish the sentence.

"Harry is already dead," James shook his head. "They are trying to stop Lily from giving birth, it's too early and Charlie is on the table, unconscious, they are…"

"James!" Sirius hissed. "Harry is dying!" he bellowed. "Lily is strong. Charlie will be fine. Harry is dying!"

"Lily isn't strong," James shook his head. "She is stronger than other women, but not that strong, and Charlie is all we have, all we are going to have if that baby dies…."

He wanted to scream, he really did. Harry was dying and James was being a complete arse. Shock, it had to be shock, perhaps Lily…

"Where is Lily?" he asked when he finally was able to form coherent sentences.

"You won't do that to her!" James hissed angrily. "She is inch away from giving birth to a premature child, inches from loosing another child, while our son is having an operation. If you do that to her I will fucking kill you."

"Harry…" Sirius whispered.

"Is dying. You said so yourself," James said icily. "I have the living to take care of now. If you feel like playing daddy then go and play dad. Harry doesn't matter any more."

It felt as if a knife was driven through his heart and then it was turned around violently. This was James Potter, his best friend, the brother whom he never had found in Regulus… How much of an asshole one had to be to not give a damn about one's son, who was dying… and to turn Sirius's worst fear, his worst memory against him.

Something had died inside him, a very painful death.

"Very well," he said icily. "I hope that the guilt of abandoning your dying son will not let you sleep, will consume you alive and that every single time you would look into your children's faces you would remember the one you left to die," he added lividly, and then not really knowing whether he wanted to do it or not, he punched James straight in his face, hard enough to knock James on his arse. "You were my brother once but you aren't him anymore."

Ten minutes later he was on his way to the dungeons.

He strode into Snape's office and saw a hopeful Dumbledore leaning against the desk.

"From now on James Charlus Potter for me remains officially dead or as good as," Sirius spat. "I hope that every look on the face of his children will always remind him of the son he left to die in loneliness."

"Harry won't die in loneliness, Sirius," Dumbledore said gently. "He has you and Mirzam and Severus and Remus and me by his side."

"Remus is here?" Sirius asked quietly.

"Actually he is on his way here, but he should be here in a few minutes. I called him off the mission," Dumbledore explained.

Sirius nodded dully and allowed Dumbledore to lead him to Snape's bedroom, where, in the middle of a big bed Harry was lying. Big green eyes immediately found him and in the same moment, Mirzam, who was seated at the left side of the bed, turned around and i made a place for him, but she didn't let go of Harry's small hand when she did so.

He seated himself in the place she'd vacated and took Harry's small hand from hers as he said, "Don't worry Harry, dad is here."

Absentmindedly he acknowledged Snape fussing over Harry at the other side of the bed, until he felt gentle probing in his mind.

He wasn't a master Occlumens by any means, but if he wanted he would be able to shut his mind from Snape's intrusion. He knew that it was Snape because Mirzam wasn't a Legilimens and Dumbledore always asked for permission first, at least until now.

He managed to tear his eyes away from Harry only for long enough to let Snape see and let the man have the grim satisfaction of seeing Sirius's and James's friendship fall apart over a dying child.

He watched Harry in growing concern, saw the pain which started to show in Harry's eyes as the minutes passed.

"Is there really no way to help him?" Sirius asked quietly.

His question met silence, even as the door to the bedroom opened and someone walked inside, it had to be Remus … If it would be James … Sirius would be able to hear him from the corridor outside Snape's quarters, somehow Sirius was sure of that.

"There is one," Snape said quietly. "Morpheus Potion – a sleeping and pain relieving potion in one. It won't save him…" Snape paused and then he added even more quietly, "It will only ease his transition…"

Something squeezed Sirius's heart painfully.

"There is another way," Snape said after yet another long pause. "Foolish, daring, painful with minimal chances it would work, but if it does the boy will live."

"James will appreciate that," Sirius said dully.

Thinking about James was painful, but the small chance that Harry might survive… This little hope…

"I sincerely doubt so," Snape said grimly. "For James Potter, Harry James Potter is already as good as dead. If the treatment works Harry Potter will die for good."

Sirius turned around and stared at Snape as he mumbled, "You said that if it will work then Harry will live."

"The child on whose hand you are holding might live if the treatment won't kill him but if it works then Harry James Potter will die for good," Snape said quietly. "Adoptions by law are preferred for a reason Black. They are safe and painless for the child involved. Blood adoptions aren't safe for the child and might be very painful and the burst of magic might actually kill the child involved if handled by amateurs."

"Blood Adoption Potion? Not much of a good way," Sirius whispered.

"The burst of magic might kill the boy," Snape continued grimly. "But there is a tiny chance that it will reverse the curse which is consuming the boy from inside. This is the only hope the child has."

"A choice between painless and painful death," Remus said quietly.

"A choice between death and hope for life," Snape correct icily. "Seeing that Black is the boy's godfather and at the moment the only guardian the boy has, the choice is his to make."

"This process would require only Sirius's blood?" Mirzam asked pensively.

"Generally it would," Snape confirmed grimly. "Though having two adoptive parents might improve the odds of survival."

"Human blood?" Mirzam asked quietly.

"Aren't you a human?" Snape asked sceptically.

"Mostly yes," Mirzam answered grimly. "I get more animalistic from time to time but for the better part I'm a human."

"Pardon?" Snape asked quickly.

"I'm a werewolf," Mirzam explained with a heavy sigh. "I was turned three months ago, and thank you, I'm feeling very well."

"Well…" Snape started breathlessly. "Fuck. Fucked up but challenging," he added pensively. "Do you also happen to be married?" he asked after a second. "I'm asking just in case…"

"We got married three months ago," Sirius explained.

"Splendid," Snape mumbled. "Continue administering pain relieving potions to the boy and pray that I will beat death by inches. I will require blood from both of you but it might have to wait a few minutes while I start preparing the base potion for the adoption."

Eyes of all occupants of the room settled on Snape's form disappearing behind the door to the sitting room outside.

Awaiting criticism - like always. I'm replying as long as you leave me your email or you log in while reviewing. Bring my ego down ;)

Chapter edited: 2010/07/14