Pairing: Kurt/Puck, Finn, Matt, Mike
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I don't own em' didn't create them. Just love writing the fiction.
Warnings: CRACK. Slash, singing... I think that's it?
Summary: Kurt wears a skirt to school, so the football glee boys can't stop thinking about him. Rachel notices the tension and makes them hold a sing and dance off after hours. The cheerios think the boys are singing to them, but boy are they wrong.
Notes: I've been reading the glee kink meme waaaaay too much... With it's crazy prompts... But anywho, it's pretty basic, only 1,748 words, and kind of sucks. It was fun to write...? xD Oh yes, lyrics from Sexy Bitch by David Guetta and Lala by Ashlee Simpson were obviously used. Inspired by .com/watch?v=s8NCNd9vFeA. Enjoy and comment :)

In Glee club, whenever something happened, there were about a million ways each member could take it, even the little things. Because of this, more often than not, nothing played out the way it seemed like it would. Like on Monday for instance. Kurt had made some ridiculous bet with Mercedes and lost, consequently having to wear a skirt to school. After what seemed like the longest weekend ever to everyone in glee (they were all oddly curious as to if he'd chicken out, and if he didn't, what skirt he would wear), Kurt showed up in a plaid, pink and black, pleated miniskirt that barely covered farther than mid-thigh.

He strutted into the choir room like the hottest damn thing that ever lived, and at that moment, he probably was. His legs were slender and smooth, and he walked with a certain elegance that none of the cheerios had, while simultaneously flaunting his body like he was fucking Beyonce—and none of the dudes got how he did it—the image stuck painfully in Puck, Finn, Matt, and Mike's minds and they couldn't do anything about it.

It wasn't until now, Thursday, that anything is really said about it—and what's said isn't even really about it. Rachel holds a meeting while Mr. Schue is in Sue's office talking about who knows what. She stands in front of the room with a desperate look on her face and begins speaking.

"Okay, I don't know what exactly is going on, but this week has been off so far. All of you guys—besides Kurt and Artie—have been out of it. Now I don't want to speak for everyone when I say this—"

"Except for the fact that you are." Quinn starts in, and Santana and Brittany high five her.

"Whatever. My point is that we need to do something about it. Tomorrow, we are going to have a sing and dance off to get out whatever tension there may be, because I feel the root of the problem isn't motivation this time." Rachel finishes, clasping her hands together as she looks across the faces in front of her for some sort of approval.

The guys just stare on, still preoccupied with the mental image of Kurt from Monday. The cheerleaders glance at them, searching for some sort of answer but finding nothing. It seems they don't remember the events of Monday, and even if they do, it's completely out of the possible realm for the football players to be fantasizing about a dude in a skirt.

"Fine." Quinn snaps and shoots a snarky look at Rachel. "How will we do it? I mean, how will it be organized?" Finn just sits there, with that dumb expression, and it kills her not knowing what is going on in that pea sized brain.

"The girls will have one song—which we will select by voting, and the guys will have theirs. Then tomorrow we'll meet after glee, and also after Mr. Schue is gone, and perform. Obviously it doesn't have to be perfect, with only one day to get the song and practice. It would be preferable if the song chosen is something everyone knows fairly well just for easiness' sake."

"I think we should do—" Brittany says, but Santana cuts her off by hitting her in the shoulder.

"It needs to be a surprise!" she says, grinning.

"Hey, am I allowed to be with you this time? I had to tough it out with the guys last time when Schue put me with them, but I don't think I can handle that again." Kurt requests with a self-assured expression.

Out of nowhere, all the dudes start nodding with smiles. They seem to be restored, motivated.

"Yeah, definitely. We want you over here." Mercedes says, and all of the other girls seem to approve. Kurt walks over to their side.

"Umm…" Artie starts hesitantly. "How about I just watch? I don't want to get in the middle of this."

"Oh fine, but you have to come!" Rachel says and stocks over to the window on the door. "Okay, we're all set? Good, because Mr. Schue is coming. Have your songs ready by tomorrow!"

Time flies by. It's already Friday evening, and everyone is more than ready to perform. After Mr. Schue exits the room—all of the students pretending to pack their bags up and be out the door as well—Rachel brings out a pink boom box and plugs it into the wall.

"Okay. Boys first." she demands, grinning wildly. The amount of excitement in the room is almost tangible it's so heavy.

The football players nod. Puck hands a disk to Rachel, who puts it in the player as the boys get into formation. The girls sit pretty in their chairs, most of them with folded legs, and bat their eyes at Puck, Finn, Matt, and Mike. Artie sits on the side, rolling his eyes. He tells himself it was a bad idea to even come.

The music starts with a bang. Sexy Bitch by David Guetta explodes in the air, as does a set of perfect dance moves. Puck sings: "Yes, I can see her…'cause every girl in here wanna be her… Oh! She's a Diva...I feel the same, and I wanna meet her" The beat pulls a rhythm in the crowd until a unison foot tapping makes the bass echo off the walls even louder. Quinn, Santana, and Brittany stare in awe filled lust, as if it's being sung to them. That's where they're wrong.

"They say: 'She low down...' It's just a rumor I don't believe 'em. They say: 'She needs to slow down...' The baddest thing around town." They aren't looking at the cheerios. Or even Rachel. Or Mercedes, or Tina. They're looking straight at Kurt with dreaming half lidded eyes.

"She's nothing like a girl you've ever seen before. Nothing you can compare to your neighborhood whore. I'm tryna find the words to describe this girl without being disrespectful~" Finn sings, Kurt's jaw dropping. He's about the only one who's caught on, and he wants it to stay that way. He stands promptly.

"Come on ladies, dance for them!" he shouts and leads them in a pop-lock-and-drop-it that makes Puck clutch his pants in discomfort. Luckily, the girls are too preoccupied trying to look sexy that they don't notice. The choreography continues on perfectly—the best it could possibly be. They strip off their shirts. Finn slaps an imaginary ass back and forth.

"The way, that booty movin' - I can't take no more. Have to stop what I'm doin', so I can pull up her close. I'm tryna find the words to describe this girl without being disrespectful…" Kurt bends over and shakes his ass, looking back behind himself to give them a wink. His mouth is slightly parted, sexier than any girl could ever wish to be. His pants are tight and look like they're made out of leather, hugging his legs and ass flawlessly.

The dancing on the girl's part has turned into chaos—they're all jumping around randomly and using each other as stripping poles. Even Tina, Rachel, and Mercedes find their places in it and get lost in a mix of synth, bass, singing, and heat.

"Damn Girl! Damn, you's a sexy bitch, a sexy bitch! Damn, you's a sexy bitch! Damn girl!" Finn and Puck sing together, Matt and Mike doing backup. Puck bends Mike over and thrusts forward with the dance. He pretends to buttfuck him, and Mike goes along with it. Puck subsequently points to Kurt, then to Mike, and mouths, "how 'bout later?"

"Maybe…" Kurt mouths back and continues shaking his body for the guys with a pleased grin.

It goes on like this for the duration of the song. At the end, all the girls collapse in their chairs, panting, chattering about how fun it was.

"We definitely released some tension…" Santana comments with a sigh.

"Our turn." Rachel states simply, and the guys step out of the front of the room and sit in the chairs where the girls were. She takes the disk out and puts a new one in, a new beat blasting in the musky air.

Lala by Ashlee Simpson. Good choice, the football guys think, licking their lips in anticipation. Kurt stands in the front and starts singing. "You can dress me up in diamonds, you can dress me up in dirt. You can throw me like a line-man, I like it better when it hurts. Oh I have waited here for you… I have waited~" They break out in a jam of almost-as-perfect choreography.

"You make me wanna LALA! In the kitchen on the floor~! I'll be a French maid where I meet you at the door. I'm like an alley cat, drink the milk up—I want more! You make me wanna, you make me wanna scream…" he sings, almost yelling, and they bump and grind and shake until their bodies are worn to nothing but skin and sweat. The song ends with a dramatic drop, and they lie there panting before they get a hard look at Finn, Puck, Matt and Mike, who are shell-shocked, sweating, and all with obvious erections.

But the girls don't notice. It's like they wore black pants deliberately to hide it, but it doesn't fool Kurt. Not at all. "You guys are helpless," Kurt says and rises from the ground to sit in an empty chair between Puck and Finn. The girls start talking again, eyeing the boys up and down as they do so.

Artie almost throws up in his mouth and decides to leave.

"You can't hide those from me…" Kurt whispers, and slaps them both once on the cock. They both go into shock, inhaling heavily as Kurt stands and struts his way to the door. He makes the "call me" sign with his hand before exiting, and with his departure comes the unanimous wish to leave with him from the four dudes.

"Okay, ladies, we got to get going, see you later!" Puck calls abruptly, and then suddenly the girls are alone.

Rachel looks to Mercedes and frowns.

"What is going on?" she says in a barely audible voice.

"I don't even know…" Mercedes replies, shaking her head. "But I think we're the only ones that have any idea something is up."

"We'll talk about it later…" Rachel mutters, and leaves as well.