Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyers owns Twilight.I do not!

Thanks to my awesome Beta Blueboarderchick!You rock!

A/N: Warning! This is not your average Bella and Jacob forever story. Things will get messing and I predict that this will be a difficult and painful story for me to write. Follow Bella's journey to find herself and ultimately, happiness. This story will be very long as I take you through Bella's college years and continue after she returns home (in the sequel). In college Bella will go through some changes and try new things. She also befriends some people who turn out to be more than she thought. Jacob will not be a part of her life while she's away at school but he will be after she returns home. I hope you don't skip the college chapters as it will help you to understand some of the choices Bella makes when she returns to Forks. That being said, enjoy the story!

Flames will be ignored and, quite frankly, a waste of time. If you're not enjoying the story then you are free to stop reading at anytime.

Also, if you don't like Original Characters(OC), then this story is not for you. There are a few of them in this story.

Chapter One

The battle was over. I could hardly believe it. After weeks of living in absolute terror, Victoria and her army of newborns were dead and I was finally safe. But Jacob, my Jacob, was hurt in the fight. I woke up on my bed because passed out when heard the news. Edward had carried me home. He was sitting next to where I lay on my bed, stroking my hair with his cold fingers.

"Are you all right, my love?" he asked me, topaz eyes filled with nothing but concern for me.

I opened my mouth, and before I could even think of what to say, I croaked out, "Jacob."

Edward's fingers froze in their stroking motion on my hair and for a second hurt flashed on his face but then settled on understanding.

"He's fine, but all the bones on the right side of his body were broken when he got between Leah and a newborn. Carlisle and the others took him home and had to reset the bones that were healing wrong. Last time I called Carlisle, Jacob was resting comfortably."

"What about everyone else? Was anyone in your family hurt?"

"No, everyone's okay." His topaz eyes reassured me.

Breathing a sigh of relief, I sat up, glanced over at my alarm clock and saw that it was 1:30pm. I needed to see Jacob and make sure he was okay with my own eyes, but I didn't know how to tell Edward I wanted to see him.

Edward guessed what I wanted to say and before I could ask he said, "Carlisle wanted you informed that Billy said Jacob would want to see you when he wakes up. Billy will call and let you know when to come over."

"Okay, I'll go see him later to make sure he's okay." I said, while getting up and ambling toward the bedroom door.

"Bella, you know how I feel about you going to see the do- Jacob. Alice can't see you when you're in La Push. That place is crawling with young werewolves and I have no way of knowing you're safe." His expression was fathomless, giving me the impression that something had changed between us.

"Edward," I sighed, feeling a weariness settle on my shoulders. "What part of everything that happened today, don't you understand? The wolves fought for my life with you and your family today. They risked their lives and I think they've proven themselves, don't you?" I queried with an irritated frown.

I was so tired of having this conversation every single time I wanted to go down to La Push and hang out with Jacob and the pack. Why couldn't he understand that they were my friends? Was he always this controlling? Why couldn't he understand my need to see Jacob? Jacob…he almost died today. What would I have done if he had, if I could never see my personal sun smile at me again?

I didn't realize that throughout my internal musing Edward was watching my face, attempting to decipher the emotions he saw flickering there. Whatever he saw was a cause for great concern. Faster than I could blink, Edward crossed the room, tilted my chin upward until he could gaze deep into my eyes. "Bella, be honest with me. Are you-" He paused, looking as if it pained him to complete the question.

"Bella, I'm sorry but I must go, I need to speak with Alice immediately," he informed on his way to my window.

"Edward? Is something wrong?" I asked, feeling the beginnings of panic curling in my stomach. The fear that he would leave and never come back, reared it's unpleasant head, but I held myself in check. Surely I could survive without Edward for a few hours, couldn't I?

"No Bella, everything's okay," he turned and smiled my favorite crooked smile, trying to reassure me, although I couldn't help but sense that something between Edward and me had been altered. He walked back toward me, bent down and lightly kissed me.

"If Billy calls before I get back, promise me you'll call and let me know before you go over there to see Jacob, please?" Edward pleaded, his words held traces of desperation.

"Okay, I promise," I said, and watched him move back toward to my window. I blinked and then he was gone. So I decided to go downstairs and make myself a sandwich to eat while I waited for Billy's call.

After I made myself a sandwich and ate it, I sat on the couch and thought about all the things that had happened today. I asked Jacob to kiss me so he would feel like he had something to come back to and he wouldn't give up, allowing himself to die in battle. That kiss was like nothing I've felt before. His warm lips on mine, his warmth surrounding me, forcing me to forget about everything. I forgot about my promise to marry Edward, about Victoria and her army of vampire she made just to kill me and everyone I loved and about the fact that my best friend could walk away from me now and I could never see him alive again. Once I forgot all these things, I began to remember things, things like how Jacob put me back together when Edward left me, Jacob riding his motorcycle, Jacob's face as he pulled me from the sea, Jacob's face as I hurt him over and over again, Jacob smiling, Jacob, Jacob… Jacob.

Then as he kissed me the most wonderful thing happened to me, I began to feel things I never allowed myself to feel. I envisioned our life together, our children and our family. We were so happy together. It was in that instant I knew that Jacob was right all along. I didn't just love him. I was also in love with him. The love didn't just hit me like a lighting bolt, as it did with Edward. It crept up on me while I sat in his garage drinking warm soda, while I watched him fix our motorcycles, while holding hands and cuddling at bonfires. It had been a long time in the making.

After Edward's abandonment, Jacob became my life preserver in the stormy sea of pain that had been my life. Edward's return didn't change the fact that I still needed him. No one could understand why I still wanted to see him when I'd gotten my Edward back, my supposed everything. Edward could never understand why I got so mad when he tried to stop me from seeing Jacob. I could admit to myself now that I angry because deep inside I knew Jacob would never try to stop me from seeing Edward, if their situations were switched. He wouldn't have liked it, but he wouldn't have tried anything underhanded, like disabling my car and getting his sister to babysit me. Like I was a child who couldn't be trusted.

Now I knew I loved Jacob and I wanted a life with him. As I sat there on my couch, I glanced down at my engagement ring and wondered how I would tell Edward. I felt anxiety and pain at the thought of how much it would hurt him to hear that even though I loved him, it wasn't enough, not for me, not anymore. But after everything we'd been through, I knew that I owed Edward the truth. Taking off the ring and concealing it in my pocket, brought me so much relief that it made me ashamed. I never felt right wearing it in the first place.

I thought of everything I had put Charlie and Renee through the past year. I wondered how I could have been so selfish to have even considered letting them letting them believe I died in some freak accident after my change. What parent wouldn't die inside if they had to bury their child? How could I have ever thought of becoming a vampire? If the sight and smell of blood is enough to make me want to puke or pass out, how would that work out if I was a vampire? I realized that I must have self esteem issues if I thought I had to make such a drastic change to feel like I was worthy of Edward.

Jake never made me feel that way. He loved me flawed and broken as I was. Edward was out of this world beautiful but Jake was earth-bound beautiful. Edward was beautiful in his perfection, but Jake was beautiful while sweating, swearing, stuffing his face, covered in grease smudges. Jacob Black was real beauty and I wanted him.

The ringing of the telephone broke me out of my thoughts and I realized I was crying. I stumbled toward to phone and stubbed my big toe on the table.

With a muffled curse, I answered the phone, "Hello?"

"Bella, it's Billy, Jake's up and he wants to see you," Billy's tone was layered with anxiety, almost like he was worried I wouldn't come.

"Of course I'll come over, Billy, I'll see you in twenty minutes," I said with a smile. I couldn't wait to see Jacob. We said our goodbyes and hung up.

I left Charlie a note letting him know I would be in La Push. I didn't want to give him anymore reason to worry about me. I opted to text Edward instead of calling, letting him know I was headed out. Grabbing my keys, I ran outside, got into my truck and took off for La Push.

As I drove to the reservation, I thought about why I agreed to marry Edward in the first place. Knowing how much my parents' failed marriage turned me off the whole idea of young marriages, why would I agree to get married so young? I knew deep down inside that part of the reason I agreed to marry Edward was because I was afraid he would leave me and take my other family away from me again.

The other reason was because I just wanted to be able to kiss my boyfriend with tongue. I was tired of being denied over and over again. I wanted to go past chaste kissing like any normal teenager. I wanted to experience a lot of things before I got married. After months of practically begging for affection, Edward agreed to try, but only if I agreed to marry him first. Jeez, what kind of desperate idiot agrees to get married just so they can have sex? Bella Swan, that's who. Lord knows I still had a lot of growing up to do.

I couldn't wait to see Jake and finally tell him the words he'd been dying to hear. We could be together and he'd be mine. Then I remembered the one thing that could end my world with one look… imprinting.

I felt like I had just been punched in the stomach. I couldn't drive anymore and had to pullover because I was sobbing so hard I could barely see the road. With sinking despair, I realized that Jacob wasn't mine and never would be. Even though Jacob already told me that he didn't think it was possible for him to imprint, as rightful alpha, the odds of him imprinting were greatly increased. He told me that the chances of him imprinting were rare. Rare my ass. So many of them had already imprinted…Sam, Jared, and now Quil. He wouldn't be able to fight the imprint. Sam couldn't and it broke Leah. I wasn't half as strong as she was, and I knew with certainty that if Jacob imprinted and left, that there would be no coming back from that for me. The pain would be worse than when Edward left me.

Tightening my grip on the steering wheel, I leaned my head on it. I couldn't be with Jacob either and it would hurt him if he knew, that being him a werewolf was the very reason we could never be together. I had to let him go, even though doing so would break both our hearts.

I made up my mind that after I saw Jacob today, I would leave and go spend some time in Florida with Renee until it was time to leave for college. I knew that if I stayed, Jacob would convince me to give him a chance. He would never give up on me and I needed to stay strong. For the first time in my life, I would run from danger instead of toward it.

Sitting upright in my seat, I wiped at my eyes with my hands before looking at my reflection in the rearview mirror. God, I was a mess with my red eyes and slightly red nose. After I straightened out my appearance as best I could, restarted my car and got back on the road to La Push.