A/N: I know we're jumping ahead a little here but please bare with me, we will be coming back and covering much of what it would seem we've missed. Some of it even in this chapter as I work my way through. Thx so much for continuing to read and to new readers as well.
I'd like apologize for the long hiatus but real life has kind of kicked my butt in a big way for the last few months!
Sookie POV:
It was a week to graduation and I would be heading back to Bon Temps…home. It was going to be a bittersweet departure/ homecoming, sweet because it is what it is… home plus Amelia and Tray are coming back with me.
Bitter because I'm leaving my heart, Eric. Although my only real interaction with him in the last few months has been solely due to being here at school, to him being one of my professors. I will miss him more than anything in my life when I'm gone.
It just feels wrong… the thought of leaving him behind. I love him…
"When are you planning to say good bye to him?" I was startled by Amelia's unexpected presence, I hadn't heard her enter the apartment.
"Holy mother of God!" I cried out "You scared the living daylights out me, Ames!"
"Sorry, Sook. You were really out of it when I came in… you looked pretty deep in thought but I guess that's been the norm since you returned from spring break."
I was saddened even more thinking back to our hasty return from Bon Temps, Eric had come home with me again but that second visit hadn't been anything like the first. I'm surprised he had even gone with me considering our 'relationship' hadn't been much of a relationship since a month or so after what I had taken to calling 'the incident' on campus that ended Andre's life.
We made love for the last time two days before returning to school, our relationship was officially over the day after we got back. I knew I was being slightly unreasonable but I just felt like he broke a promise… an important one. The one where we would always be straight with one another and he kept something huge from me 'for my protection' he had said.
I just couldn't get past him doing that not after the Felicia ordeal, even if I knew that keeping it to himself had been eating him up inside.
"Yeah, I know." I sighed still unable to keep myself from remembering the last time that Eric and I had spent 'really' together.
"Sooo…" She hedged and I knew without asking who 'him' meant, she was asking about Eric of course.
"Well, I'll see him Wednesday for sure so probably then but I may see him before we leave Saturday."
"So that's it… you're just going to leave? He's just going to LET you leave without a fight? I don't understand the two of you."
"Amelia, I'll miss him. You know that… I'll miss him so much but we just can't go back, not now."
"He was only trying to protect you from yourself, Sookie. You know as well as I do, as well as he did that you would have and still have blamed yourself for what happened."
"Exactly, Amelia, don't you see? I blame myself anyway because I could have put him away before he hurt anyone else but now… I still blame myself and have to know that Eric betrayed me again."
"Betrayed? Don't you think you're overreacting just a little, Sook? He didn't cheat on you or hurt you or someone you love… at least not intentionally. You're hurt, yes but you've got to remember what he had witnessed on that tape and how he had envisioned those same acts being done to you! He was a mess when you found him at his house that first night after the Christmas holidays." She was looking at me as she spoke with a little of both love and disappointment, she expected me to just move passed this but for some reason I just couldn't.
"You know, if you're going to blame yourself then you should hold me accountable too. I was there after remember… I knew what kind of a monster we were leaving to roam the streets. I let him walk too!"
I gasped audibly at her words. "I was distraught Amelia, broken, you were trying to be there for me the best way you could. I could never let you shoulder any of the blame."
"Oh but you can let Eric? Who wasn't even there at the time and was only trying to do the best he could with the aftermath of it all. Maybe he made the wrong decision but it was with the best of intentions and you know it, you just haven't dug deep within yourself enough to see it yet."
We weren't getting anywhere, this wasn't the first time that we'd had this conversation or at least a similar version of the same conversation. As we were getting closer to heading back home she had been becoming an avid supporter of Eric and refused to let it go.
She didn't get it and neither did he. After Felicia we agreed to be nothing but straightforward and honest with one another, regardless of the reason… he lied. Maybe I'm just being stubborn, maybe I'm just hurt, maybe it's a much overdue reaction to what had happened to me and I was letting his failure to tell me what he knew become a much bigger deal than it was or should be but nonetheless it felt like betrayal to me.
Time was passing all too quickly and Wednesday was here before I knew it, my stomach ached, I felt ill. I had agreed to meet with Eric at his place even though it was technically professor/student related. He had been late returning our final 'Big Assignment' that would account for a nice chunk of our final grade and had us let us know before the final exam that we could stop by his office over the next couple of days to retrieve them.
My breath hitched when he opened the door after I rang the bell. I'd seen him in class often enough but this was the first more personal or intimate meeting and he just never looked quite the same in class as he did relaxed in his own home.
He stood staring back at me. My eyes started low taking in his bare feet, up to his dark wash low slung jeans. Yup…his legs still went on forever. God I love how tall he is, everything about him is just so… perfect. He had on a fitted grey t-shirt revealing his beautiful six-pack abs and muscular arms. All I could think about was the well defined v-cut that I knew reached down into his jeans. His chest was still broad as ever and his body... Mmm. When I finally got to his face and met his eyes is when my heart literally skipped a beat before taking off in my chest. He was simply… beautiful.
'Get it together, Sookie' I mumbled to myself. Christ I was acting as though I hadn't seen him in months or even years and not just a few short days ago.
"Hi" His voice was low "Please come in"
"H-ey" Fuck, now I'm stumbling over single syllable words. "How have you been?" I asked, being at a loss for words I just kind of spat out the first thought I had.
"Are you kidding me?… I'm sorry. I've been ok, you?" He asked and I could tell that he was trying to cover the fact that he wanted to say something different, obviously.
"I'm good, looking forward to heading home. It'll be a nice change of pace, I'm sure."
He nodded and led me into the kitchen where he poured two glassed of wine. It kind of felt like any other time we had spent in his kitchen as we slowly got caught up with each other.
We had polished off a second bottle when I finally made my way to the bathroom, it was while I was in there that I decided that it was probably time I made my way home. Things were being left off in a good way and I wanted to keep it that way.
I found Eric in the kitchen rinsing out the wine glasses obviously also realizing that the evening should come to a close now. So we were currently on the same page… or so I thought until he walked me to the door and we attempted to say our good bye's.
We started out fumbling through our initial good bye, it was awkward for sure.
"Oh I didn't get my assignment, Eric." I mumbled the last part into his chest as I'd almost been out the door and hadn't realized that he was so close behind me when I swung back around successfully slamming into him. He was quick to steady me and the next thing I knew his hand was cupping my face while I absentmindedly leaned into his touch.
He pulled me forward, guiding my lips to his and that same spark I always felt was still present like fire works going off behind my eyes. The moment I heard the door close behind me he had me pinned against it with his body, kissing me for all he was worth. It briefly crossed my mind that this should not be happening and then all rational thought was just gone.
"mmm… Eric" I found myself moaning into his mouth.
I felt his hands as they ran under my top where he pinched my already erect nipples through my bra causing me to moan even louder into his mouth, while he ground his hips into mine. My shirt was up over my breasts and pulled from my body, left to drop at our feet as he kissed his way down my body.
I raked my hands through his hair and down his back desperate to feel more of him, he growled as he lightly nipped at my nipples after reaching in and releasing my breasts from my bra.
"Fuck" He whispered against my skin as I reached down and firmly rubbed my hand against his erection before unbuttoning his jeans and letting him spring free, he was going commando as always. I wrapped my hand around his shaft and stroked him a few times, paying close attention to the tip. I rubbed his juices back down over the rest of his hardness, making him groan loudly.
I felt as his fingers caressed me through my now soaking wet panties and suddenly my skirt was up around my waist and my panties were ripped from my body. His fingers entered me easily as I was already slick from my own juices, I cried out rocking my hips forward, pushing myself down on his hand wanting, no, needing to feel more.
I felt as my muscles tightened around him and lost all control when his voice low yet gruff demanded me to let go. "Let go, baby… cum for me, lover."
Before I knew it, I was in his arms with my arms and legs wrapped tightly around him and we both nearly fell to the floor as his pants had dropped down around his ankles. He kicked them off, while his lips left a burning trail down my neck and across my collarbone. He laid me back against his bed, his eyes never leaving mine as he gently covered my body with his own. I could feel as his length rubbed up against me and my hands having a mind of their own travelled up and down his torso as I slid his shirt up and over his head and I found myself licking and nipping at his nipples as he cursed under his breath both yanking on my hair yet pressing me tighter against him.
"God, I've missed you." He murmured into my hair.
"Don't" I hushed him bringing my finger to his lips while nodding my head. I looked into his eyes and the hurt they held was evident, he knew I was telling him not to ruin the moment. That too much conversation, too many declarations would put an immediate stop to what was happening here. That what was happening was most probably only a much more intense good bye and not a renewed beginning.
He brought his lips to mine again and I reached between us grasping his hard yet silky soft erection and guided him to my center. He pushed forward making me cry out, it had been a few months and he was after all huge… a gracious plenty.
He hesitated for a moment before thrusting into me again. "Fuck. You're so tight, so wet" he whispered into my neck. I wrapped my legs around his waist and met him thrust for thrust.
"Oh God… don't stop, Eric, please don't stop!" I cried and was shocked when I felt the tears that were falling from my eyes as I gripped him tighter. Leaving him was definitely going to be harder than I ever imagined.
Thankfully he was unaware of the tears I was shedding because I knew if he saw them he would stop and I needed him to keep going… and he did. He reached between us and rubbed tight circles around my clit as my entire body shuddered and convulsed around him, my inner walls gripping his long, thick, beautiful cock.
He thrust into me once, twice, and then grunted as he thrust into me a third time before he came deep inside of me. A whispered 'I love you' escaped his lips as he released himself in me. His own body immediately weakened as all his weight fell against me, I could feel as his body trembled ever so slightly.
Our breathing was heavy as we both gasped for air, neither wanting to separate from the other. It wasn't long before Eric's breathing levelled out and I knew that he had drifted off while still lying on top of me.
I don't know how I managed it considering how weak I felt but I was able to slide out from under Eric without waking him. I located my clothes and dressed quickly, I knew it was wrong to leave him this way but I also knew that I could not do this again.
This was our good bye and it would just have to do for him as well.
A violent sob tore through my body the moment I was on the other side of Eric's front door, I held my finger's to my lips trying to hold on for dear life to the last kiss I had just placed on his forehead as he slept so peacefully. It was such a change from watching his restless sleeps for all those nights until he finally came clean about everything he had been doing and hiding from me.
When he explained how he came to acquire the tape, I had been torn between loving him for being so caring and protective… for loving me and being angry at him for the trouble he could have gotten into.
I tried for several weeks to get passed the fact that he knew all about Andre and all those other girls and had that tape, to understand where he was coming from and maybe I could have if he hadn't spent so much time pulling away from me. Afraid to touch me, afraid to have intimate conversation with me, afraid to just be with me.
He didn't even tell me about the tape until weeks after he had turned it over to the police, and the fact that he tried to keep me from finding out about how many others there had actually been after me was upsetting to say the least.
All these thoughts were whirling through my mind the entire way home and I had managed to contain my sobs until I came face to face with Amelia as I entered our apartment.
I sobbed as she held me "I'm so afraid, Amelia… am I making the right choice? Can I walk away from him after everything?"
"Only you know the answer to that, Sookie. If it were up to me you would have been back with him months ago, you know that." She held me in silence for a few more moments simply rubbing my back.
"I take it things didn't go so well with your good bye?"
"It was great until I was leaving and then… well then it wasn't."
I cried myself to sleep that night and never heard from him prior to leaving for Bon Temps on Saturday…
A/N: All characters belong to Charlaine Harris.
Don't hate me… it gets better. I promise!