I trailed behind Mello, drowning in a whirlpool of pink and hearts and flowers and sickening joy. The hallways, the locker, the people, everything was adorned with pink and frills. February fourteenth… Valentines Day. How I loathed it.
The only thing that kept me remotely sane was the image of Mello, mercifully clad in black. His hips swung as he strutted down the festive hallway, a blatant display of confidence and strength that made all eyes snap to him. With his black skinny jeans and fitted black top, he became the rebellious focal point of the brightly colored scene. I focused on the comforting normalcy of Mello's dark form, and attempted to block out all of the excited babble, the girlish squeals, the pink.
I slumped into my seat beside Mello and immediately clicked on my DS. I desperately need a distraction. Of course, as if the world itself was bent on relentlessly torturing me, today was the day Ms. Brachman snatched away my virtual savior.
"Matt! Did I not inform you last week that you were not to play games during my class?" Her tone was clipped. I guiltily glanced up at the agitated professor. Her hair was bound in what appeared to be a painfully tight bun, contorting her face so that her sharp features were even more threatening. To my horror, her harsh facial expression contrasted greatly with her attire. She was wearing a sweater… a pink, fluffy sweater with hearts. I longed for my familiar pixilated images. They never looked at me with contempt, or affiliated themselves with the dreaded February holiday!
"I'm sorry," I mumbled.
"I swear, Matt! If this happens one more time, there will be serious consequences! I do not appreciate having a student who does not at least pretend to concentrate in class."
I stared dully at my game-less hands. A blush crept up my cheeks; I could feel everyone's eyes on me. I despised attention.
Clearly satisfied with my evident discomfort, I heard the pink harpy turn and stride towards the front of the class, heels crisply clacking against the tile. She proceeded to mercilessly launch into a lecture about the poetic aspects of Valentines Day. Without my game, I was forced to relinquish a portion of my attention on what she was gleefully rattling about.
Honestly, I had never understood what was so wonderful about Valentines Day. The traditions of it had always baffled me. Children always came to school, clutching bags of loving notes and heart shaped sweets. The day was always a mindless frenzy. Children distributed Valentines to their friends, and shamelessly displayed the vast number of gifts the received – signs of love. I never got any Valentines. The point was, Valentines Day was a lie. It claimed to be about love and friendship, but in actuality, it was meant to make relationships tangible. Love and friendship were measured in quantity, and those who lacked a sufficient number were torn by the teeth of loneliness. More often than not, Valentines Day made its followers feel unloved.
I tried in vain to tune out the bumbling pink idiot at the front of the classroom. You'd think that a teacher Wammy's House would have the intelligence to realize the true nature of Valentines Day. In fact, it was a wonder that anyone at this orphanage for geniuses would even entertain the idea of the holiday. I trained my eyes on the only other sane person in the room, in the hopes it would help me beat back the bile in my throat.
Mello was clearly on edge. His jaw was clenched and his muscles were coiled as if he was preparing to spring. I hated seeing him so rattled. I wanted to comfort him… to reach out and touch him, and hold him, and take some of his stress, responsibilities, and troubles upon my shoulders. But such a thing was imposable when we weren't in the confines of our own room, our haven- free from the harsh judgments of the world. And such a thing was made even more impossible- considering we were living through the recurring hell of the most judgmental day of the year.
Mello despised Valentines Day even more than I did. Flowers and affection bothered him on a regular basis, and the intensified message of love on this day drove him insane every year. He would always shut down and diligently refuse to speak to anyone all day- even me. To anyone else he just appeared to be up to his normal, rebellious antics, but I knew better. His eyes weren't icy and playful, but panicky, and revealed internal turmoil. Another reason I hate Valentines Day- it hurts Mello.
I gnashed my teeth together. I wished I could tell everyone to just… to just stop! Didn't they realize that they're joyous shinanigins were causing him pain? Of course, I thought bitterly, they didn't care about Mello any more than they cared for me. As far as anyone else was concerned, the two of us were better off dead; less competition. No one would miss us.
The shrill bell cut through my agonizing musings. Mello skidded out the door in a flash, and I fumbled with my books, scrambling to follow behind.
"Matt? May I have a word?" Ms Brachman's voice was cold and reprimanding. I shuddered. How did she do that? Just a moment ago, her voice had been all warm and fuzzy, fondly wishing us a "lovely Valentines Day." I franticly looked around, Mello was gone! Panic possessed me.
I knew I would get in trouble for this…"Not now!" I called as I clumsily ran out the door.
Thud.
My books scattered as I flailed my arms, crashing to the floor. I glanced up at the person I had collided with, hurried apologies on my lips.
I gasped and smiled despite myself, "Mello! You waited for me!"
He grunted as a reply and helped me gather my books. Our eyes locked as he shoved my belongings into my arms. I shrunk back, his icy glare chilling my heart. Although I desperately longed to look away, my wide eyes were glued to his. Suddenly the ice of his eyes turned to slush. He looked down, as if he were ashamed of his unruly expression.
"C'mon, let's go to lunch. Why do you have to be so god damn clumsy?"
I obediently followed him. This time, the pink and the happiness didn't seem so threatening- because Mello had spoken to me… on Valentines Day. All this time, I hadn't realized that my depression could be lifted merely by the sound of his voice. If only I had known, I would have recorded it or something.
Much to my dismay, my soaring spirits plummeted as quickly as they had been uplifted as a most unwelcome sight met my eyes: The rose stand. Completely unavoidable, the rose stand loomed at the mouth of the cafeteria. Mello hesitated, and I briefly considered running, before he plunged forward, shoving through the crowd of love-struck adolescents, and left me to scamper along behind him.
Ever since Mello and I had begun attending the high school section of Wammy's school- two years ago, when he and I were both twelve- Valentines Day had taken on a duel meaning. Not only did we have to deal with observing our classmates accumulate gifts of friendship, but we also were forced to view the Rose Ritual. Every Valentines Day, boys and girls alike would exchange a dollar for a small slip of paper, on which they would write the name of the guy or girl they liked. At the end of the day, every person would get a red rose delivered to them for every time their name had been written. That night, everyone would come down to dinner sporting their roses on their clothing, bragging about how many secret admirers they had… and mocking those who didn't have any. Needless to say, Mello and I always fell under the last category.
After collecting lunch and claiming an empty table, Mello tore rabidly into his towering pile of chocolate products. Mello always ate more when he was upset. I picked at my sandwich awkwardly, strangled by the uncomfortable silence that had engulfed us. Seeing as he had spoken to me earlier, it couldn't hurt to try to start a conversation, right?
"Th-that's a lot of chocolate, Mels." I chuckled uneasily. Stupid! Stupid! Leave it to me to point out the obvious! You're welcome! I quickly turned my attention to my sandwich as he glanced up at me. Maybe, if I pretended I hadn't said anything, he'd dismiss it as his imagination. I was pretty quiet…
"Thanks, Matt. I had no idea," he responded with unnecessarily cruel sarcasm.
"I-I'm sorry," my voice cracked. I forcefully bit my lip and bowed my head in chagrin.
"Matt? Matt…" His voice was considerably softer, gentle even. I looked up to find wide blue eyes, swirling with regret. I must really look pathetic. My throat constricted. No, I wasn't going to cry was I? I swallowed and cleared my throat.
"Don't worry about it. It's just the day, you know?"
Mello nodded slowly, as if unsure whether to believe me. "Yah, well, I'm sorry. I know I've been a little… uh… mean… I guess, today. I don't mean it. It's just-"
"Just the day, I know." I returned to my desecrated sandwich, content to leave the conversation at that. It wasn't every day you got an apology from Mello, and I allowed myself to revel the warm feeling caused by this phenomena. Even though he was clearly upset, he set aside his pain to comfort me, to apologize to me. It was as if he actually cared for me more than as a sidekick, a pet. I quickly pushed that thought aside. If Mello cared about me, I wouldn't be empty handed on Valentines Day. Truth is, I didn't need a handful of gifts to make me happy. One little box of stale candy hearts was all I wanted… if it was from Mello.
"Hey, Matt?" I glanced up, shocked. Now Mello was initiating conversation?
"Yah?"
"Um, I wanted to ask you… I mean you don't have to answer if you don't want to… but it always bothered me… I mean I always wondered, why… why you're always so upset on Valentines Day?"
I stared at him, my mouth agape. Wasn't that much obvious? "S-same reason as you." Duh.
"I doubt that. Just tell me."
What? "Um, well, I never get any Valentines…"
"But that makes no sense!"
"Uh… yah it does. I have no friends."
"But if that bothers you, then… then why do you stay with me?" I stared at him, not comprehending. Who is this and, where's Mello? "I mean..." He continued when it was clear I wasn't responding, "You're a great guy Matt. You're kind, funny, cute, patient- really patient. Hell, you can put up with me! The only reason you have no friends is because everyone's afraid of me!"
"You think I'm cute?" I mentally facepalmed. Really, Matt? That's how you respond? Mello's cheeks were dusted pink, accenting his bewildered expression. I made it awkward, didn't I? He must have meant that girls would find me cute. "Uh, I mean…" I tried to recover, "I don't want to be anyone's friend. Everyone here is boring and fake." Except you.
"B-but if you don't want any friends, why do you want Valentines?"
I froze, scrambling to come up with a lie, anything but the truth! But alas, I came up dry. "Well… I never wanted anything from them." I furiously blushed. How could I tell him that? He doesn't care about me, and if he deducted how very much I cared about him, it would ruin our fragile, uncertain relationship. I'd be left alone, without anyone… without Mello. I bit back tears and barreled out of the cafeteria, refusing to meet his eyes, for fear I'd see anger, condemnation, repulsion.
The day crept along at an agonizingly slow pace. The classes blurred together, a mix of excitement and eagerness permeated the air, detracting from any educational words my teachers may have uttered. It also didn't help that I didn't have my DS. On occasions such as these, I usually amused myself by watching Mello, but I couldn't even glace his way. I felt his eyes on me all day long. It was utterly exhausting, ignoring the aura of love, the smiling faces, the teachers love laced themes, Mello. When last period was over I made a beeline to my room. My entire body was aching from emotional stress. I just wanted to curl up on my bed and die… or at least cry a little. I feverishly hoped that Mello would leave me alone.
By the time I flung open the door, my eyes had already begun to leak. I tore off my goggles and wiped at my eyes, half running to my bed. I was about to leap in when an unexpected sight stopped me short. Nestled on my pillow was a single red rose. My knees gave out and I crumpled to the floor. I stared with wide eyes at the blurring image of a rose on my pillow as pent up tears streamed mercilessly down my cheeks.
"Matt! Matt! What's wrong?" Of course Mello would choose now to barge into our room. Panic pooled in my gut. He would laugh at me, he would call me stupid. Mello had never seen me cry before…
"Matt! Shit! I knew this was a bad idea!" Mello kneeled next to me and roughly took me into his arms. I let out a startled gasp before relaxing into the warm embrace. My body perfectly melded into his, as if it belonged there. "Shhh. Shhh. Don't cry, Matt. It's okay." I let out a final snivel and pressed my tear soaked face into his chest, because it was okay. As long as Mello was holding me and not yelling at me or mocking me it was okay. "It's okay, Matt. We can still be friends. I just thought at lunch… since you ran out… that you actually wanted this. I'm sorry. I knew that everything Valentines Day related upsets you."
"W-w-wait. What?"
"What do you mean what? I just apologized for getting you the stupid rose."
"You mean… you got me the rose?" Mello pulled back enough to peer down at my face, with a look that very clearly stated 'well, duh.' "B-but that means… you like me?"
Mello flushed and looked away, "Well that is what a rose means, dumbass," he grumbled half heartedly.
A wide smile invaded my face, "But you've never even accepted me as your friend. You never gave me any Valentines..."
"You idiot!" Mello sprung up, leaving me to crash into the carpet. "I never got you any Valentines because you hate Valentines Day! I knew it would upset you! And I was right, damn it!"
I raised my head from the floor, goofy smile still in place, "Not from you."
Mello shifted uncomfortably. "So… d-does that mean… I mean… the rose…"
"You like me?" I repeated, absolutely euphoric.
"Uh… yah." Mello turned tomato red and whipped around to face the door. "We can still be friends…" he whispered.
I sprung up and glomped him, eliciting a startled yelp from the abashed blond.
"M-Matt?"
"Will you be my Valentine?" I glanced up at him with wide puppy eyes. Realization flashed across his features, and before I could react, our lips met. He tasted sweet, a mix of chocolate and an indescribable flavor that was distinctly Mello. He pulled back, leaving me gasping. When I leaned back in for more, he rested a pale, elegant finger on my lips and smirked at my disappointed expression.
"Wait a second." He crossed the room to retrieve my untouched rose before nestling it in my unruly hair. He laughed giddily and I blushed, positive I looked idiotic. I motioned to pluck it out.
"No, no." He interceded my hand, entwining our fingers. "I think you look cute."
My blush darkened, remembering our conversation at lunch.
"C'mon." He tugged me towards the door. "I want to show everyone your mine."
Something akin to a nervous giggle slipped through my lips, and Mello grinned back at me, eyes gleaming with joy. An odd thought crossed my mind as we melded into the pre-dinner crowd. We looked exactly like everyone else. We were giddy and excited, and joy and love seemed to permeate from our pores. I love Valentines Day.