Chapter 4: See You Soon
Lights. Blinding lights. She was lying on an operating table.
"No running," she heard Derek's voice out of nowhere.
She sat bolt upright, and the next thing you know, she was running as fast as she could; cutting corners, sprinting through the hallways, just to get as far away from the OR as possible. Exhaustion made everything all fuzzy and hazy around the edges. She felt like she was floating. Meredith passed the deserted tunnels and the gurneys. She was getting nauseous now; but she was already there. She was done. The red sign card reassured her. She used to visit the Nursery when she was having a bad day. She looked at the glass windows and felt her eyes widen in shock.
George.
George was in the nursery. He was tenderly coddling a little bundle when he saw her.
He smiled. Meredith saw his smile for the first time in a long while. She noticed him gesturing towards the door. "Meredith." She stepped into the nursery, the smell of newborn skin wafted though her nostrils, but no babies were there save the little one in her friends' arms.
"Meredith," she heard him say, "What took you so long?" She frowned, but somehow, she couldn't find her voice. "I hope you don't mind," he stepped closer, the child gently squirming in his arms, "She looks just like you."
She stepped closer and closer taking in every detail.
George was just about to place the infant in her waiting arms, when suddenly; a sharp twinge in her lower abdomen made her double over in pain. She looked up and instead of seeing George and the infant, she saw Derek, worry and fear written in his face.
"Meredith!"
Meredith woke up with a start. Her exhaustion-induced nightmare caused her to bolt. She was panting now; her hair sticking uncomfortably on her pallid skin. Curse these on-call rooms. She was up all night throughout the wee hours assisting in Hunt's surgeries. "All that adrenaline," she groaned. Then she joined Altman's cardio service all day long. Truth be told, she was glad to have had the distractions. It kept her mind off of unpleasant encounters; specifically the one she and Derek had yesterday. But now, waking up in beads of sweat and feeling utterly feverish left her with no choice but to dwell on it. She glanced at the wall clock, (8 pm already?) and decided that it wasn't something she wanted to revisit. She slowly got up and fixed her hair into a messy pony tail, swung her lab coat on and entered the empty hallway.
Her neck was still stiff from tossing and turning and her legs almost felt like jelly. She really needed to go home. "First I have to kill Cristina for not waking me up," she groaned as she made a beeline for the resident's lounge. Munching on an apple, Alex Karev stopped her at the nurse's station.
"Whoa, big Grey," he wolf whistled, "Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bunk bed. I swear to god they need to change those mattresses—preferably with softer material."
"Hey, Alex," she sighed, "Have you seen Cristina?"
He shrugged, "I saw her name on the OR board. Scrubbed in on Altman's CABG."
Why that little.... "What a junkie," she scoffed, "I told her to wake me up in an hour!"
"I wouldn't blame her," he said, "I'd kill for a CABG these days."
"Ugh, I've been operating all day. My fingers feel numb." Feeling queasy, Meredith walked past Alex and sank into one of the unoccupied chairs. Alex took another bite from his apple before he regarded his roommate, "You look like crap."
"Thanks," she smiled, sarcasm evident in her tone, "You don't look so bad yourself."
"Yeah, I was babysitting for Robbins all day," he mumbled.
"How exhausting," she mocked her friend.
"So," he chided, "Where you off to?"
"Home," she grunted, "hopefully. I'm off in a few hours, but I think I should go now." Meredith released her struggling ponytail, "I don't feel so good."
Alex chortled, "Talk about stating the obvious."
"Shut up," Meredith rested her head in between her hands, "I don't suppose you've seen Derek anywhere, have you?"
He threw his apple, or what's left of it, in the nearby trashcan before answering, "I heard there's a big meeting in the main offices," he continued, "Oh yeah, that Mercy Wester was trolling the lounge a while ago. 'Guess she was looking for you."
She smiled inwardly. Kepner, Derek's annoying PA of a resident. "Uh-huh," she said, "I wonder why."
Both Alex and Meredith knew that today was a slow day. After the rush of the previous hours, now everything seemed to groggily drag on. Only the comfortable silence between them stopped her from grabbing her things in the lounge, meanwhile, Alex has checking his patient's charts.
"I assume Shepherd's gonna be staying here for a while," he threw in. Meredith responded with a fervent nod.
He had an inkling that the dark circles under Meredith's eyes had nothing to do with marathon surgeries; heck, they were surgeons, they gave fatigue the finger. He didn't intend to pry, but he saw a teary-eyed Meredith leave the lounge followed by a really confused Derek last night. It didn't take a Harper Avery to figure out that Derek's career path was already taking its toll on them.
She finally stood up, "I'd better be going; if I plan to leave at all." She looked exhausted, bone-deep exhausted and Alex wanted to make it up to her, even just a little bit.
"Tell you what," he said, feeling a little sympathetic now, "Why don't you leave your husband a message, and I'll go drive you home. You're in no condition to go alone."
"But…"
"But nothing," he cut her off, "You look like you're going to shut down any minute now. Plus I need to check on something in the house. Change out of your scrubs and I'll meet you in the lobby." With that, Alex took off, "I'll see you in a few minutes!" He called back.
Her head was throbbing now while she chanted silent thank you's for Alex's sudden chivalrous act. She thought she must've looked like hell to get Alex to drive for her.
Truthfully, she did.
Meredith bumped into Dr. April Kepner on her way to Derek's office. Apparently, the big meeting wasn't showing any signs of culmination. Some of the bitterness towards her husband was lightly alleviated after the mousy Kepner handed over the keys to Derek's BMW and explained that before the emergency meeting, "Chief Shepherd'" intended to "take her home himself." She met Alex in the lobby shortly as agreed; soon they boarded the car and drove against the heavy Seattle downpour.
Further into the intersection, Meredith was fighting off the drowsiness. Alex was right; she wasn't in any condition to go alone. She opted to stay in the backseat so she could at least recline her tired feet.
"Texting while driving, huh," she pointed out, looking for an aversion from falling asleep, "Isn't that illegal?" Alex groaned, "Not until you're caught. I thought you were sleeping."
"I can't sleep," she sighed, her nightmare still lingering behind her eyelids. Meredith tried to focus on the soft yellow streetlights, but since it made her drowsier, she shifted her attention towards Alex's Blackberry.
"You've been texting since we left the parking lot," she pointed out, "Who are you talking to at this hour?"
"Just…someone" he blurted dismissively, although at the back of his mind, he hoped this someone would at least put a smile on her face.
Meredith feigned a cough, "Someone, huh."
"Yes," Alex insisted, "Someone."
"We're almost there," he added.
Once they got home, Meredith automatically sank on the couch, while Alex disappeared upstairs. After slightly recovering from the ride home, Meredith stood up and headed towards her empty room.
There were various articles of clothing strewn on the floor, books and journals on the coffee table, and the covers were leaking out of the bed, just as she left it. She tried to bend down and tidy up, but the nausea came back with a vengeance, pulling her to the bathroom in a flash.
By the time she reached the toilet, her throat began to burn as she spat out the icky bile. She felt more feverish than she had for the past few days.
Alex peeked in the bathroom upon hearing her release the contents of her stomach, and sure enough, he found her kneeling in front of the toilet. "Mer," he joined her, holding her hair back as she continued to blow uncomfortably, "You wanna lie down?"
"No," she coughed as Alex pulled some tissue for her to wipe her mouth with, "its going away now, thanks."
She stayed rooted to the bathroom floor for a few minutes before Alex stood up. "Here," he grabbed her hand, "I'll help you up."
"Thanks, Alex."
He twitched once side of his mouth into a quick smile, "You can thank me later. I have to go back to the hospital."
"Take the car," she offered.
"Alright, then," he agreed as he helped her back to the master's bedroom, "You sure you'll be okay?
She nodded, "Yeah, I'm feeling better already."
"Take care of yourself, Mer," he said before heading downstairs.
Meredith waited for the gentle revving of the car's engine before she retrieved the pregnancy test kit from her canvas bag. She slipped into her red terrycloth robe and scurried into the bathroom. Truth time, she sighed. After she'd done the deed, she placed the test on the sink, and sat on the toilet, waiting, and waiting still, for a grueling 5 minutes.
She continued to stare at the sink until, much to her surprise; the door burst open and pulled her out of her trance.
"Izzie!" she gasped, "You scared the hell out of me."
Izzie Stevens managed a tentative smile at Mer's initial shock. Now she was scrutinizing her intently; despite the weather, Izzie looked fresh, as usual.
"Hi," Izzie said awkardly, "I was in the neighborhood, so I decided to drop by."
"Okay…" Meredith started, "How did you…".
"I still have a key, remember?" Izzie cut in, flashing her cherished house keys that she failed to return.
"Oh," Meredith half-pouted.
"What are you doing in the bathroom?" Izzie asked.
"Nothing," she said, "just…getting ready for bed."
"You're sitting on the toilet," Izzie frowned.
There was a brief moment of awkward silence; Izzie just leaned against the doorframe, while Meredith stayed transfixed on the toilet, both of them unwilling to move. Meredith was happy to see her friend but she also wanted to kick her out of the bathroom immediately because of her impeccable timing. Since she showed no signs of budging, Mer just kept shifting her eyes from the sink to an unexpectedly speechless friend.
"So," she said, "Does Alex know you're here?"
Izzie smiled her signature grin, "Yeah, I asked him if there was anybody home 15 times and kept saying no, then he finally said you were here. He's probably avoiding me…"
Meredith kept on listening to Izzie's own brand of hysteric rambling. Although seeing Izzie like this was always mildly entertaining, she was still anxious about the white stick on top of the sink. She darted her eyes every few seconds while bravely keeping a polite smile plastered on her face; but more than five minutes had already passed and she was anxious enough already to the result.
"Izzie, enough," she snapped at her. "You're rambling. You sound more like me right now. Why don't you go down stairs, and I'll… catch up with you."
"Alright," Izzie said. Seeing Meredith freak out always made her giggly. "Why are you so jumpy tonight?"
It was then that Izzie turned around and caught a glimpse of the white stick on the sink and began to stare at it intently with wide twin pools of brown curiosity. Meredith noticed and all the anxiety got the best of her.
"Iz…"
"Holy shit," Izzie exclaimed, "Is that a pregnancy test?"
"Izzie," she called, seeing Izzie grab the test from the sink. Her heart was pounding in her chest.
"Mer," Izzie's brow furrowed as she closely examined the stick, "There are two pink lines."
"Two?" Meredith half-whispered, more to herself.
"Yeah, two" Izzie's eyes widened as she stifled a chuckle, "Holy shit, you're pregnant."
Meanwhile Meredith let out a nervous laugh.
"You're pregnant?" Izzie gawked. "I can't believe this."
Soon enough, in true Izzie-fashion, the two were bursting out in fits of laughter, the news just sinking in. Meredith snatched the stick from Izzie and she saw the two pink lines. She was really pregnant. The white stick in her hand confirmed what she already suspected. The realization made her dizzy, but she was gripping her sides in choking laughter at Izzie's impulsive reaction and vice-versa.
Izzie slapped her knees, "Dark and twisty Mer," she said in between giggles, "I wouldn't have guessed."
"Oh, God," she laughed, "Oh, no."
Izzie was on the floor now, "I'm sorry," she let out, "I'm sorry. Ohh, I'm doing it again, God, no."
Meredith chortled, "I can't breathe."
"I know," Izzie chorused, "I'm so sorry Mer."
The last time they shared a laughing moment close to this in her bathroom was when Callie peed in front of them, stark naked. Now, a lot seems to have changed over the years; Izzie nearing the end of her marriage, and Meredith starting over a new chapter with Derek.
When the laughter started to dry out, they were both sitting on the floor, the pregnancy test still in her hands. Izzie took deep breaths, her cheeks fully flushed and Meredith was wiping the corners of her eyes— which were strangely moist.
"Are you actually crying?" Izzie asked incredulously.
A more intense bout of giggles followed. Meredith genuinely thought Izzie's remark was funny, but her realization switched on something deep inside her; something that stung her eyes. The sudden burst of emotion flooded and she was powerless to stop it. In between their giggles, Meredith's voice broke into a soft sob.
"Oh, god," Izzie sighed, still oblivious, "I'm sorry."
"It's okay," Meredith sniffed. The true awkwardness of the situation dawning. She let Izzie see the tears streaming steadily down her cheeks.
"Oh, Mer," she hushed. She was crying. Meredith was actually crying in front of her. She never saw Meredith shed tears freely; not when Addison showed up, not when her mother died, not when George died—she was the strong one. But seeing Meredith Grey in such a vulnerable—fragile— state forced her to set aside whatever crap she was going through with her husband. No wonder Alex insisted for her to drop by and look after Meredith.
Izzie rubbed soothing circles on her back as they sat on the bathroom floor, her mind drifting back to when this woman trying to control her tears successfully peeled off that pink prom dress off of her. Meredith was starting to get a hold of herself now, but this whole pregnancy thing completely took her by surprise ever since the first day she suspected it.
"I don't really know why I'm acting like this," Meredith said bitterly.
"I'd blame the hormones," Izzie replied, "They make you go crazy."
"Mer," Izzie whispered, "Why don't we go to your room and talk about this? I'll even help you tidy up a bit." Izzie was smiling encouragingly.
"Okay," Meredith said, wiping the corners of her eyes.
In a matter of minutes, they were in Meredith's bedroom.
As she promised, Izzie tidied up a bit, which, by her standards, was to render everything within her range spic and span. Meredith was busying herself with her phone, trying to contact Derek just to stop Izzie from ranting.
"His phone's turned off," Meredith sighed in defeat.
"Keep trying," Izzie insisted as she arranged the trashy magazines on the bookshelves. "Seriously, Mer, after all this time, your house is still as messy as a youth hostel."
Meredith rolled her eyes at her comment. "That's what you're here for."
"Precisely," Izzie sing-songed. "But what about when I move to Tacoma?"
Meredith sat up from the bed, "Tacoma?"
"Yeah, Tacoma." Izzie smiled nostalgically. "I took the job offer, remember?"
"But what about…"
Izzie scoffed. "Alex?" Then she sank down on the bed beside Meredith. "Well, it's time to move on, I guess."
Meredith was looking directly at Izzie's eyes, searching for any sign of tears, but they were only a little moist, plus Izzie was half-smiling—more to mutually pine for her approval than to show guilt, remorse, regret, or any kind of emotion in particular.
"Izzie," Meredith urged her to go on.
"I think I want a divorce," Izzie simply stated, her eyes locked on Meredith's.
They both said nothing. What were you supposed to say in a situation like this? Instead of blindly uttering words of comfort, Meredith took Izzie in her arms, both of them silently acknowledging how their little family has changed—for better or for worse, they'll never know.
"I miss George," Izzie said, knowing that it meant more than that.
Her nightmare still fresh from her memory, Meredith simply replied. "I miss him too. I miss all of us."
They stayed like this for the briefest of seconds, before Izzie sat up and wiped a stray tear from her cheeks. "So, I have to leave now. My mom's expecting me at her place by morning."
"Do you really have to go now?" Meredith asked. "You know you could always spend the night here."
"No," Izzie stood up and walked over to her side. "I really have to go."
Izzie scrutinized her 'Dark and Twisty' friend one last time; she looked different. They were all different now. She contemplated how Meredith's mere presence and support made her feel a little better. She gave her a big hug and whispered to her ear, "You'll make a fantastic mom, Mer." Meredith breathed in Izzie's words and found herself genuinely smiling, thankful for her family, no matter how far they seem to drift away from each other.
Izzie took one last glance at Mer's spotless room and headed towards the door.
"Hey, Mer," Izzie called back. "Heads up."
She threw her keys to a chuckling Meredith, who thankfully, caught it just in time.
"I'll see you soon, Iz!"
Izzie bellowed back from the hallway, "See you soon, Mommy!"
A/N: I know it's been ages. So sorry. I'd blame Journalism classes and frequent traveling. Anyways, the next chapter will continue the normal timeline of the first chapter (An Empty Space). BTW, I'm also working on a new GA fic:] The only clue I'll give for now is : Time Traveler's ____ . Interested? Let me know...