Hey everyone! This is a Valentine's Day gift to all those Shenko purists out there!

Kind of based off an experience I actually had. Anyway, here's to hoping you all enjoy!

General Disclaimer: I do not own the Mass Effect world.

"I am nothing now, and it's been so long

Since I've heard the sound, the sound of my only hope..

This time I am listening...

This heart, it beats, beats for only you...

My heart is yours."

-My Heart, Paramore

Scentual Memories

Scent memories. Shepard had never understood the concept. Not really. Every planet, every mission, every choice had its own taste, smell… mood. The smell of burning flesh, stale bacteria, even medi gel; it all had a place and correlation to a past experience.

But while walking down the markets in Illium the instantaneous understanding struck her like a brick wall. It was the lower markets, more accessible to the common proletariat. The food and fruits of the open markets were like any she may have seen elsewhere, but as she walked past the last stand with Thane and Garrus, she was suddenly hit with it:

Kaidan. Kaidan around her, part of her, his face, her thoughts as she had begun to fall for him, the emotion, that smile; It dominated her senses all at once and she found herself rotating in place, seeking desperately to find the source of this powerful outbreak of otherwise well concealed thoughts.

It was the smell. She turned her head to the stand of displayed fruit next to her. Mangoes. Without thinking she lifted one of the sweet delicacies in her gloved palm and raised it to her face, breathing in deeply.

Kaidan.

What was it about this scent? She was confused for awhile until she finally let herself expand on the thoughts this smell provoked. Time in her quarters on the old Normandy…

Of course. She had bought a mango scented air device after Feros to counter the smell of thorian that had clung to the inside of her nose for days. And for weeks the smell of mangoes faintly lingered in the air as she lay in bed at night, winding down.

Her mind had often wandered to her lieutenant at those times. Something he'd said or something in how he moved. She'd talk herself down as she tried to relax, but still, every thought she allowed herself to have of him was confined to that room. And then the night before Ilos…

She inhaled again, a smile forming on her lips as she was finally able to understand.

She had done well to not revisit and agonize over how he'd said goodbye. There had been hope in his message, a flickering light that maybe he still cared for her. She could do nothing either way about it until her mission was complete, and had told herself that dwelling on the things of which she had no control wouldn't do either of them any good.

So she kept his message in her private terminal, and in her omnitool, and kept his picture on her desk. She didn't talk about him, she didn't think about him. He still had her heart, and that was all anyone needed to know, him and herself included.

This one whiff of fruit had overcome her with his memory, and for the first time since he'd said goodbye, she wasn't sad that he wasn't with her, but relieved. Even happy. The Alliance would keep him safe, out of the real danger. And it was good that she hadn't pursued his attention right before going to almost certain death. This was best for both of them if the worst should happen.

And if the best should happen, she'd always return to him.

The asari manning the fruit stand looked at her curiously but didn't say anything until the commander procured her credit chit.

"Thank you, ma'am," the asari finally said, handing the chit back to her after deducting the proper amount.

Shepard smiled to herself as she gripped the mango in her hand and began walking again in the direction of her ship.

Her companions were kind enough to not ask for any explanation, perhaps assuming she was having some kind of homesick reaction to food originating from the human homeworld, as processed and simulated the fruit in her hand might be.

At the end of the day she went to her quarters on the new Normandy, and with a smile placed the round fruit next to Kaidan's picture. She'd already gotten into the routine of kissing two fingers and pressing it against the frame each night before she went to bed, but as the following days progressed she soon became accustomed to taking an inhale of the sweet scent before falling asleep.

***

In the two hours before going through the Omega 4 relay, Shepard returned to her room for what might very well have been the last time. She considered Kaidan's picture heavily then, burning him into her skull, reminding herself of all that they believed in, and all that she was fighting for. She finally picked up the mango and crossed the floor to her bed.

She laid back and stared at her ceiling, taking only a few moments to worry about the mission before shushing those thoughts altogether and finally biting into her treat.

Sweet juice filled her mouth, and she smiled into the soft skin. She let herself fall into the explosion of memories, slipping in and out of perfectly preserved images of her lover as they flowed through the mango juice into her.

It all coursed through her again; all the newness of her attraction to him, all the complexities of her emotions as she began to fall for him, and eventually, all the intensity of loving him. The heat of his body as she lay curled into it, the weight of his hands on her as he held her tightly, the panting of his breath in her face just before they kissed sweatily in passion; Even that little quirky smirk he'd given her after offering his hand to help her from her defeated position in front of her lockers after the Normandy had been grounded...

It was her own way of spending the night with him again, as close as she could get, and she reveled in it. And it gave her strength...

When she rose from her bed she went to her armor suite, and with a determined smile readjusted some of the settings. She would be wearing blue camouflage inside the Collector's base. She wasn't doing this for Cerberus after all. Or even just for humanity; but for all civilization. That was the battle that she and Kaidan had believed in.

She emerged twenty minutes later from her quarters comforted, confrontational, and ready to do what she needed. And she felt damn good about it.

See you on the other side, Kaidan. She smiled.

Hope you liked it. ;) Reviews and even requests are always welcomed with pleased enthusiasm. :)