AN: Guys, guys, it's so difficult to write a scene with so many characters in it, which is why it took me so long to write this. I hope I did okay, and the slapstick comes natural. Gajeel is still the tsukkomi number one for some reason, and I love it. And I simply adore Lisanna! You'll see why I made sure to let you know that...
I'll say a few more things after the chapter, just so I won't spoil anything.
Disclaimer: NOT MASHIMA, NOPE NOPE.
Chapter 11: Karaoke Extravaganza III
Lucy was absolutely sure that this had to be the weirdest situation she had ever been in. Scratch that, it was the weirdest situation anyone, in the history of the world, in the entire universe, and every undiscovered dimension, had ever been in.
She had to go over this once more: For one, there was a weird stalker-girl who thought it was the cutest thing ever that a freaking stripper was barfing buckets right next to her. Next to said barfing guy and his stalker, was a pipe-wielding demoness who was eating strawberry cheesecake like she didn't even notice the faint smell of puke and beer. Said girl's date was the twin brother of the guy she wanted to date in the first place, and even had the same tattoo on his face in the exact same place - like, hello, did he worship his brother or something?
Next to the brother-complex was the worst player ever squished between those two stupid girls, who had laughed at Lucy during her first almost-kiss, in what could only be described as a cat fight, which he clearly enjoyed. And what exactly was up with that blue-haired delinquent and his frequently stuck out tongue? Not to mention the creepy fanboy who threatened to beat up everyone who got too close to his so-called 'boss'. That boss was sitting next to the most beautiful girl in school and didn't even so much as peek at her, nope, he had his headphones on and ignored the insanity surrounding him.
Then that scary dude her best friend started dating, honestly, he was scary as hell, and when he glared, he even outmatched Erza, what with all those piercings and the hair - who just wouldn't stop singing that god forsaken torture of a song. What the hell was "shoo-be-doo-bop" anyway? Also, there was a raving alcoholic, a bear of a guy always shouting about "man", the girl next to him who kept bitching at everything, her best friend who was devotedly reading a book in all the mess, and of course the school's idol who just cooed and raved at every couple in the room - yes, that included Gray barfing on Juvia's hair.
And yet somehow, the weirdest situation was still her, Lucy, trapped between her oblivious, dense, idiot of a boyfriend who just didn't get that his best friend, a girl, was busy hitting on Lucy every freaking chance she got.
Why?, Lucy thought, either on the brink of tears or laughing psychotically, I've been a good girl. I never lie or break a promise. I'm nice to kids and the elderly, and I always do my homework.
God must just feel really bored up there. So he indulged in his favorite game: Torture Lucy.
"So Lucy, what are your hobbies, hm?" Lisanna asked sweetly, too sweetly. She was awfully close, too.
Lucy forced a strained smile on her face, edging over towards Natsu. She was practically sitting on his lap already, but for once she didn't care. Ever since she had realized Lisanna was coming onto her - and honestly, how dare she, Lucy was her best friend's girlfriend, for crying out loud - she had not left Natsu's side even to go pee. And damn, she really had to go. But she refused to let go of his arm, or else she was doomed, she was sure. That girl was like a beast on the hunt and Lucy was pretty damn sure that she was the prey.
So she giggled weirdly, "O-oh, y'see, my one and only hobby is my sweet Natsu, you know? I only have Natsu in my head. Day in, day out. Only Natsu. Natsu, Natsu, Natsu. Hahaha!"
"You're creepy today," Natsu remarked, frowning at her.
"That's the worst hobby ever, shoo-be-do-bop," Gajeel hummed devotedly into the microphone.
"Don't put me in your shit-song in such a shitty way, iron eyebrows!"
Lisanna, her eyes only glued onto Lucy, giggled and cooed, "You just get cuter and cuter, Lucy." She winked at her, flirtatiously.
Lucy screamed internally, and whirled around to glomp onto Natsu who was just about to pounce on Gajeel, "Natsu, I love it when you get all angry about dumb crap!"
"What the- MMPH!"
Their messy kiss was disrupted by a microphone flying directly at Natsu's head and a furious yell from Gajeel, "Will you cut it out already, shoo-be-doo-bop?!"
"Is that your freakin' catchphrase now?! You're not even singing anymore!"
Cana snorted. "And thank God for that, right, pal?" She toasted with the wall and Lucy just stared at her.
"Ah, it's finally over." Laxus casually took off his headphones, pointing a thumb at Gajell, "Question. Even though we're this many, how come only that guy is singing?"
"Why does it sound like an insult coming from you?!" Gajeel snapped dangerously.
"Yeah, someone else please," Freed said.
"Don't ignore me!"
Jellal raised one hand. "I agree."
"You're new, you have no power here!"
"My ears agree, too," Evergreen downright spat.
"That was unnecessary!"
"Gajeel, you suck!"
"Okay, who said that last part?!" (It was Bickslow, in a squeaky kind of voice, who just cackled weirdly now.)
Loke smiled charmingly at the girl in his left arm first, then at the girl in his right one, "Maybe I should sing you a love song, hm? What do you think, my white doves?"
Their eyes started sprakling with imaginary hearts as they shrieked simultaneously, "You totally should, Loke-kun! You're, like, the next great idol!"
"Ah, but then again, I might be too good and everyone will feel sad singing after I did..." he mused dramatically.
"Oh, you are, like, so considerate, Loke-kun!"
You can't actually sing, can you?, Lucy thought.
"Laxus could outsing all of you any day of the week!" Freed yelled out passionately.
"Oi, oi, don't drag me into that kind of shitty contest..."
Juvia smiled. "Then Juvia and Gray-sama will sing an emotional duet." Then, in all her cleverness, she started shaking the passed out raven-head. "Come on, Gray-sama, let's show them our passion."
Gray woke up to start puking his insides out again. "Graaaah-"
We don't need that kind of passion!, Lucy yelled internally, in shock, Rather, why don't you just go home already?!
Gajeel gave a cocky grin, crossing his arms in front of his chest in triumph. "That settles it then. I'll gladly sing for you the second part of my masterpiece."
"No, we'll die. Your singing sounds like it should be a terrorist attack," Natsu dead-panned, picking his ear as if to get out the horrible tune. "Not that I expected anything else from you."
"What was that, Salamander?!"
"You sound like a hyena during torture."
"I dare you to say that again!"
"You sound like a hyena during torture."
"Don't you dare say that again!"
"Like a donkey with constipation issues."
"All right, that's it!" Gajeel whirled around to Levy, steam practically coming from his ears and determined to prove Natsu wrong, "Oi shrimp, tell this bastard that my singing is good!"
Levy looked up from her book slowly, her face scrunching up to a sympathetic expression full of comfort and love, as she cocked her head at her boyfriend with a sigh, in silence.
"What's that pitiful look about, woman?!"
Natsu promptly burst out laughing. "Even your own girl thinks you suck. Gahaha!" Gajeel immediately tackled him to the ground.
"Then I'll sing next," Mirajane said, cocking her head with beautiful smile.
But her soft voice was completely drowned out by the shouting of Gajeel and Natsu and their little brawl, with Cana and Elfman cheering them on loudly. Levy was vainly yelling at her boyfriend to stop it, Erza calmly protected her cake every time there was danger (Lucy knew she held back in front of Jellal because of what happened with Siegrain), Loke was asking his girlfriends whether to join in or not, and even a half-unconsious Gray weakly punched into the air in some kind of trance, or dream, or whatever.
Lucy though had a queasy feeling and glanced over at Mirajane, who was still smiling sweetly. At least, on the outside and to people who didn't know her as well as Lucy, it looked like a perfectly composed smile. But she could see one vein after the other starting to throb on the ivory-haired idol's forehead.
Then, very saccharine, "I said..." And up she raised one heel.
Uh-oh, Lucy thought, terrified.
Rightfully so, because the next moment, Mirajane's heel came crashing down onto one of the tables, effectively splitting it in half and silencing the entire room into a state of frozen fear. Her smile was still perfectly in place, but the throbbing veins on her forehead were gigantic by now.
"I am going to sing, okay?" she said cheerfully, but with clear malice in her voice.
"A-aye," both Natsu and Gajeel answered.
Even Gajeel became like Happy! How?!, Lucy thought, shocked.
Laxus snickered to himself. "Whoa now, finally something about her that I can get on board with." He gave a wicked grin. "I really dig it when they show you your place."
Juvia smiled at his comment, satisfied. "Juvia found a comrade."
"In what, masochism?!" Gajeel snapped.
"Wait, wait, Mira-nee!" Lisanna interrupted, a cute pout on her face as she stemmed her hands against her hips. "That's not fair at all. Lucy and I never got to sing our duet, you know? Shouldn't we be allowed to go first?"
Lucy whirled around, horrified. OH GOD, SHE DIDN'T FORGET!
Mirajane blinked, her anger evaporating as quickly as it had come, "Oh my, you're right. I'm sorry, please go ahead."
"Yay!" Lisanna beamed, taking Lucy's hands in hers. "C'mon, let's show them how it's done. We can pretend to be real lovers. I'll be the guy, okay?" She wiggled her eyebrows at her.
The blonde became pale as ashes, desperately turning her head to all of her friends. They heard that, right? They definitely heard that! And nobody thinks that's weird?!, she thought, What the hell is wrong with you all?!
In her despair, she screamed out the first thing that came to mind, "I GOTTA PEE REALLY, REALLY BADLY! LIKE AN ELEPHANT!"
"Nobody needed to know that much!"
Lucy quickly dashed out of the room, with Levy staring after her worriedly. As her best friend, she knew Lucy inside out, and that was definitely not how she normally announced a bathroom trip. Something was definitely troubling her, and Levy really wanted to go and look after her, but she knew that Lucy probably needed alone time. Or else she would have asked Levy to come along.
Gajeel sat down next to her, nudging her shoulder. "Oi, what's with the frown?"
Levy quickly snapped out of it, and shook her head, forcing a smile. "Nothing," she said, "Everything's fine. I think..."
At the other side of the room, Natsu scrunched up his brows in confusion. "She's incredibly weird today," he said to Lisanna right next to him. "Sorry about that. Usually, she's a little less freaky. I have no idea what's gotten into her."
Lisanna gave a small sigh, frowning, as she cupped her own face, elbows resting on her knees. "Maybe I went a little too far..."
"Huh?" Natsu asked unintelligently.
"Sorry, I'll go look for her, okay?"
With that, Lisanna left the room, and Natsu wondering. Had he missed something?
.a.a.a.
Meanwhile, Lucy was pacing up and down the bathroom, frantically gripping her head. "Okay, Lucy, think clear. There's a solution to everything," she mumbled incoherently to herself, "You just have to let her down nicely, yeah, just be honest with her, I mean, she seems reasonable enough, and I'm Natsu's girlfriend, how weird is that, I mean, she's his best friend, what is she even thinking, and she dated Gray, like wow, what the actual hell, how did she even switch teams, is Gray someone who makes people gay, I don't even know anymore, will that happen to Juvia too, this is just too weird-"
"Lucy?"
"GYAH!"
Lucy almost jumped out of her skin at Lisanna's voice, slowly turning around to find the ivory-haired girl meekly peeking inside the bathroom. "Can I talk to you for a second?"
Okay, Lucy. This is it. Nicely let her down, she thought, gathering all her courage before bowing down to Mirajane's sister, "I'm very sorry, but I'm straight and I love Natsu, though I'm really flattered!"
Lisanna smiled warmly, giving small sigh, "Ah, you weirdo. I know that much," she replied softly, then her face fell slightly in what looked a hint of embarrassment, "And... well, actually, I'm the one who has to apologize..."
The blonde raised her head, blinking. "Huh? Why's that?"
Lisanna pressed her quivering lips together, fists balling up as she stared stubbornly at the ground for a while. Then, she let out a frustrated groan and hunched down, burrying her face in the crest that her two arms formed on top of her knees. Lucy could only gape in shock, baffled at the sudden outburst, and unsure of what to do.
"I'm a bad person, Lucy," Lisanna whispered faintly, "I'm sorry, I was just teasing you. I'm not actually gay. I was just stupidly jealous of you. I'm really sorry, I don't know what got into me back then. I took it too far."
Uhm, WHAT?
Lucy gawked at the girl in pure bewilderment. Wait, so Lisanna wasn't actually gay? She had made a fool of herself in front of all her friends and Natsu totally for nothing? Not to mention, she made out with him like that, in plain sight and... Wait, did she just say...
"Y-you were jealous?" Lucy echoed numbly. "Of me?"
Lisanna shocked her with a quiet sob. "I-I know it's stupid, but I just felt completely replaced by you. And... and everyone went and grew up without me and..." By now, she was completely crying, her shoulders trembling violently, "A-and Gray has a new girlfriend..."
Lucy's eyes softened. Oh. That was what it really was. Lisanna was upset because in reality, she was still hung up on Gray. And now, Gray had declared Juvia was his girlfriend in his dizzy stupor. Which meant Lisanna had to give up on him. Wow, this was heavy...
"So I was your distraction, huh?" she said.
Lisanna was quiet for a while, sniffing, before slowly looking up at Lucy, "You must really hate me now."
Lucy gave a deep sigh before hunching down right in front of her. "Well, you did freak me out a lot. And you made me jump Natsu like a horny lioness," she gave a half-hearted scowl, "But you know, even the nicest girls can go totally bonkers when they're in love. It must've been a huge shock to see Gray with Juvia, hm?"
"I really thought I was over him," Lisanna uttered, wiping her cheek with a sleeve, "But I just wanted to scream at him, even though I have no right to be angry. I-I was the one who ended it because I was scared of a long-distance relationship... I came today prepared to see him with a girl, but it still broke my heart..."
The weird thing was, Lucy's first thought was that she was glad for Gray that he didn't make girls become lesbians. She quickly tried to shake that thought off to focus on the crying girl in front of her.
Lisanna sniffed once more, "And... and Natsu... We were inseperable, but now, I couldn't even talk to him about anything anymore, because he only has eyes for you... So instead of taking it out on Gray, I-I..."
Lucy smiled and patted her head. "I get it, it's fine. Don't force yourself."
"But I'm horrible. This is so not like me, Lucy."
"Yeah, I bet."
"I really do like you a lot."
"Well, I sure am starting to like this honest Lisanna, too."
Lisanna gave a small smile of her own, "Really? So you'll forgive me?"
Lucy held up a finger. "On two conditions," she said, trying to sound stern.
"Anything!"
"Talk to Gray once more." The blonde smiled. "It sounds like there's a lot of important stuff between you two that was left unsaid."
Lisanna's eyes widened, and she looked down, in silence. After a while, she faintly whispered, "And the second one?"
Lucy felt a wide grin tugging at her lips. "Let's sing that song you picked out together."
Her head rocketed upwards, in wonder, but soon she was beaming at the blonde like what she had said was the only thing that could ever cheer her up. Even Lucy suddenly felt better, and most importantly, she felt like she had finally really met Lisanna Strauss, Natsu's best friend, Mirajane's little baby sister, who was a little too impulsive and played really mean pranks - but that stuff Lucy was already accustomed with, courtesy to Natsu.
"I failed to say it before," Lucy said warmly, stretching out a hand, "But it's really nice to meet you, Lisanna."
Lisanna grinned back and took her hand. "Likewise, Lucy."
.a.a.a.
AN: I dunno, I actually contemplated to go through with the gay-thing, but then I made myself kinda like the crack pairing of Gray and Lisanna, so I thought I'd add a tiny bit of drama just to spice things up. I know I said I wouldn't, since it's a light-hearted comedy fic, and I still assure you that everyone will get a happy ending. I promised, and like Lucy, I keep my promises!
And now you know why I made sure you guys know I love Lisanna, and I hope you don't hate her for tricking Lucy like that. She didn't mean any harm, I hope I conveyed that okay.
So how would you guys like to see that little love triangle resolved? Don't be shy to give out ideas, I might use them and credit you. :3