A/N

We don't own them. We just wanted to get them drunk and make them have sex.

EPOV by Marvar

BPOV by Cosmogirl7481

Marvar: So, this is my thinly-veiled attempt to have cyber-sex with Cosmo.

Cosmogirl7481: I totes want to fuck her for real, but I'll settle for this right now.

Marvar: We'll have to wait until Comic-Con.

Cosmogirl7481: Awesome. *looks for vibrators and lube*

Marvar: Do they let you have vibrators as your carry-on?

Cosmogirl7481: Yes. But with the amount I'll be bringing…we'll have to pay extra.

Marvar: Totally worth it. But, trust me. You won't need lube. I'll bring my copy of Details.

Cosmogirl7481: Good. My copy will be worn out by then.

Marvar: I think we'll have to act out some of the scenes to see if they're realistic.

Cosmogirl7481: I'm all about 'research' for the good of our craft.

Prologue

From: Edward Masen
To: Isabella Swan
Re: Recent sexual encounter

Dear Bella,

I hope you are indeed the same Isabella Swan I met in Miami on March 12. If you aren't, I apologize and you may delete this message forthwith.

If you are indeed her, I pray that you are well.

What is the weather like in Berkeley? Never mind, I can Google it. I don't know why I'm asking inane questions when I really just want to know if we could start communicating with each other.

After you left, you know, that morning, I've thought about you. I wanted to find you, but all I knew was your name and what college you went to. I had to do quite a bit of investigation to find you. Luckily I'm well versed in Berkeley's computer operating system. A few clicks, a buffer overflow, and a backdoor, and there you were. Incidentally, your ID photo is quite flattering.

I'm hoping you have been thinking about me, too. I'd like to think that's true.
If you are worried that I'm crazy, let me tell you something about myself.
I'm 24, single (obviously), have excellent personal hygiene (as you well know) ;) and not an insane stalker person. My mother says I'm quite polite and charming. My sister calls me an introvert and tells me that I "need some fun in my life." Hence, the trip to Miami and the aforementioned encounter. Not that meeting you was just 'fun.' It was . . . more. More than I can express through an email.

I play piano, read, and volunteer at the hospital in my spare time - see, nothing weird. I also play soccer to keep physically fit.

As I told you - I hope you remember - I'm a fouth-year medical student at Dartmouth. That keeps me quite busy. . .but not too busy for you.

Um, what else should I say? My friend would say I'm not much of a conversationalist, but I want to tell you everything, Bella.

Just ask.

I hope you don't think me strange for emailing you like this, but I have this feeling I can't explain. It's like an ache in my chest. I had a cardiogram, which revealed no abnormalities. All follow up tests ruled out any type of medical condition. I also had a full battery of tests which proved me to be free from all sexually transmitted diseases. I hope this pleases you (My classmates and I used my dilemma as a learning opportunity during our lab).

Therefore, I have concluded that since this pain began the day you left me, it must be related somehow. I'm considering writing a paper about it.

So, Bella, please tell me you'll correspond with me. Just try to get to know me.

Sincerely,

Edward Masen

PS. What type of lotion do you use? I would like to purchase some. For my sister, of course.

From: Isabella Swan

To: Edward Masen

Re: Re: Recent sexual encounter

Dear Edward,

Wow.

I don't know what to say.

I guess I should start with the fact that yes, I am the Bella you met in Miami on March 12th.

I am doing well. Thank you for asking, but really, there is no need to pray. I never do. If you are, however, in the habit of talking to god, please tell her hello. We haven't spoken in years.

You really want to communicate with me? I wasn't sure that you would want that, after what happened, or rather…the way it happened.

I'm sorry I left the way I did that morning. I want to explain myself, truly I do. Just, maybe not now. Would that be okay?

I'm impressed that you actually found me. I feel flattered that you would even take the time to look.

I should tell you a little about myself, as well. It's only fair. After all, you did go first.

I'm twenty-two and I started graduate school at Berkeley this year. (I guess you know that, though.)

I am getting my masters in Women's Literature. I'm not a lesbian, I hate Birkenstocks and I do shave my underarms…as well as other things. (But, I guess you know that, too.)

I'm pretty boring. I like to read a lot. You probably don't think that's sexy, but I guess I feel like I should be honest with you. I mean, you might not want to continue communicating with me once you know more.

That girl that you met in Miami isn't really who I am. I mean…it was me, but it was me with copious amounts of Jack Daniels and Diet Coke. I'm not usually like that. In fact, I don't usually drink. I don't know what got into me that night.

Your email is probably the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me. I almost didn't respond, but my roommate is always telling me that I need to branch out more, do more exciting and adventurous things. This feels exciting and adventurous to me.

I would like to keep corresponding with you via email. I think it was a very romantic gesture. Thank you for making it.

You said that you hadn't been able to stop thinking about me now and you asked if I thought about you. I want you to know that I have thought about you on more than one occasion. I think about you, still. I hope that's not too much.

You told me to ask questions. Well, here is my first one: Why, out of all the girls in the bar that night, did you choose to talk to me? I really want to know.

Sincerely,

Bella

P.S. I think I was wearing suntan lotion the night I met you. It smells like coconut. I'm sure your sister has some already.

A/N

Reviews are lovely, but we're going to talk dirty to each other anyway.

Marvar: We hope to update regularly. If we could write chapters as much as we text, we'd have a freaking novel already.

Cosmogirl7481: We will update regularly, because I will make sure that Marvar stays completely motivated. *looks for whipping bench and flogger*