Title - What Happens in Venice

Chapter – 9: Hyperbole is the Best Thing Ever

Rating - M

Pairing - Jake/Edward, Bella/Quil, all other canon couples

Disclaimer - All characters and original plots belong to Stephenie Meyer and her affiliates. No disrespect or copyright infringement is intended.

Author Notes- I am SO sorry for the delay in updating. I lost my computer for darn near a month and THEN I sprained my wrist, which made typing impossible. I'm back now and am rewarding my loyal followers (lol) with some smut… finally.

"Relax, Jake," Bella said to her best friend who was staring down his reflection in the full-length mirror in her bedroom. He'd brought over a selection of ten shirts and had tried them all on—at least twice. "There's no need to worry about impressing them."

"Sure sure," Jacob said with a sarcastic snort as he tried to check out his ass by looking over his shoulder and turning in slow circles. "No reason at all to want to impress the Cullens."

"They're going to love you," Bella said. She reached out to stop his tail chasing. "Well, maybe not Rosalie, but the rest will."

"They're so classy," he said mournfully. He gestured to his thrift-store Ralph Lauren button-up as if it was a black plastic trash bag with holes cut out for his arms and head. "And I'm not."

"Sweetie," Bella stepped between Jacob and the mirror, standing on her toes to block his view. "They are like that so they can live undetected amongst humans. They have all these, like, rules they follow to keep up with the humans—and stay out of the spotlight. One of the rules is that they maintain appearances at all time."

"That does not make me feel better, B," Jacob groaned. He collapsed onto Bella's unmade bed. "I'm scruffy and dirty and—"

"Funny and smart and sorta beautiful and—"

"Okay, okay, I get it," he chuckled at their old joke. Sorta beautiful indeed. He propped up on his elbows. "You are so lucky. Classy at Quil's house means Vienna sausages on those toothpicks with the fancy tops."

"I like Vienna sausages," Bella said seriously. Her lips tightened as she tried not to laugh.

"They are so freakin' perfect," he bemoaned. "Especially Edward."

"Trust me, Jake," Bella snorted. "They are far from perfect. Especially Edward."

"He—" Jacob clenched his jaw to avoid saying is. He understood that Edward had his fair share of faults. Jacob just hadn't witnessed any of those alleged faults with his own eyes.

"If you want perfection," she continued with an exaggerated sigh. "Take a long look at my Quil."

"Gross, gag!" Jacob pantomimed sticking two fingers down his throat. "Are we really going to play a round of whose boyfriend is better? Because let's face it, it's an unfair game."

"You're right," Bella said, picking a piece of lint from her friend's shoulder. "Poor Edward."

"As if," Jacob exclaimed.

"At least if I lick Quil," Bella said, jutting her chin out. "My tongue doesn't stick to him."

"Oh, ha ha," Jacob rolled his eyes. "I get it. Edward's an icicle."

"What do you got, Tall Dark and Furry?" Bella cocked her head and slapped her chest, pretending to be gangsta… and failing miserably. "Bring it!"

"Mine is faster."

"Mine has skin pigmentation."

"Mine can read minds."

"Mine is a space heater."

"That doesn't count," Jacob objected. "So am I."

"Mine is a fierce wolf."

"Me, too. Plus, mine glitters."

"Yeah, well, mine can do this with his tongue."

They looked at each, Jacob in shock at his best friend's vulgar tongue demonstration in the air, Bella in victory. Two ticks of the clock later, they started laughing. They fell against each other and then back into the bed. They rolled around, arms clasping their stomachs as they howled hysterically.

Outside, twenty feet below Bella's always-cracked window, Edward Cullen and Quil Aterea sat side-by-side. They leaned against the foundation of the Swan house, slightly obscured by neatly trimmed bushes. The pair of boyfriends—and unlikely comrades—had been banished by Bella and Edward so they could get ready for their respective dates. They'd left, but they hadn't gone far. Thanks to their enhanced hearing, they had caught every single word.

"Dude," Quil cast a look at Edward. "You glitter?"

"Yes," Edward admitted reluctantly. When Quil snickered, he quickly added: "But only on sunny days."

"That doesn't make it better," Quil opined.

"Dude," Edward said after a few moments of listening to the music of Jacob's laughter. "What the hell can you do with your tongue?"

They looked at each other and started laughing.

"We've been anxious to meet you," Esme said as she opened her arms to Jacob. He tentatively stepped forward and let Edward's mother hug him. He shot Edward a scared look but remained in the embrace until Esme released him. "Alice has told you so much about you."

Alice? Not you? Jacob thought with a subtle wink at Edward. Edward rolled his eyes in response.

"Welcome," Carlisle held out his hand, which Jacob took without hesitation. He knew the doctor from the time before Jacob's transformation. He'd been a rough and tumble kid and Dr. Cullen had stitched him closed several times. "Our home is open to you."

"Thank you," Jacob murmured. He glanced at the rest of the Cullens standing behind their patriarch. They all wore varying degrees of warm smiles, ranging from Rosalie's tight-lipped to Emmett's full-teeth.

"Let him in," Edward broke through the wall of Cullens and opened his arms to his boyfriend. Jacob, panicking, high fived him in lieu of an embrace. Edward's eyebrows raised and his eyes danced merrily.

So not okay with the love dovey in front of your folks, E.

"Right, so…" Jacob plastered a smile on his face. "What's up Cullens?"

Seriously? Did I just say 'what's up Cullens?'

Edward laughed and slung an arm around Jacob's shoulders, leading him further into the lair. He pointed out different doors as they went. Alice bounced along beside them like a rat terrier begging for table scraps.

"I already turned the stereo on," Alice said. "I've had YMCA stuck in my head for forever!"

"Two days, Alice," Jasper corrected from her other side.

"Hyperbole is a very human trait," Alice reminded him seriously.

"Are you hungry, Jacob?" Esme asked anxiously. She stepped in front of the traveling caravan and ushered him into the kitchen. "I wasn't sure what to make."

"I'm sure whatever you made will… be… fine…" Jacob blinked several times in an attempt to displace the mirage before him. The kitchen was packed with enough food to feed a pack of wolves, even his pack of wolves. Every surface was covered with colorful and aromatic delights. A bunch of ripe bananas hung from a hook in one corner. The baker's rack was stocked with seven different kinds of pies, five kinds of cakes and at least fifty cupcakes in assorted sizes. The bar at the far end of the kitchen resembled a nightclub, with top shelf liquor mingling with bottom shelf PBR. "Holy crap."

"Esme likes to overdo things," Rosalie commented. Her mother swatted at her.

"Here," Alice handed Jacob his phone, which she had purloined from his jacket pocket as he stood gape-mouthed in the kitchen. He looked down at it and then back at her, waiting for instructions. "Go on and call the wolves. You should invite them all, but only Sam, Seth, Quil and Paul are going to come. And Emily. Oh! And Bella, too, yay!"

Jacob shook his head to clear the cobwebs of amazement. He glanced at Edward and grinned. "Are you sure I'll get used to her doing that?"

"It's like the wind to us now," Carlisle answered with an affectionate pat to Alice's shoulder. "We only notice it when it turns nasty and destructive."

The Cullens laughed and joked Alice, calling her Hurricane Alice. Jacob set to work, calling each member of his pack. As Alice predicted, it was Sam, Seth, Paul and Quil who agreed to come. Jacob was impressed by Alice's prediction—and his brothers' willingness to enter the den of the local vampires.

The wolves arrived together—and completely clothed thanks to Emily and Bella's insistence. Bella and the Cullens fell into a happy reunion complete with Bella's overexcited embraces.

"So good to meet you, dude," Sam said, pumping Edward's hand vigorously. "I never thought it'd happen to Little J. He's so picky. And then blam, you sweep him off his canoe-like feet. Welcome to the family!"

Edward grinned at the verbal assault of goodwill. Jasper came over, all smiles, happy to be in close proximity to such a pleasant soul. Sam introduced Emily all around.

The noise level in the usually sedate Cullen home was booming. Alice, always thinking ahead, passed around industrial vats of Vicks Vapor Rub. The pack fell upon the food without reservation and with many accolades to the chef. Esme beamed under the praise and stayed busy refilling plates and cups.

Paul and Emmett led a wrestling tournament in the side yard. There was much earth shaking and tree shuddering as the vampires took turns squaring off against the unphased shifters.

"This is nice," Edward said, pulling Jacob into his arms as they watched Seth face Alice in the impromptu ring. Beside them, Bella and Emily cheered for Alice in a show of girl power. "I never imagined this could happen."

"I think I'll be in shock for the next twenty years," Jacob remarked as Alice floored Seth. Seth laughed and offered his fist for a pound. "I love these guys. They are the best family ever."

"Hyperbole," Jasper sing-songed as he walked by, proud of himself for identifying it in the wild.

"You were so concerned about their reaction," Edward pointed out. He turned Jacob so he could watch the match up between Rosalie and Quil. Jacob settled his back into Edward's chest, enjoying the chill through their shirts. "Can't you see how much they love you?"

"I see it now," Jacob said. He leaned his head back onto Edward's marble shoulder. "I don't know why I didn't see it before. Your family is awesome, too, by the way."

"I've always known that," Edward bragged.

"I wish I didn't have patrol tonight," Jacob sighed. "I'd like to…" Jacob fell silent but let his thoughts flow freely over the graphically delicious things he wanted to do with a naked Edward.

"Jake," Edward bent his head to press his lips to Jacob's sun kissed neck. "Please keep those thoughts to yourself or I'm going to drag you into the house and debauch you."

"How is that a bad thing?"

"Love," Edward's voice was barely a whisper. "Everyone here has supernatural hearing. Do you really want them to hear you pant and groan as I fuck you?"

"Not Bella and Emily," Jacob croaked, turning his head to press his face into the crook of Edward's neck.

"What?"

"Emily and Bella are human."

"Right you are," Edward whispered, kissing Jacob's temple.

"And who says I'll be the fuckee?"

"I do," Edward growled, moving his hands as quick as a shot to palm Jacob's firm bottom. Jacob jumped at the sensation. "This is mine, Jacob, and I intend to stake my claim the old-fashioned way."

"Oh yeah? How's that?"

"By burying my cock in your ass."

"Jesus Christ," Jacob gasped.

"Let's go inside," Edward's hands found their way to the front of Jacob's jeans. His fingers flicked at the button and it flew into the woods, just missing Seth whose eyes were intent on the match in the ring. Jacob laughed nervously. "Alice will keep everyone busy out here."

Alice winked and nodded from across the yard. Jacob blushed all the way down to his toes. He glanced around the gathering and realized that everyone was steadfastly ignoring him. They kept their eyes on the Rosalie and Quil. They had all heard the whispered conversation—including Edward's vibrant description. Jacob's toes stung from the force of his explosive blush. By time he pulled a very ragged breath, Edward had him inside and halfway up the stairs.

"E," Jacob said between desperate kisses. "I—kiss—don't know—kiss—if—kiss—I can do—kiss —this—kiss—with every—kiss—one listening."

"Don't think about them," Edward said, deftly unbuttoning Jacob's shirt and towing him into his bedroom. "Think about us. Think about how right this is."

"You are so cheesy," Jacob said, his large hands working to get Edward's v-neck sweater over his head.

As each article of clothing fell away, they kissed the newly revealed expanse of skin on each other's body. Jacob's larger and darker body cast shadows against Edward's alabaster skin in the darkened room. In the distance, the sounds of their families' boisterous bonding provided the perfect make-out track.

The kissing slowed once their clothes were piled at their feet. Jacob's hands cradled Edward's head as he moved his lips over the contour of his nose, the ridges of his jaw, the smoothness of his brow. He made a small sound of longing when he returned to Edward's mouth and found it open and waiting.

Edward gently pulled away and began his own exploration, kissing his way down Jacob's neck to his broad shoulders. He dragged his tongue across the shifter's chest, which rose and fell quickly over the frantic beating of his heart. He nipped at the prominent muscles of Jacob's abdomen, enjoying the gasp it engendered and the hands that clasped his shoulders, encouraging him to do it again.

"Do you think I'm poisonous to you?" Edward asked and then circled Jacob's belly button his cold tongue.

"Not possible," Jacob said with great difficulty. Edward pulled back and looked up at his boyfriend for explanation. "You're as close to an imprint as I'll ever get. Imprints can't hurt each other."

"Interesting," Edward murmured, pressing his lips back to Jacob's body. He trailed over his lower abdomen and found the indentation of his hip. He wanted to consume Jacob; he wanted to taste him.

"Do it, Edward," Jacob rasped, twisting so his hip bumped against Edward's mouth. "Bite me."

With a growl, Edward sank his teeth into the skin radiating before him. A gush of exquisitely warm blood poured into his mouth, coating his tongue and teeth and rushing down his throat. Jacob groaned and pressed harder into Edward, who was surprised to find there was no rush of venom. Confident he was not hurting his love, he gripped the back of Jacob's thighs and pulled him closer. He drank deeply, relishing in the taste and basking in the excited thoughts rushing through Jacob's mind. Reluctantly, he pulled away and watched in fascination as Jacob's skin closed over the wound.

Jacob brushed Edward's messy hair back and stared down at his lovely face, now flushed with fresh blood. Edward looked up at him, his topaz eyes burning with adoration. A small drop of blood played at the vampire's bottom lip. Jacob swiped it away with his index finger and then offered it to the other boy. Edward opened his mouth and drew Jacob's finger into his mouth, swirling his tongue around the digit, treating himself to the taste of Jacob's blood as well as his skin.

Edward wrapped his cool fingers around Jacob's length, guiding it gently to his mouth. He let Jacob's finger slip away and instead wrapped his lips around the head of his cock. He pulled gently, sucking Jacob in.

Jacob groaned loudly at the sensation. Here was heaven, in his boyfriend's mouth. He steadying himself by planting both of his hands on the kneeling man's shoulders, his fingers digging in to the naked skin. He couldn't help but rock forward when Edward's tongue swirled around his tip and lapped at the sensitive bundle of nerves underneath.

Christ Christ Christ Christ, Jacob thought. Never this good. More more more more.

Edward wished he could relay his own thoughts back to Jacob. He wanted to tell him how the taste made him dizzy and strong. He wanted to tell him that he never wanted to stop pleasing him, never wanted to stop swallowing him.

But for now, stop he did. He pulled back slowly, as if any moment he was going to change his mind, growl and devour Jacob whole. After he finally managed to empty his mouth completely, he stood in one motion and guided Jacob to the long couch against the wall.

All pretense of seduction fell away when Jacob flipped to pin Edward on his back. Edward's eyes showed his surprise, but he did not fight against Jacob's dominion. The young wolf unceremoniously yanked his boyfriend's pants off and tossed them over his shoulder.

"Me first," Jacob said, hiking one of Edward's stone smooth legs up, supporting it with his forearm as he leaned forward. He positioned his cock, still wet from Edward's mouth, at Edward's puckered opening. He pushed forward slowly, enjoying each centimeter more than the one before it.

"Jake," Edward gasped, inpatient. He tilted his hips and in one sharp movement, impaled himself fully on his boyfriend's cock. "Like this."

Jacob couldn't respond with the anticipated "like that" that had become their playful ribbing. He was too enamored with the feeling of Edward's frigidity wrapped around his own scalding hot shaft. He pressed his forehead to Edward's and tried to steady himself. He wanted to plough Edward's body roughly; he wanted to ram the understanding that Edward belonged to him deep inside, so there could be no doubt of possession.

"You won't hurt me," Edward assured him, reading his boyfriend's thoughts. He pulsed his hips downward as if to demonstrate his invulnerability. "Do it. Make me yours."

When Edward jerked his hips again, Jacob came to life with a growl. He drew back and after but a moment's hesitation, pushed forward with unerring precision. Edward threw his head back against the couch and moaned loudly.

The voices outside cut off abruptly, but neither boy stopped to wonder at it.

Jacob found a steady rhythm, alternating between shallow and deep thrusts, each tearing a pleasured sound from writhing vampire beneath him. Mine, he thought. All mine.

"Yes," Edward rasped. "I'm yours. I'm yours forever."

You're so cheesy.

"Don't ruin this for me," Edward said, pulling Jacob down for a kiss that cleared Jacob's thoughts of everything except pounding into Edward.

Jacob felt tightness in the pit of his stomach that signaled he was nearing completion. He snaked his hand between their bodies and wrapped his large hand around Edward's straining and leaking erection. He stroked the other man's cool, rock-hard stiffness in time with his hip thrusts. Edward whimpered into Jacob's open mouth.

Come, Jacob thought directly to Edward. Come for me now.

Edward exploded with a guttural cry, pulling his lips free of Jacob's. He wrapped his legs around the other's waist and slammed himself down on Jacob's length over and over again. Jacob stilled as pleasure rocked through his body, as he released his own boiling seed deep inside of the bucking Edward.

The wolf collapsed onto the vampire's chest, his breath heaving and sweat coursing down his back.

"Best thing ever," Edward said vehemently, kissing the top of Jacob's head.

Hyerbole, Jacob thought. But yeah, totally.

From the back yard, applause.

A/N: Ahem. Reviews?