Letting Go

Disclaimer: I don't own a thing.

A/N: Written for the spring!kink. All feedback appreciated - dumb comments will be ignored though (yes, I know it's an oxymoron).

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Tetsuya had never meant to confess; he'd hoped to go the grave with this (the feelings he shouldn't have developed, feelings that should have died as soon as they had come into being) - yes, remain tongue-tied forever because there was just no chance his crush would ever be returned. And yet, right now and just like that - in spite of all, he had confessed - come clean about it all as suddenly and unexpectedly like a jack-in-the-box. Tetsuya didn't understand why or how it had happened - and felt the increasing need to drive his head against the wall.

I'm such an idiot.

Kasanoda had been talking about some girl and how she had rejected him - and how he believed that no one would ever fall in love with him. Because, even if he did have friends now, Kasanoda had stated that no one would fall for a guy with a scary face like his. After all, women wanted a Prince Charming and not some scary gangster-wannabe - as he termed it. Of course, Tetsuya had cringed at the - in his opinion - absolutely wrong description.

I've always loved you - ever since that day you took me in. Your face doesn't matter to me - I think it's charming.

Tetsuya had blurted out, mouth working before his brain had fully registered the total impact of the words. If he'd been smart, he'd have made a dash for the next emergency exit because there were some things you just didn't do: saying that you harboured a not so platonic affection for your future superior was one of them. Even if said superior was highly unlikely to make your life a living hell for it. But - as Tetsuya - counted the intervening seconds that followed his confession and noticed how the silence - like some unscurplous landlord - reigned over them, making his heart beat wildly, he really couldn't stop himself from cursing inwardly.

Damn, damn, damn.

All this time, Kasanoda was just staring at him, blush staining his cheeks and mouth wide agape. "You-you ..."

Apparently, he didn't have the guts to finish his statement and every attempt at doing so was only bound to end up in total failure.

Great, Tetsuya thought, he's lost all ability to string a coherent sentence. Way to go self.

"Forget about it, boss," Tetsuya reasoned, smiling painfully as he tried to brush off what had just transpired between them. "It's nothing you have to concern yourself about. So please forget about it."

He really didn't have to do anything. Just because he was in love didn't mean that Kasanoda had to return his feelings: he'd already done enough for him, and - for that - Tetsuya would always be grateful. Even if a traitorous part of him did hope that - maybe, just maybe - his future boss wouldn't entirely dismiss his feelings and - no, he couldn't think about that, Tetsuya reminded himself.

I keep forgetting myself.

"I'm sorry, boss. I'll better go now." Tetsuya bowed and made way to leave, but then he felt a hand on his shoulders - grasping him not firmly, but precariously, as if the owner feared that any other form of contact would be harmful to him. Expectantly, Tetsuya turned around and waited for his boss to speak - he couldn't quite quench the feeling of hope stirring inside of him.

"No," Kasanoda mutterly silently, impressively gaining a tomato-like shade in his face as he clearly struggled with the next few words," don't - I mean you don't have to. I'm not ... offended or anything."

Tetsuya forced himself to crack a smile again, but it hurt - he really just didn't want to talk about this at all anymore. "I wasn't expecting you to be. You're not that kind of person."

And that's why I can't help being in love with you.

Kasanoda blushed even more, coughed and looked away. "I just don't understand what you see in me - what would induce you to ... be-be in -l-love with me."

Meeting Kasanoda's eyes which blazed with perplexed emotions, Tetsuya could see that he meant every word; the way he clenched both of his fists also told him that Kasanoda was incredibly conflicted over this. Besides, he was biting his underlip: something Kasanoda always did when he was nervous.

Gosh, he was nearly too much. So damned cute. Tetsuya really didn't understand how people could believe Ritsu Kasanoda to be anything but adorable: when he flushed like that, his face matching his red hair, he looked totally huggable.

Seriously, I just want to pinch his cheeks.

Tetsuya just had to play dumb: teasing wasn't a sin - was it?

"What do you mean, boss?"

"I'm neither good-looking or very eloquent. And there are many things I'm bad at," Kasanoda remarked, obviously not willing to believe that was something good about him. It hurt Tetsuya to note all this because he so very much wished that Kasanoda would wake up and finally see that he was so much more worth than he believed himself to be.

"You're warm-hearted and you care about people. You're incredibly clumsy and shy - and it's endearing. And ... your looks - well," Tetsuya paused and blushed a tad bit, in spite of himself,"I think you're sexy."

This time, Kasanoda flushed red to his ears. And looked even more wide-eyed. And, perfecting his image of utter adorableness, stammered some more. "S-sexy? In what w-way?"

Tetsuya had to restrain himself from chuckling out loud: he liked how easily embarrassed his young boss could get. It made him want to do too many things that he couldn't possibly verbally articulate - unless he wanted to be lynched.

Perhaps, he was being daring, but an idea flashed through Tetsuya's brain. He'd go to hell for it, certainly, but then you just had to grasp a chance when it was so unabashedly being proffered before your very eyes.

He approached Kasanoda until they were close enough for their foreheads and noses to touch. Kasanoda made a motion to back away a bit, but Tetsuya grabbed his hand before that could happen. "Don't leave yet. Not when you made me stay in the first place."

I won't back down now.

"What - " Kasanoda started, falling silent though when Tetsuya caressed his left cheek with one of his hands - lovingly with the tenderness of one who respected but also doted on. I adore you, I admire you each touch said.

"I think the way your hair falls against your forehead is sexy, and the way you smile is sexy too - though you also look sexy when you're angry. Your body," Tetsuya continued slyly, stealing a not-so-subtle glance at Kasanoda's frame," is sexy as well: you're well-built and I can just imagine how strong you are."

And then, not preparing Kasanoda for it all - but then who's ever prepared for the perils of life? - Tetsuya pressed his lips against the other male's - softly and yet forcedly, hoping that the desire - and indeed, love - he felt was conveyed through that deed (actions do speak louder than words, don't they?). Kasanoda froze, obviously entirely new to this thrilling experience and Tetsuya briefly wondered if he'd ever expected to lose his first kiss to another man.

Probably not, Tetsuya mused with some regret and was about to break the kiss when he felt Kasanoda returning it gingerly. Gosh - was he ever so cautious about it! The intention, however, of his wanting to continue was absolutely clear. And, if it was like that, there was no way Tetsuya would refuse him - no, quite the contrary, he was more than willing to take the plunge (no pun intended).

It was a chaste kiss, really - just lips tentatively meeting lips: hardly anything that you'd consider electrifying and yet both of them felt excited. Oh yes, Tetsuya could tell because Kasanoda's trembling fingers had dug themselves into his long hair and another hand was - unconsciously perhaps - wrapped around his waist, pulling him closer. He was shuddering slightly himself - his head feeling giddy and light-hearted; Kasanoda lips were warm - just like his hands, making Tetsuya want to taste more until he drowned in the sensation.

Yet, as quickly as it had started, the kiss ended - neither of the boys quite willing to take things any further yet. Tetsuya because he knew that there was a time for everything and Kasanoda because all of this was still too new, too unexpected.

So, for now, just this was enough because, for the first time, Kasanoda had let go - had allowed himself to be loved and not run away in fear of being shunned.

For that reason alone, Tetsuya decided that maybe he'd done the right thing by confessing after all.