Author's Note: This is my first Life with Derek fanfic; I hope you enjoy it! This is rated T for now, but I might move it to M for later chapters. Thank you to hazelbire13 for proofing it for me! Let me know what you think! Please be kind.

-Anneryn

I DO NOT OWN LIFE WITH DEREK. (I can dream though, can't I?)
Music Credit: "Wheel in the Sky" - Journey, "Don't Stop Believin'" Journey

Chapter One:

I can't get his eyes out of my mind. They are permanently etched in my memory. I feel him when he's not around. The smirk that his lips form, that's often attached to his face. Everything about him enchants me. He's my desire that can never be fulfilled. I love his arrogance, and his attitude, and his wit. I hated all of these things about him at first. He brought out an unnatural rage in me, that I never understood.

My Mom married George. She's been married before, but she and my Dad split up. The two of them together was a joke in itself. They never got along. Something always started an argument. When they split up, I was so relieved. I missed my father, but I basked in the peace that followed his absence. My sister Casey didn't handle it as well. She was convinced that Mom and Dad were going to get back together. Eventually, she accepted it.

Mom and George got engaged. They introduced us all later. George has three children: Derek, Edwin, and Marti. We barely saw each other until the wedding. Mom and George never did go on a honeymoon. With five kids, sometimes it's impossible. I was 13 when they got married. Casey was 16, Derek was 16, Edwin was 14, and Marti was 5.

I like George. He isn't the same as my father, but who would expect him to be? I love that he has a sense of humor. It's something my own father never had. If he did, he didn't let it show. Not around us. He treats me and Casey like we are his daughters. Derek and Casey don't get along. Occasionally they help each other out. I think that they act like typical brothers and sisters.

I was never girly like Casey. Edwin quickly became my best friend, and my partner in crime. It was nice to have someone around who understood me. Marti lives in her own world. She is sweet, and imaginative. I've never met a smarter 5 year old, or a little girl as perceptive as she is. My Mom, Nora, is like a mom to the Venturi kids. And then there's Derek. He's something else entirely.

It might have been the fact that I had grown up with Casey as my older sister. Or maybe, it could have been something else completely. When I met him, I could not stand anything about him. I was always pleasant to him, though. But, he drove me mad. I could not for the life of me understand why he drove me crazy.

One day he was playing tonsil hockey with his girlfriend of the night on the couch. I walked in on them. I blushed, and went back upstairs as quickly as I could. When I reached my room, I shut my door. I slid to the floor, with my back to the door. I felt a pang of jealousy. That's when it hit me. I had feelings for my stepbrother. Everything inside of me screamed that it was wrong. But, was it? I've only known him for a few months.

I knew that he was good looking. And, let's face it: that is the understatement of the decade. It was one of the things that irked me about him. He just rubbed me the wrong way. After I realized what I was feeling, I became an expert at concealing how I felt about him. There is always a small ache in my gut, when I see him with someone else. They were strong feelings for a 13 year old. I was too young to understand love. Three and half years later and nothing has changed.

I turned 17 a few months back. I'm a senior in high school. At least I will be. Summer is almost over. There is only a month and half left. Casey and Derek are both sophomores in college. No one expected Derek to actually go to college. I wasn't surprised. I knew he had it in him. He just needed the motivation to do it. He's smarter than everyone gives him credit for.

Derek and Casey are home for the summer. I'm glad that they are back. I've missed them both. At first, I thought that him leaving was a blessing in itself. It was my chance to finally get over him. My plan wasn't successful in any way. After awhile, it got easier. But, every time he came home to visit, it was worse. Everything that I bottled up, and I tried to erase, came flooding back. The feelings were always slightly stronger than they were before.

He talks to me more than he used to. He says that he actually misses being here. Hockey keeps him pretty busy. It was the main reason that he decided to go to college. He told me that if I told anyone that he missed it here, I'd regret it. I knew he was kidding, but it's nice talking with him nonetheless.

This summer is different than the other visits. He hasn't brought a girl home. That's never happened before, not with Derek. He was with Sally for the longest time. For whatever reason, they split up. None of us ever found out the reasoning behind the split. He's been different this summer. He's been nicer to everyone, but he's still his normal smartass, funny self. He even gets along with Casey some of the time. He's growing up, and it shows.

He turned 20 about a month ago. He beat Casey by a couple of weeks. He never lets her forget that he's the older one. Edwin's a year older than I am, but we're in the same grade. After we met, he let the fact that he was the older one, go to his head. So, I let him know that I was the smarter one. A knock on my bedroom door brought me back to reality, and out of my thoughts. I looked over at my clock. It's only 7:34 in the morning. I groaned. Who's up this early?

"Come in," I answered as I sat up. Casey opened the door and poked her head in.

"You up Liz?" She asked.

"Well, since I answered the door…" I said obviously. Casey smiled. She's always been the pretty one. I've never really tried to be girly like her. Over the years, I'd gotten more girly. It's still nowhere close to Casey.

I'd gotten taller, though, not by much. I'm only 5'5". Casey still has a couple of inches on me. I don't think I'll be getting any taller. I'd even filled out, some. I have some curves now. I let my hair grow out, it's long and wavy. It's a little darker than Casey's. The only real difference in our hair, is that mine has a few thin streaks of blue in it. My Mom was against it, but Casey took me to get it done for my birthday. She told Mom that it brought out my blue eyes. For whatever reason, Mom was suddenly okay with it.

Casey has stepped up for a lot of things that my mom was too busy for. Casey took me bra shopping, for the first time. Casey was more excited about it, than I was. I didn't think it was a huge deal. I mean, it meant that I stopped wearing sports bras, and I got real ones. I didn't really think that it was a huge difference. Casey told me that since we were the same size, we could share bras, if I ever needed to borrow one of her's. The only problem with that theory is that I'm smaller around than Casey.

Casey started talking, and brought me back from my thoughts, again. I really need to stop spacing out.

"I wanted to know if you wanted to go running with me." She said. I grimaced.

"It's 7:30, can't we go running later?" I asked her. She shook her head. She pouted.

"Please, Liz," she whined. I stood up.

"Fine, but let me brush my teeth first." I told her. She nodded.

"I'm going to go change. We can get breakfast when we get back." She said excitedly. I nodded.

I got up, and made my way to the bathroom. I opened the door and got hit by face full of steam. Maybe Casey just got out the shower. But, why would she leave the light on? I turned on the sink, and started to brush my teeth. Our bathroom has two parts. When you open the door, there is a long counter top, a sink, and a mirror. You open another door inside of the bathroom, and there is the toilet and the shower. I like it this way, it gives us more privacy. We need it with a family this big.

I grabbed my toothbrush, and started brushing my teeth. I rinsed out my toothbrush, and put it back on the shelf behind me. We each have our own shelf in the bathroom, to store our toiletries.

"Lizzie? What are you doing in here?" I heard Derek ask from behind me. Wait, how did Derek get in here? I turned around. Derek has a towel wrapped around his waist. His hair is dripping water into his eyes. I bit my lip.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't know that anyone was in here." I apologized hurriedly. I can feel myself blushing. Derek nodded.

"It's fine, Liz." He said, smirking. He's never going to let me live this down. I turned and left. I closed the bathroom door behind me. I went back to my room, and shut the door tightly behind me. I sat down on my bed.

"I cannot believe I just did that." I muttered to myself. I raked my fingers through my hair. I got up and grabbed a pair of running shorts from my dresser. I got a tank top out of my closet, and grabbed a shorts bra, and a clean pair of underwear. I shrugged off my pajama pants, and my panties. I dropped them both in my hamper, and put on my clean panties. I peeled off my shirt. I put my sports bra on.

"Hey Liz, I…" I turned around at the sound of Derek's voice. He's still only dressed in the towel. I didn't hear him come in, or close my door. I looked at him. What does he want?

"Derek, what are you doing in here…?" I asked him quietly. He cleared his throat.

"You took the toothpaste with you, when you left the bathroom." He explained. I looked down at my hand. He's right, I had taken the toothpaste. I didn't even realize that I was still clutching it in my hand. I was so preoccupied thinking about Derek. I handed it to him. I looked at it for a second, and then took it from me. "Thanks Lizard," Derek teased. Casey and Mom have taken to calling me Lizard. Derek normally doesn't. He has his own nickname for me. If he calls me by a nickname, it's 'Z.' No one else calls me 'Z,' I prefer it that way.

"No problem Derek." I told him. I stood there awkwardly waiting for him to leave. He didn't, he just stood there. "Is there anything else?" I asked him.

"Casey is making me go to the mall with her later, I wanted to know, if you would go with us, and save me the torture." He asked. I smirked.

"Sure, I guess." I told him. He nodded, and left my room. I went to close my door behind him. I tried not to stare as he walked away. But, damn is he a nice view. I went back into the bathroom and smiled at me. I avoided his gaze.

"I hope you put something over that before you go running with Space Case, Z." He said nonchalantly. I tried not to blush, but felt myself failing miserably. "That was the idea." I told him before closing the door. I threw my tank top on, and ran a brush through my hair. I put on deodorant, and went to find Casey.

We've been running for 7 blocks now. I feel so out of shape. Since I don't have soccer in the summer, I haven't been running everyday like I normally would, during the season. Still, it feels nice to have the pavement under me. I love the adrenaline rush from pushing myself forward. For awhile, I feel untouchable. Casey started to slow down. She slowed all the way to a walking pace. I slowed too. She's out of breath. I can barely hear her panting over my own. She looked over at me and smiled.

"Thanks for running with me, Lizard. I've missed this." She said. I gave her a weak smile and nodded as I took a swig from my water. I ran my fingers through my hair. It's a nervous habit… I guess it's just a habit, in itself. Casey pulled her hair back into a loose bun before we left. I know that a lot of people run with their hair up. I can't do it. I love the way the wind feels in my hair. It feels like heaven.

"Me too, Case, ready to head back?" I asked. She nodded. We turned around and started running.

Derek's POV

I'm surprised that Z was up so early. I doesn't surprise me that Casey would wake her up, just to run with her, though. What I didn't expect was to find Lizzie in the bathroom earlier. At first I wasn't sure if I was imagining things or not. I mean, why would I want Lizzie in the bathroom with me? Not that I would mind it, if it was a purely non-perverted way…

Lizzie's POV

"Breakfast?" Casey asked me. I shook my head.

"After I shower." I told her. She nodded.

"You take ours; I'll ask George if I can use the one downstairs." She said. I nodded. I walked upstairs. I grabbed some clothes from my room, and headed to the bathroom. I checked to make sure that no one was in there, before turning on the shower and discarding my clothes. I looked at the clock on the bathroom wall. It's 10:15. Everyone is awake by now. For whatever reason, Edwin never sleeps passed 9, and Marti always gets up reasonably early. Mom is at work, and George has to be at work soon.

I locked the bathroom door, and turned on the radio. I made sure that the water was hot, and I stepped in the shower. I sighed. The hot water feels so good, cascading over my body. Music is filling the bathroom. I started singing along softly. There's nothing like singing in the shower, and dancing while no one else is around.

'Ooh, the wheel in the sky keeps on turnin'.
I don't know where I'll be tomorrow.
Wheel in the sky keeps on turnin'...

I've been trying to make it home.
Got to make it, before too long...
Ooh, I can't take this very much longer, no.
I'm stranded in a sleet of rain.
Don't think I'm ever gonna make it home again.
The mornin' sun is risin'.
It's kissin' the day.'

I jumped. Someone's knocking on the door loudly.

"LIZZIE! CAN YOU OPEN THE DOOR?! I NEED TO SHAVE!" Edwin shouted from outside the bathroom door. The music wasn't on very loud, and I was singing barely above a whisper. I'm not sure why he was yelling. I opened the shower curtain, and grabbed a towel. I wrapped it around myself, and unlocked the door.

"It's unlocked." I yelled to Edwin. He opened the door as I made my way back to the shower. I kept the towel on, until I was back in the shower, and the curtain was closed. I draped the towel across the shower curtain rod.

"Thanks, Liz." Edwin thanked.

"No problem Ed." I told him from the shower. I started humming softly. I started singing along quietly. I didn't realize that Ed had turned down the music. He chuckled.

"You can sing louder than that, you know. No one would mind." He said.

"What?" I asked him.

"It's not like you have a bad voice Liz." He said.

"Um, thanks… I think." I said, a bit surprised. Edwin has hinted that he thinks that I have a decent voice before. It's always been after Casey has had to sing for something. I always thought that he was just being nice. I love singing, just not in front of people.

"You always hide it. I just think that you shouldn't." He said. Easy for him to say, he's never had to grow up in Casey's shadow. Though, I guess he did grow up in Derek's. So, maybe he does understand.

"Thanks Ed." I told him, more sincerely than before. The song changed. Another Journey song, it must be a CD. I started singing, loudly.

'Just a small town girl, livin' in a lonely world.
She took the midnight train goin' anywhere.'

Edwin joined in, and I let him have this stanza.

'Just a city boy, born and raised in south Detroit.
He took the midnight train goin' anywhere.'

I laughed. We sang together. It's nice and unexpected. It's the last thing I would think that would happen when I woke up this morning. The song ended.

"Thanks for the song Liz." Edwin said.

"Anytime," I told him. He left the bathroom. Someone else knocked on the door. "What do you want now Edwin?! You just shaved! Are you going to shave your legs, too?!" I called out. Someone chuckled.

"It's not Ed, it's me, Z." Derek said from behind the door.

"It's unlocked." I called out. What does he want to do? Didn't he already shave and brush his teeth? Boys… I heard the door open.

"Sorry, I forgot my CD earlier. But if you're listening to it, I'll just get it back later." He said.

"You sure?" I asked.

"Yeah, it's fine. Have fun showering." He said.

"Thanks," I told him. He left. I finished up my shower, and got dressed. I put on a white tank top and a pair of Ed's basketball shorts. I don't have anywhere to go today, and they are so comfortable.

I went downstairs to see if Casey was ready yet. Knowing her, she's still in the shower. Derek was in the kitchen… cooking.

"Are you seriously cooking?" I asked him disbelief. He smiled and nodded.

"Can't a guy make scrambled eggs without everyone giving him crap about it?" He asked. I smirked and shook my head.

"When that guy has never cooked a single thing for his family in his life, then I'm sorry, no." I told him. He distributed the eggs onto 5 plates. Marti bounced down the stairs.

"Smerek, do I smell eggs?" She asked. He smiled, and handed her a plate with a fork on it.

"Yes, you do, Smarti." He told her. She grinned and took the plate.

"What about Liza?" She asked. Marti never called me Liz. I think she did a few times after she met me, but she decided that she didn't like 'Liz,' just like she didn't like 'Derek.' At first I called her 'Marti,' but she told me not to. She told me to call her 'Smarti' like Derek. So, I do.

Derek handed me a plate of steaming eggs. Marti and I sat down at the table. Derek joined us, and we ate our eggs. Casey came into the kitchen.

"Liz, did you make eggs?" She asked. I shook my head. I had just eaten a bite of eggs, and didn't want them to fall out, by my answering her.

"Smerek did." Marti answered her.

"Really, Derek made eggs. I find that hard to believe. I hope they aren't poisoned." She said thoughtfully.

"I didn't poison them, but maybe I should have. I made you a plate, but you don't have to eat them if you are afraid for your life." He said. We all laughed. Casey picked up a plate and started eating.

I'm sitting in the backyard, enjoying the peace. Casey went tanning. Edwin took Marti to the park. I'm not sure what Derek's up to. I must be a horrible person. I mean, I don't feel like a horrible person. I must be, to think about Derek like I do. I mean, he's stepbrother. I'm not sure if it makes it right. But, I mean, we're supposed to be siblings. It's not like it matters… He'll never think of me that way.

"Hey Z," Derek said from behind me. I jumped.

"Stop doing that!" I said exasperated.

"Sorry." He apologized. He sat next to me. "Casey should be back soon, I hope you're in the mood to shop." He said sarcastically.

"You know it." I said equally sarcastically.

"I'm home! Ready to go?" Casey yelled from the front door. Derek stood up, and offered me his hand. He pulled me to him a little too hard. I landed into his chest. I looked up at him, unable to help myself. He looked down at me and smiled. He put his arms around me for a brief second, holding me to him. He let go, and he led me inside. I hadn't imagined that, had I? Casey smiled at us. "You two are getting along well." She teased gesturing to our hands. I looked down, Derek still has my hand.

"I just couldn't help myself." Derek teased back, playing along. I grinned.

"Shall we?" Casey asked. I nodded.

"We shall." I answered.

We went to mall, and Casey picked a present for Max. They got back together after she graduated from high school. She ended up getting him some video-game that's he been talking about. I had a blast. Derek and I provided commentary, much to Casey's annoyance.

We got back to the house later. I was in my room, and Casey knocked on my door. This feels a bit like déjà vu.

"You got a minute?" She asked. I nodded as she came in my room. She shut the door behind her. "If I ask you a question, do you promise not to get upset?" She asked. I nodded slowly. "Are you in love with Derek?" She asked softly. I looked at her, and blushed. I don't see judgment in her eyes. It's the one thing that I expected to see if she ever found out.

"Do you know what you're asking Casey?" I asked her in return.

"You didn't answer me, but I guess you don't have to." She said thoughtfully. "I can tell from the way looked at him earlier." She said. I groaned.

"Great," I said.

"Don't worry, I won't say anything. I won't bring it up again, either. I just wanted to know." She assured me. I hugged her.

"Thanks," I told her. She nodded.

"If it means anything, I think you have a shot." She told me. I looked up at her in surprise.

"You do?" I asked her.

"Marti was talking to me earlier. She told me that she wanted to be the flower girl when Liza and Smerek got married. And that I wasn't supposed to tell anyone, because it would ruin everything." She said. I chuckled.

"That's Marti for you, but that doesn't mean…" I argued.

"Let me finish." She cut me off. I just nodded. "I asked her why. She said, it was because Smerek looked at you, like you were his princess, and he wanted to rescue you." She finished smiling.

"You seriously don't have a problem with this?" I asked her, even more quietly than before.

"If you love him, Lizzie, I don't think that I could." Casey said.

"Will you stay for awhile? It's a lot to process." I asked her.

"Sure," she said. I'm lying in my bed. She pulled my covers back, and climbed in with me. We talked. It's nice to be able to tell this to someone. Maybe my impossible desire isn't so impossible after all. If things look this way tonight, I'm not sure what tomorrow will bring.

Author's Note: Please Review! This is the first chapter of many, hope you enjoyed it!

-Anneryn