Title: Bumpersticker

Summary: Rush hour traffic plus an idle mind plus a bumpersticker plus a frustrated Gibbs can only equal trouble for Tony.

Disclaimer: NCIS is not mine. I'm just borrowing the concepts and characters for a little while.

Spoilers: None, I hope.

A/N: I saw this bumpersticker while driving today, and I couldn't get it out of my head.

ooooooo

They had been stuck in rush hour traffic for over an hour now trying to get to Rockville, Maryland to interview a witness. Tony estimated that they had only moved a quarter of a mile during that time, and he was completely bored.

Gibbs was in an exceptionally bad mood today and had rebuffed all attempts at conversation – something not highly unusual, but he at least allowed Tony to ramble on about whatever he wanted (within reason, of course). Today, though, his Boss had given him this particular glare that very plainly said – Shut up, sit still, and don't bother me – or else!

So Tony had shut up, sat still, and tried not to bother his Boss, but that meant he only had his mind to occupy him. Granted, he knew the dialogue to tons of movies, but he could only spend so much time running movies through his head before he would rather watch them instead.

The Boss hadn't turned on the radio, and he wasn't about to chance any broken fingers by attempting to reach for the dial. So, he had let play several songs in his head before that too made him long to hear the real thing.

What to do? What to do? I have no case file to go through. I've already thought up five pages of possible questions to ask our witness. I've been through the good parts of two James Bond films that I now really want to watch. I can't play games or text on my phone without bothering Gibbs. Most car games I know are boring to play by yourself. I can't think of anything that I can do that won't bother Gibbs! What's left? There's got to be something I can do!

As those thoughts were running through his head, he had been looking at the various cars that surrounded them. He hadn't really paid that much attention to them before, but this time around he noticed a bumpersticker on a truck that was one lane over to the left and just ahead of them.

Once he'd read the bumpersticker, he had to fight for control over both his mind and his facial expressions. One false move and he could be inviting an early demise.

But, now that he'd read the dang thing, he couldn't stop thinking about it! The bumpersticker only made him think of one person. So many possible comments came to mind, that if said, would certainly lead to the Headslap of all Headslaps. The last time Gibbs had gone all out on a headslap, Tony's head had hurt for days.

At this point, Tony was both blessing the bumpersticker for causing a temporary, if potentially lethal distraction; and cursing it for making him want to comment about it to the one person who'd likely take offense. He tried to think of something – anything – else to take his mind off the likely offensive phrasing of the bumpersticker.

But, he couldn't. It was bugging him to no end that he couldn't say or do anything to alleviate the frustration that he was now feeling about it. He wanted to say something, and knew he shouldn't say anything at all about it. He started arguing with himself over whether or not to say what he was thinking about the bumpersticker.

He had lost the argument with himself over the benefits of self-preservation, and had just about decided upon saying something when he felt a stinging pain to the back of his head.

Reaching his hand up to sooth the pain, he turned to look at his Boss. Gibbs was smirking as if he knew exactly what Tony had been thinking and that he had better stop thinking it right this second or there would be more headslaps forthcoming.

Tony's expression turned sheepish and turning away from the temptation that was the bumpersticker said, "Stopping thinking, Boss!"

Tony closed his eyes and started counting how many movies he'd seen over his lifetime, hoping that the traffic would soon get moving. But, every once in awhile he lost count as his thoughts drifted back to that bumpersticker:

Not as mean,
Not as lean,
But still a Marine!

ooooooo

A/N: I couldn't help but think of Gibbs when I saw that bumpersticker…. No offense meant to any Marines!

BTW, I looked at a map and picked a city. I have no idea if the traffic is that bad to go to Rockville. And, I literally just finished writing this. Please excuse any lapses in grammar. I did spell check though! :o)

Thanks for reading!