This seemed unfair. Downright wrong! She saved all their sorry asses and now they completely abandoned her. Shepard stared at the half empty mug of cold and bitter coffee before her, pissed about pretty much everything. Tali left for the flotilla, understandably, Miranda ...the bitch whom she never really liked... went back to Cerberus with Jacob followed shortly by Jack who wanted to give Miranda a head start before giving chase. Zaaed got his money and disappeared as soon as the Collector base blew up, but who would have expected any less from a hired merc. Morinth........well, it's Morinth. Her "oath" expired so she left. Thane was the last to go as much as Shepard wished he was the first, but he did eventually and literally disappear. Mordin, however, passed away recently of natural causes. Now she was only left with Joker, Grunt, Garrus, and the stalker geth. Yay me, Shepard thought to herself, wondering if the rest stuck around out of pity or obligation, and took another swig of the coffee, swallowing the bitterness that mirrored her own.

"Still can't understand how you humans can drink that nasty stuff." resonated a deep voice behind her.

"No one asked you to." Shepard shot back, rather wanting to piss Grunt off. She was looking for a fight, itching for one. Ever since they came back from the Omega 4 relay, she felt utterly useless. "If you're not bringing some alcohol to the table, get out. If you don't, I'll make you."

"Ha! I would like to see you try!" Grunt laughed, dismissing Shepard's hand on her pistol. "And anyway, I didn't come here to fight you. Just came back from a chat with your turian."

Shepard snorted. A krogan talking to a turian? But just to humor Grunt, she asked what they talked about.

"You, actually." the krogan replied, planting himself in front of Shepard and pulling out an expensive looking bottle of liquor.

"Me?" Shepard reached for the bottle, only to be stopped half way by Grunt.

"Yes, stupid, you. Your turian seems concerned about your current ... habits."

"Wait," she paused, "you guys talked about me behind my back? Jerks. Make yourself useful and get the shot glasses and maybe I'll think about forgiving you."

Shepard stared hard at Grunt, willing with her mind to make him stop talking and open the bottle, her red eyes boring into his and she knew if she looked hard enough, she would see her scarred face reflected in his blue ones. Her concentration was suddenly broken by Grunt who jumped up, laughing.

"That's why I like you, Shepard. You've got a quad! Not many can stare down a krogan! Alright, I'll get your glasses, but I doubt you can out drink me this time."

"Yeah, yeah, just shut up and get the glasses."

For the next hour, they challenged themselves to a shot after shot, shouting obscenities at each other. And for that hour, Shepard felt blissfully happy and unaware, the warmth and fuzziness slowly spreading throughout her body. She knew she could never out drink Grunt, nor did she intend to. She simply wanted to get drunk.

"So-" she hiccuped, "what did you and Garrus talk about?"

"Something about taking over Omega... I don't remember. The damn turian wouldn't say much."

"What the hell does he wanna do in that shit hole? Is he in love with Aria or something?"

"I resent that." said a soft voice behind her that was unmistakeably of turian origin.

"Garrus! What are you doing here?" Shepard asked, pretending to be surprised at his presence.

"Just came up to see what all the noise was about. But I guess I should have known." he replied, his eyes traveling from Shepard to Grunt, to the now empty bottle, then back to Shepard. "I need to talk to you about something." he finished and left.

"What was that all about?" Shepard demanded of Grunt who only shrugged in reply. "Whatever, got another bottle?"

Before she knew it, Shepard was completely drunk, her speech slurred and her movements uncertain. Eventually, the conversation turned to Illusive Man.

"And seriously! What's up with those eyes, huh? Like he's so mysterious or something."

"That human's so full of himself he can't see past his own nose."

"I know! Right? That son of a bitch! I saved his ass! His ass! And then he complains about me destroying the base? What a jerk!" Shepard waves her arms around in disgust causing herself to fall out of a very delicate balance. Completely unaware of what was happening, she only saw the room rapidly tilting until her body was parallel to the ground. She swore, loudly, but despite the anger, she chose to stay on the ground. Her head was throbbing lightly from where it hit the floor, but Shepard didn't notice the pain. The metal panes felt cool against the bare patches of her skin and she relaxed for the first time in weeks. Waking up is going to be a bitch, she thought before losing consciousness.

And it was. She felt, for a lack of a better word, like shit. Her head was pounding, her body ached in every possible way, and she could not see straight. She wondered how many bottles she and Grunt went through, vaguely remembering them being stacked up on the table, one next to another, bottle after bottle. Or was that from another time? It hurt to think. She needed a shower, bad, she could tell, no, smell. Her whole body reeked of alcohol and sweat and it was making Shepard nauseous. It took every ounce of her effort to drag herself out of bed and into the bathroom. She could not even recognize herself in the mirror. What stood before her could not, in any way, have been human. Her hair was an unimaginable disaster, the circles under her eyes have become darker, deeper, the eyes themselves looked sunken and redder than normal, and her skin was as white as the cotton sheets on her bed. It was so frightening it was almost funny and Shepard could not help but laugh a little to herself, wondering if this is how she looked for the past weeks. Considering she has been getting shit faces with Grunt nearly three to four times a week, it was not an impossibility. The thought made her laugh even more.

"And you are laughing...... why?" asked Garrus from the bathroom doorway, making Shepard nearly jump out of her skin. Her immediate reaction was to punch him, merely out of self defense. Before her fist could make contact with his face, however, he caught it, pulling Shepard closer to himself. She was thankful for the actions as she was about to lose her balance and fall flat on her face.

"You could have knocked!" she accused him, unapologetic.

"I did," he replied, as calm as ever, "but you didn't answer, so, I assumed.... you know, after our night together....that it would be okay..if I came in." he finished awkwardly, looking away. Shepard realized that if he wasn't so dark skinned, he would be blushing. She remembered their night together. Their intimacy, it was the first time he had ever truly opened up to her. To anyone, he said. There was, apparently, a turian female in the past, but it was just a fling, nothing serious, and only because his father arranged it. But she also remembered being ridiculously ill afterward as a result of swallowing turian tissue in complete disregard of Mordin's warning. She was, after all, Shepard and nothing could kill her. How wrong she was. But Mordin swept in and saved the day and in the process, the rest of the missing crew. She chuckled to herself. Aria could not have been more right about him. No enemy ever lived to tell about their encounter wit him. None understood her better than him, Garrus, and Grunt and for that she loved them. The rest of the crew? Not so much.

"Don't pass out on me now, Shepard." she heard and was immediately brought back to reality which included the still pounding headache.

"Are you still mad that I didn't knock?" Garrus asked apologetically. Shepard sighed. No, she wasn't mad. She was never mad. Not at Garrus. She shook her head no. Relief washed over his face.

"Alright, then. I came here to talk to you about something."

"Um, sure. But.... can it wait a sec? I kind of... need to..... you know, use the bathroom.."

"Oh, okay."

".............Alone, Garrus." she pushed, nudging him out the door.

"Oh. Oh! Yes! Sorry. Just.. come see me down in the engines room when you're ready."

"I won't leave you hanging." she replied, closing the door.

Alone again. Shepard wondered if being a hero was really worth it. If there really was such a thing as a hero. When she ran with the Reds back on earth, everything was so easy. Steal some credits, boost a car, sell or buy some drugs. Do drugs. She was no commander then, nor did she ever imagined that she'd be the one saving the galaxy. That only happened in comics and movies. She pressed her forehead against the cool glass and closed her eyes. She wanted that simplicity back, she didn't want to be the problem solver anymore. She wasn't born to be a problem solver. Everyone said she always made the right choices, did the right things, but they didn't know her. She was perhaps the galaxy's most ruthless inhabitant. Whenever she heard on the news about something terrible, she always thought to herself, I could have done worse. Being born a killer doesn't change when you become a hero.

Shepard opened her eyes to take stock of her appearance once more. Still looked terrible. Looked old. But she was only 34. She cleaned herself up a bit, brushed out her hair as best she could, changed into a fresh shirt and headed down to the lower level. The emptiness of the Normandy was oppressive. By the time she reached the engineer deck, Shepard felt as depressed as a krogan who was forbidden to fight.

"Shepard, I'm glad you're here."

"What's up, Garrus."

"I have... a plan."