Do you know how unnerving it is to have Gin across the table from you staring you down like he knows something about you that he shouldn't? Seriously! Elbow on the table and slightly tilted head on his hand, he is staring right at me. Like he is staring right through me.

I shivered a little and shifted my position self-consciously.

Gin smiled and proceeded to stare farther down the table at Ulquiorra. Ulquiorra just looked passively back at Gin for a few seconds before his eyes wandered to me. I quickly averted my gaze. If Ulquiorra looked at me with those cursed ocean-green eyes, I'd have to smile. And then Gin would know for sure about my... Thing for Ulquiorra.

I'm not ashamed of admitting my attraction to him. It's not like its some big secret. At this point everyone except Aizen, Gin, and Ulquiorra himself know. Well I hope Gin doesn't know. If Gin were to figure out that I like Ulquiorra, he'd tell Aizen and... Well... Not good. I mean, God forbid I have a thing for his little toy. Toy meaning Ulquiorra not Gin. I'm pretty sure Gin does it with Aizen willingly. But I'm not entirely sure about Ulquiorra. If anyone refuses Aizen anything, it's asking for an early death. Either way, Aizen needs to get his ass over here so we can get on with the briefing. It's not like Aizen to be late. Maybe him being late has something to do with the rain. I don't even know how it's possible for rain to appear in a place like Hueco Mundo. That's not the only odd thing that has happened. All the Arrancars seem calmer listening to the pattering rain. As usual, Ulquiorra is indifferent and seemingly unaffected. Although he appears to be calmer and more thoughtful. But that is probably just my imagination.

"Something on your mind, Grimmjow?" Gin asked innocently.

Shit.

"No," I replied.

"Are you sure? You looked like you were thinking."

All the Espada at the table turned to look at me interestedly. Even Ulquiorra turned to look. His face remained unchanged though.

"Just about the rain."

Then Aizen strutted confidently into the room. "I apologize for my tardiness," he said.

He wasn't sorry. At all.

"Aizen-sama, Mr. Jeagerjaques was just wondering about the rain. Is there a cause?"

The self-proclaimed Lord took his time sitting down before responding, "Let us hear what Grimm-san thinks of it."

And all eyes once again turned to me. I was preoccupied thinking of how much of a bastard Aizen is. He was standing outside the door listening the whole time!

"Well Grimm-kun? What do we think?" Gin inquired, stretching out the 'kun' knowing perfectly well that he is no friend of mine.

"I think it's strange," I stately vaguely.

"Very," Aizen said in his usual suggestive tone.

I hate it when he uses that tone! It means he has something up his sleeve.

Gin and Aizen then shared a look. Oh no.

"And what about you Ulqui-san?" Aizen questioned.

"I was wondering about something I learned about in the human's world."

"Oh?" Gin seemed interested.

"Do tell," Aizen smiled.

"When it rains," Ulquiorra began in his level monotone voice, "These colorful things called Flowers grow out of the ground. I was wondering if it is possible for them to grow here."

"They would brighten this place up. Would they not, Aizen-sama?" Piped Gin.

"Indeed they would. But I did not schedule this meeting to discuss flowers."

He paused waiting for someone to ask what we were here for.

"What are we here to discuss, Aizen-sama?" Ulquiorra asked bluntly.

"We are here to discuss the rain," he stated as if it was obvious.

He paused waiting for someone to say something again.

"Is it a matter of signifigance?" Szayelaporro asked, seemingly intrigued.

"I am glad you asked. I am assigning you the task of finding out."

"Of course. Is that all Aizen-sama?"

"No. I have a question for Ulqui-san."

"Yes, Aizen-sama?" Ulquiorra seemed a little surprised.

"You believe that which cannot be seen, cannot be real. Correct?"

"Yes."

"But what about feel? That which can be felt is real?"

"It would only make sense. But if you are hinting towards me, most things that require feeling are unidentifiable to me."

Gin looked straight at me, "Ah, what a shame."

It seemed like a taunt.

"Quite. In that case, Szayel-san, you may find the cause of the rain hard to identify," Aizen informed him.

"And why might that be?" Szayel inquired.

"Just a feeling." Aizen looked at me, once again I got the feeling of being taunted.

Of course, Ulquiorra being unable to feel isn't something I wanted to hear. Not that I didn't already know, I was just still hopeful. I've been hoping that one day, after Aizen stops battling the Soul Society, I could tell Ulquiorra how I feel. I wouldn't expect him to return the feeling, but at least he could know what it feels like to like someone.

Aizen looked straight at me again and said, "I may have an explanation for the rain. If something odd happens within the walls of our home, something odd will happen to all of Hueco Mundo. Though the person," he shifted his eyes to Ulquiorra, "Who is causing the rain may not know he causing the disturbance."

Aizen is definitely up to something. And I am now pretty sure that both Aizen and Gin know about my thing for Ulquiorra. It's the only explanation of why they keep prodding at us both. Aizen must have sensed my fuming because he smiled and dismissed everyone.

Ulquiorra stood up briskly and left. I was about to follow suit when-

"Oh, Grimm-kun. Mind if we have a chat?" Gin motioned for me to sit back down.

I groaned inwardly and sat back down stiffly.

"You seemed to be a little tense today, Grimm-kun. Something wrong?"

"As I said nothing is wrong and nothing is on my mind."

"Did Aizen-sama strike a nerve?"

"No."

Gin went on relentlessly. "I'm sure Aizen-sama is just jealous, Grimm-kun."

I don't have time for this. "I don't care what Aizen-sama feels or thinks. And I don't care what you think either." Having said that, I proceeded to walk out.

"There is no need for you to be jealous. Ulqui-kun likes you too."

I stopped in the doorway.

"Aizen-sama is concerned. Despite my efforts, he doesn't quite understand the concept of liking someone." Gin continued.

"What does that have to do with anything?"

Gin grinned, he knew he had me hooked. "Well he doesn't like the rain."

What the fuck is that supposed to mean?

I settled for turning back around and walking out.

Ulquiorra likes me too... I'm pretty sure Gin was just messing with me.

I continued thinking and somehow ended up outside. I was brought back to reality when I felt cool drops of water drip onto my head. I looked up.

So this is rain.

The name sounds so docile. And each small drop made a dull 'pat' on the white sand. With all the drops cascading down, this 'rain' made a sound like some large animal growling. I looked for the source of the water, and saw the usual blank sky. No clouds. The drops were just there, just falling. Leaving no trace on the ground besides the noise.

Through the haze of water, I saw Ulquiorra standing a ways off in front of me. In a way, the rain reminds me of him. It seems innocent enough, but the dull roar feels like it could consume you, the cold is slight enough, but if you stay out in the rain too long, you could freeze to death, it makes you unable to see straight or clearly, and its beautiful. And it has a way of making you feel heavy.

I walked forward, approaching Ulquiorra. His raven-black hair shone in the soft light. And the very whiteness of his fragmented mask seemed to glow. He seemed more relaxed. His hands were at his sides instead of in his pockets, and he was looking up at the sky as if awestruck. The rain fell onto his face and slid down the sides of his neck.

I'm sure Aizen-sama is just jealous... There is no need for you to be jealous, Ulqui-kun likes you too.

Then something Ulquiorra said came back to me:
When it rains these colorful things called Flowers grow out of the ground. I was wondering if it is possible for them to grow here.

While Ulquiorra's back was still facing me, I gathered my reiatsu and formed it into a Flower. I'd seen Flowers only once before, a man was giving some nice-smelling, red, long stemmed ones to a woman. The woman started crying and hugged the man. I was so confused, I forgot to kill them. So I shaped the Flower into the only ones I've seen. I think the woman had called them Roses.

My reiatsu formed the single Rose directly in front of Ulquiorra. The Rose grew tall and bloomed outward. The colors on the top were ocean green- like his eyes- and white. Ulquiorra looked at the quickly growing Rose. He watched silently as it grew to the height of his waist and the top was as wide as a dinner plate.

The Rain started falling harder. Ulquiorra turned to me. He looked from me to the Rose and back to me. I looked down embarrassingly, stuffed my hands into my pockets, and shrugged. Out of the corner of my eye I saw light consuming the tips of his fingers. Is he about to blast a cero at me? I looked up in alarm and took a defensive stance.

"Relax." Ulquiorra said, turning back to my Rose.

Then I felt the familiar press of his reiatsu. But this time, it wasn't an angry battle aura, it was gentle, and it gave a cool healing feeling. Like the Rain.

His reiatsu formed a second Rose that wound around mine. His Rose was blue and black. It complemented mine well. The Rain dropped onto both, seeming to bond them together.

"The thing about Roses," Started Ulquiorra, "Is that every Rose has thorns."

"Not every Rose," I replied. I was passive when I said it, but not submissive.

"No, I guess not," he turned around as he said this: "But why did you do it?"

I thought fast. I couldn't say it was because I like him. So I said something that isn't entirely not true: "Because I've been curious. Are you Aizen's toy?"

He thought for a moment, putting his hands into his pockets. "When it really comes down to it, we're all Aizen's toys. We are completely dispensible."

"The rest of us may be, but to him, you're not."

"In the sense of what you're asking, I am Aizen's toy."

"Willingly?"

Silence.

"Willingly enough."

A wave of disappointment hit and the intensity of the Rain doubled. Ulquiorra noticed and looked up again. When I remained silent, he said:

"Aizen is worried because the Rain means some things around here are going to change. He is upset because he will have no control over the changes. An Arrancar learns to love. Something unheard of. But what is really destroying Aizen is that love will destroy the Arrancar before he can. Aizen doesn't like change unless it is caused by him. This Rain signifies change. Aizen doesn't like this Rain at all. This Rain will bring Aizen down. Although it will bring me down and yourself. Only if you decide to help." He looked at me again.

"I'm as good as gone anyway. How can I help?"

"Fill my hole, my Hollow Hole."

I didn't get that. "How?"

"If I am correct, you like me. And I like you. Aizen is losing me to you and he knows it. He doesn't understand why, and it is pissing him off. Now with this Rain, that will cause inevitable changes beyond his control, it will destroy him. And I need to get away from him. I can't have him doing those things to me almost every night. I also don't want him to start tormenting you."

"Fair enough. What happens if I fill your hole?"

"I die."

"Then you will have to fill mine too. You hear?"

"Clearly."

We both looked up at a window where a different kind of reiatsu leaked out. It was Aizen and Gin watching us. Aizen was watching as if he were indifferent, but there was something in his eyes suggesting that if we do what we were planning on doing, we'd be dead. And we would be. In theory. But I wouldn't mind.

Ulquiorra once again looked to me. "It will take love to fill our holes."

He stepped toward me, and I closed the distance between us before he could. We just stood there for a minute, standing close. I relished being this close. And to think that I have Ulquiorra's consent, his acceptance. I didn't hold him, I think he would like to maintain some dignity. He was about to let me kill him, he was about to let me kiss him. And he was about to let me do it willingly. I owe him at least the dignity.

We were about the same height, but he would have to lean up to kiss me. I wasn't about to make him do that either. I leaned down, but he turned his face away.

"Whats the matter?" I asked.

"Liking someone is still an alien concept to me."

"Well, what better time than to get aquainted?"

"You realize that you will die right?"

"Somehow that doesn't matter."

Then Ulquiorra looked up at me. For once I could read him. He was sad.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" I asked him.

"No," he sounded defeated.

It was him that closed the difference between our lips. My lips met no resistance to his but there was something that didn't seem right. His mouth was the first to open. I think that if I were to eat a Rose, it would taste like this. But even with our tongues touching, there was something hollow about it.

Ulquiorra started running a thumb around the edge of my Hollow hole. I started feeling funny.

My heart started beating more quickly. Wait! I don't have a heart! I felt warm blood pouring down from my Hollow hole. And I felt the circles from Ulquiorra's hand getting steadily smaller and smaller. The hole must be shrinking. The flow of blood was relentless all the same. I pulled away from Ulquiorra's lips.

Shit.

He just wanted to kill me.

I would've punched him or blasted him with a cero, but I was too weak. Then I felt the remains of my hollow mask crumble to dust. I fell against Ulquiorra, my forehead resting on his shoulder. Some blood leaked out the corner of my mouth.

"Sorry, Grimmjow Jeagerjaques."

"I'm not."

And having said that, Grimmjow faded into dust. On my shoulder, he died. I killed him.

No, I saved him.

I saved him before Aizen could kill him. I didn't lie. I feel very strongly for Grimmjow. That is why I had to kill him first. While real, true love is still a thing beyond me. If I can bring as many of the Espada down as possible, then Aizen will follow.

I looked up at the window where Aizen was watching. He only smiled and motioned for me to come up to his room. I reminded myself that I just saved Grimmjow from suffering my fate.

I sighed, I wish I could have died with him. It was still raining, and I was soaked. I just caused the death of my only chance of dying. And I still have eight more Espada to kill. Nine including me. Then Aizen. But hopefully Aizen will kill me then someone from the Soul Society will kill him.

I still cannot feel love. It is still a concept beyond me. Most things that require feelings are too complicated for me to comprehend. But Grimmjow's love for me seemed so simple. As well as the fact that if I had waited for my feelings to grow, then Grimmjow would have killed me too. And I would not be able to bring Aizen down. Besides now I can understand the phrase 'The heart does things for reasons that reason cannot understand.'

Aizen motioned again, getting impatient. I glanced back at the Roses. Grimmjow's was still there. I smiled. He was not gone just yet. His reiatsu will linger here. I am sure that it will stay as long as I am here. And I would like to think it will watch over me.

Again, Aizen motioned. I get the feeling that I am about to pay for killing- no saving- Grimmjow from him.

I started walking toward the entrance to the castle. But through the haze of Rain, I wanted to get a good look at the Roses. I saw that Grimmjow's Rose grew thorns, forever pinning his reiatsu to mine. His burden felt heavy.

One down eight to go. I hope their burdens will not be as heavy as Grimmjow's.

Heavy.

I walked over to the door.

It is just like the Rain.

Rain makes you feel heavy too.