TOW Ross and Phoebe Make Out

Summary: Continuation of TOW the Soap Opera Party. Dejected Ross sits alone in his sister's apartment, when drunk Phoebe wanders in.

A/N So I was watching TOW the Soap Opera Party, and for the first time really noticed that scene where Phoebe is giving Ross a pep talk. That got me imagining, just for a moment, what it would be like if Joey and Rachel hadn't been the only odd pairing that season.

Too upset to stay at the party, Ross had left Rachel standing there in shock, and wandered back down to Monica and Chandler's apartment. He hadn't wanted to go home just yet...maybe it was the idea of being able to see the roof from his living room, which would make moping on the couch somewhat unpleasant. Of course, Joey's apartment was also available, but he didn't like the idea that drunk, depressed Rachel could come back. At that moment, she would be way too much of a temptation.

Either that, or Joey could return with Charlie. Both were situations he would rather avoid.

So Ross had settled for the safety of his sister's apartment, where he could wallow in peace about how unfair the whole situation was. He'd finally found someone who was literally perfect for him, but then she goes and kisses Joey? How did that even happen? He'd think a woman as smart and sophisticated as Charlie would be immune to Joey's "how you doin'?"

He supposed he couldn't be too angry at Joey. After all, Ross had just met that Charlie that day - Joey hadn't even been introduced or anything, just flashed his...

Ah. Now at least it made sense why Charlie would go for him. Mystery solved.

Ross leaned back on the couch, his hands on his face. How was he ever going to compete with that? Not that he would even think of trying to break them apart, of course. He knew Joey was a loyal friend, and would never do the same if the situation was reversed. That in mind, Ross supposed he would have to sit back and wait until the two eventually broke up. Hey, maybe Ross would luck out - Joey was infamous for sleeping with women and never calling them back. This could be one of those times.

Still, he couldn't get over his intense feeling of rejection. He had been with Charlie the entire day. He thought there had been a spark between them. But she must not have felt the same, or even any attraction for him - why else would she go hook up with Joey, when Ross had been right there. As he recounted their day together, he reasoned that he had dropped enough hints that he was interested.

That was Ross' frame of mind when Phoebe stumbled into the apartment, a loud bang sounding as she accidentally rammed the door into the wall behind it. "Hey, there you are!" she slurred, then slammed the door shut behind her. She crossed the room on wobbly legs and plopped herself down on the couch next to him. "So what happened with dinosaur girl?" she asked. She paused and feigned realization. "O. M. G. Is she coming down to meet you? Should I leave you two paleo..paleon...dinosaur lovers to dig up some love of your own?" At that, she let out a loud laugh. "See what I did there? I'm so clever."

"No, Charlie's not coming," Ross replied bitterly, though he had to admit he was amused by his friend's behavior. He raised an eyebrow. "What happened to you? Last I saw you weren't even buzzed."

For some reason, the innocent question made Phoebe start giggling. "It's all Rachel's fault," she insisted through the chuckles. "She just came over and started doing shots! I asked her what was wrong, but she just said she wanted company and handed me one! I'm a good friend!"

"Yeah you are," Ross agreed. Though he had seen how shocked Rachel had been by the kiss, he wasn't sure why that would drive her to drink. Why had she cared so much? "Did you find out why Rachel was so upset?"

Phoebe shrugged. "I don't know, something about Joey and Charlie. Who cares? Doing shots with your friends is fun!"

That's odd, Ross thought. He'd have to ask Rachel about it later. Even though Phoebe was in the condition she was in, Ross still felt the need to explain about the kiss, after she gave him that pep talk before. "It's not going to happen with Charlie," he said, though he feared he might confuse her drunken mind with the abrupt change of subject.

"What?" Phoebe exclaimed way too loudly, then took on the tone of a whiny child. "Why not? Stop being stupid and just do it!"

But Ross stubbornly shook his head. "I was going to, but then I saw Charlie kissing Joey! She obviously prefers him over me, so I might as well just wait until they break up and hope she'll settle for second best."

"That is not true, Ross Geller!" Phoebe yelled, which actually scared him and made him sit back from her on the couch. "Like I said before, you are a nice, sweet, funny guy! Any woman would be lucky to have you!"

Not in the right frame of mind to be cheered up, Ross protested, "Who cares about that? She's obviously didn't start making out with Joey for his personality! She barely knew him! Charlie just isn't attracted to me."

"Well then she's obviously crazy," Phoebe retorted, determined at that point to make him feel better about himself. "Why wouldn't any woman be attracted to you? You are one handsome guy!"

Her compliments were making him blush. He tried to remind himself that she was clearly out of her mind drunk, that she did not normally think that of him. But it was hard to keep his quickly expanding ego in check. "You...you really think that?"

"Well duh. Why wouldn't I?" Phoebe answered, incredulous that he would even ask.

While he once again reminded herself not to take her drunken ramblings to heart, Ross tried one last attempt at modesty. "No you don't, Phoebe. You've never even thought of me that way."

"I disagree, Dr. Ross Geller," she almost purred as she closed the space between them, and brought her face close to his. "I think you are very sexy."

Before Ross could even blink, Phoebe had crushed her lips against his. She scooted so that she was right next to him, to the point that they were almost on top of each other, and wrapped her arms around his head as she proceeded to suck the breath right out of him.

Ross couldn't even think to protest. His entire body had gone numb from shock, and he wasn't thinking clearly thanks to the near lack of oxygen. When she finally broke away for a second, he gasped for air. "Phoebe! What are you doing?"

"Proving a point," she retorted, and went back in for another round. Her lips again had his prisoner - he couldn't have broken away if he thought to try.

This is wrong! Ross' mind was screaming to his useless body. Phoebe is your friend. Your drunk friend. Your drunk friend who has a boyfriend...oh my God, Mike! He's going to kick your ass!

But before Ross could internally rant anymore, there was the sound of someone opening the door. Thankfully, Phoebe jumped off him and back on to the other side of the couch. At least she was conscious enough to realize that it would not benefit either one of them to get caught.

Monica rushed into the apartment this time, and didn't seem to care about her brother and her friend sitting on the couch, alone in her apartment. "Hey guys," she quickly greeted on the way to her bedroom. She emerged not even two minutes later. "Bye guys!"

"Wait, Monica!" Ross called, desperation in his voice. He didn't want to be left with Phoebe alone again when he hadn't had time to recuperate. "What's going on?"

Reluctantly, Monica paused and, much to his uneasiness, stretched her shirt so they could clearly see her bra...which no longer had any writing on it. "I came in to change into another bra for actors to sign! Chandler said he wouldn't mind as long as I let him hit on Nadia Bjorlin. Well, attempt to hit on."

"I'm so glad that you two have such a stable relationship," Ross deadpanned. However, his little sister ignored his sarcasm and ran out the door to get more men to sign her bra. Ew, he thought in disgust. Image, get out of my head!

On the other hand, Monica's interruption and inappropriate topic of conversation effectively killed whatever weird mood had possessed Phoebe. "Oh God, I can't believe I just did that," she moaned. "I'm sorry...I'm just really drunk. Please..."

"Don't worry, the last thing I want to do is tell Mike. Piano players have very strong fingers," Ross pointed out as he mimicked a choking motion with his hands in front of his neck.

Phoebe laughed as she fell back on the couch. "You know, I'm not going to lie, Geller. That was one hell of a kiss."

"On your side, maybe," Ross argued, then stopped to think about it. "Although...aside from my mind screaming 'what the hell is going on?', it definitely wasn't bad."

A nostalgic look on her face, Phoebe remembered, "Almost as good as our last one. Remember when we made out on the pool table in the old Central Perk?"

Oh man, how long has it been since I've thought of that? Ross thought in surprise. In a way, he supposed, events had repeated themselves that night, with Phoebe attempting to comfort him while he was upset over another woman. "Yeah. That had to be what...ten years ago?"

"Yup," Phoebe confirmed, then grinned. "Want to go again in another ten years?"

Who knows where we'll be, he thought, unable to even come up with a possible scenario. But if they could manage to come full circle once, he supposed it could happen again. "Sure. It's a date."