His smile left me feeling hollow. Everything he did made me angry and confused. He reminded me of sunshine with his bright smile, illuminating eyes, happy words and his jubilant mannerisms and jovial eccentricities. Everything about him made me think of the sun, and I'd thought up plenty of pathetic metaphors in the long time I'd known him, and yet none ever seemed to fit him perfectly.

More than just that large, burning star, he was an enigma. His behaviour always left me frustrated and befuddled, and I could never anticipate anything he was about to do. It unnerved me. Honestly, I could probably say I'm terrified when I'm around him. I'm pretty vulnerable and helpless naturally, but around him... it's worse. I feel dizzy, light-headed and shaky... and honestly? It's kind of terrifying. Despite my feeble attempts at leadership or my pathetic excuse that I call 'fighting,' I still used to at least push my younger brother down. At least, for a little while.

Then he came in.

Don't get me wrong, Spain's a... he's a nice guy, I guess... all irritating quirks and eccentricities aside... but he doesn't make me feel safe. He thinks he's my protector, but I feel nothing short of petrified when I'm with him. I don't know how to act, what to do. I feel exposed when his eyes are on me, and I feel vulnerable when I hear his voice, and I feel nauseous and weak when he touches me.

He doesn't know. He thinks I get angry with him because he's so loving and touchy feely and I'm just defensive. That's not far from the truth, but it isn't exactly correct either. I get terrified when he's so... loving... and I don't know what to do. So, I deal with it the only way I know how. Get angry. I scream and shout and try my hardest not to cry or hide, and he takes it in a comical way. Sometimes, I can see hurt shimmering in his eyes. But then I feel even more resentful. He doesn't know how I'm feeling, how every time I so much as hear his name, I feel faint.

Do you want to know something else? I think I'm falling for him. In spite of all his irritating quirks, and despite how... weak... he makes me feel... I think I'm falling in love with him. And I hate it. Loathe it. Detest it. I'm scared of it. Yes, I know it's idiotic for a country to be scared of something, especially something so seemingly simple and normal as... as love... but I can't help it. My hands grow clammy, I start to sweat, my heart speeds up and the butterflies in my stomach are in some kind of raging battle or war...

I feel as if he taunts me sometimes. I get angry at him for it. He leaves fleeting touches that make me shudder and fear, and then pulls away as if nothing happened, when I spend days and nights pondering and worrying; he smiles and says nice words that make me feel special but weird, and then he laughs them off and dismisses them. The worst thing he does... is tell me he loves me.

I hate it. It makes me sick.

"Te quiero," he always says to me with his sickeningly sweet smile that I know will never be all mine. "Te quiero," he always says and ruffles my hair or hugs me fleetingly with touches I know will never progress or evolve into something more. "Te quiero," he says. It means, "I love you." Why do I hate it so much? I hate it because he says it to almost everyone he knows, throws the words around as if they mean nothing. I hate it because I'm certain he doesn't even realise he's saying it. I hate it because he uses it as an excuse for me not to be mad at him. I hate it... because it's familial. "Te quiero," is what you usually say to friends and family. He doesn't say, "I love you," in a... lover sense. He says, "I love you," in a friendly or familial sense.

He's taunting me. Mocking me. Doesn't he know I'm madly in love with him? I'm so damn lovesick I doodle hearts in my notebook at meetings, that I think of him and his smile no matter who I'm talking to, that when he's out fighting or at work I can only fall asleep if I'm hugging his shirt... that I cry and sob myself to sleep every night because of him.

I'm broken out of my reverie when I hear the door click shut, and I don't have to look up to know that he's behind me, hanging up his coat. I can almost feel his mocking smile and his eyes watching me, drilling holes into my back. He grasps my shoulders gently and leans down to place a kiss on my head. "I'm back, Lovino," he says. Don't call me that, I think desperately, closing my burning eyes. "I missed you." No, you didn't. "Te quiero." Don't say that!

I open my eyes and glance at him blankly. I hate you for this, I think, before initiating my normal act of shouting and screaming at him for acting in such a way, and then run to lock myself in the bathroom. I close my eyes again and let the tears escape and cascade down my flushed face.

"I hate you for this," I whisper to the invisble space before me, because I'll never be able to say it to him.

O-o-O-o-O

Axis Powers Hetalia belongs to Hidekaz Himaruya.

What can I say? I'm in the mood for angst, and this is what spurred from it. Poor Romano. :( Although I like to think Romano gets angry and defensive with Spain because he's embarrassed, I also like to think he feels this way. Aww. I'm so mean. Eheheh.

Thank you for reading!