Disclaimer: Don't own Bleach. 'Nuff said.

Author's Note: I meant to have this done for Valentine's Day, but I got lazy.

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Loser Appreciation Day
Part II

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Needless to say, the last thing Ichigo expected that day was to end up tackled to the floor by a girl half his size and weight. It was something he probably should have seen coming, given how fate just loved to toy with him by hurling unexpected surprises in his general direction, but somehow the idea that Rukia of all people would be the one sitting on top of him, half-naked and gazing down at him with lust-clouded eyes… it just never occurred to him to expect such a thing.

And really, why would it?

It was Rukia.

Yet here she was, hovering over him and muttering nonsense about wanting to be his first -

Wait, what?

"What did you say?"

Rukia sat back on her knees and stared blankly, and for a very brief second she resembled the Rukia he knew, but then those eyes returned, along with a tiny smirk that promised much more to come, and Ichigo immediately regretted not having kept his mouth shut.

"What? Hard of hearing?" She teased, "Then I guess I'll just have to repeat myself, now won't I?" With that, Rukia leaned in very close, invading his personal bubble even more-so than usual (although, then again, their current position wasn't a regular occurrence either). Then she spoke, soft and sultry, her breath tickling his ear as she did so. "I said… we're gonna have a lot of fun tonight, you and me."

To demonstrate, she let her tongue dart out and trace the shell of his ear, causing Ichigo's body to jerk and his face to heat up.

He didn't know what had gotten into Rukia in the ten minutes he'd been absent from the room, but he didn't want to stick around to be at the receiving end of it no matter how much his Hollow begged. He knew perfectly well that most hot-blooded teenage males with raging hormones his age would have taken advantage of the situation without a second thought, but Ichigo was no ordinary hot-blooded teenage male with raging hormones. He would not give into his body's desires and take advantage of Rukia in her current state -- she'd clearly lost it, at least temporarily -- even if she was the one literally throwing herself at him. He was stronger than that, and so, gripping her hips tightly, he lifted the petite Shinigami off of him and quickly got to his feet before Rukia could protest.

Then he jumped out the bedroom window and took off down the road.

---

Heh.

In the shadows, a dark ear twitched.

Hehe.

A pair of gold eyes flickered open.

Teeheehee!

"Oh, that is it!" Yoruichi Shihouin growled irritably, lifting her head and staring at her best friend from across the room, wondering if he'd finally gone and lost his mind.

No one else was around but her, and she'd been enjoying a very nice cat nap until Kisuke's incessant giggling became… well… incessant.

Upon hearing her voice, the blond man stopped and grinned.

"Ah, Yoruichi! What a surprise! How long have you been over there? Were you asleep? I hope I didn't wake you! Come here, kitty!"

"I'll claw your eyes out if you ever call me that again, Kisuke." Yoruichi warned, stretching her arms and legs before strolling over and leaping up onto the counter. She nudged his hand with her head and when he started petting her, she spoke once more. "So, what exactly was so funny?"

"Oh, nothing…"

"Liar."

He chuckled. "You know me too well…"

"So? Are you gonna tell me or not?"

"Well…" Kisuke began, but he was interrupted by a loud ringing. "Heh. That was sooner than I thought." He abandoned her momentarily, only to come back with the phone.

"Who is it?" Yoruichi asked.

"We'll find out." Was the response she got, but she had a feeling Kisuke knew exactly who it was, even before he answered. She decided not to say anything, though, and instead, listened in on his conversation.

"Yes? Oh, Kurosaki-kun, it's you… did you enjoy the chocolate? Wha…? You gave yours to Kuchiki-san? Oh dear… hm? Oh, nothing… nothing to worry about -- ack!" He suddenly yanked the phone away from his ear and held it at arm's length, and Yoruichi could distinctly hear Ichigo Kurosaki on the other end of the line shouting frantically at him, although what he was saying was completely beyond her. He didn't sound too happy, though.

"What makes you think I had something to do with Kuchiki-san's behaviour? Oh, it's not always my fault. Uh-huh… uh-huh… ohoho… what? I'm not laughing! Listen… Kurosaki-kun… everything will be fine by tomorrow. Trust me. Wha-? You can totally trust me! … Kurosaki-kun, your lack of faith in me is very disheartening, I must say. Listen, don't worry about it… I give you my word that Kuchiki-san will be back to her normal self by tomorrow… just avoid her for the rest of the night and your virginity should remain intact. Until then… bye-bye now!"

With that, Kisuke hung up and put the phone away. When he returned, Yoruichi was looking at him suspiciously.

"What's with that look?"

Yoruichi sighed.

"What did you do, Kisuke?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about, my wonderful feline companion."

She frowned.

He took a step back.

"Okay, you caught me. Always so perceptive, but that's what I love about you." He said, smiling sheepishly before continuing. "I might have injected the chocolates I gave to Kurosaki-kun and his friends with a little something extra…"

"Which would be…?" Yoruichi pressed.

"Nothing dangerous!" Kisuke quickly assured her. "It's just a simple serum I concocted that causes whoever ingests it to be temporarily consumed by their sexual desires… but it only lasts a few hours. Although in Kuchiki-san's case, it might last a bit longer since she apparently ate Kurosaki-kun's chocolate as well."

Yoruichi was silent at first. Then she swatted angrily at him with her paw.

"Idiot! At what point did you think that was a good idea?"

Kisuke pouted.

"I was just trying to give them all a little push! They'll thank me when this is over, I'm sure!"

---

Knock-Knock-Knock!

Ichigo, completely breathless from running around town, pounded frantically at the door in front of him.

Knock-Knock-Knock!

"Uryuu!" He yelled at the top of his lungs, rotating between banging on the door and ringing the doorbell, sometimes doing both at once -- anything to make the Quincy answer his damn door. "Hey Uryuu, open up! It's an emergency! I need your help!"

He didn't care if he was angering the neighbours by being so loud.

"Come on! I know you're in there, so just open the door before I'm forced to kick it down!"

Knock-Knock-Knock-Knock-Knock--

At last, the door swung open, and Ichigo was met with the sight of a shirtless Uryuu (something he could have lived without, really) looking more than a little irritated.

"WHAT, Kurosaki? What was so important that you needed to interrupt me and wake up half of Karakura Town?" The bespectacled boy snapped, gripping the threshold so tightly that Ichigo heard wood chip.

The orange-haired teen winced, but wasted no time in launching to a quick recap of what had happened in the last few hours.

When he was done, Uryuu was staring at him like he'd suddenly grown an extra head.

"So," Ichigo finished, panting. "Can I stay here until tomorrow?"

Before Uryuu could answer, another voice sounded from inside.

"Uryuu! Come back to bed!"

This time, it was Ichigo's turn to stare.

"Is -- is that Orihime?"

Instead of giving him an answer, Uryuu merely slammed the door in his face.

---

There was nowhere to hide.

It sounded preposterous, even to him, but he had tried every place he knew, but with no luck at all. His friends certainly hadn't been any help; either they hadn't been home or they'd been too busy with each other to give him the time of day. So in the end, he had no choice but to return home, against his better judgment, because he was tired and aching and nothing sounded better to him than collapsing on his bed and going right to sleep. Even if Rukia tried to molest him during that time… at least he wouldn't be conscience.

When he entered his room, it was empty. A small smile tugged at his lips as he dragged his feet over to his bed, but before he could collapse and drift off into dreamland, he heard the door click shut. He turned just in time to see Rukia step out of the shadows with her arms folded across her chest, looking none too happy, like usual.

Good. She was back to normal.

"I've been waiting for you to come back."

Ah, shit…

Ichigo groaned inwardly as he watched her make her way over, coming to a halt only when she was standing right in front of him.

"Now there's no where to run."

She smirked and stood up on the tips of her toes so that she was at level with his eyes, using his shoulders to balance herself.

"Now take your clothes off."

The substitute Shinigami gave an exasperated sigh.

"Listen, Rukia -"

He was cut off when her lips met his with bruising force, the shock causing him to stumble back and topple over onto his bed. Somewhere amidst the scuffle, he ended up on top of her, and for a minute -- only a minute -- he allowed himself to indulge in the kiss, because it was unlikely it would ever happen again.

It was nice; Rukia's lips were very soft and felt pleasant against his own.

He could get used to this -- NO!

Amber eyes snapping open, Ichigo broke the kiss with a gasp.

"Rukia… I…"

He trailed off when a pink petal fluttered by his face.

His blood ran cold and he swallowed nervously before slowly turning to look behind him.

Byakuya Kuchiki stood in his open window, looking as cold and composed as always, despite radiating murderous intent.

"Byakuya…" He started, waving his hands frantically. "This isn't what it looks like, I swear!"

The Kuchiki Head's expression didn't change, and when he reached for his Zanpakuto, Ichigo knew he was doomed.

"Ichigo Kurosaki," the older man spoke, his voice deadly as he grasped the hilt of his Zanpakuto, "you dare to besmirch the name of Kuchiki and taint my Pride. For that, you must perish."

"Wait, Byakuya, if you'd just let me explain -"

"Scatter… Senbonzakura."

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FIN

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There. I'm done.

Poor Ichigo.

I hope you guys enjoyed. It was fun to write, but definitely not my best work.

Anyway, please REVIEW! Constructive Criticism is always appreciated.

-Lady Azura-