KM: Alright peeps! This is a story about "35 ways to get Mihawk to kill you". I have asked Lilygirl33 if I could use her list to write a "story" about this. She has given me the allowance to do so. So it is no plagiarism nor is it stealing her idea. If you do not believe me then go ahead and ask her. I think she will tell you the same. Though no flames and the likes... but on second thought. Do it. I need some heat here in my house!

Lilly: In short read and review?

Disclaimer: Don't own One Piece nor do I own 35 ways to get Mihawk to kill you! They are owned by Oda-sama and Lilygirl33... I am just someone who is writing this for her fun. Woe is me...

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35 Ways To Get Mihawk To Kill You

Chapter 1

No. 1. Paint his sword pink

It was normal day on the Grandline. Well, as normal as it could be there. Mihawk had just arrived at the island that Shanks had asked him to meet him at. Frankly Mihawk didn't really know why he was exactly friends with the red haired captain. But he didn't really got the time to think more about it when he heard a giggle behind him. He turned around to see who it was that is making this sound of his nightmares. Or in other words: 'Fan-girls'. He shuddered at thought of them mentally. But on the outside he narrowed his eyes at the girl in front if him. A girl because she was just to small and to young to be a woman. He eyed the girl warily when she smiled at him. Thanks to previous encounters of other women and girls, he didn't let his guard down. Because if he did then it would end bad. Bad for him that is.

Everytime he had an encounter with a woman or girl it always ended with him nearly raped. `Bad memories, Mihawk! Very bad memories, Mihawk! Don't think about it. Think happy thoughts! Shanks nearly drowning because he was drunk again.´ the end of his lips twitch upwards a bit. Good old times it seemed for him. He shook himself out of the those 'happy' thoughts when he heard again this damn giggle of doom. For him that is. This time he studied the girl in front of him. She had brown shoulder length hair and dark brown eyes. Promptly he didn't like them. They had this glint in them. A glint of amusement and mischievous. Something he didn't like then and there. He idly wondered why they had held this much amusement and mischievous in them. But he decided to look at the girl again.

Now he actually saw that the girl wasn't exactly a girl but a woman that was standing in front of him. It was because of the simple fact that no girl had a bust size that looked easily 'D'. (KM: I have on word from me Hentai) Anyways! She wore a red t-shirt with white bold letters at the front. The letters read: 'Hawks are perverts!' Mihawk twitch at that but choose to ignore it. For now. She had on pale blue jeans and wore white sneakers. The clothes were too big for her but she didn't seem to care about this. But what he wanted to know was what she wanted from him and who she was. Though he did the next best thing to do in this situation. Asking her.

"Who are you and what do y-" he was cut off by the woman.

"Name's KM! Authoress on fanfiction dot net! Not that you need to know that" she muttered the last part. "Anyways! I am here to... 'annoy' you!"

"... I see" he didn't. Really. "But why do you want annoy me?"

"For fun!" she chirped at him.

He twitched at the answer. He didn't like the girl already. So much he knew already. But it was quite new to him too. So far no women and girls had ever wanted to annoy him. Most of the time the females wanted to.. molest and rape. And that was saying it nicely. But that there was someone out there that wanted to annoy him? A new one for him. It really was. He narrowed golden eyes at this KM-person who just waved and smiled cheerfully back at him. `Strange girl´ ways his only thought to that and he turned his back to her. He had to meet someone and didn't want to be any longer than necessary here. That was a big mistake to do on his part. It was something that he would find out about later on.

KM on the other hand was, now, smirking at Mihawk's retiring back. In her small hands she was holding something. That something was Mihawk's precious big ass sword, how she came to call it. She glanced down on the sword and smirked. This was going to be fun for her. She looked around a bit and sighed in relief when she didn't saw Mihawk anymore. With that she turned on her heels and made her way to the inn she was staying at with her friends. It was time to set the plan into motion. Too bad Mihawk thought that she wasn't of a threat to him. `Ah too bad for him then! Tehehehe!´ she chuckled at this thought. When she had reached at the inn she would be staying at with her friends. She had went straight to her room. The sword needed a new colour. Well, at least in her mind it did anyways. Poor, poor Mihawk he won't know what has hit him once he sees his precious sword again.

She snickered and laid the sword on the bed. The bed was covered with a plastic blanket. On the table was standing some paint. Some innocent looking bright pink paint. `Oh this is going to be some fun!´ KM thought while dunking a brush into the paint.

"Let the games begin! TEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE!"

*~*~*

At the same time with Mihawk

*~*~*

When Mihawk had reached the bar that Shanks had asked him to meet him at, he sighed. He so didn't want to do this and not only because of this KM-girl. He didn't like the way she had been staring at him. Not one but. But he didn't have the time for this now. With a heavy sigh he opened the door to the bar, entered and promptly wanted to leave again. Shanks was as usual already drunk and making a fool of himself. Why didn't that surprise him at all? Shanks's nakama was at the side and laughing at him or sleeping. Some even did both. How that was possible is a mystery to him. He made his way over over to Shanks, not paying attention to any of the drunken men around him. He had only business with their drunken red haired captain. None other. He sat down on the empty chair in front of the drunken man.

"Mihawk" came the surprisingly sober greeting.

"Shanks" was the almost annoyed reply. "To what do I own this pleasure to have to meet you here?"

"Ahh about that!" Shanks said with a smile to him. That then turned into a frown.

Mihawk rose an eyebrow at the sudden silence from the elder male. Of course. He admits that even Shanks can have his moments. But it was unnerving him. How the red head eyed him up and down. As if searching for something. But what?

"Something is different about you..." he muttered with a frown.

"And what would that be?" he asked him.

"Mhmm.... I have it!" Shanks said while his face lit up like a five year old that had gotten some sugar. "Your sword is missing!"

"What are you talking about?" he asked annoyed. "It's right here"

He went to grab for the hilt. But his hands were grabbing into nothing. No sword hilt. His eyebrow developed a tick when he realized what that meant. That damn little girl had somehow gotten her hands on his sword without him noticing it. She was a dead girl. No one took his sword away from him and lived to tell the tale. Actually. No one was that stupid to go and take his sword away in the first place. The girl had a death wish. He was sure about it. Mihawk stand up suddenly and left the bar. He had a little girl to hunt down.

"Mihaw? Oi where are you going!" yelled Shanks after him. Not even trying to follow him.

"Hunting a little annoying brat down and then kill it!" was the answer.

"O...kay?" asked while blinking owlishly at the empty chair.

But Mihawk had already left and went in search of said little brat.

*~*~*

With said little brat

*~*~*

KM was meanwhile waiting at the docks for Mihawk. She was sure that Mihawk had now noticed that his sword was missing and that she had it. She smirked and looked at the now bright pink sword. `Such a nice colour for it!´ was her thought for it. But now where was Mihawk? Surely it wouldn't be that hard for him to find her. It is not like every day that you see a girl about 5'32 walking around with a giant and bright pink sword. `Where is he? It isn't that hard to find me! Now is it?´ it was to this that she saw Mihawk coming to the docks with an angry expression in his face,

"Speak of the devil and he shall come!" she said with a smile.

"You!" he hissed at her when he had reached her.

"Yes, me?" she asked him innocently.

"Where is my..." he trailed off when he saw his sword. "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY SWORD!! IT'S PINK AND UGLY NOW!!"

That was the first time that she had seen Mihawk scream. `Kinda scary... I think....´ she thought while backing away from the angry hawk. He was glaring at her now and his fist were bailed. She looked at him and snickered when she saw his red face. It was worth it to see Mihawk like this. Even if it meant that she has to die then. It would be a noble death then, at least she hoped it was.

"Ahh come on!! I think it looks better than ever now!" KM said to him with a smile.

"What! It's pink for crying out loud!" he told her strangely calm. "Why have you done this?"

"For the fun of it" she said to him while slowly backing away to a safe distance. She felt that it was getting to dangerous now. "I told you that I would annoy you!"

Mihawk took a deep and calming breath. He reached slowly behind KM and took his, now, pink sword back. He grimaced at the colour. KM on the other hand studied his expression. Yup, he was pretty annoyed and seemed to don't like the colour of his sword. `And I did it with sooo much love too!´ she thought with a snicker. It seemed to bring Mihawk back to the present because he was now staring at her with an unreadable expression.

"Uhhh... I should run now shouldn't I?" she asked him with a nervous laugh.

"Yes, you should" he said calmly to her.

"Uh Buh-bye!" with that she took off in the direction Mihawk came from.

Only after he had given her a five seconds head start did he run after her.

"I hope Reddy can help me!" KM muttered to herself while running to the bar she was supposed to be too.

"Get back here!" she heard Mihawk yell after her.

Of course Mihawk didn't run full speed after her. He wanted to enjoy the chase as long as possible. And because it wouldn't be any fun when he would have her already in caught in the first five seconds. His revenge would be more sweeter then. KM on the other hand was already praying that she would reach 'Reddy' before Mihawk reached her. Or else that was it with her.

But luck seemed to be on her side in this one. Just as she was about to reach the bar 'Reddy' was at. She saw him exiting the bar and sighed in relief.

"HIDE ME!" with that she jumped behind the dazed red head.

Mihawk came to a stop in front of Shanks. Shanks was totally confused but broke out into laughter when he saw Mihawk's pink sword. It was not every day that you got to see this.

"What -snort- happened -snicker- to you -snort, gasp- sword?" he asked him.

"Asked her!" he told him while throwing a glare at the hiding KM.

But Shanks couldn't because he was laughing to hard when he looked at the pink sword again. Mihawk only glared harder at her. KM on the other hand was acting as if she was innocent. It wasn't too long that the whole crew was out there and laughing together with their captain about Mihawk's 'new' sword.

*~*~*

Fifteen minutes later

*~*~*

After fifteen minutes everyone had calmed down enough to ask why the sword was pink. KM was a safe distance away from Mihawk who threw a murderous look at her every five seconds. And to make sure that he didn't kill her Shanks was sitting between the two.

"Though let me get this straight. KM thought it would be funny to get your sword a new look and stole it from you without you noticing it." Mihawk nodded at this and glared at KM again who just waved at him cheerfully. "Well then we have a problem here"

"What do you mean 'we have a problem here'?" asked him Mihawk. Turning his whole attention to him.

"You see. The reason I wanted you to come here was that you look after KM" Shanks said with a nervous laugh.

"Excuse me"

"Hehehe... well someone has to look after her! And you are the only one I can trust with this task!"

"Like Reddy said!" KM chirped out.

"No way in hell!" Mihawk told him.

"Oh come on please! I can't take her with me! I am too well known and I have a crew to look after! But you don't! Please!" who would have thought that Shanks would use the puppy eyes on Mihawk to get him to agree on this.

"... fine. But one wrong move from her and she is dead" he muttered out.

So far KM had lived. She was now smiling at him. But Mihawk didn't like this smile. Not at all. It was spelling his doom. He could feel it. KM was cackling in the inside. Now she had an even better chance to annoy the swordsman! Oh lady luck was on her side in this one it seemed.

"YAY! I gotta stay with Hawk-y!"

Mihawk twitched at nickname she had given him. Shanks was laughing at said name. At least his crew tried to hold it in. KM was just smiling at him and gave him an innocent look. `This is going to be some hell for him!´ her smile turned to one of the devil's at this thought. Mihawk ran a shiver up his spine. He got the forbidden feeling that he should have said no. However much Shanks would have begged him to say yes.

"Nee... what are you going to do with your pink sword now?" Mihakw twitched at this question and wanted to lung for her.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEP!" KM dived away from him and behind Ben. "HOLD THE HAWK-Y BACK!"

Shanks was laughing at the scene in front of him and wondered if Mihawk will have his sanity still intact when he is going to pick KM up again. Most likely not when he saw how Mihawk tried to control himself and was failing at it.

"You pay for painting my sword pink you little devil!" Mihawk growled out.

"Like to see ya try!" she stuck her tongue out and made a run for it.

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KM: That's for chapter one!

Mihawk: You painted my sword pink!

KM: and?

Mihawk: You. Painted. My. Sword. Pink! You will pay!

KM: Oh Sh- runs for it

Lilly: erhm... as you can see KM busy running for her life. Please read and review!

KM: running for her life HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SOME FRENCH DUDE WANTS TO KILL ME!!

Mihawk: chasing KM with his big ass sword I AM NOT FRENCH!!

Lilly: ...