Title: Demon Trucks
Prompt: N/A
Author: CWolfeh
Rating: PG
Series: Zombieland and Transformers (2k7/2k9)
Characters: Tallahassee, Wichita, Columbus, Little Rock, Ironhide
Warnings: CRACK. BD
Summary: They had absolutely NO luck with vehicles.
Author's Notes:
Um..yeah..I don't even know. xD; You can blame Cloud for this, completely and totally. Hope you enjoy the cracktasticness! Reviews are always fantastic but not completely necessary. C:

"Goddamn piece a junk!"

There was a hollow sounding 'Thunk!' as the enraged man in a cowboy hat aimed another kick at the wheel-well of his formerly trustworthy Hummer, more curses following as he proceeded the slam a baseball bat against the hood a few thousand times. Tallahassee was relentless in his attack against the vehicle, pissed off beyond belief that the thing had finally given out on them.

"He does realize we can just find another car right?" Wichita asked as she watched the display, arms crossed over her chest as she tapped her foot against the pavement. Behind her, Little Rock and Columbus were perched on their luggage, both holding guns as they kept any eye out for any unwanted guests.

"Eventually he'll remember that, but it's honestly for the best that he get it out now," Columbus said with a slight shrug, glancing over just as Tallahassee plucked a pick-axe from his pile of weaponry and hopped up onto the hood, aiming for the roof this time. "I'd rather it be the car getting the anger than us."

"Agreed," Little Rock added then sighed. "He better stop soon though."

As if on cue, with one last hack at the Hummer's roof, the wanna-be cowboy left the weapon where it was and hopped down. He took a moment to dust off his jacket and straighten his hat, lip still curled in a cross between a frown and a pout as, with clenched fists, he made his way over to his traveler companions.

"Better?"

"Much. Let's git goin'," he muttered, making a grab for his bag before stalking off down the road. Little Rock, Witchita, and Columbus all exchanged glances before moving to gather up the rest of their gear, including the weapons Tallahassee had been assaulting their former ride with. It took a few minutes to get everything but soon they were on Tallahassee's trail, striking up a conversation to pass the time. Eventually they got the older man involved as well and from there his anger melted away as the discussion topic changed to childhood cartoons and the like. Little Rock was in the dark on most of the cartoons mentioned, asking questions every chance she got about what they were about, how old they were, and things of that 'instantly inducing annoyance in Tallahassee' nature. Several times the older man ranted on about how he couldn't believe how uncultured she was, to which Wichita and Columbus had to remind him of her age.

"Doesn't matter! How can she not know 'bout some of the greatest--" He trailed off, steps slowing at the same time, a look crossing his face that Columbus instantly recognized.

Tallahassee had just fallen in love.

"Well now, I think that'll do just fine!" A dangerous grin appeared as Tallahassee hefted his bag higher onto his shoulder and cut down a side street.

The object of his sudden affection? A black Chevy Topkick.

"Hot damn this is a fine car!" he exclaimed as he reached it, Columbus and the others arriving not long after as they cut through some bushes to reach where their other 'family' member was.

"Not bad actually. Looks like it can handle a lot," Wichita observed, running her hand over the grill as she moved around to the driver's side. "Dibs on first drive."

"Don't make me hurt ya' girl."

"Both of you can sit back and watch. I'll drive it first!" Little Rock said with a grin as she pulled the driver's door up and climbed up inside. For a truck it had a decent amount of cab space and they had plenty of room in the back to store stuff meaning it was definitely going to be easier to hold onto supplies and weapons. Eventually ending the fight for who would drive the beast first, Tallahassee settled into the driver's seat, fingers curling around the leather-encased steering wheel as a happy noise escaped him, a noise akin to that of a kid in a candy store.

"Let's git this show back on the road folks!"

It had been...how long had it been? All he could remember was a lot of fighting, humans getting scared out of their minds, others eating each other...

Basically it had all gone to the pit—or hell, however one wanted to look at it.

Systems slowly came back online as the new rush of power he was getting gave him something of a jumpstart, waking up the parts of him that had shut down after one of the bomb drops. It took him a second to get his bearings back since everything was still hazy, but eventually his processor got a grasp on things. The first thing that he realized was that he was moving.

How in the world was he moving?

Ironhide's engine rumbled as he activated his scanners, honing in on the four signals he was picking up from inside his cab. Humans were driving him? Wonderful. Just wonderful. He gets knocked into stasis for how long and wakes up to this mess! And it wasn't even someone he was familiar with!

Oh no, he wasn't having any of this.

"Whoa!" Tallahassee exclaimed as the wheel in his hands suddenly lurched, his grip on it breaking as the car veered hard to the right. Wichita, who was in the passenger seat, hit the window the managed to brace herself while Little Rock and Columbus were thrown together in the back seat.

"What are you doing you psycho?!" Wichita snapped, blowing her bangs out of her face.

"I didn't do it, so just chill—" He couldn't finish as the car veered back to the left, all four crying out as they were thrown about.

Rule Four: Buckle your seatbelt. Failure.

"See you should have let me drive!" Little Rock cried out as she scrambled to get her seatbelt on, only to get knocked into Columbus again. "Stop it already T--"

"All of ya' need to stop bein' so slaggin' loud!" a voice suddenly cut in and all four of the cab occupants froze, glancing at one another out of the corner of their eyes.

"Who was that?" Wichita murmured, glancing at Tallahassee who looked freaked out of his mind to her sister and boyfriend in the back seat. "Did you guys do that?"

"Not me."

"Nope."

"Nu uh," Tallahassee stammered a bit, slowly lifting his shotgun from where it had been resting beside him, eyes locked on the radio.

"Tallahasse, what are you doing?" Columbus asked as he saw the other take aim, eyes wide.

"I heard it talk. It was the truck! And I ain't gonna let some possessed vehicle do me i--"

"Oh for the love ah' Primus." The Topkick suddenly jerked to a halt, tires squealing as the whole truck lurched forward a bit, Tallahassee losing hold of his gun as it clattered up onto the dashboard. Wichita let out a scream as the door she was leaning against for support swung up, the young woman toppling to the ground soon followed by Columbus and Little Rock, Tallahassee getting thrown out of the other side with a undignified shriek. "Didn't ya' ever learn not to take what wasn't yours? Slaggin' humans! Find another ride!"

The Topkick's engine revved loudly before it lurched, gears shifting as it took off down the road, leaving the stunned humans to stare after it. Silence fell over them for a long moment, all of them just staring down the roadway before finally Little Rock broke the silence.

"..That just happened right?"

"Yeah."

"Uh huh."

"Pretty sure, though I didn't think stuff like that was possible," Columbus muttered, trying to remember if at any time he had ingested drugs of some sort during their travels. Wichita was the first to climb to her feet, tossing her hair over her shoulder before offering her boyfriend a hand.

"How about..we just pretend it didn't happen okay?"

"Sounds good to me," Columbus said with a hurried nod, getting to his feet then moving to grab his bag as Little Rock got up. Tallahassee was the only one that didn't move, the man still staring down the road as a frustrated quiver overcame him. The trio of younger survivors glanced at one another before back to their elder as he finally moved, tugging the brim of his hat down a bit before getting up.

"Someone else gets to pick the next one. I ain't choosing no more," he declared, lifting his bag up. "Goddamn demon trucks." Once more he started walking, leaving the others to follow as their took up their zombie watch.

"Ya' know..I think there was a cartoon like that back in the day..."