A.N.: Yay! Another chapter!

Chapter 21: A short lecture

Genkai rolled her eyes at me. "The girl left some time ago. She didn't say why."

That bothered me, and I didn't know why. I was sure Botan would've stayed, just to make sure I kept up my end of the bargain. For her to leave…no. I gave myself a mental shake. She's fine. I told myself. She's probably got something to do for Koenma. She's fine.

I did my best to ignore the uneasy way my stomach clenched as we walked back to the temple, picking up survivors as we went. I told myself it was just guilt over Rando and Kuroda. Especially Kuroda.

The knife was still in my hand. I glared at it. That thing needed to be destroyed, pronto. Taking over people and forcing them to kill. Who the hell comes up with this stuff? Why was a knife like this even necessary? If I ever meet the jerk who first made this thing, I swore I was going to kick his ass to the moon and back.

I don't like being out of control of my actions. This is my body, my fists. I decide who gets an ass whooping, no one else. I decide when to stop, no one else.

Staying with Genkai was starting to sound like a good idea. Maybe she could teach me how to shake off mind control? Or at least how to atone for what I've done? It wasn't my place to kill Kuroda, and that cursed blade took the decision out of my hands.

I really hoped there was something I could do to fix it.

When we got back to the temple Genkai healed the survivors of their injuries and sent them home. There weren't many; thankfully more than I had hoped. Kazemaru gave me the stink eye as he left, but he didn't make a fuss. The hag pointed me in the direction of the showers and turned to deal with Kuwabara's problem.

The shower was glorious. No more smell, no more mud and swamp, no more blood—

I still didn't feel properly clean, even after thirty odd minutes under the spray, but it would have to do.

There was a spare set of clothing waiting for me when I got out of the shower. They were the sort of things a priest would wear. So not my style. But there was no way I was getting back into my clothes from earlier, so I would just have to deal with them.

Kuwabara and Genkai were eating when I got back to the main room. It wasn't the burger I was hoping for, but it smelt good all the same, and I was definitely hungry. It didn't take long for us to eat everything on the table, and Kuwabara even volunteered to do the dishes. While he was in there I turned to Genkai. She was looking out into the night and smoking a cig.

"About today," I started. She snorted.

"Was that your first kill?"

"Yeah." I couldn't look at her. The tidal wave of guilt was threatening to drown me from within. I wasn't used to feeling guilty.

She blew a smoke ring into the night. "Do you hate yourself for what you did?"

"Yeah."

"Even though it wasn't your fault?"

"Again, yeah."

"Then you're fine."

"What?" was she serious? I stared at the back of her graying head.

"It's natural to feel guilt over killing a person. The thing is, it's happened. It's in the past. No one can change it, so you need to accept that it happened and move past it." She took one last drag and put out the cig in a tiny ashtray at her hip. "You only need to worry when killing starts to sound fun."

"What can I—is there anything-"

"I'm not a therapist!" her brown eyes flashed with anger. She stared at me for a minute, then let her anger drain away. "If it's bothering you that much, then I would suggest you stay here for a while. Be my student, learn my techniques. They're meant for healing anyway, so maybe being able to save lives will help you with your guilt."

Healing. I wasn't sure if healing was really my style, but being able to help others did have a ring of appeal to it.

"Okay," I shrugged. It had to be better than school, at least.

Kuwabara came out of the kitchen, drying his hands on a dishtowel, when Genkai seemed to freeze. She leaped to her feet and ran out the door. Surprised, Kuwabara and I ran after her. In the big courtyard was Botan, lying on the hard stones. Genkai had her hands out and her healing aura fired up, pouring healing energy into her as fast as she dared. The closer I got, the more details I noticed; Botan's kimono was tattered, her ponytail was ruined, and she had small abrasions all over her visible skin, like she was tossed somewhere. She was also out cold.

What happened? Was she attacked?

"Botan…" I dropped to my knees next to her, my hands hovering uselessly over her body. I didn't know what to do, or even where to begin. Gods, but I hate being useless!

Genkai pulled her hands away. "Pick her up, Yusuke. She'll rest more comfortably inside."

I did as I was told, inwardly cringing at Botan's lack of weight. Does she have bird bones or something? Kuwabara was fast; he had a futon already set out and was waiting with a bowl of water and a washcloth. He helped me lay her down and tuck her in.

"Any guesses how this happened?"

"Tch." Genkai lit up another cig. "It's severe damage from a spiritual attack. I've healed the worst of her injuries, and once she has something to eat, I'll heal the rest."

That was the moment Botan sat bolt upright. Her eyes were wide and her chest heaved with every breath.

"Hey, it's okay, you're okay!" I held my hands out where she could see them. "You're okay, don't worry. We're at Genkai's, it's okay."

She was calming. Botan looked at me, still gasping a little for air. "Yusuke?"

"Yeah, I'm here."

I wasn't prepared for her to throw herself at me and lock her arms around my neck. We tumbled backwards in a heap, me trying to keep her from hitting the floor.

"Botan?" some of her hair was getting in my mouth.

Her face was pressed into my shoulder. "Just give me a minute."

"Okay."

It was closer to an hour than a minute when she finally pulled away from me, but I wasn't going to say anything. Not when she was shaking like that. Botan crawled back onto the futon and accepted a bowl of rice from Genkai.

"So?" I inched closer to her. "Gonna tell us what happened?"

"Well…" and she did. Koenma had called her away to collect a wayward spirit. Unfortunately for her, this spirit wasn't ready to leave just yet, and attacked her, blasting her all the way back to Genkai's temple. "This spirit is much stronger than I had anticipated," she said between bites. "I don't think I can ferry it myself. I might need to call in another ferry girl to help."

"Does this happen often?"

"More often than I'd like. This spirit is still attached to the living world, and whatever it's attached to is giving it a tremendous boost in psychic ability."

That didn't sound good. I had always figured Botan to be, well, invincible. I mean, she's a Ferry Girl, right? A specter of Death? You can't hurt Death.

Right?

Botan paused with the tips of her chopsticks in her mouth, thinking something over. "I might know how to get the spirit to move on, but I"ll need your help Yusuke."

"What?"

When she said she needed my help, being pulled out of my body was not what I expected. ("You'll be fine, Yusuke. The Tracking Seal will let Genkai know if you're in danger and she'll recall your spirit to your body.") So once again, I was free-flying with Botan over the forest to a small town further down the rails. She showed me to a house that looked abandoned.

"The spirit is in there, but don't let your guard down. She's really powerful."

I scoffed at her. "Like I'd back away from a fight." Within moments I had swooped in through a window.

It was burnt. There must have been a fire at some point, because I know the floor wouldn't have held my weight if I had brought my body with me. The spirit was in the corner, her back to me.

"Wait, you're a kid?"

She turned around. Just a little girl. With a face scarier than Keiko's "Be Responsible" face.

"Are you here to hurt me too?" she pointed her hand in my direction. "Go away!"

I barely dodged that blast of energy, and even though I was a ghost, it still scorched my back as it went by.

"Hang on-"

"I said go away!" another blast missed thanks to my incredible reflexes. She wouldn't let me get a word in edgewise, and chased me out of the house. Botan was waiting for me far above the house.

"I do wish you'd let me finish explaining things before you jump ring in them."

All I could manage was an eye-roll. "Okay then, smartypants, what do I need to know about this?"

Botan took her time straightening her kimono and pulling out her little black book. "Her name is Sayaka, age six before she died. Very sickly in life, she was often left in the hands of a nurse by her parents who didn't know how to cope with her illness. Her life was short and lonely, and when she died, it was with many regrets. Now her feelings are starting to turn into resentment and traces of evil. If that evil gets any stronger in her, she won't be able to go to Heaven, and instead will be dragged into Hell. We need to get her to release those feelings so I can guide her to the Spirit World." She folded her book and replaced it in her kimono. "Unfortunately she won't listen to me, so I thought I'd bring you along. And now you blew it."

"Like hell I did!" fueled by righteous indignation, I flew back down to Sayaka's window. Lonely, eh?

I could just see her where I was floating. She was facing the corner again, and my pity for her swelled up.

"Hey, Sayaka?" I stuck my head through her window and tried my best to be calm and nonthreatening. She glowered at me, but didn't leave the corner. I took a chance. "Do you want to come out and play?"

A.N.: What happens next? Dun dun du...