Zutto Ikite

°°o°Oo.°o°.O

In the crispy chill of the night, a frozen angel fell silent. Her beautiful features could have easily been twisted in despair, yet she dared not think negatively. She dared not even blink. This could not be happening.

Please, tell me it's not true…

"Inu… Yasha…"

The blessed name rolled off her tongue so easily, she never wanted it tainted with such anguish that was starting to envelop her. She wanted to fight against the pulling tendrils that disgusted her, that made her feel dirty, made her skin crawl, but gradually found she couldn't.

Please, let it be a dream…

The cliff was rocky – it was a cliff, after all – and she wanted to scream at herself for being afraid of falling. She shouldn't have such mundane thoughts at a time like this. But if she got too close to the edge, then would she… too?

No.

Realization cut her senses like a sharp blade. Frozen, stinging reality stabbed her in the back and it felt like she would never be whole again. The world was drastically unfair to have taken such a valuable treasure from her, she would never forgive it. Slowly, though, she understood.

He's…

Her gasp never found its way past her throat as she pondered on that dreadful, bones-chilling word. He could not be dead. He simply could not. She remembered that adventure of theirs in Tougenkyou, he had made it that time. It was the same now, wasn't it? She had never felt a more desperate need for the sun to throw its beams across the sky. Instead, the sky held its darkness still, as if mocking her wishes. Nature was cruel to her, to him; time was not to their advantage this time.

One time too many…

But she traveled through a well to five hundred years in the future, she'd nearly been killed countless times. There was no such thing as impossible, was there?

Please make it, Inuyasha.

Letting her brows furrow for a second, though denying access to the upcoming tears, Kagome let herself fall to her knees on the rocky ground. She would never pray so hard as now. Clasping her hands together, she closed her eyes and reached the skies with her heart, with her soul. She wished, she begged, she asked for forgiveness, for help.

Please…

Maybe the sun would have mercy and rise earlier, maybe the Shikon no Tama would decide to grant her a wish. It was worth any try, because there was no way Inuyasha was dead.

No way…

But he was. And after what felt like hours, Kagome couldn't ignore it anymore. Then came the pain. Waves, torrents, and they were still coming. They were unafraid, tactless, ruthless. When she felt she couldn't breathe, they squeezed her neck tighter in defiance. When her heart crashed with the rocks from the cliff that still fell from time to time, they would grow spears and pierce her with them. It was a perverse, malicious game she didn't want to take part in, but she couldn't help it. Any of this couldn't be helped.

Inuyasha, are you really…?

She was afraid to say it, afraid to admit it. Yet it lingered in the back of her mind and opened the gate to the flood of tears that came faithfully, wreaking havoc.

And it was funny, too, though not amusing. The twisted angle his right leg was in, the blood coating his chest, dark and unyielding, seeping through the red fabric – what had once been the invincible Robe of the Fire Rat. His eyes were wide open; they were as dark as the night and she vaguely wondered how she could see him in the shadows. He could've been okay had it not been for the blow to the head. And the most disturbing evidence to this was the blood that pooled around his slick, dark locks.

Beside him was the demon he'd killed. The demon he'd tackled and jumped with for her.

Inu… Yasha…

This time, he wasn't coming back. This time, there were still hours to sunrise and he was human and broken beyond repair. Only this once she felt the darkest, most sinister voice of doom telling her what she dared not whisper.

'He's dead.'

And it was all because of her.

Honestly, she wanted to curse him for being stupid for the second time, for making the same mistakes. Had he not learned from his past? But how could she betray him like this? How could she be anything else than grateful? She was alive when she should not have been and he was… gone.

Her shoulders trembled as if the whole sky had fallen on them and she had to support its weight with her weak body. But she'd do it, for Inuyasha's sake.

Inuyasha…

The brave half-demon that stopped at nothing when it came to defending the ones he cared about. Kagome knew how much the hanyou had cared about her, and she was truly indebted. The extent of how much she owed him went beyond her mere life.

It was spring and the sakura blossoms were beautiful; it didn't help any. The delicate petals fell around her in a secretive dance pattern – she didn't want to be part of it. She wanted nothing to do with this striking, enigmatic side of nature when she should be mourning Inuyasha's loss.

It was by the Kami's will that the sakura tree was on the cliff, she was sure, when a petal tumbled in the air, descending agonizingly slow, as if to give Kagome enough time to measure her own failures, before landing on the hanyou's bare neck. Tears fell from Kagome's eyes and she wished they could join that lone petal, she wished there was a way she could touch the body lying there helplessly.

Breathing hurt. Living hurt. She acknowledged the pain for what it was and welcomed every bit of sadness that caught her unawares. Here, in this peaceful solitude, she could mourn. Here she could give him every little piece of her soul that did not want to let him go.

Don't go, Inuyasha…

And his words came back with the wind.

I don't want to…

Her soul cracked. She didn't know if she was imagining it or not, but it felt good to hear it. His voice, that characteristically strong male voice that could sometimes hold such gentleness when he spoke to her. Maybe it was wrong of her to do so, but she relished these words that meant he did not want to leave her. She was desperate to talk to him, to let him know…

I love you.

But he did not respond.

She heard the sounds signaling their friends' arrival, but didn't want to look away. As twisted as it seemed, the mere notion of her letting Inuyasha out of her sight sounded obscene.

They hadn't had the chance to say goodbye. She hadn't made him promise he would find her again. But she knew, she was sure that he would fight against time itself to come back to her, to return to her arms.

Different gasps and whimpers and the presence of three bodies around her told her they already knew. She closed her eyes to help the sting a bit, but it never got better. Feminine sobs echoed in the distance and she was amazed at how easily her friends accepted his death, how quickly they recognized this for what it was, when she was still having trouble grasping the whole concept.

Inuyasha was… no more. She would not touch him anymore, she would not be able to revel in his presence, never hear his voice again in any place other than her dreams, and it wasn't fair.

And she would never see his golden eyes, his silver hair and puppy ears. Another thing she'd been robbed of. He hadn't even died in his natural form as a half demon. How was that fair? Would he transform come sunrise? His blood was cold now.

She heard a small prayer falling off the monk's lips and looked to her right. Her heart broke all over again at the sight of her friends grieving. Sango looked at her as if she pitied her, and she realized that maybe she did. They all knew how much this hurt her, didn't they?

"Kagome-chan," the demon slayer said tentatively, not knowing how to continue, but Kagome merely shook her head.

"Inuyasha no baka," Kagome heard Shippou grunt through his tears, his tiny fists rubbing his eyes erratically. It was endearing, but… it hurt.

"May he find eternal peace," Miroku said gravely, trying not to let the tears get the better of him. Kagome was just grateful she was not alone in this, even though she felt like a traitor. She was consoled by the presence of others while he was in a place where he would forever be alone.

Or… perhaps he would find happiness once again.

Inuyasha?

Kagome looked at the sky, pressing a palm against her chest. She wanted to tell him something, but how would it sound? The first signs of dawn made themselves known and she found she dreaded this moment for some reason.

When the sun finally assumed its place on the vast sky, Kagome wanted to curse it for not being swifter. For not being there. But instead, she looked down from the cliff to see that Inuyasha had not transformed. He was still human, his body would still rot, he was still so very… so…

Inuyasha was dead.

Inuyasha? Zutto ikite.

A/N: First chapter. I don't think it will be a long story, but I just felt like writing this. I know it's been done one time too many, but this is my version. Please review and tell me what you think of it :)

Zutto ikite = Live on forever