The request was as follows:

I request for someone to post a tackily happy ending on the end of "Breathing is Essential", since it's been so long since it's been updated and I know I can't be the only one traumatized by it's current ending.

Bonus points for Phoenix actually physically ridding into the office on a white horse.

Infinite bonus points if Gant is defeated when he tries to smack Phoenix with the desk lamp and it harmlessly bounces off of his massive pecs, killing Gant in the process. (you'd have to read it)

Infinite negative points if it doesn't end with ravenous I-love-you-never-leave me makeup sex. Preferably Miles top.

Also, don't read the fic if you haven't. It will make you dead of angst and lack of updates.

Also, don't read the fic if you haven't. It will make you dead of angst and lack of updates

I COMPLETELY agree with that statement. My brain decided to ignore it for some reason, so I read the fic. I wish I didn't. This is therapy. It got rid of the nausea feeling for about five minutes. But I CAN'T stop thinking about it. ARGH

THERAPY

Suddenly the door to Edgeworth's office was smashed open by a powerful kick and Phoenix came galloping in on a white, shiny horse. Gant reached for his gun but the horse reared and knocked the gun out of his hands.
Phoenix jumped down and walked towards Gant with powerful steps and a determined look in his eyes. Gant's eyes flashed to the only weapon nearby and grabbed the desk lamp.
Phoenix knew what was going to happen, this was his moment. As Gant swung the lamp, he puffed his chest. As he had told Edgeworth the lamp bounced off one of his MASSIVE pecs and hit Gant in the head. He fell dead to the floor. Oh, well…

Phoenix ran over to Edgeworth who was lying on the floor, curled into a ball. He scooped him up in his arms.

"Wright," Edgeworth couched, "I don't think I want to have sex, ever again."

Phoenix looked sadly at him, "That's too bad because I'm still your passionate, horny plan-B sexy-lover."

Edgeworth sighed "I guess I should apologize for acting a complete ass towards you."

"And I guess I should apologize for acting like an overprotective boyfriend towards you."

"Yes, you really should," Edgeworth said. Then he looked at the dead form of Damon Gant. "On second thought maybe you shouldn't…"

Phoenix carried Edgeworth out the doors (with the horse following them, duh. It doesn't just disappear into thin air), bridal style. They went to a hospital where they cured Edgeworth's fear of SEX and his physical injuries.

As for how Phoenix knew that Miles was in danger; he'd heard a voice in his head telling him so and when he ran outside to grab the bus the horse was there waiting for him. Yes, all of it was true.

After Miles was released from the hospital he and Phoenix had ravenous I-love-you-never-leave-me makeup sex for about two times a day. With Miles on top because that's hawt.

So Miles and Phoenix lived happily to their 50th anniversary together and a while after that, in a meadow filled with sunshine, puppy-dogs and fluffy kittens. The giggling children fortunately had gone somewhere else to play.

DE END