"Commander, you've got a new message in your private terminal." EDI's voice wakes me up. I prop myself up on my elbows.

"I can check it later. Why are you telling me now?" I ask, feeling Garrus sit up beside me.

"The message is from Commander Alenko, Shepard. It has been marked as urgent, ma'am," she answers.

"I'll check it later," I growl, rolling over and returning to my sleep. Garrus lays his arm around me and sleeps as well.

We awake a few hours later. We dress and walk to the elevator, hug at the Crew Cabin level, and I watch him go to his station in the Main Battery. I stay and go up to the C.I.C.

"Commander, you might wanna come to the bridge," Joker calls over the speakers. I walk the short distance there and stand behind him. A dark-haired man with a strong build is standing beside him, silent.

"What?" I ask, folding my arms and shifting my hips to one side.

The man beside Joker turns around and smiles. He walks forward and hugs me before I can speak or push him away.

"It's good to see you Shepard."

"Kaidan." I wait for him to release me.

"What?" he asks. Joker turns to watch. It's obvious that Kaidan's the only person on the ship who doesn't know about Garrus and me.

"Did something happen?" Kaidan asks, looking at Joker in hopes of a clue. He turns back to me, puts his hands around my head and kisses me passionately. I gasp and grab hold of his shoulders. I push him and he backs away immediately. He looks at me in bewilderment.

"What's wrong with you, Shepard?" he asks, reaching out to touch my arm. I take two steps back and shake my head.

"Kaidan," I start, unsure of how to continue. "I—we… Kaidan." I sigh. "It was two years ago, Kaidan." His expression becomes dejected. I don't think he ever considered rejection a possibility.

"Can't we just pick up where we left off?" he asks.

"No we can't."

"What do you mean? Why not?"

"Ooooh, here it comes!" Joker giggles. I walk past Kaidan and backhand him.

"Shut the fuck up." I turn around; Kaidan and I have switched place. I feel a little bit trapped at the moment, but I continue anyways.

"Two years is a long time, Kaidan. Things change." I really am trying to be delicate about this. Even if Kaidan was just a fling, I don't want to break his heart too bad.

"Just say it, Shepard." Kaidan's voice is borderline monotone. I open my mouth to talk, but words fail me. Kaidan looks to Joker for answers. "There's someone else, isn't there?"

"Maybe," Joker grins. I smack him again. "Commander!" he whines, rubbing the back of his head.

"Who?" Kaidan asks angrily. "Who is it?" I glare at Joker. Why did you have to open your goddamn mouth? I look away from Kaidan. "Look at me Shepard, please." He grabs my shoulder forcefully and my brain vaguely registers the pain. Before I can think to push him off, I feel Kaidan's grip disappear and see him hit the ground—hard. I pull my eyes away from the floor, my face burning and holding back tears, to see Garrus.

"It's me," he says. Stepping over Kaidan as he picks himself up, Garrus puts his arm around me, pulling me close. "Don't ever let me see you treat Shepard like that again or I'll kill you." Kaidan, hunched over in pain, glares up at Garrus.

"Was that necessary?" he groans.

"Told ya he's been beating people with that stick he pulled outta his ass," Joker mumbles to himself.

"Why didn't you just tell me Shepard?" Kaidan starts. "I waited for two years. I thought we could be together again." Kaidan's pleas only make me bury my face in Garrus' shoulder.

"Maybe if you didn't just run off at Horizon," Garrus snarls. "You wouldn't even listen to her when she was explaining her reasons for working with Cerberus. You just yelled at her and ran off. What kind of man would do that to the woman he loves?" His mandibles flare with anger.

"It's not that I don't love her, it's that I don't trust Cerberus. Shepard shouldn't have to work for them," Kaidan scowls.

"Whatever. You screwed up; get over it." Garrus cracks his knuckles and takes a step toward Kaidan.

"I expected better from you," Kaidan whispers morosely, eyes resting on me for just a moment before storming out through the airlock.

My eyes are moist with repressed tears. I realize that I've been biting my nails and pull my hand away from my mouth. I walk away, leaving Garrus behind with Joker.

"Commander?"

"Shepard?" Garrus follows cautiously. I stop in front of the Galaxy Map, grateful for now that no crew remained to see my moment of weakness.

I press my fingers against my temple and my bottom lip starts to quiver. I gasp, feeling my breath in sharp irregular bursts. Without any further delay, I finally give up on holding in my tears and begin to sob. I cover my face with my hands, wishing I could disappear.

Why has love made me weak?

Something holds me tightly. I uncover my face and look up at Garrus. He holds me about my waist with his left hand while his right strokes my hair comfortingly.

"Please," he whispers softly in my ear. "Please don't cry." I grab his shoulders tightly and lay my forehead against his chestplate.

"I just want to leave it all behind me," I cry. "God, I almost wish I'd left him behind on Virmire." I sigh. "You know, I really didn't even think we'd survive. It never even crossed my mind what would happen after." Garrus loosens his embrace and pushes me away just enough to see my face.

"And what about me?" he asks. My heart seems to stop at the solemnity of his voice.

"What do you mean?"

"Did you ever think about the 'after' with me?"

"Of course I did!" I sob, fresh tears falling down my face. I can't believe he actually said something so cruel. "Kaidan just kind of… happened. I always wanted you. I thought you would've seen that, even back then."

I bang my fist against his armor, sobbing harder and harder. My legs decide to fail me and I start to fall to my knees. Garrus catches me and picks me up. He carries me to the elevator, then to my personal quarters, finally laying me down on my bed.

When he sets me down, my tears are beginning to slow down. My cheeks are flushed and I sniffle pitifully. I expect Garrus to turn and leave, but instead he stays leaned over the bed, stroking my cheek with his gentle talons.

"I love you, Shepard." He stands to leave.

"Please don't go," I beg, sitting up and reaching for his hand to pull him back. I barely miss.

"Shepard?" he asks.

"I, I don't want to be alone," I say, crossing my legs. I fold my hands in my lap and stare at my fingernails.

"Hey," he says as he sits beside me. "You're not alone." He turns my head to face him and I gaze deeply into his eyes. I've never noticed how bright blue they are before.

"I'm so sorry," I say as we hug.

"Why?" He holds me tighter.

"I'm sorry about Kaidan." I break our embrace. "If I had known we could become this," I hold his hand, "I never would've even talked to Kaidan." He pulls me into another hug.

"I mean, we talked a little while we hunted Saren," I continue. "And I always wanted it to be more than just friendship, but you never showed any interest." Garrus' mouth falls open for a moment before he speaks.

"You—you were waiting for me to make the first move?"

"I wanted you so much. I only went to Kaidan because I was desperate." Garrus' eyes widen.

"Desperate? You?" he asks.

"I… I never…" I mumble. Still hugging, he brings our foreheads together into another Turian kiss.

"You never what?" His voice is soft, almost a whisper.

"I've never been in love before you, Garrus. Kaidan and before, it was always just physical, but—" I lose my words.

"But…?" Garrus holds my face in his hands; his voice waiting for me to finish. Our long embrace finally ends and I blush deeply.

"With you, Garrus… I, it—God, I can't even talk straight around you. It's just," I sigh, hoping to organize my frenzied emotions into words. "I couldn't make it without you, Garrus."

"Shepard, I never thought you would say something like that. Hell, I didn't think it was physically possible," he chuckles.

"It's true," I whisper, my head still spinning from everything that just happened. "I love you."

"I love you, too." Garrus lays me on my back and lies beside me on his stomach, face turned towards me and his arm across my torso. His talons float across my shoulders and his forearm rests on my sternum, between my breasts. He nuzzles the side of my neck and I feel his mandibles twitch contentedly against my shoulder.