Disclaimer: Rocky and Bullwinkle are owned by Jay Ward Productions

Tropic Blunder or No Moose is an Island

Narrator: Our story begins in Pottsylvania, the home of that terrible trio, Boris Badenov, Natasha Fatale, and Fearless Leader. Since it is overrun by spies and a villain who wants to take over the world, the place is very dark and dreary. Which explains the lush plant life, wildlife, bright sunlight, and... wait a minute, what is this?

Natasha: We are in a jungle, narrator dollink.

Narrator: Okay, but what are you doing in a jungle?

Boris: Our boss told us that one of his spies found a secret formula here. It is so top secret that we are not supposed to tell anyone.

Narrator: You just told me about it.

Boris: Raskolnikov!

Fearless Leader: Badenov, you numbskull! What have I told you about secret formulas?

Boris: Uh, telling someone about them doesn't make them secrets anymore?

Fearless Leader: Exactly.

Narrator: It seems that the no-goodniks have yet another plan to take over the world and endanger our heroes. Speaking of our heroes, Rocket J. Squirrel and Bullwinkle J. Moose, are completely unaware of this plot.

Bullwinkle: The story has a plot?

Rocky: Bullwinkle, our stories always have plots.

Bullwinkle: That's not what Captain Peachfuzz told me.

Rocky: Captain Peachfuzz isn't exactly what I'd call a reliable source of information.

Bullwinkle: He sure is! He taught me how to use binoculars.

*Flashback*

Bullwinkle and Captain Peachfuzz are sailing on the sailor's boat, the S.S. Guppy, around Frostbite Falls.

Captain Peter "Wrong Way" Peachfuzz: Yar!

Bullwinkle: You're not a pirate.

Peachfuzz: I'm not?

Bullwinkle: No, you're a sailor.

Peachfuzz: Anyway, can you look out for icebergs for me?

Bullwinkle: Sure!

He climbs to the lookout point on the ship, and holds a pair of binoculars.

Peachfuzz: You're doing it wrong.

Bullwinkle: Really?

Peachfuzz: That is not how to use binoculars. I'll show how expert sea captains like me use them.

He climbs to the lookout point, and holds the binoculars backwards.

Peachfuzz: This is how to use binoculars.

Bullwinkle: Thanks, Captain Peachfuzz! Hey, wait a minute, if you're up here then who's steering the ship?

Peachfuzz: Huh?

The S.S. Guppy proceeds to hit an iceberg and sink.

*End Flashback*

Narrator: Meanwhile, at an undisclosed tropical location our villains see a sinister shadow moving across the trees.

Natasha: Boris dollink, we will finally be able to see Mr. Big!

Fearless Leader: No, you two cannot see him.

Boris: But we have worked for him for two evil schemes years ago, and we never knew what he looks like.

Fearless Leader: Mr. Big said that he would not give us the formula unless you left.

Boris and Natasha: Yes, boss.

Narrator: After the sneaky spies leave, a certain pint sized mobster appears.

Mr. Big: Good day, Fearless Leader. Nice weather we're having.

Fearless Leader: Likewise. Now, do you have the formula?

Mr. Big: I love tropical weather, don't you?

Fearless Leader: Yeah, sure, but you promised-

Mr. Big: The scenery and overall atmosphere is much better than gloomy Pottsylvania.

Fearless Leader: Get to the bloody point!

Mr. Big: Eheheheheh, messing with you is very easy. Anyway, I will get the formula for you.

Mr. Big leaves and comes back with a normal sized vial. Of course, since he is three inches tall, it is much larger than he is.

Fearless Leader: Excellent! With this new invention, I will use it to rule the world!

Mr. Big: I think we forgot something.

Fearless Leader: Really?

Mr. Big: Yes. We should test the new formula, to find out what it can do.

Fearless Leader: Why don't you try it?

Mr. Big: Me? I am not going to drink that thing! What if it has bad side effects, like shrinking my head?

Fearless Leader: You don't have to worry about having a shrunken head. Your head is small enough as it is.

Mr. Big: I resent that!

Narrator: While the villains engage in a perfectly normal conversation involving secret formulas and shrunken heads, Rocky and Bullwinkle are in Frostbite Falls.

Bullwinkle: Not for long.

Narrator: Okay, so where are you going?

Rocky: We're going on a vacation to Moosylvania.

Bullwinkle: And getting free reservations there should be easy, since I'm the governor.

Rocky: Which explains why no one lives there.

Bullwinkle: What?

Rocky: Nothing.

Narrator: And so, the squirrel and the goofy governor sail on their boat, the Ruby Yacht of Omar Khayyam, to the isolated island of Moosylvania.

Bullwinkle: Hey! I'm not goofy. Hm, I don't have a title for my position yet. Oh, I know! From now on, in Moosylvania you can call me the Governator.

Rocky: That's already taken.

Bullwinkle: Okay. How about the Mooseinator?

Rocky: That isn't exactly what I would call a professional name. How about Governor Bullwinkle, or just Bullwinkle?

Bullwinkle: Fine, be uncreative. I'll be talking to the writers about this.

Narrator: The inseparable pair of adventurers land safely on the island of Moosylvania. However, a certain other inseparable pair of adventurers may not be so lucky.

Edgar: See, Chauncey? Sailing without a compass or a map is a really, really bad idea.

Chauncey: Sorry, Edgar. I just thought we could try roughing it.

Edgar: Roughing it doesn't mean forgetting to bring something for navigation.

Chauncey: Well, Captain Peachfuzz can't navigate and he's a good adventurer, right?

The captain sails past them.

Peachfuzz: Hi!

His boat crashes into a huge rock, and it sinks.

Peachfuzz (underwater): Bye!

Chauncey: ...We're done for, aren't we?

Edgar: Probably.

Narrator: At least Captain Peachfuzz can swim. And fortunately for Chauncey and Edgar, the two guys who change jobs in every episode and the world's best observers, have a relatively safe landing.

Both: Owch!

They slowly get up.

Chauncey: That wasn't exactly a safe landing, Mr. Narrator.

Edgar: Now there's something you don't see everyday, Chauncey.

Chauncey: What's that, Edgar?

Edgar: Apparently we landed on Moosylvania.

Chauncey: How do you know that?

Edgar: There's the governor.

Bullwinkle: Hi, Chauncey and Edgar! It's great that Rocky and I have some friends for our vacation. It gets kind of lonely here, since nobody wants to live on my island.

Edgar: Why aren't I surprised?

They hear footsteps.

Chauncey: If nobody lives here, then who's that?

Rocky: I don't know, but we should hide. It could be Boris and Natasha.

Bullwinkle: Rocky, you're just being paranoid. They were never in Moosylvania.

Rocky: Yes they were. Fearless Leader tried to invade your island.

Bullwinkle: But I thought he only wanted to take over the world.

Chauncey: Uh, I'm not a Jet Fuel Formula scientist, but Moosylvania would be part of the world.

Bullwinkle: Oh, I get it. I think.

Narrator: After hearing footsteps, they see a strange light that could be the no-goodniks. our heroes and observers hide by disguising themselves as a totem pole. The order from the bottom to the top is Bullwinkle, Chauncey, Edgar, and Rocky.

Bullwinkle: So it's sort of an order of intelligence?

Chauncey: I guess so.

Edgar: I'm kind of worried.

Rocky: Because there's a whole bunch of spies after us?

Edgar: Yeah, but I'm also worried because this is implying that a squirrel is smarter than I am. No offence, Rocky.

Rocky: None taken.

Narrator: Captain Peachfuzz, who somehow recovered from crashing into a rock in an incredibly short amount of time, walks past them. Since it is very dark out at night, he is carrying a torch.

Captain Peachfuzz: What a funny looking totem pole.

Chauncey: How rude.

Peachfuzz: Huh? What was that?

Rocky: Um, it was the wind.

Edgar: And "the wind" told you that you're holding your torch upside down.

Peachfuzz: Really?

Narrator: Upon closer inspection, the sea captain sees that he is indeed holding the torch upside down. Let's see how long it takes for him to notice.

Peachfuzz: ...

*5 minutes later*

Peachfuzz: ...Yeowch!

Narrator: Our ever so alert sea captain drops the flaming torch and runs away. Suddenly, they encounter a bear. But it isn't a normal bear...

Stokey the Bear: Only you can not prevent forest fires!

All: Stokey the Bear?

Rocky: We're doomed...

Narrator: Will our heroes be able to escape from Stokey the Bear, that fire starting bear from the banned episode of Dudley Do-Right? What jungle are the no-goodniks in? Could they be on the tropical island of Moosylvania. What what exactly is a bear from the Dudley Do-Right episodes that starts forest fires doing here? Be sure to stay tuned next time for, "Live and Let Fry" or "Dial A for Arson".