Summary: In which Ichigo hates Valentine's Day, Rukia loves strawberries, Orihime's way off again, Karin goes on her first date, Urahara decides to play Matchmaker and Byakuya wants Ichigo's head mounted on a wall. Let the chaos begin.
Disclaimer: Don't own Bleach. 'Nuff said.
Author's Note: I meant to have this done for Valentine's Day, but I got lazy.
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Loser Appreciation Day
Part I
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"KUROI GETSUGA!"
From where she stood, Rukia watched as streaks of crimson tore through the Hollow above her, causing it to dissolve instantly. Seconds later, Ichigo appeared beside her, his Zanpakuto resting on his shoulder.
"That the last one?" He asked.
She glanced down at her cell phone.
"Yeah… for now." She said. "Let's go."
---
The entire class was abuzz with excitement when they arrived, but before Rukia could ask him about it, their teacher pulled them into the hallway by their ears (or rather, Ichigo was) and berated them (even though Misato-sensei had yet to even look at Rukia, who was just standing idly by, laughter dancing in her eyes despite the feigned sympathetic expression she wore) for being late again. After being smacked with her clipboard a dozen times, she sent them back inside with a warning that if "you two are tardy one more time, I'm calling your parents!"
She'd been saying that for almost a year, however, and still hadn't done anything about it.
It wasn't until they joined their friends that Ichigo noticed the stack of cards, crafts and flowers littering Rukia's and his desks, which puzzled the dark-haired Shinigami when she too took notice. It was then that Ichigo remembered what day it was and groaned, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose in a feeble attempt to will away the headache he could start to feel coming on.
"Happy Valentine's Day, Kurosaki-kun!" Orihime's cheerful voice rang out, and Ichigo re-opened his eyes in time to see a large pink, heart-shaped box be thrust at him. "Here, I made these for you. I hope you like them. You too, Kuchiki-san!" She added quickly, pulling out another box from her already bulging knapsack and giving it to Rukia.
"Umm… thank you, Orihime… but…"
Her voice faded as Ichigo's attention was drawn elsewhere, when he felt someone nudge him. It was Tatsuki.
"She really did make them, so I'd be careful if I were you." She said, smirking playfully.
"Uhh, thanks for the warning…"
"OH, MY DARLING HIME! I'LL EAT ANYTHING YOU MAKE AS LONG AS IT CAME FROM YOU, MY SWEET ANGELIC ROSEBUD!" Chizuru cried, appearing suddenly with her arms spread wide, ready to embrace Orihime from behind -- and no doubt either try to cop a feel or kiss her… or both. Probably both.
Luckily, Tatsuki was able to stop her in time. Unfortunately, Chizuru wouldn't be waking up for a while.
Orihime remained oblivious.
As it turned out, most of the cards on Rukia's desk were from Keigo (despite them all having been signed "Anonymous" or "Secret Admirer" -- but his chicken scratch was unmistakable.) The others, like the ones Ichigo had received, were from their closer friends like Orihime and Chad and, most surprisingly, Uryuu.
"It would look suspicious if I were to exclude you. That's all." Was his excuse, as he adjusted his glasses.
No one bought it, though. Despite the fact that he still claimed to despise Shinigami, they knew it was just an act now, but no one said anything. Except Orihime, who jumped to the wrong conclusion.
"Don't be shy, Uryuu! Just tell her how you feel!" She giggled, latching onto his arm and pointing to Rukia.
"How I feel? Inoue-san, I don't -" Uryuu sputtered, his cheeks burning red.
"Then why are you blushing?" Orihime teased. "Admit it! You're in love with Kuchiki-san!"
He was definitely blushing, Ichigo noted, but he had a hunch it had more to do with Orihime being in such close proximity than it did with any "romantic feelings" he might have secretly been harbouring for Rukia.
Speaking of Rukia…
Glancing down, he noticed she wasn't even paying attention to the display. Instead, she was still staring at the heart-shaped box in her hands with wonder. After about a minute or so more, she looked up at Ichigo.
"Uh… what exactly…?"
"Valentine's Day." Ichigo answered simply. "I'll explain later. Till then, just smile and nod."
---
"Ah, Kuchiki-san! Kurosaki-kun! Just the two I was hoping to see!" Urahara's chipper voice greeted them upon entering his shop. "What can I do for you today?"
"The usual." Rukia replied, handing him her near-empty Chappy dispenser.
"Of course. Same grade as always?"
"Yeah."
Urahara nodded and began to ring her up while Rukia dug through her backpack for money. Ichigo, who had been occupying himself by looking around to see what else the shop sold, eventually grew disinterested and made his way over.
"So, Urahara, why'd you want to see us?" He asked.
"Hmm? Oh, right. I'm glad you reminded me!" With that, the blond man promptly disappeared under the counter, only to emerge seconds later with two very large baskets filled to the brim with candy and chocolate. "For Valentine's Day. Do enjoy!"
Ichigo arched a suspicious brow and didn't take the basket immediately, unlike Rukia who seemed positively delighted to be receiving so many free gifts in one day. Noting his hesitance, Urahara clutched his heart, feigning hurt.
"Kurosaki-kun, I'm hurt that you think that this is some kind of trick. I gave everyone else one, just ask them. You're my favourite customers, after all… you keep my business running! Just think of it as a token of my appreciation, yes?"
With an annoyed sigh, Ichigo reluctantly gave in and took his basket, but not without caution. There was something very unsettling about the mischievous glint in Urahara's eyes, but he decided not to mention it and after a few more minutes, he and Rukia went home.
---
"So… this 'Valentine's Day' is a holiday where one gives chocolates to the people they love?" Rukia asked, plopping another Sweet Heart into her mouth.
"Yeah." Ichigo confirmed.
Rukia, who was lying on her stomach on the floor whilst rotating between flipping through her manga and devouring sweets, craned her neck to look at him.
"Your classmates seem to be really into it, but you don't. Do you hate it or is this just part of that 'cool tough guy' reputation of yours?"
"It's annoying is all."
Rukia smirked.
"Really? Because I was thinking of bringing it up at the next meeting the Shinigami Women's Association has. It's a fantastic concept… Yachiru will love it, I'm sure."
Ichigo rolled his eyes.
"You do that." He said, "And while you do, I'm gonna get something to eat. Want anything?" He asked, standing up and stretching his arms.
It was a stupid thing to ask, he knew, watching Rukia practically inhale the chocolates that Urahara had given her and then move on to his own basket, which he had discarded the moment he walked into his room. But at least it wasn't going to be wasted, he mused, before making his way into the hallway and down the stairs.
When he reached the kitchen, he instinctively dodged the roundhouse kick to the head from the idiot he was forced to call "Dad".
"You've gotten good, my son!" The idiot boasted proudly, "I've taught you well!"
"Yeah, yeah," Ichigo replied dismissively, opening the fridge and fishing around for the orange Kool-Aid Yuzu had made the previous night.
"I wouldn't bother." Karin informed him from her spot at the table, when she noticed he was having trouble locating it. "Dad drank it all when we were at school."
Ichigo paused, then sighed irritably and settled for water instead. After pouring a glass and grabbing an apple off the counter, he was about to return his room when he noticed something very different about his younger sister.
"Are you wearing makeup?" He asked incredulously.
Karin's face immediately became three shades redder.
"What? N -"
"YES!" Isshin cried happily, cutting her off while clasping his hands together and allowing joyful manly tears to stream down his cheeks. "Karin has a date tonight!"
"It's not a date, old man!" Karin snarled, her embarrassment replaced with anger. "Me and Toshiro are just meeting up for a game of soccer -- THAT'S ALL!"
But Isshin wasn't listening. Instead, he threw himself at the giant poster of their late smiling mother and began making a scene.
"OH MASAKI, ISN'T IT WONDERFUL? OUR LITTLE KARIN IS FINALLY BECOMING A WOMAN! I'M SO HAPPY! SOON SHE'LL BE GETTING MARRIED AND HAVING CHILDREN OF HER OWN AND WE'LL BE GRANDPARENTS AND OUR DELINQUENT SON WILL ALSO BE MARRIED BY THEN AND WE'LL HAVE SO MANY LITTLE GRANDCHILDREN RUNNING AROUND IT'LL BE HARD TO KEEP TRACK OF THEM ALL, BUT I'LL DO IT FOR YOU! OH MASAKIIIIIIIIII!"
As he wept jovially, Ichigo fought the urge to strangle him.
"'Delinquent son'?" He repeated, clenching his fist.
"Married? I'm twelve!" Karin said disbelievingly.
Suddenly, Ichigo unclenched his fist and stared down at her.
"So… this 'Toshiro'… he wouldn't happen to be the same Toshiro I'm thinking of, is he?"
He was met with silence, but it was all the answer he needed.
"I'm gonna kill the little bastard when he -"
Before he could finish his threat, Rukia's voice echoed throughout the house.
"Ichigo! Could you come here for a second?"
"Yes, son! Answer the call of your future wife and make sweet, sweet love to -"
"SHUT THE HELL UP, YOU PERVERT!"
As Ichigo dragged his feet up the stairs, he tried desperately to erase the disturbing images of him and Rukia like that, but with that damn Hollow dwelling in the darkest corners of his mind, cackling wildly and making suggestive remarks, he found it to be almost impossible. Still, he continued to try, even if it was futile.
"Rukia, I already explained how to open the…"
He broke off instantly and came to an abrupt halt in the doorway, staring wide-eyed and mouth-open at the unexpected sight before him.
There, sitting on the edge of his bed in a very provocative pose, clad in nothing but a skirt and bra, with her hair tousled and wearing a come-hither look on her face, was none other than Rukia Kuchiki.
"RUKIA?" He finally managed to choke out.
The girl in question smirked.
Then she pounced.
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End Part I, the first of two parts. Originally it was going to just be a oneshot, but I changed my mind.
Also, this isn't meant to be a serious fic. It's pure humor, and all will be explained in the next chapter which I should have up either tonight or tomorrow.
Please REVIEW!
-Lady Azura-