Cherish

~O~

いつからか素敵なことは
必然要してどこかを失った
心のつながりにおびえて
体でうめようとした

~O~

'Naruto,

I finally know how to contact you now. God, since when did you become so untraceable? Since when did you start keeping things to yourself? I don't get it. Why did you leave without telling anyone? We're all worried about you, but Shishou has cancelled the search parties. She says that you have your reasons for leaving and that we should leave you alone.

What in the world are you thinking, Naruto? It's almost been a year now – A WHOLE YEAR. Do you have any idea how worried I am? What are you doing that you can't do with us by your side?

Wait, don't tell me. You want to hunt down Orochimaru by yourself, don't you? Stop it, Naruto. You don't have to do it on your own. Why do you ALWAYS want to do things by yourself? We can help you – and do you know how dangerous it is for you to wander around alone?

I just... don't understand you anymore. One day we were fine and the next you've upped and left. Did I do something wrong? You're mad at me, is that it? Come back, Naruto. We'll work things out.

- Sakura

P.S. Don't you dare kill Gamakichi.'

"I'm going to kill you, Gamakichi," Naruto growled. He didn't look away from the note in his hand – he couldn't. He tentatively absorbed every word, each letter of the familiar handwriting – he couldn't bring himself to crumple it.

The large orange toad crossed his arms. "I didn't have much of a choice, ya know. Your girlfriend sent slugs to bug us until my dad made me agree. Didn't know they could be so annoying."

"Yeah? How'd the slugs get to Myobokuzan?" He wasn't quite listening. Sakura was so very there in the letter. It was so much like her that he could picture her screaming out the same message in the midst of ripping out his entrails.

"We summons have our way. You don't think we never see the others until we're summoned to the same place, do ya? Nah, Pops goes to meetings sometimes – the slugs were bugging him all the way through." Gamakichi paused when he saw that Naruto wasn't really paying attention to him. "Oi. Naruto."

"Hm?"

"Your girlfriend is really something."

The blonde finally raised his head and smiled over at the toad. "If you want to have children, don't let her hear you calling her that." Naruto blinked as he finally registered the snippets of Gamakichi's report that he had actually heard. "Wait... Sakura can summon slugs now?"

"Yep. I think she learned just for this." The toad nodded at the letter.

"... Huh. I guess she's doing well, then." When Naruto swallowed, his throat was dry as parchment. He wished he'd been there to witness her first summon; had she only managed tiny slugs like he had with tadpoles? Nah, Sakura was too adept to stumble like that... still, he wished he had been there.

Naruto shook his head. Maybe thinking too much wasn't a good thing. He folded the letter and carefully placed it in one of his jacket's inner pockets, then frowned at Gamakichi. "You should stop popping up if I haven't summoned you, 'Kichi. How can you even do that?"

"Geez, how many times do I have to tell you? For the hundredth time, I do have a life out of Myobokuzan. I'm not limited to one place until you summon me."

"How neat." Naruto sighed distractedly and looked around at his room; Gamakichi had pretty much trashed it when he had suddenly appeared on the bed. The innkeeper was not going to be happy about this. "Listen, Gamakichi," he said, looking into the frog's eyes. "You're going to start carrying letters to me from Sakura, aren't you? There's no way I can convince you otherwise?"

"Not a chance, bro. It's not nice to break an agreement with the other summons."

"Then why did you agree in the first place?"

"I didn't! The slugs wouldn't go away and Pops got annoyed so he sent me." The crushed bed creaked as Gamakichi shifted his great weight. The top of the toad's head almost brushed the ceiling; Naruto was surprised no one had already barged in to investigate. "Come on, Naruto. I don't get it either. You had friends that could help you and you just left to deal with things by yourself. Why?"

"It's easier this way," came the simple reply. "Now get out of here. I'm still mad at you, remember."

Gamakichi snorted, dismissing it with a wave of a flipper. "Her letters will do you good. You need to keep in touch with someone."

"I do not."

"Do too."

"Do not."

"You so do!"

Naruto's fists were clenched and his knuckles were white but he doubted his frustration with Gamakichi had anything to do with it. "'Kichi, just leave me. You've done your job."

Their gazes were levelled for several moments, and Naruto wondered if Gamakichi had accepted the slugs' request more willingly than he claimed. The toad seemed to be on Sakura's side. "Naruto," Gamakichi said, for once serious, "Sakura is worried about you. Hell, I'm worried about you. Don't you think you're trying to do things the wrong way?"

Like he really cared what was right or wrong when he'd already come this far. "It's easier this way," Naruto ended up repeating.

"How?"

"Just is. Now scram."

Gamakichi seemed to relent. For now, anyway; if Naruto knew anything about his amphibian friend, it was that 'Kichi could be as stubborn as he was if that was the only way he would get through. Well, he wasn't going to get through. Naruto had had months to prepare himself for the emotional backlash. It didn't stop him from missing home dearly, though.

"Naruto?" It seemed like Gamakichi still wanted the last word. "I can do a trip to Konoha on my way back if you want."

"For what?" Naruto grunted. Then he looked up sharply. "No."

"She deserves to know if you're alright."

"She'll know. I haven't gone back in a body bag yet."

"Damn it, Naruto! You won't ever go back in a body bag at this rate! You'll end up dying by yourself, in the cold, in a muddy ditch with no one around for miles!"

Naruto blinked at Gamakichi's outburst. "Chill, 'Kichi," he said softly, moving forward to pat the toad's arm. Great, he'd just upset the only friend he'd talked to for months. "Okay, okay, I'll write her something. Just – just don't kill more of the furniture. I need to pay for that."

By now he was certain that Gamakichi was just as worried about him as everyone else was. Naruto felt guilty for putting his friends through such torment – but he was taking the brunt of it, wasn't he? He wasn't going to start questioning his decision now.

Five minutes later Gamakichi was frowning at a scrap piece of paper. "Are you sure this will do, bro?"

"You wanted me to write something and I did. Quit complaining."

The toad sighed. "Fine. Guess I'll see you soon, Naruto."

It wasn't until Gamakichi vanished in a puff of smoke that Naruto muttered, "I hope not."

With another heavy sigh he looked around at the ruined room. He dropped himself onto the rickety chair and wiped his hands over his face several times.

What had he been expecting? Of course his friends would pursue him. It was just that Sakura's letter had completely thrown him back. It had to be Sakura of all people. Naruto could still feel the weight of the paper in his pocket and ignored the warmth in his chest. He wasn't supposed to feel glad that he had not been forgotten. This was bad.

Tsunade had not agreed with him when he had brought up the suggestion – of course she hadn't agreed with him. He would rather have left without seeing her at all, but he felt that she should be kept informed. He would be reporting to her anyway, so there was no point delaying the inevitable. He'd broken it out to her as gently as he could, telling that that it was the best solution for everyone.

She had promptly smashed him through four walls.

Yet in the end she had relented. She had not agreed, but she had unwillingly accepted the facts; that the only way Jiraiya's network of spies could be managed efficiently was for the master to travel and personally investigate as the Toad Sannin had. And who did the spies now report to? One Uzumaki Naruto.

A lapse into thoughtful silence found the whiskered boy reading over the letter again. He couldn't help it. It felt oddly relieving to know that Sakura had not given up on him, that she still wanted him back. Was he hurting her this way? He'd make it up to her... somehow. Maybe he could send her a present... no, he couldn't do that. It would only raise her hopes and that was plain cruel. Every fibre in his body screamed for him to burn the letter and get it over with – but how the hell could he do that?

He tucked the letter back inside his pocket, stiffly gathered his sparse belongings and went downstairs to check out.

Stupid Gamakichi. Stupid, stupid Sakura.

And oh – he knew he was the biggest idiot of them all.

"I'm doing okay. Not mad. Don't write anymore... miss you," Sakura read aloud. Her eye twitched as she read it again... and again. And finally threw the paper to the ground. "What the hell, Naruto?"

A wary Gamatatsu cringed. "No wonder big brother 'Kichi sent me. You're scary, lady."

Sakura groaned. "Do you know where he is?"

"Of course! At Myobokuzan."

"Myo... not Gamakichi! Naruto! Do you know where Naruto is?" But she didn't need the helpless shake of head to know that Gamatatsu had no idea. She didn't hear the toad enthusiastically ask if she had a snack for him but held out the onigiri she had prepared for her lunch break anyway. She didn't even hear the toad leave.

Damn that Naruto.

Her teammate's messy scrawl stared up at her from the ground and Sakura reluctantly picked up the note, gently brushing the dirt off. What was this, a game of hide and seek? "We're not kids anymore, Naruto," she murmured. No, they were almost adults now. They didn't have time for games. Even Naruto knew that. This was as much a game to him as it was to her.

And that was exactly what worried her.

She had been keeping count. Ten months and fourteen days. In that time, Sakura had come up with precisely twenty-eight possible reasons why Naruto had left. Only one actually made sense, and it was the single possibility she didn't want to think about. Because even Naruto couldn't be that stupid, that blind...

First Sasuke, now Naruto. Except Naruto was not Sasuke. He had not knocked her out in the middle of the night and left her on a cold bench. He was not Sasuke, who had been distant and hadn't shared meals at Ichiraku's with her. Sasuke hadn't trained with her and gotten comically drunk by her side.

But Sasuke had said goodbye.

It... hurt that Naruto hadn't gone to see her before he left. He hadn't even left her a note. He had just... left. She had thought she was important to him. She valued him. They were best friends; they had held and supported each other during Sasuke's absence. Wasn't she even worth a farewell?

Sakura stared blankly at the paper, her gazed fixed on the detail that had sparked a good portion of her distress. Right below 'miss' was an inky smudge and, if she squinted, she could discern the word Naruto had hurriedly tried to cross out. Something caught in her throat.

'I'm doing okay. Not mad. Don't write anymore... love you...'

Uzumaki Naruto had lived through his best friend's betrayal, had survived a Chidori to the chest, bounced back to his feet even after the uncooperative demon sealed inside him had decided to rattle the leash and had practically festooned every inch of his skin with third-degree burns. Heck – he had lived through the trauma of having Tsunade and Sakura beat the hell out of him.

In comparison to all that, writing a reply to a letter couldn't possibly be that hard.

Of course, he shouldn't even be thinking about said letter anyway. His meal sat cooling in front of him, and Naruto knew well that it was a sin to neglect ramen, especially when he hadn't had it for so long. But Sakura.She had sent Gamatatsu after him the same night her first letter had reached its recipient, and Naruto was painfully aware of how anxious she must be.

Wasn't she satisfied with his ten-letter response? He'd thought it was rather poetic.

It was plain that Sakura hadn't been expecting him to write back at all. Her second letter was all over the place. She wanted to know so many things; where he was, how he was doing, when was he coming back, where he was, if he was coming back at all, where the freaking hell he was-

Oh, and didn't he love her?

Naruto realised that his jaw still went slack every time he reached that part, even though three days had passed since Gamatatsu had shown up with the letter. Sakura was asking him if he loved her. He had the feeling it had something to do with his unsubtle scribbling out of a certain word – but still. This was Sakura. She just didn't... ask him things like that, even in text.

It wasn't like they were anything more than close friends, so Naruto tried to see the question from Sakura's point of view, struggling to understand the context. The more he thought about it, the heavier his heart became. He had left her even after promising that he would always be there. Despite her words, he knew that Sakura put much weight behind his promises. On bad days, he sometimes felt that they were all that held her together.

He tried to imagine the state he would be in if Sakura abruptly disappeared overnight with not a word of notice, and moaned involuntarily.

Horrified that his will was wavering, Naruto grimly reminded himself that he had already thought this over, that he had factored in all of this – well, alright, so he hadn't. But he had accounted for one major factor.

Sasuke.

Sakura had him back now. Naruto had thought that the Uchiha's presence would help her deal. Even though the thought was enough to make him snort almost involuntarily. Like the teme would take her down to the lake and cheer her up with ice cream... Not to mention that Sasuke was still heavily guarded in that cosy cell of his. Two months after his departure, however, Naruto had been informed that Tsunade had been able to push for some leniency, allowing the Uchiha to be taken out limited times a week. Always a good sign, he approved.

Naruto had actually talked to Sasuke before he had left, confident that no one topped his teammate at being tight-lipped. The bastard had changed, but beneath all the blood-crusted layers he was still the brother Naruto had fought tooth and nail for. He did not tell Sasuke the finer details, but made the latter promise that he would look out for Sakura regardless of his own situation. He had even implored Sai to protect her, since he could no longer take the duty upon himself.

At the end of the day, Naruto was worried the most about Sakura. That was why he had gone through so many measures, and that was why she would be alright. He had to repeat it to himself several times. Sakura was and always would be his weak spot. Since receiving her letters, suppressed feelings began to surface faster than he could force them back down, and Naruto found himself lying awake at night, realising that he missed her like hell.

But his resolve still stood. She'd be better off distanced from him. Just in case...

His musings were shunted to the side when a man in a long trench coat took a seat beside him. Naruto had barely identified the approaching chakra signature, but he raised his head and greeted the newcomer as any nephew would his uncle. "You ordering, Uncle? It's on me," he grinned casually.

The man shook his head. "I'll be on my way soon. If it wasn't for you, I'd be in the next town already. You'd better be grateful, gaki."

"Oh, I am. I'd hug you if you'd let me... so what's Dad got to say to me?"

"Here." The man reached into the folds of his coat and placed an unmarked scroll on the table between them. Only Naruto caught the glint in his eye. "He told me to advise you to stay away from Lightning Country; he hears bandits are thick there. Don't worry him."

Naruto pocketed the scroll, nodding. "Sure thing. Tell him I'll write back soon if you see him, yeah?"

"Hrm. I might. I might also tell him what you've done to your hair." Naruto had paid little attention to his henge this time, but now he realised that the locks hanging over his forehead were an outstanding shade of green. He just grinned even wider. Shortly, the man got to his feet and brushed himself off. "I wish you two would stop treating me like the mailman... I'm off then; I'm already behind schedule thanks to you. Take care of yourself, you hear?"

"Yep. See ya, Uncle."

Naruto stayed long enough to finish his ramen, then paid for his meal and left the store, huddling in his own battered coat when chilly air rushed at him, racing down his collar and breathing ice on his back. He would much rather find himself another inn to stay in for the cold night, but it was a rule of his never to remain in the same place after getting in touch with his contacts. Dawn would find no trace of him in this small seaside village.

Until then, he could spare a few minutes. He set off at a brisk pace for the visible beach, which was empty at this time of day. The sand was still warm when he sat down and unrolled the scroll the man had given him. It only took him a few minutes to decipher the code – he was getting loads better at this. His expression was dark by the time he finished reading. Naruto burned the scroll with a simple Katon and scattered the ashes.

The leader of a renowned clan in Lightning Country had suddenly gone missing three days ago. A powerful shinobi at his prime would not fall to just any ambitious contender, especially overnight. The Raikage was furious; the Kikuchi were one of the largest clans in Hidden Cloud and the loss of its head was a calamity. Naruto thought back to similar reports that he had received in the past few weeks, and sighed heavily. There was no doubt about it. Orochimaru's doing. It wouldn't be long now. Time was running out.

Naruto raised his hand, looked at it, clenched it, and then lifted it higher to block out the glare of the setting sun. He wasn't ready yet, but he'd make sure that he would be soon. It was only a matter of time before his network picked up signs of Orochimaru's earnest advance, though Naruto could already tell what the Snake Sannin was after. He just had to keep those slimy hands off the prize. How hard could that be?

Even he had to chuckle. Uzumaki Naruto didn't know 'hard'... except when it came to writing letters to a certain girl.

"Damn, I'm late," Sakura muttered to herself, as if hearing the words would somehow increase her dexterity to race across Konoha's rooftops without landing on the wrong foot and tumbling to the ground in a heap of broken bones. Ever since that time it had almost happened to her, she made sure to check whenever she could that no cats happened to be prowling around her next landing spot. There would be no Naruto to catch her if she slipped this time.

As if Kami had heard her words, the buildings began to grow sparser and the village's tall boundaries came into view. Sakura landed nimbly in a crouch, pausing for a second to catch her breath, and also to rake her disproving gaze over the grey walls of ANBU's detention centre. Her mouth set in a firm line as she strode toward it. When she was twenty feet from the structure, the heavy doors creaked open to reveal three figures in the dim light.

The ANBU on the left regarded her through his badger mask. "You were expected half an hour ago." It was merely an emotionless statement, but Sakura detected the blunt accusation.

"Sorry," she said, bowing her head. Her mouth opened with 'I was kept in at the hospital' on the tip of her tongue, but she bit it back, reminding herself that Black Ops was not interested in excuses. She had learned that months ago. How does Neji deal with them? she wondered. Of course, she had to keep in mind that these people were only doing their job. It probably would kill them to kick back and relax a little.

Shaking her head slightly, Sakura turned her attention back to the matter at hand. The two agents stood unnaturally still, obviously waiting for her to prove that she had more than just a simple one-worded apology up her sleeve. Already worn out from a full day's work, she ignored them, instead offering a smile to the young man sandwiched between the ANBU.

"Hello, Sasuke-kun."

He gave a grunt. It was nothing more than the usual, but after months of visiting him Sakura could instantly tell that he was particularly displeased this evening. For some reason she doubted it had much to do with her tardiness.

"Sorry about that; I ran into a black cat on my way so I had to take a detour," she remarked, and grinned when his dark eyes flashed with the slightest hint of an amused smile. The two ANBU exuded an aura of unspoken confusion. Sakura turned to them. "Thanks. We'll be back in two hours."

They did not relinquish their firm grips on Sasuke's shoulders, and she frowned. "The prisoner is a high-class criminal," Badger's teammate reminded her. Sakura almost sighed. She had heard this countless times before.

"The Hokage herself has vouched for him and his chakra is sealed. Sasuke won't do any harm." She mentally apologised to her friend for discussing him like he was not there, like he was some sort of rabid dog. "I can handle him," she felt the need to add, a little indignantly.

The ANBU inclined his head, though she couldn't tell if it was out of courtesy or to look down at her. "We have been ordered to monitor him."

Sakura's eyes narrowed at the statement. Something was off. She frequented the centre enough that the agents knew who she was. Those that personally opposed Sasuke's 'freedom' had already accepted that there was nothing they could do to sway the fiery kunoichi. But this was different. The use of 'ordered' was what sent alarm bells going off in her head.

Pieces fell into place at once. The clipped, emotionless voices and composures; their attitude – their loyalties. Sakura's mind flashed back to that afternoon, of how Tsunade had been trying to tell her something before they had been distracted by the return of a wounded team. Now she knew. These men were from ROOT. No wonder.

Her lips pursed. "I've been taking Sasuke out like this for over half a year now and everything has gone smoothly. I don't see any need to change things." Her voice was calm.

"Danzou-sama is merely concerned that the Hokage has made an unwise decision in dismissing the guards during your… 'trips'. We have been told that the prisoner is considered unstable."

Unstable. Unstable. Sakura tried unsuccessfully to quell her anger. How dare they! Could they not see that Sasuke was done with being a missing-nin? She and Naruto had pummelled that lesson into him. She looked into Sasuke's eyes, jaw rigid, and saw exactly how much he would like to teach those ANBU a lesson of his own. For a moment there, she was tempted to just let him loose on those pricks.

Badger pushed on, either overlooking or ignoring Sakura's fury. "The prisoner should be kept-"

Sakura cut him off. "His name is Sasuke and he is not unstable," she snapped frostily. "The last time I checked your Danzou-sama was not the Hokage. And you'd better watch your step if you're going to continue talking like that; he's more than capable of kicking you two around even with his chakra sealed."

It wasn't like her to lose her cool, she realised. Sasuke's cocked eyebrow and oh-so-familiar smirk only reminded her, and Sakura heaved in a deep breath, eyelids fluttering. With another cold look at the ANBU, she reached out and grabbed Sasuke's hand. She gave a low growl when the guards resisted, causing them to hesitate. "Let's go, Sasuke."

They could hear the ROOT members shuffling behind them as they walked away. "Danzou-sama will hear about this," one of them said.

Sakura stopped; Sasuke did not even step an inch in front of her despite her announced halt. Slowly, she turned around. She was not in the mood for this.

"Is that a threat?" she asked dangerously. Her glare was laden with warning, enough so that she could sense unease from the two men. Haruno Sakura was no longer the naive and compliant girl she had been. Tsunade had taught her to fight, in more ways than one. And she had grown with her experiences.

Sasuke gave her hand a barely perceptible tug, reeling her back. Sakura groped around for a moment until she found her sensible self. He was right; making matters worse was no help to anyone. But she was not going to take this from Danzou's lapdogs.

"One moment," she murmured to him. He wisely stepped behind her when she dropped his hand. Thank God he learns faster than Naruto.

Badger's hand was already moving warily toward his katana and his teammate dropped into a slight crouch, but Sakura just smiled sweetly at them. They faltered for a second – one second was all she needed.

A single tap of her toe sent a jagged crevice tearing through the earth, splitting the ground between the two ANBU. Although they had heard rumours of the Hokage's apprentice, they were ill-prepared. Badger stumbled, almost stepping right into the fissure. Sakura could have sworn she had heard low laughter rumbling from the centre; it seemed ROOT was not popular amongst the regular ANBU. It was a pity that Neji did not operate here. Pity Naruto wasn't here to laugh until his butt hit the ground, too.

Regardless, it was still an ANBU station; causing commotion in the immediate vicinity was not encouraged if you couldn't escape fast enough. Sakura shot one last comment over her shoulder as she turned away. "If you're going to follow anyway at least do it with some professionalism." She took Sasuke's hand again. "Come on."

Sakura was still seething when they entered the main village district. She doubted the ROOT agents would abandon their mission and leave them be, but at least they had taken her advice and concealed themselves well. Her head throbbed with complicated thoughts. Danzou was testing the extent of his power again. She would have to talk with Tsunade and run through the situation. Sai would be invaluable as well. She'd be damned if she let Danzou lay a hand on Sasuke. She'd had enough of losing her boys – to manipulative bastards, to revenge, to idiocy.

On the topic of Sasuke; Sakura realised that she was still holding his hand. She retracted hers, aware that he was still bothered by contact. "Sorry."

Sasuke just shrugged and slipped his hands into his pockets. After a few moments, he said, "You are becoming more and more like the dobe."

Sakura almost walked right into another villager. Sasuke rarely mentioned Naruto – at least, not to her. "You're in the mood to talk about Naruto, huh?" she asked, smiling weakly.

He glanced at her. "The question is – are you?"

She sighed. So he had noticed. Of course he noticed, idiot, she berated herself. This was Sasuke they were talking about. "Do you... miss him?" she asked curiously.

"I went years without him." Sasuke paused pointedly. "You did not."

"Hey, he was gone for two years with Jiraiya..." The pointed look silenced her. Sakura lowered her head. It wasn't the same. Sasuke knew and so did she. "Yeah," she said softly. "I miss him." She felt silly for answering her own question.

"Hn." That was her cue to continue talking.

"I've been writing letters to him through our summons... he's only replied once so far." She wondered why she was so disappointed. It was only a letter... it didn't mean that Naruto had forever severed his ties with her. "He's such a jerk for leaving like this," she mumbled. She glanced at her companion, waiting for his response. Sasuke, as usual, was not terribly cooperative.

"Where are we going?" he asked, lips barely moving.

"To dinner. I thought we'd go to Ichiraku Ramen. Naruto still has coupons left over."

"Sakura." She tilted her head up to look at Sasuke. All the boys just had to be taller than her. "Naruto's been gone for months; his coupons would have expired by now. If you want to go to Ichiraku's for your own reasons, come up with better excuses."

"Wh-Who says I'm-"

"We've been going to Ichiraku's at least two times a week for the past three months now."

"What are you trying to say, Sasuke?" she scowled. Sasuke... Sasuke would not understand. He saw no point in returning to Naruto's favourite restaurant. Sakura was aware of how foolish she was being. No matter how many times they stopped by, they would not run into Naruto at the stand. He wouldn't be there to noisily slurp up noodles and fill the small restaurant with his cheerful laughter.

But she… couldn't stop seeing his ghost wherever she went.

Sakura had not realised until recently how devastatingly lonely she was without Naruto. No matter how hard she tried to convince herself, Sasuke simply could not fill in for Naruto. She couldn't fool around with him, couldn't joke with him, couldn't laugh with him. It was just… different.

They settled in the ramen stand. Teuchi and Ayame greeted Sakura with pleasant smiles and they exchanged a few words of conversation. Sakura did not try to make small talk with Sasuke while they waited for their meal to be served; he hardly spoke much anyway.

He seemed intent on proving her wrong tonight.

"Sakura."

She gingerly put the menu down. He was oddly talkative today. "Yes?"

"Have you ever considered the possibility that Naruto could have betrayed Konoha?"

Sakura's head snapped around. Sasuke's willingness to meet her hard look almost took her aback. His eyes were still so dark even after all these years. "No. Never," she replied truthfully. He did not question her certainty.

Ayame seemed to recognise the heavy atmosphere. She placed their orders in front of them and promptly left the two teenagers alone. Sasuke broke his chopsticks but did not start eating. A full minute passed before Sakura convinced herself that her companion was simply being his mysterious self. Naruto would never turn on his village. It was not his way. Assured, Sakura tried to laugh it off. "Mou, aren't you hungry, Sasuke-kun? Let's eat already."

But neither of them touched their food. Sasuke was looking at her. "Did you ever think that it would be easier if he had?"

"Like you?" Sakura spoke without thinking and immediately tripped over herself apologising – but he was not concerned.

"I betrayed more than the village, Sakura," he said levelly. "But yes, like me. A missing-nin."

Naruto... a missing-nin. She could not imagine it. His exuberant 'I'm gonna be Hokage one day!' echoed in her mind, bringing a nostalgic gleam to Sakura's eyes.

"I don't know why you're suddenly so interested in talking about Naruto, Sasuke, and no offense, but I don't think I want to." He snorted quietly in response. She went on, looking at her ramen broth as she spoke. "I don't know what goes through boys' minds – I honestly don't. Naruto is in for it when he gets back. I'm really mad at him and I'd break every bone in his body the next time I see him... but you know something, Sasuke?"

She smiled at him, laughing a little. "Call me stupid... but I believe in him."

Sasuke wordlessly regarded her. Then he looked away and dipped his chopsticks into his bowl. "Come and see me tomorrow, Sakura."

"I would have even if you hadn't asked," she told him.

"I have something to give you." Before she could inquire, he added, "You'll see tomorrow."

'I thought I told you not to write anymore... okay, fine, that wasn't a smart move, I admit.

I'm really sorry for worrying you but I can't tell you where I am. That just defeats the purpose of... actually, never mind.

Sorry, I can't think straight right now. This is going to be my last letter anyway. This isn't going to work. I'm sorry I wrote back in the first place. That was a really bad move.

But wait – what are you talking about, Sakura? OF COURSE I LOVE YOU! Just – don't ask questions, okay? I love you, I miss you. But I'm can't come back yet. I'm sorry.

Man, that's a lot of apologising, huh?

I'm sorry, Sakura.'

'First of all – why is this written on TOILET PAPER?

'Don't ask questions' – you know that won't work. I care about you, Naruto. And I miss you. You were always asking me on dates, remember? I'll go out with you for a day if you'll come back. Please. If you really do care about your friends, you'll tell us what's going on.

Sasuke gave me your forehead protector the other day. He said you left it with him. So you saw Sasuke before you left and didn't think to see me. How could you! If you don't explain yourself, I will personally eviscerate you.

- Sakura'

'Naruto... you were serious, weren't you? About your last letter? If you're not going to come home, at least keep writing. Please don't shut me out. Life just isn't the same without you.'

Gamakichi summoned himself to a meadow. Or what had once been a meadow, but was now a flat plain riddled with craters and felled trees. He looked around, spotting a young man lying on a rare patch of grass. "Yo."

Naruto cracked open an eye. Beads of sweat glistened on his forehead and he seemed to lie in some sort of exhausted slump. "Not another one," he groaned when he saw the toad, as if Sakura's letters were some sort of torture device.

"Nah, not this time. I just thought I'd keep you company." The slight pause unwittingly revealed that Gamakichi had intended more than that.

"Gee, thanks." Naruto sat up with some difficulty; his arms seemed reluctant to bear his weight. "Ow..."

"What happened to you? Got attacked? Are you hurt?" Gamakichi peered at his friend. The blonde waved it away, grinning slightly.

"Just training, that's all." Naruto flexed his fingers, wincing. Glancing over, he saw the concerned look on Gamakichi's features, and hastily lay back down with an artificial sigh of relaxation, hoping to hide his body's fatigued trembling. "Nice day to just look at the sky, don't you think, 'Kichi?" he called.

He didn't need to see the sceptical look to deduce that his friend was not fooled. Gamakichi grumbled something unintelligible, and then stretched out on his back as well. The positioning looked awfully awkward but the toad seemed comfortable. Naruto's consciousness was drifting, yearning for sleep. Only Gamakichi's voice, low as it was, kept him awake.

"You ever realised that you were being cruel, Naruto?"

He grimaced, instantly alert. "This is about Sakura, isn't it?"

Gamakichi said nothing. Instead, he sprang up and began rummaging through Naruto's tattered clothes. The blonde hissed in pain as large webbed fingers compressed on his sore ribs. "What are you look – oof!" His breath left him when he was tossed unceremoniously onto his front. Half-healed ligaments painfully split again, chorused by various other protesting wounds, and Gamakichi stopped when Naruto began heaving in controlled breaths. He sat back on his haunches, frowning, until the boy had recovered enough to look hazily at him. "Geez, 'Kichi, some warning would have been nice... just what were you looking for?"

Gamakichi looked at him steadily, as if Naruto should know exactly what he had been seeking. Then it came to him. "I left them in my pack at the inn; I didn't want to damage them." He coughed dryly and jerked his head meaningfully at their ravaged surroundings.

"So you have been reading them," Gamakichi said. "And you value them. Admit it, bro, you like getting those letters." Naruto opened his mouth but was given no chance to disagree. "Ya think I don't notice? They cheer you up. You say you don't want them, but some part of you feels happy when I turn up with anything that has your girlfriend's handwriting on it."

Finding himself at a loss for words, Naruto just muttered something along the lines of "not my girlfriend".

"But you'd like that," Gamakichi pointed out.

He would. A lot. But he told himself that he shouldn't be thinking this way.

"If you're worried that she's angry at you, it'd probably help to write back." Gamakichi pulled out an unlit pipe – a gift from his father – and stuck it between his lips.

"No." The word literally battered all others aside in an unofficial race to be the first – and only – one to exit his mouth. It had become a reflex. Naruto was surprised by how much he resented it at the moment despite his relief.

"Then you're being cruel. You're leaving her hanging. You shouldn't have written to her in the first place if you're just going to stop after giving her that hope."

Naruto gave his companion a blunt glare, irritated. "And this is coming from the one who pressured me to write back. If anything, it's your fault, Gamakichi." But he could hear the holes in his futile rebuttal and prepared himself for the blow Gamakichi would deliver. He was not disappointed.

"You wouldn't have fallen for that if you were resolute. You wanted to write back. You miss Konoha – but, bro, even a toad like me can see that you miss that girl just as much. Probably more."

There was a certain edge to words that struck home. It was like having a thin barrier crumble away; a barrier constructed in reluctance to accept. And Naruto was angry – not at Gamakichi, but at himself. For succumbing to reminiscence of Sakura. For being such a... a sap. He was dooming them.

'If you really do care about your friends, you'll tell us what's going on.'

No – if he really did care about his friends, he would leave them in the dark. If he truly cared about Sakura, he would stop thinking about her and reading her letters.

Sakura had always been the only one who could open him up. She understood him the best and she never failed to provide him with the best companionship she could offer. Their friends had learned to check Sakura's house if Naruto's apartment was empty. More often than not, they would find him sprawled on her couch or preparing dinner. They had been plunged through good and bad times together, and Naruto's natural affection for her drew their friendship even tighter.

In other words, it was downright impossible for him to stop thinking of her. No matter how long he spent weaning himself off her, she would still be there in his head, humorously clucking her tongue when he accidentally tripped over something.

His eyes softening, Naruto turned his head to one side, away from Gamakichi. "You don't understand," he murmured.

A snort. "I never said I did."

Naruto sighed. He felt more than just physically tired. Although it had been many months he still had not adjusted to this lifestyle. It felt odd to be left out of the loop. While his friends were taking missions and advancing progressively together, he had nothing but hollow wind and an uncooperative summon as his company.

"Gamakichi?" The toad had been gazing up at the clouds. Now he brought his head down to look at Naruto. "How... how's Sakura?"

He realised that Gamakichi must have been waiting for this particular question when some sort of grin spread across his friend's face. "I saw her hanging around with a blonde girl the other day-"

"Ino," Naruto identified absently. He'd known he could count on Ino.

Gamakichi gave him a funny look before he continued. "Anyway, Sakura was laughing, but ya know, it's not an altogether happy sort of laugh. Bet you're to blame for that. Other than that, though, she's doing alright."

Naruto closed his eyes, nodding. He had expected nothing more, nothing less. "Sounds like you've been checking up on her even when I don't have letters for you to deliver." He heard Gamakichi shuffling and muttering something under his breath, and deduced that his insight was not appreciated. Naruto smiled. "Hey 'Kichi."

The sounds faltered. "What?"

"Thanks. I mean it, buddy."

It took a minute for Gamakichi to overcome his embarrassment. "I'm just doing what I can. Got nothing better to do in my spare time. I get 'Tatsu to go sometimes."

"Thank him for me too, ne?"

"Yeah, yeah." Gamakichi levered himself up. "Guess I'll be headin' back. Just stay down," he said when Naruto attempted to get up. The blonde shinobi gave a feeble shrug. "Just remember one thing, eh, Naruto?"

"Mm?"

"You've got friends out there who would really want you back."

'You're shutting me out again, aren't you? I knew it. But if you think I've given up on you, you're wrong. Did you ever realise that I could find you if I tracked Gamakichi? I just haven't done that yet, because I want you to come home by yourself. You're not Sasuke.

Naruto, the Council is at their limit already. I finally heard it from Shishou; you've left to handle the spy network. That's not the only reason, is it? I know you – you would have told me if it was something as simple as that. You have other ideas, don't you? The Council is getting roused now. They know you're up to something.

I'm still waiting for you to write back. It's driving me mad! I thought I'd gotten a hold of you when I managed to get the toads to deliver my letters; but somehow it feels like I'm even further away. You're deliberately closing up. I can tell.

I'm starting to miss you so much it's not even funny. I swear, I see you everywhere now. I feel like an idiot whenever I see something and am reminded of you. Why am I putting myself through such torment for a jerk who doesn't even have it in him to write home? Why am I cleaning his house for him? I don't know – I really don't.

Gamakichi talked to me the other day. Maybe he was right. I shouldn't have tried to get in touch with you.

You idiot... it's not like you to pull something like this, yet at the same time it's just so like you that I really wish your head was between my hands right now – so I could crush it.

It feels weird not talking to you. Letters just aren't the same. There's no one I can talk to now. Ino got posted on a long-term mission and won't be back until next month. Sasuke is still being Sasuke. He's talking more, but honestly, he isn't a replacement for you. It's too… quiet without you.

I think I'm starting to realise something, Naruto. Throughout all these years, I've taken you for granted. And now I regret it.'

Maito Gai was not a man of many visitors. His... eccentricity usually discouraged the villagers to approach him and his jounin comrades had learned to give him a wide berth. That was why he was immediately intrigued when he spun through another taijutsu sequence and consequently spied a young man half-hidden in the shadows branching from the trees surrounding training ground eleven. He hadn't even sensed the chakra presence.

"Can I help you there?" he called in his loud voice, flashing a friendly grin toward the youth. It was very late at night and few people were still out.

The newcomer took a few steps forward, allowing the moon's light to spill over his slim physique. Squinting a little, Gai confirmed that he did not recognise this plain-looking man. On the other hand there was an air of familiarity about him that he could not place. Until the young man spoke.

"Still youthful as ever, ne, Gai-sensei?"

Gai wore a quizzical expression, although it was quickly replaced by a fond smile – which was then promptly swapped for a stern frown. "It has only been three months," he said, shaking his head slowly. After a short pause, he proceeded to ask, "How is your training going?"

He was answered with a semi-tired grin.

Gai's eyes widened as his thick eyebrows bunched together. He motioned his visitor forward, settling his hands firmly on the boy's shoulders when he was within reach. "You are truly astounding, Naruto-kun."

"You think so?" A sliver of childish exuberance leaked from the otherwise sombre teenager. Gai was so tempted to dispel the henge. Uzumaki Naruto was too young to be hiding, too young to be basing his life on heroics. "I need a little help," the younger man admitted.

Looking into the eyes that still shone brightly through the henge, Gai saw that something was missing from the emotions roiling within. "Naruto, aren't you afraid? At all?"

Laughter broke out. "What kind of question is that?" Naruto grasped the older man's forearm firmly, assuredly. "No, not really."

Shinobi were often driven to an ultimatum where their life or death was determined by a single decision. Gai had been in those shoes many times – but he would never forget the weight of another person's life in his hands. "I already have trouble looking Kakashi in the eye."

"It's not like he looks up from that perverted book all the time," Naruto pointed out.

"I agree. Those books are such a waste of my eternal rival's youth-" Gai stopped short, frowning when he registered what he was saying. He looked up to find Naruto giving him a knowing smile, a certain twinkle in his eyes. For over a minute the two only traded appraising looks. Then Gai sighed, pushing fingers through his hair. "Alright then... how much time do we have?"

He watched Naruto glance toward the stars, seeing the young child that he had met during the Chuunin Exams. But as much as he tried to hold onto that innocent memory, he was hapless to prevent it from escaping into the wind when he realised that he was staring at someone who had everything to lose.

Having camped out in the open as commonly as he rented himself a room, Naruto's standards for accommodation had risen considerably. Including his expectation of trees.

The sky was just beginning to get light when his hunt for the most comfortable tree branch ended at last. His rendezvous with another of his contacts in Tanzaku Gai must have taken longer than he thought. Good thing he had sent a shadow clone to consult Gai in his place; he was horrible when it came to time management.

Being so close to home filled him with empowering nostalgia. He very rarely approached Konoha these days, not to mention lurk just outside its gates. He was feeling particularly... well, emotional, tonight. Perhaps it was Sakura's letters. There was nothing like painstakingly building up defences only to have them taken down all at once.

There was actually no need for him to come this close to the village walls. His Kage Bunshin no Jutsu had a range but it was still easily manageable at a greater distance. Naruto absently plucked a leaf and shredded it with his chakra. He was entitled to his stupid moments, wasn't he?

He was so busy thinking that he almost fell off his perch, unprepared, when his clone's memories rushed back in a flurry of activity. Naruto cursed as he grabbed a branch and righted himself. Seconds later he was chuckling at the look on Gai's face when the clone had dispersed itself right in front of him. Even Naruto had to admit that he was getting better with his clones. He absorbed the knowledge, a thoughtful shadow creeping into the hood of his eyes without his notice. He shook his head.

It was time to leave now that his business was completed, but Naruto snugly adjusted his position on the wide branch, one leg swinging over the edge. His hand dipped into his coat's pocket, emerging with a small, folded slip of paper. It was the shortest message Sakura had sent him so far.

'Come home, Naruto.'

Naruto raised his head to look at the village that was visible from his vantage point. He could... no, that was a bad idea. Time to go, Uzumaki. Things to do, people to meet... haha, 'people to meet'. Okay, that wasn't funny. I'm not that much of an idiot...

He was still thinking these thoughts as he found himself weaving swiftly through the intricate network of unnoticeable alleyways he had mastered in his Academy days. Konoha hadn't changed at all... except for the security. Naruto slinked into the shadows as he sensed the approach of an ANBU on patrol. At least the old granny had heeded his advice.

While he waited for the unwelcome company to move on, he focused on locating Sakura's chakra. He was abysmal with chakra recognition, but when it came to Sakura it was like identifying ramen flavours with his taste buds paralysed. How many times had he felt her chakra inside him, knitting him back together?

The hospital. He should have known.

Aware that visitor hours were over, Naruto headed toward the courtyard and vaulted over the wall after making sure that no one was looking. He used to sneak in like this whenever Sakura worked late hours. He could find his way to her office blindfolded.

I'm being an idiot.

Sakura's chakra pulsated serenely from her second-floor office, and Naruto climbed up one of the trees to catch a view of the small room. He immediately ducked down when he glimpsed a figure at the table, back to the window. His heart raced disobediently. He waited for the loud thumping to give him away. But his presence was unnoticed; Sakura didn't even move. What was she doing with the lights off anyway?

Oh... she's asleep.

Naruto greeted Stupid Moment #2 the same time that he noticed the window was invitingly open. He didn't even try to resist the temptation this time. She'll catch a cold, he thought as he quietly scaled the building. The footholds were exactly where he remembered.

He landed soundlessly on the carpeted floor.

Two summers ago, Tsunade had finally decided that the inhumane hours Sakura dedicated to the hospital qualified her for an office. Naruto ran his eyes over the furniture that he and his clones had hauled up those torturous stairs, and smiled at the memory. Sakura had made him freshly-squeezed lemonade as thanks and he had gagged when his taste buds stressfully informed him that his teammate had forgotten to add sugar. Then he'd made the bad, bad mistake of commenting on Sakura's cooking abilities...

He'd give a limb to return to those days, even if only briefly. It was times like these which made him wonder how he had mustered the valour to leave.

But he hadn't come here to admire furniture.

Naruto silently knelt down on the floor and looked up at Sakura's sleeping face, turned toward him. Her light breaths brushed against his cheek. "Sakura..." The whisper escaped him before he remembered that the last thing he would want to do was wake her up. He worried for his descendents. Or lack thereof.

His hand hovered hesitantly over her for several seconds. Then he laid his palm lightly on her back, stroked it, fingered the stands of pink hair that had grown much longer... and before he knew it, he was wrapping his arms around her, ever so gently easing her from the chair and into his arms.

I shouldn't be doing this... I really, really shouldn't be doing this...

He lightly brushed his lips over her forehead, breathing in her scent. God he'd missed her!

Sakura stirred alarmingly for torturous seconds and Naruto froze, holding his breath. He was infuriated by his subconsciousness urging her to open her eyes and see him right in front of her, home as she had asked of him. He didn't even know what he wanted anymore.

She made a soft sound, turning her face into his chest. She did not wake, which almost surprised him. Kunoichi were light sleepers. Her arm cinched tighter around... something. Naruto tilted his head. It looked like Sakura was clutching it tightly but he managed to extract it from her grip without too much difficulty. It was a worn photo frame. He recognised the photo immediately.

Naruto's eyes glazed a little and he shook his head to clear the echoes of their childhood, gently placing Team Seven's first photograph on Sakura's desk. She must have stopped for a nap, reprieve from the paperwork strewn over the table; he'd heard she was taking a more active role in the hospital. Well, she wasn't going to return to that until tomorrow.

He had been relishing the familiar weight of Sakura's warm body in his arms when his head came up sharply. "Who's there?" he demanded, and almost smacked himself immediately afterwards. Thankfully his voice had not woken Sakura – but now he had other concerns.

The shadows piled in the furthermost corner of the room shivered and took form. Naruto regretfully gripped Sakura tightly.

"Dickless." A habitual scowl invaded Naruto's face at the old nickname.

"Sai," he breathed. His teammate's pale skin stood out in the dark of the room. The two of them regarded each other for several moments, both unwilling to instigate conversation. Naruto sighed impatiently. "You noticed me?"

"No." A blonde eyebrow arched at the response. Sai tipped his head in another of his impassive smiles – only this one was not so impassive anymore. Naruto imagined he had been practicing. "You told me to protect her." They both looked at Sakura, still sleeping.

Naruto stood, cradling Sakura to his chest. "Heh, you remembered. I'll just take her home, then I'll be gone."

Sai did not move. "I thought you said you weren't going to come back."

"You know I've been back a couple of times already, Sai." Naruto's eyes hardened. "Are you going to stop me from leaving?"

"Stop you?" Sai's smile was studded with amusement. "Why should I? No orders have been given out to capture you."

Naruto loosened a little. "Yeah, I know. They're working on it, though, aren't they?"

His companion shrugged. "You are the village's jinchuuriki, Dickless. The Hokage can't cover your tracks forever."

"Got something you want to say, Sai?"

"Danzou-sama has been giving her a hard time lately." The dark-haired ninja stretched out a hand to lean against the wall. "She interfered with his orders. And she ruined the ground outside the detention centre."

Naruto grinned. "That's my Sakura-chan."

"She is also being pressured for your whereabouts."

That stopped him. "What?" His voice was low, almost a growl. "Why are they picking on her? She doesn't know."

"But Danzou-sama doesn't know that. He only knows that she was the closest to you." Was there some sort of hidden meaning behind Sai's words? He wasn't giving Naruto an easy time deciphering it.

"Sai, I don't care what you do, you have to get him off Sakura. She's-" Azure eyes flitted down to the young woman's face. 'Come home, Naruto'... "She's got her own stuff to deal with."

Ever observant, Sai missed nothing. "Like you?" he intoned.

Naruto opened his mouth to argue but the words died before he could form them. He must have looked quite the sight, mouth hanging open with nothing coming out. "Like me," he admitted unwillingly. The silence was awkward. "Look, Sai – I gotta go. When Sakura wakes up tomorrow-"

"I'll cover for you. But if she hits me I will return the favour to you." The artist's offer somehow made Naruto's eyes well up gratefully – how in the world had he managed to persuade himself to leave friends like these? He stared at Sai for several seconds, trying to figure out how simple words could reduce him speechless. In the end, he realised that he had missed everyone – including Sai.

It only took him a moment to school his expression into another of his grins, although this one was a little wobbly. "Thanks, Sai," Naruto said, and meant it. He made for the window; Sai opened it wider for him. But before he could make away with Sakura, a hand clutched his wrist, stopping him.

"You told me to protect her... but you are too strong an opponent for me, Naruto." When the blonde turned around with a bewildered look on his face, he only met Sai's smile.

"It's for her own good," Naruto said finally.

"I don't think so."

"I do."

When Shizune knocked on the door two minutes later, convinced that she had heard voices, Sakura's office was empty.

The following week found Naruto throwing himself onto his bed with a wearisome groan. The clock on his bedside table read half past six and he could already hear the bustle of activity beneath him as the innkeeper opened the canteen for the early-risers. Naruto briefly debated between going down for a cup of coffee and staying where he was. The latter emerged victorious. The coffee would only harangue his headache anyway.

Just last night the body of the Kikuchi clan head had been discovered in the outskirts of Iwa. Lightning and Earth Country were on shaky terms as it was and Naruto worried that the Raikage would bring the two countries to war. The Raikage was a brash, ask-questions-later type of man. He was powerful – frighteningly so – but Naruto had witnessed his irrationality during his travels with Jiraiya and knew that it would not take much to provoke him.

In additional to political affairs, he was left indecisive to Orochimaru's motives. The Sannin had definitely been behind the act; Naruto had been informed that signs of Orochimaru's presence had been found in Rock Country. But if his understanding of the shadowy man was anything to go by, Naruto felt that Orochimaru would not go through the trouble to ensnare his prey only to discard it. No, something had to have gone wrong. What could it have been?

Just thinking about it dragged a sigh out of the ruffled blonde. That's for me to find out, isn't it? His contacts had fulfilled their role – it was his turn now. It shouldn't take him more than a few days of travel to set foot on Lightning soil. Momentous corpses were usually kept a week for investigation until burial; he had more than enough time.

Right now, though, Orochimaru barely felt like a disturbance compared to the other things that were pushing for importance in Naruto's mind. He had been visited by Gamakichi four days ago and now he couldn't think of anything except Sakura's letter. And how badly he had screwed up.

'I know it was you.'

~O~

不安をごまかした
そんな毎日の中で
あなたはもうあたしの
心の中にいた

A/N: This has been sitting on my computer for over six months now and I've been slowly picking away at it. I thought I would post it to try and make up for my lack of updates. I've started the second chapter, though I can't guarantee when I'll get it finished, what with senior years bogging me down. This is going to be a short story, nothing epic. I've got plans for three chapters so far.

The Japanese at the beginning and end is from the song Cherish by Otsuka Ai. The Japanese characters looked cooler on their own, so I'll post the English translation here:

Since when have we lost

The wonderful things that we need somewhere?

I fear the connection to your heart

And I buried myself with my body

During those days

When I lied every day about my fear

You were already in my heart

If you're interested in my writing status you can check out my blog, 1000 Words. Link's in my profile. See ya!