Hiii, everybo - *slips on mountain of dust* DAMMITNOTAGAIN! DX Wait a minute… this is… FIVE. MONTHS. LATER? *passes out*

READ THIS! READ THIS! READ THIS NOW, BITCHES!

First, I'm sorry for calling you bitches. =( You are not bitches, you are lovely, lovely, zombie-ass-kicking peoplez. =) Second, I just wasted precious seconds of your life. I am such a bitch. God bless the copy & paste option! =D

And now for some feedback from me! ...GOD that sounded vain and bigheaded. DX

From ghost13579:

hi, can i ask you to add an chareter?

can you add an insane human, who has fake witch claws? please?

Hmmm, I don't normally take requests... but you DID say please. ...Maaaaaaaaybe later. =D

From Xreeper16:

Haha, you made me ride the LOLevator the entire time. Very well written.

...There's a LOLevator? SHOW ME! I wanna ride, I wanna ride! DX

FromI'm a Lover not a Hater:

Great awesome.

Thankful gratitude. =3

Frombloody raptor:

Hears a another issue you forgot to mention is that the Left 4 Dead series apparently had a problem with zombie pets. Yet both Resident Evil and Silent Hill games have no problem with changing bats, dogs, and other animals into monsters.

Well, the common infected against a Tank were wiped out, so I'd assume maybe Tank just stomped on the zombie pets. Or the infected cannibalised the animals pets. Or they migrated. Or they formed a new society hidden from the apocalyptic world. So many theories. 0_0

FromTheGunSlinger82:

Hey the pack and the crawlers from dead space 2 are fking epic. DEAD SPACE FTW! ALTMAN BE PRAISED!

What's an [capslock activated] ALTMAN? And I was never dissing them, my opinion is that watching zombie babies get blown up will haunt me in my nightmares. I say DS2 gets points for realism by avoiding making the children disappear to Oz or whatever.

And now for the actual chapter!

DISCLAIMER: Want to avoid copyright by getting rid of those nasty infringements? I USE CILIT BANG: LOADED SHOTGUN MODE. BANG AND THE INFRINGEMENT'S GONE. …Seriously though.

16. Baby Names

It was quiet. Very quiet. All of the special infected were hanging out in one of the reading areas of the library, watching the twin children closely. Well, almost all of them were watching the children.

Smoker was sitting as far away as possible from them, with good reason too. There was fresh blood splattered around the area (mostly his) and pretty much every book in the bloody mess was torn to shreds by teeth and claws. And what set those little monsters off? He sneezed. He sneezed. And then they attacked him. So naturally he wanted to have as little as possible to do with them, but everyone else - fascinated and intrigued by the none-dead children – insisted he stay with the group. It was hard to say no with Tank now in the vicinity.

"Okay, after that revelation," Hacker started, keeping her voice as hushed as possible, "we now definitely know that they don't like noise. Especially loud noise. And very sudden noise."

"You should win a medal, Detective Obvious!" Smoker hissed, still shivering in his bandages as he 'sulked' on a battered and bloodied chair. He heard the twins moan and move in their sleep, and he quietly moved his chair a couple more feet away from them.

The Orphans, as nicknamed by Hacker, were each curled up in a big draw from a nearby desk, using the 'recycled' remains of the library books as bedding. They appeared to be perfectly content with their current nap, although they had some odd animal-like habits in their sleep; legs twitching, a couple of snarls from their dreaming (if they were dreaming), and so on and so forth.

"…I vote we sing for them."

"They're already sleeping."

"I know. I just thought that if we start singing survivor lullabies then they'd be raised as more efficient killers. Haven't you ever thought about raising children properly?"

"What makes you think we're keeping them?" Smoker hissed from his distant chair. Tank glared in his direction, and all Smoker could really do in response was go back to shivering. "B-but the claaaaws…"

Hunter turned his cautious eye sockets away from the Orphans and frowned at Hacker. She looked up from where she was crouching next to him and returned the frown. "Hacker, I'd hate to, y'know, invade pre-infection personal matters or anything… but aren't you a little young to be thinking about children? You were, what, ten?" Of course he was pulling her legs… so to speak (he'd probably get kicked if he actually tried that). But it felt sort of good for him that now he got to make the snide comments. Finally, this badmouthed preteen could be cut down to size -

"I'm fifteen and seven months, you ass." There was a long, long, looooooooooong silence after Hacker's statement. She pouted and looked at all of the individuals in the study area. Hell, even Witch looked up from her claws and gave Hacker the most bewildered expression she had ever worn. Hacker's throat puffed up and she croaked, "Don't say it."

"…THE HELL?" At Hunter's shriek, the Orphans instantly jumped up and began to let out screams you'd expect from a homicidal tantrum. Were it not for Tank delicately picking them up by their shirt collars and suspending them above ground, they would have gone on another ripping frenzy. Everyone began to interrogate Hacker whilst the twins struggled to break free from Tank's irremovable grip.

"*wheeze* Since when has there been a *cough* teenager your age that *coooough* short?" Smoker managed to get out as he started choking on his own cigarette.

"Is that why you've never been on a date?" Hunter queried, (not at all) trying to hold back his laughter. "Were boys too scared of dating someone who looked like the kid they were babysitting?"

"You're fifteen. And you're short. And flat-chested." Witch listed them off on her claws with the same bewilderment plastered on her face the entire time. "So there really is an infected worse off than me?" Witch looked as they she were about to smile. It even seemed like it was going to be a pleasant smile to see, what with the hope in her red eyes, but before that smile could happen Hacker cut her off.

"Crack-a-jacks," Hacker growled in response. Witch's eyes went wide, then teary and then they squeezed shut as she got up and ran away from the group, crying as she went.

Hunter was still caught up in his glorious moment of laughing his ass off to wonder why his undead sweetheart was running off, so Boomer, curious anyway, took the liberty of asking Hacker, "How did 'crack-a-jacks' make her…?"

"Meh, it's one of her tear triggers. Normally I wouldn't go that far but she brought up my chest." Hacker huffed and slouched against the nearest bookshelf. "We are so not raiding Starbucks later."

"…Riiight. So, back to you being a - " Hunter was unable to finish with Hacker's foot shoved into his face. He let out muffled shrieks when, to his annoyance, it was Hacker's gum-covered foot.

"Changing the topic, what do we call the twin terrors?"

"Bob and Aerith!" Everyone, even Tank and the pissed off foot-covered Hunter, turned their heads to glare long and hard at Boomer. He slowly, very slowly, lowered his raised hand and went back to twiddling his thumbs. "Never mind. I thought they were cool anyway."

"I vote Priscilla and Paul."

"Overruled," was what all but Tank and the Orphans groaned. Hacker puffed up in anger and was about to demand why, but Dave answered with, "I doubt that calling them what you want is a good idea. You've already gotten your way plenty of other times."

"…Wait, when did Dave get here?" Boomer asked, pointing at the lanky common suddenly standing next to him. Dave gave him a shrug.

"'Bout the same time as - "

"So these things are what got the jump on you?" Boomer swung around faster than he should have been able to. Huntress was now with them, standing in front of Tank and poking the Orphan girl in the arm a couple of times. She hissed and let out a squealed, swiping one of her little arms in Huntress's general direction. The latter turned around and grinned at the still distant Smoker. "Dude, you can choke a bodybuilding survivor in ten seconds flat but you can't outsmart a little girl?"

"That bodybuilder had asthma, and let's see you fight off those things in the dark!"

Huntress shook her head and went back to taunting the little twins. "I say we call 'em Josh and Calli. Those were my siblings' names. And my hamsters' names. And my cats' names. And that one time, I merged them to name my dog."

"How did you guys get here without us knowing?" Boomer asked, apparently still confused at how Dave and Huntress had gotten in and clearly not paying attention to their current discussion. Sadly, he was ignored, as Smoker asked Huntress a different question whilst trying to light a cigarette with a shaky hand.

"Exactly why did you name your pets after your siblings? Did they die in an accident and you wanted them to 'live on through their names' or something?"

"Of course not! The pets always died. I fed my hamsters to my cats, my cats to my dog, and then one day I wondered if Joshalli could catch a stick in midair, y'know, before it fell over the edge of that cliff. He couldn't catch it so he went over with the stick." Huntress crossed her arms and pouted, pondering about something. "Come to think of it, I never got that stick back. I liked that stick. Good for beating people up with."

There was silence. Dave looked as though he were about to be sick, as did Smoker (who had gone off his cigarette), Tank's eyebrows were raised so high that they could have disappeared behind his head and even Hacker was looking at Huntress with her jaw hanging open. Boomer was (lucky for him) too busy trying to figure out how Dave and Huntress appeared to notice her disturbing childhood tale, Hunter wasn't all that bothered (still trying to pry Hacker's foot from his face) and the Orphans were calming down from the lack of noise. The silence only broke when someone completely different piped up.

"She's right. She used to beat burglars and bullies up with the stick all the time." Boomer looked down next to him to see Huntee, in what looked like a new bright yellow hoodie, curled up and cowering on the floor. Boomer scratched his head and wandered away, even more confused by the third zombie popping in from nowhere.

"Maybe there's a trapdoor," he was mumbling, checking under the nearest table.

"Fluffy and Toast, that's what we should call them just so we can get this over with!" Hunter finally yelled, ripping the gum off his face and shoving Hacker's foot away from him. Before she could try to shut him up again, he pounced away and raised a hand, asking for a pause. "I'm not done yet…. !" he shrieked, clawing at his face after a delayed reaction to his pain. "GODDAMMIT, THAT HURT! YOU OWE ME SKIN, YOU LITTLE BITCH!"

"Dude, take it if you want, I don't want your stubble on my foot," Hacker replied, holding up said foot to show the thin layer of dead skin stuck to the gum. She sounded disgusted but her grin showed just how much she was enjoying Hunter's pain right now.

"Let's *sniff* call them Arabella and Abel," a familiar, miserable voice suggested. Witch came back to the group, dragging her feet behind her with a sullen look on her face. "Those were the names of my… my…" Without another word she started to tear up and sob, cradling her face in her claws as she slumped down onto the floor.

Hunter was at her side in an instant, like some kind of loyal puppy. The love struck look on his (now bleeding) face just made his adoration for Witch even more sickening. "I completely and totally vote for Witch's names! They're brilliant, my pale moon of the night!"

"Ugh, where's a barf bag when you need one," Huntress growled, shuffling a few steps away from her default-appearanced friend. "And I thought you were cool."

"…Mmmmmmichelle and Mike are good names," Dave spoke up, looking away from the fluff that Hunter was trying to bring. Clearly the common wanted a subject change. "They alliterate, they're normal and, more importantly, they have no significant meaning to anyone here, nostalgic, emotionally, or otherwise."

"*sniff* WAAAAAAAAHHH!"

"…Except for Witch," Dave finished, shuffling a couple of inches from Witch's place on the floor.

"Pfft, forget your alliteration!" Huntress laughed, punching Dave in the arm. Something crack in his shoulder and his arm went limp at his side, but Dave only looked mildly annoyed. It must have been a common occurrence for him. "MY names are better! I can't wait to – "

"You are NOT teaching them fetch!" Hacker wheezed instantly, limping over and standing between Huntress and the Orphans. The boy reached out and started reaching for her hair, but Hacker didn't notice. "And you're not eating them either!"

"What're you talking about?"

"I know what you did to Bob down the street! Cannibal!"

"We're zombies, it doesn't count!"

"I would like to suggest Ying and Yang," a deep voice interrupted. Everyone froze as the new voice continued, "as symbolism of how the balance of our world can be disrupted, like the once innocent and human minds of these two children."

Huntee, suddenly back in the conversation, pointed up at Tank to save everyone the trouble of looking for an intruder. "Tank said it."

All eyes fell on Tank. There was, yet again, silence amongst the infected. Even Witch, who had been caught up in her tears, and Hunter, who had been infatuated with Witch, were staring up at him with their jaws hanging open. Hacker pointed a stubby arm at him and stuttered, "T-t-t-t-t-Tank can t-t-t-talk…"

The only one still moving was Boomer, who had crawled under one of the table but appeared to be having… trouble. "Guys? Guys, what's going on? I'm stuck under this table! Help? Anyone?"

I just wanted to get a chapter up so badly FFFFFFFFFFF –

Suggestions for superduperorphanzombienaming are now closed!

oOShadowRippleOo: Fluffy and Toast – Ohmygod that actually sounds like something the specials would come up with. XD

Xreeper16: Thing One and Thing Two/Arabella and Abel – The first two are probably inevitable nicknames XD As for the second two ...Wow, you're right, they DO sound kinda creepy. Banananum *click, click* I'll only take your second two for suggesting because entering two names would be cheating. XD

Feral-Knight: Ying and Yang – I see your logic, but I don't see how one crazy little homicidal infant zombie is more evil than ANOTHER crazy little homicidal infant zombie. Wait *looks at notes* one is meant to be more violent than the other IT WORKS! =D

The Demititan Healer: Michelle and Mike/Ron and Veronica – Alliteration and assonance, me likey for twin names. But I'll have to pick one paaaaaiiiir... Michelle and Mike. Alliteration pwns assonance. =D

Saxvalent-Plight of the Light: Calli and Josh – Hmmm, I never DO hear either name enough for it to be common. Definitely unique from the other entrants because they're normal names and they don't alliterate. =) …I'm sorry Huntress had to suggest them in-fic, though, I truly am. D=

And now, another announcement! Next chapter, we'll be having ANOTHER Q&A! *crickets to symbolise silence* .

The characters you can question are:

Hunter
Witch
Boomer
Smoker
Tank (we'll give him something to write with, don't worry XD)
Hacker
Dave the Common
Huntee the Hunter

Alright! Next chapter, the names will have been judged and the winners shall be chosen! ...Wait, I have to judge them? ...B-b-but I don't wanna choose, that's cruel. D'=

Later Days *melancholic sigh*

Huntress: GOOD NEWS EVERYONE! I found my people-beating stick!

Oh sh –