My Damon

Dear Diary.

Damon. He's a good person, deep inside. There are moments when that long-forgotten kindness shines through, breaking through every barrier, hinting at the humanity I've always known to exist. Sometimes, when he smiles, I can see it. There's a gentleness to his eyes, as they kindly watch over me. His hands are always careful when they handle me. Like I'm something delicate. Easily breakable.

But he struggles with it. He doesn't want to be good. No, he likes being what he is, a vampire. Because he's

good at it. Relishing in the power, and the control, and the strength it gives him to excel and succeed. He doesn't want to cope with these human emotions. Damon doesn't want to be tortured and conflicted and confused. I wish I could help him; the closeness we often share makes him uncomfortable. He withdraws and he leaves, and I'm holding on for the both of us. Begging him, for all of him. Forever.

Is he scared? These feelings crept up unexpected, and unwanted. I'd be lying if I said it was in my intent to

fall in love with him. Even at the beginning, I felt an attraction which I tried to dismiss out of loyalty towards Stefan. But Damon's voice shaped perfect words, wrapped up in his deep, husky voice. I was fascinated, intimidated. Under the scrutinizing glare of his watchful eyes. They saw everything.

He's dangerous. And I know that. I know all of what he's effortlessly capable of. He's a murderer. A fact which used to make me tremble, but now it's hard to summon any fear at all. He is what he is. And I know he would never hurt me, could never allow himself to. And I embrace him every time he walks through the door, all of him, because I love him. It doesn't make any sense, but I'm gradually learning life doesn't make sense. I don't want normal. I don't want the expected. Diary, all I want is him.

It's never going to be easy, but this is what I've chosen. I've chosen Damon, because I know there's something inside of him worth hanging onto. All I want to do is bring it out, and help him heal. He wears his signature smirk like a mask, a defence. Carefully composed to conceal what I know will always torment him. He thinks of Katherine every day. He's walked for centuries, always seeing her face, because he blames himself for her awful fate. When he looks at me, he sees Katherine. Is that what pulls him towards me, yet also makes him leave?

I don't even have to open my eyes to know I'm alone. Again, he's disappeared into the shadows of the night while I slept, oblivious. I turn away, and allow the back of my hand to graze the cold, empty sheets beside me. I'm alone. It would be nice, for once, if he could stay.

But Diary, I'll never give up. I'll never give up on my Damon.

Just something I wanted to write after watching last night's episode. Because I love Damon! Reviews? (: