Title: His Solitude

Rating: M (for adult themes)

Characters: Renji/Ichigo

Chapter: 1 of 10

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

Warning: Spoiler warning. Follows manga canon until chapter 338 (The Battle of Karakura, in the Fake Karakura arc—shortly after the Kira and Hisagi fights.)

CHAPTER ONE

To most Shinigami, a span of fifteen years seemed to elapse in the blink of an eye. Many changes had occurred since Aizen's defeat. The once-annihilated Central 46 now had new members to occupy the vacant seats. Each division had a strong, capable, and loyal Captain. Any traces of the corruption and disarray that once plagued the Seireitei a decade and a half earlier had been all but erased, and now times were peaceful and prosaic.

But to Renji, that fifteen year stretch had seemed mercilessly long. The only things that gave him solace were the dull and repetitious missions that kept him busy, occupying his mind and distracting him from becoming too lost within his own thoughts.

Returning from his most recent mission, Renji had barely walked through the senkai gate when he was approached by Captain Kira Izuru. He nodded in greeting, instantly noticing the Captain's solemn earnestness. "I can tell from the look on your face that you've got somethin' interesting t' tell me," he grinned, clapping Kira on the back.

"You're quite right," Kira replied, barely mustering a smile in response. "I apologize for not giving you some time to check in with your Captain, but I'd like to speak with you immediately. I rushed over here as soon as I heard you were returning."

Renji raised an eyebrow. "You want to talk to me that badly, huh? What kind of mission is this?"

The blonde Captain tightened his lips. "It is a mission, but the mission itself is not especially interesting." He paused for a second and looked around him. Apparently not satisfied, he turned back to Renji and gestured at him to follow him. "Come on, let's go to my office and I'll fill you in."

When they reached his office in the Third Division, Kira quietly debriefed him of a situation involving the appearance of a fairly low-level arrancar in a densely populated city. The guardian of the area was from Kira's division, and although it was a close fight, the guardian was able to eliminate the arrancar. However, in the midst of the battle, the Shinigami felt a tremendous flare of reiatsu. It was only detectable for a few seconds, and then all traces of it vanished as suddenly as it had appeared.

To Renji, the story sounded rather mundane, but when Kira mentioned the reiatsu flare, he snapped to attention. "What about the reiatsu?"

A flicker of apprehension crossed Kira's face. "Unfortunately, my squad member isn't that proficient at detecting reiatsu. He believes it may belong to a Shinigami, but he cannot say with absolute certainty," he answered carefully, his eyes locked on Renji.

That's unusual for someone t' not even be able to tell what the reiatsu was from, even if he's a little inexperienced… he thought. "Was anyone else from Soul Society in the area?" Renji questioned.

Kira shook his head. "No, that was the first thing I checked when I received the report. No one from here was remotely close to the location." He sighed deeply, and looked Renji in the eyes. "There's something else," he said solemnly.

"What is it?" Renji asked. He could feel his heart start to beat faster, and he struggled to keep still, feeling Kira studying his every move.

"He said it felt like it was a Shinigami because the reiatsu flare felt familiar to him," Kira answered slowly. "If it hadn't been for the familiarity, he probably would have thought it was something he had never experienced before."

Renji felt the hair on the back of his neck raise. "How long has this guy been in the Gotei 13?" he asked quietly. He felt an old sensation creeping up his spine, and crossed his arms, fearing his hands might start to shake.

"He first joined this squad before I was Captain…" Kira trailed off. "In fact, mere months before the betrayal of the former Captain."

This confirmation hit Renji like a ton of bricks, and for the next few agonizing minutes, he focused all of his energy into maintaining the appearance of calmness. Kira discussed the details of a mission he wanted to send him on regarding the arrancar's appearance, and all the while, Renji could feel that Kira was scrutinizing his reaction.

Kira said he had discussed it with Renji's captain, and it fell within his scope of assignments; if Renji agreed, he was to depart the next day.

"I accept," Renji answered with no hesitation, anxious to leave so he could sort through his thoughts. He knew Kira was carefully analyzing his reaction, and he did not want him to know just how deeply this news had affected him. Seemingly satisfied, Kira nodded, and said he would take care of the details.

"I'll have everything ready for you, so prepare to leave tomorrow morning," Kira told him, and Renji quickly dismissed himself from the office.

His departure was not a moment too soon. As soon as he was out of sight, he crouched down against the side of the building and tried to steady his strangled breathing. He knew that Kira's report was not definitive, and that he should not jump to conclusions so easily, but he could not hold it back completely.

A member of Kira's division had detected a larger-than-normal flare of reiatsu, and reported that it felt familiar. What's more, this low ranking Shinigami had been a member of the Gotei 13 long enough to have felt the reiatsu of Kurosaki Ichigo before he died.

* * * * *

After the death of Aizen Sousuke, Ichigo spent only one more night in Soul Society. Then he returned to Karakura Town, and procured a very modest apartment a short walk from where the Karakura Clinic had once stood.

Though he would have preferred to check in on him sooner, Renji was unable to find an excuse to go to Karakura Town until a month later. Immediately, he sought out Ichigo's new place, and perhaps out of habit, Renji tried knocking on the window to get his attention before he even considered knocking on the front door. He could barely see anything through the heavy curtains, but it looked unoccupied.

He started to turn away, thinking that perhaps he was out… But after taking a few steps, he realized that the prospect was unlikely. Soul Society had been keeping a close eye on Ichigo's movements, and reports had shown that he had been living like a recluse.

Renji stepped toward the front entrance and pressed his ear against the door, trying to see if he could hear anything from inside. As he focused his senses, Renji realized that while he heard nothing, he could smell the unwelcome fetor of blood. Without hesitating, he slammed his full weight into the door, easily breaking the flimsy lock.

"Ichigo," he bellowed, his eyes darting around the room. The scent of blood was much more pungent, and with a sinking feeling, he knew that the odor had to be coming from this apartment.

After taking a cursory glance at the tiny living room and kitchen, Renji threw open the door to the bedroom, calling out Ichigo's name again. Still, there was no response.

Renji placed his hand on the doorknob to the bathroom, and he felt the hair on the back of his neck rise. The smell was all too familiar; the scent of lifeblood, and the malodor that marks a freshly occurring death. He took a deep breath, bracing himself for the worst, and pushed the door open.

Nothing could have prepared him for the everlasting image that seared into his mind, and though he had seen far more gruesome sights, he could barely hold back the urge to retch.

Ichigo's lifeless body was in the bathtub, soaking in blood-tinted water. One arm was submerged in the crimson water, but the other arm hung over the side, and a pool of dark, coagulating blood coated the dingy floor. Renji could see part of a deep, jagged gash running up his arm. Ichigo's head was tilted back, as though he was staring at the ceiling. However, his eyes were dull and lifeless, and his skin was pale and tinged blue. He had obviously been dead for quite some time. Renji squeezed his eyes shut and clenched his jaw.

"Dammit, Ichigo!" he roared, slamming his fist into the wall. He repeated this action several times, cracking the tiles, but even as the skin of his knuckles was smeared across the wall and blood flowed freely from his hands, he did not notice the pain.

A few hours confirmed that Ichigo's death was as it appeared—he had taken his own life. In addition to a note in his apartment, a thorough investigation was performed by Soul Society to confirm that the corpse recovered from the apartment was, indeed, the body of Kurosaki Ichigo.

Time passed, and though many grieved, they all eventually moved on, except for Renji. Ichigo's death never sat well with him, and no matter how much time passed, he never became more accepting of it.

Although it was unlikely that anyone would find his soul, Renji kept a careful eye out for him, believing that he would turn up somewhere; perhaps in a random district of the rukongai, devoid of his memories, or even as a hollow. Still, fifteen years later, there had never been even a hint of where his soul may be.

The other piece of information that bothered Renji was that Ichigo's money was missing. Although he did not understand much about finances in the real world, apparently Ichigo had been steadily draining the only bank account he had until he took his life. No one ever figured out what became of all the money, since there were so few possessions in his apartment.

However, Soul Society and the real world alike accepted Ichigo's suicide as being legitimate, and Renji uncovered no concrete evidence to prove otherwise. Still, he could not shake the feeling of something being wrong, of some answer being out there that he had yet to find. Something felt wrong about the death, and he found himself wanting to explore the real world, in hopes of obtaining some far-fetched clue or detecting a trace of him.

* * * * *

Renji hated missions in large cities. The dense population, the crowded streets, and the dirty atmosphere always made him feel like he was going to miss something important because of the constant distractions. Now, more than ever, he wanted to give his full concentration to his task at hand. In fifteen years, he had never once found a clue on the trail of what had become of Ichigo, and he thought that this might reveal something, though he could not fathom what.

Both Captain Kira and his own Captain had given him free reign as to how to handle his mission, and Renji decided the best strategy was to stay near the area where the arrancar was detected, since it was the only lead he had.

In truth, Renji was more concerned with the unidentified reiatsu than the arrancar. If an actual arrancar appeared, he would be alerted on his soul communicator.

Days passed without incident. At first, he concealed himself in covert areas where even someone capable of seeing Shinigami would not spot him. Soon he realized this approach was limiting his movement, so he switched to using a gigai. He wore dull-colored clothing and tried his best to keep his hair and face obscured.

Yet as time ticked by, he began to feel more and more foolish about his futile stealth. He studied the people who passed him carefully, trying to see if he recognized any features. He tightened his search area even more, worried that perhaps he had strayed too far from the place where the phantom reiatsu was first detected.

Again, Renji considered returning to Soul Society. There had been no presence of arrancar in the area for a solid week, and he felt like the mission was a waste of time. The sun was just beginning to rise, and very few people were out yet. As he considered his options, Renji's gaze followed a rather nondescript runner, who he thought he had noticed in the area before—not that he was surprised by this observation. There were many people who he was beginning to recognize each day, if only because he had been studying them so closely.

The runner seemed to be in extremely good shape, and covered a long stretch of ground in a very short amount of time. As Renji watched the man's powerful stride, his mind began to wander, and he thought of the endless training with Ichigo, and the battles they used to have against each other each day, trying to become stronger.

As these vivid memories flitted across his mind, Renji felt his hands begin to sweat, and he swore that his palms felt sore, as though he had been wielding a sword for days on end.

Renji doubted the runner could see him at all, and from Renji's viewpoint, he could not clearly see his face. He had short, somewhat disheveled black hair, and appeared to be in his mid-thirties, though Renji knew he was terrible at guessing the ages of humans.

Watching the runner's back, Renji again felt a strong sense of deva ju, and for a moment, he swore he could smell the scent of blood, sweat, and steel surrounding him. He remembered following Ichigo, stopping to fight off a new enemy every few seconds, struggling to keep moving forward and to keep up with the cold and determined man ahead of him…

Renji focused on the runner's back again, and realizes that it was the movements of this man that seemed so familiar to him. Before he could fade into the distance, Renji emerged from his hiding place and began to follow him.

The man did not break stride for quite some time, and with each step, Renji felt like he was experiencing a sensation from the past. Though from a distance, he did not seem to resemble Ichigo, the more Renji watched this unknown man, the more he felt convinced that it had to be him. His hair was a different color, and much shorter, but upon closer inspection the disheveled hair was spiky. The man's height was the same, and his frame was the same.

Sometimes, Renji noticed a faint irregularity in his stride, and he remembered how Ichigo would mask his fatigue. He would never stop to take a break, even when he was far past his limit.

The memories were taking a physical toll on Renji. Though keeping up with this man should have been effortless, Renji felt like his chest was tightening, constricting his breathing. Emotions he thought had been long since numbed and buried crept up on him.

The runner did not break stride until he reached a decrepit apartment building. He slowed down to a walk. As Renji studied him ascending the old staircase that led to one of the upper units, he caught a better glimpse of his face. He was older, and he had the beginnings of lines etched into his face, but the resemblance was undeniable; this was Ichigo.

Renji remembered Ichigo's solemn declaration that he was leaving Soul Society because his final task was complete. He shuddered, remembering how the words "final task" repeated over and over again in his mind as he stared at Ichigo's motionless body, slumped in the cold, red bathwater, his blood-covered wrist dangling over the edge of the porcelain.

The man disappeared inside of the apartment, and Renji crouched behind a bush, trying to calm his nerves after experiencing such a poignant stream of memories. When his breathing finally steadied, he quietly went up the stairs to see if he could get a glimpse through the window. When he peeked through the old, dirty glass, he saw that the apartment was barren, small, and devoid of any decoration—not a single item remotely resembled a personal touch.

He stepped back from the window and leaned against the wall, wondering why Ichigo would throw away his former life for this kind of solitary lifestyle. Despite his best efforts to quell his overflowing memories, his mind drifted back to what happened shortly after Ichigo lost his family…