Power Rangers belongs to Disney/Saban. I am using the characters without permission, but I am not and don't expect to make money from this.

Rated PG: a little minor language, some mature situations. Brief discussion of abortion.

Can't believe it's been over a year since I updated, or did any serious writing! Kindly take a moment to review despite my slowness.

Friendship

Angel Grove, 9:40 am

Kim blinked in the sudden wash of bright sunshine, and looked around to see a city street, a sidewalk, a well-kept lawn and a walkway leading to a familiar door. Her eyes barely took in the sight of the Youth Center and Juice Bar before snapping back to the petite brunette approaching and then pausing uncertainly, staring at the door in hesitation.

"What is this?" she demanded, turning towards Alpha indignantly - only to stop in mid-protest, mouth open, eyes widening.

Instead of the short golden and red robot she had expected to see, a woman with long brown hair and wearing a flowing white dress with a garland of flowers on her head smiled sweetly at her. "What? Who...?" Kim stammered, falling back a step.

"Oh right, Princess Shayla is after your time!" the woman said, eyes widening and a graceful hand lifting to her mouth in dismay. "Sorry to have startled you, but using the same body gets so dull after a while. I don't know how you humans do it." Smiling again, she held out her arms and did a quick spin, skirts billowing. "Much more comfortable. Now, what were you saying?"

"I... uh..." Kim gave her a ferocious glare, which had no effect at all. "Don't do that!"

"Sorry." She didn't look sorry at all.

Kim glanced at the building again, and at the other Kim, who was still apparently trying to make up her mind whether to go in. "What are we doing back here? What's she doing here?" She looked again, more closely. "Hey, wait a minute! She's young again - my age again!"

"Of course. We're having a bit of a do-over."

"A what?"

"We have returned to the morning after you arrived in Angel Grove in December 1997."

"What on earth for?" Kim glanced at her other self again. "Just to see me make the same mistakes all over again?"

"Of course not; we're here to see you make new - er, choices this time." The woman crossed her arms. "We're here to observe a different possible future for you. In this timeline, you've arrived here twenty minutes later than in the one we already saw."

"What difference does that make?"

"All the difference in the world. Come on, she's going in."

The other Kimberly had finally made up her mind and was opening the door to the Juice Bar. The woman in white started after her, leaving Kim with no choice but to follow. "Who did you say you are now?" she muttered as they stepped inside.

"Shayla. Mentor to the Wild Force team. I rather like the mentors, although Zordon could be a bit stuffy and Dimitria had that annoying thing about questions and... But I digress. Come along now, and watch." She beckoned, and motioned at the other Kim who was now standing just inside the entrance, staring across the room at a table crowded with her old friends and former teammates.

Kim stopped just short of the entrance into the main part of the Juice Bar, eyes seeking out their favorite table, sure that was where Tommy would have chosen to sit - and froze, breath stopping on a little gasp. It couldn't be - but it was. Kat, hair golden under the lights, bright profile turned to Tommy, eyes for only each other as they smiled like old friends well met, or like lovers reunited. Too late. It was too late; maybe it had always been. She barely registered Jason and Adam, and felt only a moment's dull surprise at Billy also sitting at the table before turning and starting blindly back the way she had come.

Outside she stopped, for a moment unable to remember which way her hotel was. As she hesitated, the sound of her name came from behind her.

"Kim! Kim, wait up!"

Jason. He must have seen her, and followed her outside. Determined not to let him see how upset she was, Kim arranged her face in a smile and turned around. "Jason, hi."

"Hi yourself." He came up to her, his eyes sharp and concerned. "I saw you inside. When you ran back out like that... are you okay?"

"Sure. Sure, I'm okay. I guess I just got nervous about seeing everyone again." Kim gave the Juice Bar an uneasy glance. "Did the others...?"

"No. I told them I saw an old friend and had to go say hello." He smiled. "It's true enough." After a look back at the door he turned to her again. "I feel like getting out of here. You?"

Kim smiled gratefully. "Yes."

"Where?"

"Anywhere but here," she answered, and immediately wondered how much she was giving away.

Jason only nodded. "Come on, let's take a ride."

"Why here?" Kim asked.

They were walking across an expanse of rocky, sandy ground only intermittently broken by a few hardy bushes and shrubs and a scattering of wiry grass. She shaded her eyes and looked up to the outcropping above, where a complex, rounded structure should loom as if it grew from the gray rocks surrounding it. All her eyes found now was a scattering of scorched rubble.

"I don't know. Guess I wanted to pay my respects, sort of. Or let it sink in that it's really gone." Jason took a long look at the remains of the Power Chamber, and then sighed and found a shady spot and a boulder to sit on. "Maybe I'm feeling nostalgic, with the Juice Bar closing and all." He looked up and smiled. "And with seeing you again, of course, and Billy."

"And with Kat back," Kim muttered, half to herself.

"Kat, too." Jason's eyes seemed much too aware for Kim's comfort before he looked away.

Kim looked upward again, shading her eyes. Even though she hadn't been inside Zordon's headquarters for years, its destruction still left her feeling oddly empty. "What do you suppose happened?" she asked.

Jason shrugged. "Don't know for sure. An attack by Divatox, of course, but beyond that - I don't know and I haven't been able to find any of the Rangers to ask."

Kim shivered slightly, and looked away from the tumbled rock and stone. "They'll be okay. Right?"

"They're Rangers. Some of us may fail. Some of us lose our powers. But the Rangers always go on."

Kim looked up at the bitter tinge in his voice. "It wasn't easy for you, losing the Gold Power, was it?"

"No, it wasn't." Jason lowered his gaze to her face and broke the tension with a smile. "You had the right idea - leave town when you gave up your powers. It was hard at first, seeing the others going into action and not being a part of it."

"I never thought of it quite like that, but you're right. If I'd been here, I don't think I would have liked seeing Kat wearing my suit." Or dating my boyfriend, Kim added mentally. Not fair, she immediately reminded herself.

"I suppose not." Jason was watching her, with that look that seemed to see more than she wanted it to. "Kim... What happened in Florida?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean you decided to fly here for the holidays, and then you suddenly started asking about Tommy and whether Kat would be here. You show up at the Juice Bar and then take off again the second you saw them together. It doesn't take a lot to figure out something happened between you and Wyatt."

"Yeah, you're right." Kim tried a laugh and heard how weak it sounded. She twisted her fingers together and stared down at them as she continued. "We - Wyatt and me - we had a fight. He wanted me to spend the break with him and his parents, and I wanted to come here. He doesn't understand... maybe no one who hasn't been a Ranger could. I kept trying to tell him how important Angel Grove and all of you are to me, but I couldn't explain it without telling him about the Ranger stuff. He kept saying I was choosing my old high school friends over him and his family."

"Which you were." Jason softened it with a smile.

"Well, yeah, but for a good reason, you know? He got really mad, and said some things, and I said some things..." She tried for a casual shrug. "We broke up. It's for the best, really."

"So you came back for Tommy."

"Not for..." Kim stopped her automatic denial - Jason deserved better than a lie. "Okay, right the second time too. You said he and Kat had split up when she went to London, so I thought - well, you know."

Jason's voice was toneless. "They did split up. This morning I was as surprised to see her as you were. So was Tommy. They started talking and I guess the sparks flew again." He glanced up at Kim. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It was stupid of me to think Tommy would ever want to get back with me after I dumped him in a letter." Kim held up a hand to cut off his denial. "It's true. It was an awful thing for me to do."

"Would a phone call have been any better than a letter? I don't think there's any way to break that kind of news that wouldn't hurt."

"I guess. But I still broke up with him for someone else. Sometimes I'm surprised you're even still talking to me, considering how close you and Tommy are."

"Maybe I know how impossible it is to control who you fall for, even when it's someone you shouldn't..." Jason trailed off, hesitating, and then seemed to make up his mind. "You want to know what's really stupid? I - kind of fell for Kat, when we were Rangers together." He looked up at Kim, lips twisting ironically. "My best friend's girl, not to mention I was still dating Emily. Not a thing I could do about it. Then when Kat and Tommy broke up, and so did Emily and me... well, I thought maybe things would change." He sighed. "You're not the only one who was disappointed today."

Jason sounded genuinely sad, so much that Kim made the effort to shake herself out of what she realized had been rapidly turning into a self-pity session. "I'm sorry," she ventured after a few moments.

"Thanks." He smiled. "You're the only person I've told my disgraceful secret to."

"I'm glad you did." Kim smiled back. Time to get the conversation on safer ground than romance. "So - was that really Billy I saw in the Juice Bar?" she asked. "What's he doing back on Earth?"

"Hard to believe it's gone," Kim said softly, looking up past her other self and Jason, her interest in their conversation fading as Jason explained what she already knew about Billy's return.

"Yes, it is. I can see the entire span of the Ranger's history, with all its many tragedies and the ultimate destruction of virtually every headquarters used by every team, and yet this one still shakes me." 'Shayla' shivered slightly, hands hugging her arms. "This was the first, the longest-lasting, and in some ways the best. I miss it."

Kim found herself sharing a sad smile with the creature who had brought her on this journey against her will, for the first time feeling a kinship, a bond between them. They were both products of the Power, in their own ways.

Shayla glanced away, to where Jason and the other Kim had gotten to their feet and started back down the mountainside to the road below and Jason's car. "Come," she said. "I think they have a little more to say that we should hear."

"Sorry this was such a downer," Jason was saying.

"No problem at all. I'm glad we came," Kim responded.

"What now? You have breakfast yet? We could stop at Sammy's Diner; it's on the way back into town."

"Yeah, I'm kinda hungry. Sounds good." Neither of them suggested the Juice Bar.

Jason paused with his hand on the open car door. "Kim, where are you staying?"

"At the Grove Inn. Why?"

"Why don't you stay with my family? The 'rents would love to see you again. I've got a dorm room, so you could sleep in my bedroom."

"Don't you want to be at home over the holidays? I don't want to impose."

"You won't be. The dorm's less than twenty minutes away; I'll spend every waking moment at the house so it won't make any difference." Jason checked his watch. "I'll call them from the diner, and when they say yes you can call the hotel before checkout time. Deal?"

Jason was impossible to resist when he turned those big brown eyes on her with that sweet, hopeful smile. Kim gave in with a laugh and nodded. "Deal."

As Jason had expected, his parents had been happy to invite Kim to stay with them for as long as she wanted. Christmas with the Scotts was a happy prospect - and yet, Kim felt a sharp pang as she stepped inside her hotel room and saw no message light blinking on the phone.

"Hey, what's this?" Jason asked from behind her. He bent to pick up an unaddressed hotel stationery envelope from the floor.

"Must be my statement. Just put it anywhere, I'll get it later," Kim said, unable to resist taking another look at the telephone.

"No calls," Jason said softly.

"Right, no calls." Kim sighed and then straightened her shoulders, resolutely turning away from the desk. "Well, Wyatt knows how to find me if he wants to. It'll only take me a few minutes to pack, and then we can get going." She forced a cheerful smile. "I can't wait to see your parents again. And I have to go shopping, have to have something to give them for Christmas!"

"You don't have to give them anything." Jason grinned and shook his head. "Admit it, you just want to go shopping."

"Oh, what do you know?" Kim mock-punched his shoulder. "Where are the good sales this year?" She rolled her eyes. "Look who I'm asking. Never mind."

"How easily you walk away," Shayla said softly as the door closed, leaving emptiness behind.

"Walk away? What, from a hotel room?"

"From your life in Florida. From Wyatt."

"He's the one... Oh, never mind. You don't understand."

"Neither do you. Not yet."

"Anyone ever tell you acting mysterious is very annoying?"

"All the time." Shayla smiled, and with a gesture they were in a large room, bright lights twinkling on a crowd of young people, filled with the sparkle of laughter and the pounding of music loud enough to dance to but not too loud to talk over.

Kim kept a smile firmly on her face as she returned Tommy's and Kat's waves from the other side of the dance floor in what was usually an auditorium in the Angel Grove University student union. No way she was going to let anyone know how seeing them together still set off twinges of envy and jealousy inside her. She watched them move onto the dance floor, coming close together in a slow number, and then looked away, but not before her thoughts followed the usual path that led to another painful pang - it had been over four months and Wyatt had made no effort to find her or contact her. So much for what she had once thought was their true love. Maybe there simply was no such thing.

This was no way to act at a party, Kim reminded herself. No moping allowed. She had no reason to feel lonely - Billy was talking to some girl who was in his advanced calculus class, Rocky was dancing with Tanya, another former Ranger who Kim had already become very friendly with, and Jason - she smiled more genuinely as she caught sight of him coming through the entrance. He paused, looking around, nodded at Tommy and Kat and then caught sight of Kim. With the flash of a grin he headed in her direction.

A lot had happened in the last few months. Kim had decided she didn't want to go back to Florida - an impulsive decision made for the wrong reasons, she had to admit, but it had worked out well. A little time off from school had been nice and given her a chance to visit her parents. She had been surprised AGU had accepted her transfer application so quickly, but pleased. Billy had also started courses this trimester, and it had almost seemed like old times, despite Tommy being at Stone Canyon University and having inexplicably turned into a science geek.

No, times had definitely changed. Tommy and Kat had become an established couple, and as their close friends Kim and Jason had found themselves frequently put in the position of going out with them. Both of them had joked about double-dating and laughed it off, but so much closeness had deepened their friendship even more than their old Ranger teamwork. Jason had been there when she felt rejected, when she had felt she had no one - and he still was, as he'd always been there for her. She didn't feel for him what she had felt for Tommy or Wyatt, and was sure she never would - but she couldn't think of anyone she'd rather see at this moment, Kim reflected as he came up to her and leaned in for a quick kiss on her cheek.

"Having a good time?" he asked.

"Having a better one now that you're here," she said. "C'mon, let's dance."

"Don't tell me - this time I'm with Jason?" Kimberly demanded.

"Don't tell me you don't like the idea," Shayla replied.

"But - but Jason? He's like my brother!"

"Like Billy was the last time?"

"Well, yeah," Kim said with a sinking feeling. "But no. Me and Jason?"

"Why not? He's a total hunk. Just look at those arms. Not to mention those shoulders... Yummy."

"But he's my friend. My former teammate. And that's all."

"Maybe you should have less attractive teammates."

Kim frowned as she watched her counterpart and Jason smiling at each other on the dance floor. "No, I don't see any fireworks. Just a couple of old friends, like I said."

"And of course friends can never become lovers."

Kim gave 'Shayla' a sharp look. "You mean me and Tommy? It's not the same." Angry, she glared at the dancing couples. "This is boring. Can we move along?"

"Your wish is my command." Shayla raised an arm and waved her hand, and the scene changed.

"So, you know how Tommy is spending so much time on his studies?"

"Like you don't spend all your time practicing and rehearsing."

"Well, yeah, you're not the only one who's ambitious." Kat smiled into Tommy's already smiling face.

Kim rolled her eyes and sighed in impatience that was only half teasing as the happy couple spent a few more seconds gazing into each other's eyes instead of getting to the point. While she was having a good time on another 'double-date' and this was one of her favorite restaurants to have a leisurely dinner in, Tommy and Kat were being especially affectionate tonight, something that still set off a stab of jealousy she did her best to dismiss as selfish and childish.

Very childish, she reminded herself. It had been a good year and a half since she had returned to Angel Grove. Way past time to stop thinking about Tommy, and move on. Problem was, so far she hadn't met anyone who interested her. Certainly no one she thought could make her feel - well, the way Tommy had. Or Wyatt. Kim sighed and glanced at Jason, sitting beside her the way he always seemed to be. Sometimes it was annoying, the way people they knew were always assuming they were boyfriend and girlfriend. More often it was amusing, and once in a while it made her wonder if the potential was there. Even Tommy and Kat kept inviting them along on dates, probably hoping sparks would fly. She hid a smile. If sparks hadn't flown in all these years, they were unlikely to start now.

"Okay, we've established that you're both busy. Is that what you invited us out to tell us? Because I'm not exactly falling over from surprise," Jason said.

"No, that's not what we want to tell you," Tommy said, taking Kat's hand. "You see, we figured that with us going to different schools miles apart and not having much time to spend together, well..."

"Well," Kat continued, "we decided the only way we'd see each other every day was if we live together."

"Live together?" Kim said after a silent moment, heart dropping with a thud she could almost hear. Jason said nothing, but she could feel the muscles in the arm next to her go tense.

"Yes! Isn't it great? We're moving in together as soon as we can find a place we can afford!" Kat exclaimed. She looked at them with bright and happy expectation.

"Yeah, that's great!" Jason echoed, a grin now on his face as he put out his hand to shake Tommy's.

"It's wonderful, Kat," Kim said. "Just wonderful!"

"Yeah, wonderful," Kim echoed, wondering if her other self felt the same sharp ache of envy and loss.

"But not to you," Shayla said, her eyes sympathetic. "And not to Jason. Jealousy is a terrible thing, isn't it? It eats you up from the inside like the sharp fangs of a wild beast."

"I thought you weren't human," Kim retorted. "How do you know anything about it?"

"One doesn't have to be human in order to understand. If it's any comfort, I think both you and Jason are handling it extremely well."

"Gee, thanks. Haven't we seen enough of this?"

"Since you don't like this part, let's fast forward another year or two." She smiled and waved a hand gracefully. "College is a lovely experience, but it's really a cross between an extension of childhood and a rehearsal for adulthood, don't you think? At any rate, it's now time to start growing up."

"Many congratulations to you on your early graduation, Tommy, and on the upcoming commencement ceremonies of the rest of the group. While I wish I could be there in Angel Grove next June to see most of you in your caps and gowns, especially since I also missed your graduation from high school, my current studies and projects will undoubtedly not permit the time away. Sometimes I miss the good old days with the faster methods of transportation we had available. Best wishes, send pictures, and again congratulations. Your friend, Billy."

Jason folded the card he had just read aloud with a shrug and a smile, and handed it to Rocky to be passed around. "Good old Billy. Nice of him to send this to you, Tommy."

"I still think he could find the time to come to our graduation," Kim said. "Tommy'll be here, won't you? Even though you'll be in grad school then." She nodded in his direction.

"I'm only graduating six months early, not a whole year like Billy. And I didn't move across the country to go to M.I.T.," Tommy said, glancing at Kat, who looked away. "I'm sure Billy would have come if he could. Aisha, Zack, and Trini won't be there either, after all."

"Aisha's all the way in Africa and Trini's still in Europe. Not quite the same thing. At least Zack keeps in touch regularly." Their former Black Ranger would have his own graduation festivities to attend in Chicago, and no extra money for a flight back to California. She sighed fretfully. "I guess I just wish Billy was here. Wish all of them were here; be nice to have the old gang still together."

Rocky grinned. "Well, I just wish Aisha and Trini were here - there's not enough girls at this party!"

"You and Adam will just have to make do with me," Tanya said, crossing her arms. "How horrible for you."

"Guess so," Rocky said unrepentantly. "Prepare to dance 'til you drop!" He jumped up from the sofa and grabbed her hand, heading to the middle of Tommy and Kat's small living room amid the laughter of the others.

"I guess Rocky would have liked to bring his latest girlfriend," Adam said quietly as he took one of the vacated places on the sofa.

"And Tanya would have liked to bring that sound engineer she's dating," Kat said. "But I'm glad we made this 'Rangers only'. We don't have to watch what we say."

"Yeah. Makes it almost like old times," Jason said.

Kim smiled, but the remark only brought home to her - again - the fact that the old times were gone forever. Zordon had been gone for years. The team that Tommy, Kat, Adam, and Tanya had turned their powers over to had been gone for years too. The Power had changed hands several times, and would continue to do so. It had left them far behind. Not only that, so many of her friends had moved on and away. It had started with Trini and Zack, who had not returned from Geneva with Jason. Then Aisha, now Billy.

At least the rest of them were still here - for now. Tanya was rooming with Kim in the dorm, but her budding singing career would probably take her to L.A. or Hollywood or New York someday soon. If Kat was serious about a career in dance she would have to travel. Tommy had been talking about field work for the degree in Paleontology he wanted. Adam and Rocky had stayed in the martial arts field, Rocky as a teacher because of his old back injury, and had been talking about opening a chain of dojos; how successful could they be confined to Angel Grove?

Jason was the only one who seemed solidly rooted here. Dependable Jason. Sometimes he seemed the best and most reliable part of her life now, even though their friendship was far from the sort of passionate romance she still dreamed of. She still occasionally caught him watching Kat a little too intently, just as her own eyes sometimes drifted to Tommy - they could understand each other; even if they rarely mentioned their frustrated desires it formed a bond between them.

And it was Tommy's voice that pulled her from her thoughts as Rocky and Tanya joined them again. "Listen up, guys," he said, and paused, reaching for Kat's hand and taking a deep breath. "Kat and I have both been doing a lot of thinking about the future, with me going into grad school and her getting out of college soon." He looked around at all of them, lingering for a moment on Kim and Jason. "I've been offered a job, working with a scientist named Anton Mercer on extracting dinosaur DNA from some fossils he discovered recently. It's a great opportunity; if things go well I can also continue my studies and get credit towards my degree, get my PhD early, and maybe have a permanent job after that." He looked around at all of them. "He wants me to start right away - next week."

"Bro, that sounds great," Jason said.

"Yeah, man, that's excellent!" Rocky exclaimed.

"The bad part is, the job's at Dr. Mercer's laboratory on an island near a town called Reefside," Tommy went on. "If everything works out it means I'll be going to Freemont University in Reefside, and I'll be living on the island, at least at first."

"But you won't be very far away," Adam said.

"Yeah, I'll be around to see my parents, and to see you guys of course." Tommy paused and again looked at Kat. "But it won't be the same."

"A lot of things won't be the same." Kat smiled brightly and held up her left hand. "A lot of things!"

Kim felt her heart squeeze as she saw the sparkle of a diamond on Kat's finger. The third left finger, meaning...

"You're engaged?" Tanya shrieked. "Get out! You're getting married?"

"Wow, congratulations again!" Rocky exclaimed.

"That's great, man," Adam chimed in less noisily.

Kim wasn't quite sure what she was feeling as she forced a grin, said, "That's wonderful! I'm so happy for both of you!" and jumped up to give Kat a hug and Tommy a peck on the cheek.

"Yeah, congratulations," Jason said as he leaned over to shake Tommy's hand. "When's the big day?"

"Since we decided Kat's going to join me in Reefside as soon as she's finished college we thought we'd get officially engaged now, but we haven't set a date - it kind of depends on how this job works out and whether Kat can find work in Reefside." He exchanged a glance with his fiancée.

Jason abruptly got to his feet. "In that case, I'd better take this opportunity for a dance with one of my favorite Pink Rangers while she's still single. Kat?" He held out his hand, and after a moment's hesitation Kat took it and let him pull her up and into the middle of the room.

As Kim was wondering whether to give Tommy the same invitation, he got up, grabbed an empty snack tray, and headed for the kitchen. She watched him go, again wondering what to do, but she badly wanted to talk to him and this might be the best opportunity.

Tommy was tearing open a bag of chips as Kim walked into the kitchen. She stopped, watching. A slight frown was the only acknowledgment of her presence as he poured the chips onto the tray and then opened the refrigerator and pulled out a fresh bowl of dip. Finally... "Enjoying the party?" he asked.

"Very much. Can I help with anything?"

"You think they like the cheese dip more, or the sour cream?"

"The salsa, actually. If you have any more."

"Sure." He opened the refrigerator again and reached inside. "Always prepared, that's Kat."

"Tommy..."

His shoulders seems to tense slightly, but he didn't look up from the container of dip. "Yes?"

What could she say, really? 'Don't leave, don't marry Kat...' Kim knew she had no claim on him, and it wasn't even that she was jealous or wanted him back - although she couldn't deny that was a factor. She had accepted that it was over with Tommy long ago. Still, it hurt to realize he was going on to a new life that didn't include her, even as a friend. But they all had to make their own lives now, didn't they?

"I just wanted to say that I'm really happy for you and Kat. I - I wish both of you the best in the world."

Tommy turned to look at her, a warm smile brightening his face. "Thanks, Kim. That's really nice of you to say."

"I mean it," she responded, a little defensively.

"I know you do." Tommy stepped forward and wrapped her in a hug. "And I hope you know I wish the best for you, too."

"Thanks." Kim let her cheek rest against his broad chest. "It's going to be hard to say goodbye, is all."

"Hard for all of us." His arms tightened for a moment before letting go. He moved back far enough to curl a finger under her chin and tilt her face up. "So let's not say goodbye. Maybe we won't be living in the same city anymore, but we'll still be close. Right?"

"Right." Kim returned his smile, this time from her heart.

Two hours later, Kim was so wrapped up in her own thoughts and the haze of a few too many glasses of wine as she and Jason left for the short walk back to the dorms, that she didn't question and barely noticed his silence. As always, he was a reassuring and undemanding presence at her side, his fingers brushing hers and then clasping them in silent support, his profile traced in unsmiling moonlight when she happened to glance his way. Briefly she wondered what he was thinking.

For herself - had she been truthful with Tommy? Was she truly happy for him and Kat? She should be. She had buried any remaining thoughts of herself and Tommy years ago, covered deep by her friendship with Kat and her genuine wish for both of them to be happy. Still, it wasn't always easy to see that happiness with her own eyes. More than once she had wanted to put some distance between herself and them, to - to get away, to put Tommy behind her and move on. But that was out of the question. They were both her friends, her closest friends, and she couldn't let such a petty thing as jealousy come between them. And there was Jason - he and Tommy were like brothers, she couldn't possibly try to keep them apart, it wouldn't be fair or right. So she had stayed, and spent her free time with them, and suppressed the occasional nagging feeling that she'd let herself be trapped into a situation that kept her feelings for Tommy alive long after they should have faded into the past. At least that would end now, although the realization filled her with sadness, loss, and something like fear at the thought of no longer having him nearby.

It wasn't even that she was so terribly jealous - in her most honest moments Kim had to admit that a large part of it was hurt pride, and loneliness - or fear of loneliness - Tommy didn't want her anymore, and Wyatt... She had Jason, but their relationship had never crossed the line somewhere between friendship and the giddy heights of romantic passion, the love, she had felt for both of her former boyfriends.

They stopped when they reached the short walkway between the dormitory building Kim lived in and the one Jason lived in. Kim turned to face him, expecting a murmured goodnight, a quick kiss on the cheek, maybe plans to meet for breakfast or lunch in the cafeteria. Instead...

Jason let go of her hand and bent to kiss her on the lips, tentatively at first, then when she didn't move away his powerful arms pulled her close and pressed her against his body, his mouth again descending on hers in a kiss so unexpectedly passionate it took her breath away. He raised his head and waited, as if asking permission, and this time it was she who pulled him into another, longer kiss.

When their lips parted again he said softly, "My roommate's away for the weekend. Kim... do you want to come up?"

She knew what he was asking, and looked up at his shadowed face in momentary indecision. Her first thought was: 'Why not?' But that wasn't fair. She should want this, really want it beyond any question of loneliness or hurt or jealousy or simply too much to drink. But Jason was a sweet guy, and she did love him, in a way, and he had been so good to her, and he wanted to, and at this moment a big part of her also wanted to, and shouldn't that be enough? The unwanted thought of Tommy and Kat and what they were probably doing right now flashed through her mind, and before she had made a conscious decision she was saying, "Yes, I'd like that."

"Ah, moonlight and romance," Shayla sighed, her hands clasped to her bosom. "To be young and in love... and human, of course."

"Hah." Kim crossed her arms as her counterpart disappeared inside Jason's dorm building. "This is a big mistake, just like Billy, you wait and see."

"Not just like Billy, there are always new mistakes to make. But give it a chance. Where's your faith in the power of true love?"

"True love, hah," Kim muttered, and saw Shayla smile in that sweet way that had already become irritating.

"Onward," Shayla said. "Interesting times lie in the weeks ahead."

"I don't think I like the sound of that." Kim stared at her suspiciously.

Shayla waved her hand, and again their surroundings blurred and changed. Kim saw herself standing outside one of the college buildings. It was bright day now, the sun slanting from the east and a breeze stirring Kim's hair, but she seemed oblivious of anything except whatever thoughts had her face downturned, her lips trembling, and her arms clasping a textbook tightly against her chest.

Kim could feel the eyes on her as she stood waiting for Jason in front of the building where she knew he had a morning class. No, just the usual quick glances and a few friendly smiles and waves from acquaintances, but it was hard to shake off the paranoid conviction that they could all see right through her, see what she was hiding. Her secret. Well, it wouldn't be her secret alone for too much longer.

"Kim?" She looked up to find Jason in front of her, his smile tinged with curiosity and a shade of concern. "Is something wrong?"

Of course he knew something was wrong, not just from her face but from the fact she had come looking for him. After their one night together - things hadn't been the same between them. Oh, they'd tried - for the last several weeks they had made an effort to see each other just as often, to pretend that nothing had happened. But it had felt like an effort; both of them had skipped some of their meals together in the cafeteria, and the evenings of studying and talking and just hanging out had started to seem too uncomfortable when they involved long hours alone together in one or the other of their dorm rooms, each wondering what the other was thinking and remembering. She thought their friendship would survive - or at least she had until a few days ago. Until the additional bombshell she was about to drop on their relationship.

"I have to talk to you." Kim turned and started for the path, heading in the direction that seemed least crowded with other students.

"Sure." Jason followed her as she silently led him to the small grove of trees in mid-campus, and found a bench warmed by the winter sunlight. "Something is wrong," he observed as they sat. "What's the problem? What can I do?"

You've done enough. Kim barely bit back the retort. It wasn't Jason's fault. Of course, that left her with only herself to blame. No, it was no one's fault. So why did she feel so guilty, and so angry?

"Jason..." she started. "Jason, I have to tell you something."

"Okay." He watched her for a moment, brows drawing together as his expression became serious, and prompted, "Go on. You can tell me."

"Jason... Wow, there's no easy way to say it." Kim drew in a breath and let it out. "I'm pregnant."

"Pregnant," Jason said after a long pause, his voice toneless and his face carefully blank after the first blink of shock. "Are you sure?"

"I did the test six times, on three different days. I'm sure."

"Is it... is it mine?"

"Of course it's yours! How many guys do you think I'm-" Kim cut herself off.

He stared at her for a few seconds and then leaned his elbows heavily on his knees, staring down at the ground. "Sorry. It's just... How? We were being careful."

"Not careful enough, obviously. Nothing works a hundred percent, and we'd both been drinking." She sighed. "Look, how it happened doesn't matter anymore. It happened, and I thought you should know."

"Okay." Jason looked a shade paler as he looked up at her face again. "Have you decided - you know - what you're going to do about it? Whether you're going to have it, or..." He swallowed. "There are alternatives."

Kim closed her eyes. "I've been thinking about it. It makes my head ache, how much I've been thinking about it. I've considered abortion, but... I don't know; I just don't know if I can do that."

"I see."

"I don't know if I can have a baby, either. Maybe I could give it up for adoption... I guess..." She looked at Jason anxiously. "What do you think I should do?"

"Me?" Jason straightened, dismay written across his face. "I don't know. I mean, this is up to you. Whatever you want to do, do it; it's your choice."

"It's your baby too!" Kim heard her voice rising, and made an effort to calm herself and lower it. "This is just as much your responsibility as mine. I need you to help me."

"Give me a chance to think, Kim." Jason got to his feet and looked down at her, his face shadowed by the sun and unreadable. "Look, I have a class soon. I have to go."

"Jason, wait!"

"Later. We'll talk later." He backed away from her, and reliable, dependable Jason turned and started off at a walk so fast it threatened to become a run.

"You know what? Don't bother!" Angry, heartsick, and above all scared, Kim jumped up, grabbed her book, and headed for her room as fast as she could.

"How could this happen?" Kim muttered. "It was just one time."

"Technically it was two times." Shayla smirked as Kim glared at her. "And once is enough."

"You're making awfully light of the situation."

"Things have a way of working out. Let's watch."

"What am I going to do?" Kim asked with a look up at Tanya's sympathetic face, before she wiped away tears for what felt like the hundredth time.

It had taken only a glance at Kim's reddened, puffy eyes for her friend and roommate to demand to know what was wrong. Kim hadn't been sure if she was grateful or not as she had blurted out her news for the second time that morning. But now, as Tanya sat next to her on her narrow bed and squeezed her shoulders with a reassuring arm, she knew this was much better than trying to keep it inside for any longer.

"First off, you're going to have to decide - soon - whether to have this baby."

"I just don't know, Tanya. I'm not ready to have a baby. I want to finish college, and get a job, and have a home and enough money to raise a child. Not to mention I'd rather have a husband first. But - I don't know if I can go through with an abortion. I keep thinking about how having a kid would ruin my life, but then I start thinking about what this baby would look like, and be like, and whether this is the only chance I'll have to be a mother. You know?"

"Yeah." Tanya hesitated a moment. "It's not going to be easy, either way."

"I never thought Jason, of all people, would let me down like that. He was no help at all."

"What do you want him to do? Marry you?"

"I-" Kim stopped. What had she wanted from Jason? Not marriage, she realized; she hadn't thought much about the more practical aspects yet. Reassurance? Or someone to take the burden of all this off her own shoulders, the way he had always seemed to be there to help her through the bad times? "I guess - just some support. Some advice. It's his baby too."

"Kim..." Tanya's arm around her tightened a little. "When you saw that test result reading positive, what was your first reaction?"

"My first reaction?" Kim gave a damp snort of laughter. "Total shock. Thought it had to be wrong. I did the test again, and then again the next day, and the next. Couldn't believe it."

"Well, wouldn't Jason have been in shock too? Even more, maybe. You suspected you were pregnant before the test, after all. He just got it dropped on him out of nowhere."

Kim shrugged. "I guess. Still, he could have taken it better."

"I'm sure he could have, but last time I looked our former fearless leader wasn't quite perfect. Give him time." Tanya hugged her for a moment. "Jason will come through for you. And if he doesn't... I'll personally kick his butt."

It took until the next day, but when Kim saw Jason waiting outside her dorm building door in the morning it didn't surprise her at all. She stopped, pressed her books to her chest with crossed arms, and tried not to let her smile look too nervous.

"Hey, Kim." Jason came to her side and they started to walk slowly towards the academic complex where Kim's class was.

"Hi." She shot a self-conscious glance up at his face.

"How have you been?"

"Okay. You?" As he shrugged, the situation suddenly struck her as funny. Kim tried to stifle a giggle.

"What?"

"You and me. We're acting like a couple of kids who just met, not like old friends." Not like two people who spent a night together, she added silently. Funny how something as intimate as sex could leave you feeling like strangers.

"Yeah, you're right." He grinned that old warm and infectious grin. "Look, I'm sorry I didn't talk to you sooner."

"Don't be sorry. It's a lot to deal with, I know."

"Must be a lot harder for you." He scanned her with a concerned look. "Seriously, how have you been?"

"Okay. Fine. Tanya's been a big help. I've calmed down a little."

"Good." Jason hesitated. "Have you decided what you're going to do?"

Kim frowned slightly, trying to pick her words carefully. "Do you... have an opinion? Don't worry, I'm not asking you to make a decision for me, but this should involve you too."

"Kim... I really don't know what I want. I think about how a baby would complicate my life - our lives - and how hard it would be, but then I start wondering if this might be my only chance to be a father, and what the kid would be like, and what it would be like to have a son or a daughter."

Kim looked up at him again, startled. "That's exactly the kind of things I've been thinking!"

"Not too surprising, I guess. Anyway... as much as I take responsibility for this, in the end it's your decision. I don't want to try to push you in either direction."

"I guess I understand." Kim walked on a few more steps in silence, not realizing she had made any decisions until the words came out of her mouth. "I don't want an abortion. But I don't want to keep the baby either."

"Then we're going to have a lot more to talk about." Jason dropped a warm hand on her shoulder.

They had done a lot of talking over the next four months. Jason had shown no signs of regret at the situation after that first revelation, and in fact had been the one who insisted that she see a doctor regularly and take better care of herself. He'd always been a natural leader and protector, and now it seemed he might make a natural father. Too bad he wouldn't get the chance to be one with their child.

And her own regrets? Kim looked down and ran a hand over her now expanding stomach as she sat in the shade of a tree in the college square. Whatever lay ahead, she was sure there would be many times she'd wish she'd made a different decision, but also many when she'd be glad. Of course, that didn't explain why she still hadn't made any definite arrangements for adoption. Signing papers, meeting people anxious to take her baby - it all seemed too overwhelming, too... permanent. Choosing a couple to raise her child was something she just couldn't face yet. Maybe not ever. Maybe it would be better to leave it until after the birth, leave it to someone else to decide, an adoption agency with experience, much better than a scared 21-year-old who still felt more like a girl than a woman.

Was it second thoughts? Kim questioned herself. No, just reluctance to face the inevitable, especially as the baby became more and more real in her body and in her mind. She was sure of her decision, but there was no rush. A healthy newborn would be snatched up by some loving young couple in an instant.

"Is he kicking?" The voice came from behind her shoulder. Jason, who moved around the bench, bent to kiss her cheek, and sat beside her.

"Sorry, no. And why do you always assume it'll be a boy?" Kim smiled.

"If you'd let the doc tell us if it's a boy or a girl, I wouldn't have to guess." He pressed a hand to her belly, then looked up with a quick grin. "Hey, I felt something!"

"Probably gas." Kim rolled her eyes.

"Kim..." Jason sat back and turned to face her, his expression serious now. "I talked to my parents again."

She made a face. Telling both their sets of parents hadn't been easy. Her mother had wanted Kim to fly to France immediately to be under her watchful eye. Her father had obviously been shocked and dismayed by the idea of being a grandfather under these circumstances. Both had had unpleasant things to say about her decision to have the baby, and to give it up, after they had gotten over the fact of her being pregnant in the first place. Jason hadn't said much, but his tone had told her things had been equally difficult for him at home. It hadn't been easy telling their friends and former teammates either - Tanya had known from the beginning, of course, but they'd had to tell Kat, Rocky, and Adam. All of them had been supportive, but Kim couldn't help wondering what they were thinking behind those smiles. She found herself grateful for once that Tommy wasn't around.

"They said you could move in with them to wait for the baby to come," Jason continued.

"Really?" Kim tried not to show her reluctance. "I'd rather stay on campus until finals and graduation."

"My folks like you, Kim. They want to help out."

"Help out." Kim gave him a long look, which Jason avoided. "Or help me change my mind about adoption? They want me to keep it, don't they?"

"Yeah. You can't blame them; they want to know their grandchild."

Kim sighed. "My parents are pretty much saying the same thing."

"And you know what's funny?" Jason met her eyes this time, and took a deep breath. "I kind of agree with them."

"Excuse me?" Kim exclaimed after a stunned moment. "I thought you were fine with my decision! You're the one who said you'd back me up, whatever I decided to do, and now you're-"

"I'm still backing you up," Jason said steadily, reaching to take the hands she had raised and lower them back to her lap. " But I have to be honest with you, Kim. I'm not crazy about the idea of adoption, but I'm not trying to tell you what to do. I'm just - offering you some other options, I guess."

"What are you saying?"

Any hesitation Jason had shown before was gone now. "Well, if you change your mind and want to keep the baby, you can live at my folks' house for as long as you need. They're fine with that. I'll help take care of you and the baby; be a real father and everything. And, also..." He paused, again looking both nervous and determined. "If we keep the baby... Maybe we should get married, Kim."

Kim's eyes widened. "What?"

Jason rushed on. "I don't want to only see the kid on weekends or something; I want to help raise him. Or her. The best way to do all that is to get married, right?"

For a moment Kim actually found herself considering it. Jason was a good guy; she probably wouldn't do much better for a husband than him. Tommy and Wyatt were both long gone. Why not? It would mean security. For the baby, as well as for herself.

But as she looked into Jason's face, Kim knew she had to say no, and why. "I'm sorry," she said softly. "But we don't love each other. As friends, sure, but we're not in love. Getting married would just be - well, it wouldn't feel right."

"But it would be practical. I want..."

"I don't want to get married just because it's practical." She tried to catch his eye as he looked away. "Or for security, or... or to be respectable. It wouldn't be fair to you either, Jason. You deserve someone who's in love with you." Kim tried a smile. "Thanks for the offer, really. And I'm sorry, I really am. Are we still good?"

Jason looked at her, seemed about to argue, and then sighed and took her hands again. "Sure. We're good."

"Wow, I didn't see that coming at all," Kim murmured. "Jason looks like he's really disappointed."

"Do you think she should have accepted his proposal?"

"No. She was right about that. They don't love each other the way you should to get married, and certainly not the way you should to raise a child." Kim crossed her arms. "Besides... 'Maybe we should get married'? That wasn't a very romantic proposal."

"These aren't the most romantic circumstances. I think Jason is very sweet." Shayla waved a hand. "But why linger here? Much more dramatic events are on the way."

It was over - at last. Kim clung to the thought as she walked off campus towards the apartment Tommy and Kat had shared until his departure for Anton Mercer's island, where she had moved in with Kat a few months ago. She had just finished her last final, and school was over. Normally she might have felt some sense of regret or loss at the end of her academic career, her college life, but all she felt at the moment was relief that the stress of studying and worrying about grades and papers and getting to class was over. Especially on a day like this, when her lower body seemed to weigh a couple of tons, it felt more like a kicking bowling ball inside her than a baby, the mild cramps her doctor assured her were harmless had become annoying and spread into a backache that refused to go away, and the late summer heat seemed intolerable even for this comparatively short walk.

The pregnancy would be over soon too, and that would be another relief. Kim had escaped many of the side-effects, suffering only mild morning sickness early on and no cravings at all, somewhat to her disappointment. But as it progressed the pressure on her stomach and bladder and the strain and awkwardness of the added weight of a belly that seemed to have grown to incredible proportions had become acutely uncomfortable. Less than three more weeks to put up with this, or that was what the doctor said.

Kim had lost credits due to her transfer from Florida to AGU and the trimester she'd missed at that time, enough to put her behind her friends despite a couple of summer sessions. Two additional summer courses gave her enough to graduate, and she had decided to go ahead with them despite her advanced pregnancy. Who knew when she'd have the free time again - but no, she was going to give up the baby, she'd have plenty of time. Kim frowned. Sometimes it was so hard to think logically about this. She'd finally contacted an adoption agency, forced herself to go to counseling sessions despite a dragging reluctance to face the realities of her decision, and declined to choose an adoptive family herself. Just have the baby, sign the papers, and it would be over and she could get on with her life.

She pressed a hand over her stomach as yet another cramp came and went, this one verging on outright painful. They had started the night before, probably the result of exam stress and a late night of studying. Then she'd made things worse with a midnight snack of cold pizza which had laid in her stomach like a pile of rocks. The exam, sitting in an overheated classroom for two hours without a break, certainly hadn't helped. For a moment she considered just taking a nap when she got home. But no, Jason and Kat would be waiting for her. It was a big day for Kat too; after spending the summer teaching at an Angel Grove dance academy she had finally found a job in Reefside and was making plans to join Tommy. Jason was taking them both out to dinner, to celebrate. Kim's stomach had been doing flip-flops all day and she'd only had appetite for a few bites of breakfast and lunch; she could use a good meal, if she could get it down. The pressure of school was off now, she could relax tonight and maybe the queasiness and general discomfort she was feeling would settle down.

With an effort, Kim climbed the steps up to the building walkway and her apartment door. It had been a practical arrangement for both of them for her to move in with Kat, since Tommy was gone and Tanya had graduated and moved out of the dorm, although Kim had felt uncomfortable at times at the knowledge that she was living in the same place where Tommy had lived - with Kat. Sighing with relief, she opened the door and stepped inside into the cooler air, not looking around until she had closed it behind her, dropped her bag on a nearby chair, and tried unsuccessfully to ease the dull pain in her lower back with a stretch. It was the soft murmur of voices that told her Kat and Jason were there, in the living room off the short hallway she was standing in. Kim started in that direction, wondering if they had heard her come in.

They were both standing, close together, Kat folded in the circle of Jason's arms, her blonde head bent against his shoulder and his dark one resting on it, both facing away. Kim stopped abruptly, rocked by a sharp pang of dismay. Jealousy? No, that was ridiculous. But Kat - she had taken Tommy, wasn't that enough? The resentful thought receded as Kim realized something was wrong. She heard a shaky breath, followed by a sob. Jason was saying something indistinct in a soothing tone, but his voice sounded shaken too. She caught the name 'Tommy'.

"What's wrong?" Kim asked, stepping into the living room.

Kat's face was blotchy and tearful as she turned. Jason looked pale. Neither answered her.

"What's wrong?" Kim repeated. "Is it Tommy? I heard..." She stopped at the stricken expression on Kat's face and the glance she exchanged with Jason. "Did something happen? Please tell me!"

"There was an accident on Dr. Mercer's island," Jason said finally. "An explosion. They don't know exactly what happened but it was pretty bad."

"Was Tommy there?" Kim felt breathless suddenly.

"Yes." Jason glanced at Kat again, then met Kim's eyes. "He's missing. They can't find him anywhere on the island. Some of the buildings are still on fire, and they're searching the wreckage for - searching, but..."

"But... oh my god, Tommy..."

"If anyone's a survivor, it's Tommy." Jason's words were hopeful, but the hard set of his mouth and the pinched look of his eyes said otherwise. Kat had turned her face away with another little sob. "Maybe he got out. He could be okay."

Kim swayed, suddenly lightheaded, and put out her hands in search of support that wasn't there.

"Kim, are you all right?" Kat asked, looking at her again.

"I'm... I'm..." Everything around her seemed to dim, as if something had cast a shadow over the room. Weakness gripped her and she could feel herself sinking, with no strength to stop it, no strength to even know what was happening.

"Catch her!" someone shouted.

Kim barely felt herself hit the floor as everything went blank and dark. She was dimly aware of hands grabbing her, arms lifting her against a strong body and lowering her onto a soft surface. Voices were talking in alarmed tones. But it was another cramp, sharper and more painful than before, that brought her back to awareness.

"Kim, are you okay?" Jason was asking anxiously as he bent over the couch where he had put her. Kat hovered behind his shoulder.

"I guess." Kim blinked and shook her head. "What happened?"

"You must have fainted," Kat said.

That brought it back. Tommy. Tears sprang into her eyes even as a sudden agitated movement from the baby followed by another sharp pain which she could no longer deny was a contraction made her clutch at her belly.

"What is it?" Jason asked, concern in his voice.

"After that fall, I think she should see a doctor," Kat said, a crease between her brows. She reached around Jason to press a hand on Kim's forehead. "Kim, how do you feel?"

"It hurts... the baby..." Kim looked up and saw them exchange another, almost panicked look as she said faintly, "I'm sorry, but I think I need to go to the hospital."

Kim lay quietly, propped against the pillows, her face turned to the window in the small hospital room where she was recovering. Daylight had brightened the sky, she didn't know how many hours ago. The blinds were open just enough for her to see the trees outside, branches swaying slightly in the breeze, and the occasional cloud scudding across her view. A movement drew her eyes down to where a tiny baby slept in her arms. Kim smiled, not without a pang. Despite her resolve not to see the baby, in the end she hadn't been able to resist. It would only be for a few more hours, maybe a day, she promised herself. Then at least she'd be able to remember her daughter's face.

They had told her the labor was unusually short for a first pregnancy, that the birth was quick and uncomplicated. Kim didn't believe it; for her it had been hours of pain and bright lights and people in white coats staring between her legs and telling her to push long after she had no strength left to push with. They had assured her that everything was fine despite her labor starting almost three weeks early, but she hadn't believed that either until she had heard the welcome sound of loud and insistent crying and seen the doctors and Jason smiling. It had been a joyful relief, but it also made everything suddenly so real and so final.

It was over and she should be happy. Instead she just felt empty. The baby would be gone as soon as she was discharged and could sign the adoption papers. And Tommy... would she ever see him again?

A soft knock on the door distracted her as the tears started again. Kim sniffled, wiped her eyes, and struggled to adjust herself and the baby again before calling, "Come in."

Jason leaned into the room and smiled tentatively when he saw her. "How are my girls?"

"This one is pooped. So is she, apparently," Kim said with a nod downward.

Jason came in and closed the door behind him. He pulled a chair close to the bed. "Kim, I have news."

"Tommy?" She felt dread - but no, Jason was grinning, his eyes were bright despite a sleepless night.

"Yeah, Tommy. He got out safely somehow. Must have jumped or been knocked into the ocean. He swam from the island all the way to the mainland. Passed out on the beach, and someone taking their dog for a run early this morning found him. He's still in the hospital, but he's going to be fine."

"Oh, thank God." Kim matched his grin. "I never knew he was such a good swimmer!"

"What a relief, huh?" Jason shifted his attention to his daughter, reaching a finger to stroke her cheek as he went on, "Kat's gone to the airport to fly to Reefside. She said to say she's sorry she had to leave without seeing the baby. And I talked to Tommy for just a minute and gave him the news. He's glad everything turned out okay."

"Yeah. Yeah, I guess it did." Looking at her child again only brought back the empty feeling. Involuntarily she tightened her grip a little.

"Kim..." Jason glanced at her quickly and then back at the baby. "Are you sure about this? About adoption?"

"I guess so." Kim realized too late how unsure that sounded.

"Because if you're not... I want to keep her, Kim. I've felt that way almost since you told me you were pregnant. And now," he smiled gently, "I took one look and fell in love with her. I know I promised not to try to push you into anything, but I want to keep her."

Kim only looked down, the urge to say that was what she wanted too so overwhelming that she couldn't speak. She'd promised herself she wouldn't let this happen; she wouldn't let her emotions take over.

"Give her to me and my parents," Jason was saying. "You can still pick the adoptive family, so pick us. They want her too. You can leave if you want, and go on with your life, and you'll know she's in good hands. You could see her any time you want. Or not. Or - or you could stay, and with me there, and my folks, to take care of the baby, it wouldn't be so difficult. You could have a job, go to graduate school, whatever."

"I don't know," Kim managed to say. "I don't know what to do."

Jason looked encouraged. "Will you think about it?"

"Yes. I'll think about it." She didn't look up from her daughter's little face.

"And..." Jason hesitated. "If you decide to keep her, and stay, would you think about marrying me?"

That brought Kim's eyes up to his. "Marry you? We talked about that before."

"We have a baby to consider now. And I do love you, Kim, and I think you love me too. Maybe it's not the romantic kind you want, but it's still love."

"I'm sorry, but it's not enough. What I want from marriage is - is the fireworks and silk sheets kind of love. Romance. Passion. I need to have that."

Jason leaned closer, hands clasped together. "Marriage should be about affection and respect and - and supporting each other, too. About family. We've been friends for a long time. We know each other so well, and we depend on each other. Think about it." Again he touched his sleeping daughter's cheek lightly. "Give it a chance, Kim. Give us a chance. Have faith in our friendship, and hope for the future."

"Faith, and hope," Kim echoed softly, also looking at the baby's face.

"So?" Kim exclaimed as the scene wavered and faded into grey mist, and was not replaced. "What's going to happen? Will she keep the baby? Will she marry Jason?"

"So curious about a relationship you thought was nothing but a mistake," Shayla said with a smug expression.

"Yeah, well, I still want to know what happens."

"All right. Yes, to both questions. Do you want to see the problems any marriage in such circumstances would face? The financial difficulties, arguments, trouble with the in-laws, the struggle to be independent and move into their own home, searching for jobs, the setbacks, the start of Jason's career in politics and all the sacrifices for both of them to make that happen..." Shayla waved a hand as dim scenes of angry, unhappy, or worried faces flashed by too quickly to follow, with the echoes of raised voices and a baby crying. "Or maybe the happy moments? Plenty of those, too." A dizzying series of images whirled around them, many of a little girl sitting in front of a birthday cake that acquired more candles with each change of scene, surrounded by Kim, Jason, and sometimes his parents, sometimes one of hers. Then she was a not-so-little girl, and finally a young woman. "But you want to know how everything turns out. Maybe we should just cut to an event I think you'll find interesting."

"Just one more, Mom! Right there, looking at each other. Put your arm around her, Dad. Oh, that's nice." The camera snapped. "And now, why don't you come away from the tables and pretend like you're dancing..."

"Faith Hope Scott, you've already taken a few dozen pictures. I think that's enough for now," Kim exclaimed, laughing. "Don't you think so, Jason?"

"Considering we're going to have to pose for the newspaper and magazine photographers, not to mention the TV cameras, I definitely think so," her husband agreed with a grin. He stepped forward and dropped a kiss on Faith's cheek. "Sorry, honey."

"No problem, I'll get more during the party." Faith grinned back. It was her smile that most resembled Jason, Kim reflected, not for the first time. That and her very dark hair and eyes. The nose and petite build were all Kim, along with a fair amount of gymnastic talent. She liked to think their daughter's kind heart, quick mind, and outgoing personality came from both of them.

"I want plenty of pics," Faith went on. "It's a double occasion, after all. Not every day you guys have an anniversary! And of course, Dad being inaugurated is pretty cool too. Right, Mr. Governor?"

"Pretty cool." Jason chuckled.

"And as my first anniversary present to you..." Faith led them to one of the buffet tables and with a flourish lifted a large cake cover to reveal an elaborately decorated three-tier cake, iced in white with small pink rosettes. The words 'Happy 25th Anniversary' were spelled out on the top layer. "Have to admit I didn't bake it myself, but I designed the decorations."

"It's beautiful, honey," Kim said, hugging her daughter. "Thank you so much."

"It really is beautiful," Kim said to Jason more softly after Faith had trotted off on her self-appointed rounds as unofficial party hostess. "But I kind of wish she hadn't put which anniversary it is right on the cake."

"It's public knowledge when we got married and when Faith was born." Jason squeezed her shoulder. "The press never made much of it; no reason they'd say anything now."

"Still, I don't like the reminder. At least Faith doesn't know all the messy details."

"Our daughter is pretty smart; I'll bet she's guessed most of it."

"But not all." Not the fact that she'd almost been given up for adoption. Not Kim's struggles with that decision, not the constant worries about money in the early years, the guilt at asking Jason's parents to do so much, the doubts and what-ifs and the nights of tears shed in silence so she wouldn't wake Jason or the baby. Most of all, not the fact that they had married only because of Faith, although the marriage had grown well beyond parenthood.

Maybe sensing the direction of her thoughts, Jason took her hand. "Come on, our public awaits. We have to spend some time mingling. I wonder if the others are here yet?"

"Right - can't wait to see the gang again!"

They left the kitchen of the sizable house just outside Sacramento they had chosen to live in during the term Jason had so recently won as Governor of California and walked out to the vast and beautiful back lawn where the party was being held. Almost immediately Kim spotted Tommy's tall form in a group around the piano Faith had had set up on the patio at the back of the house, near the outdoor bar, Kat standing next to him. Kim half expected the old familiar twinge of jealousy, but felt no more than an idle moment of wondering what it might be like to be the woman at his side. There was Rocky with the latest in his series of girlfriends, and Adam, and Tanya. Her eyes scanned the crowd, hesitating on a face that seemed hauntingly familiar, but a moment later she lost sight of him. It couldn't be, anyway; what would he be doing here?

"Look, Billy made it!" Jason said, nudging her and pointing. Sure enough, she recognized her old friend near the others, deep in conversation with a brunette who matched the pictures she'd seen over the years of him with his wife. She was a mathematician, Kim remembered, almost as brilliant as Billy.

"Look who's at the piano!" she replied, smiling as she watched Skull play a few notes before saying something that made Tanya laugh. Skull had made a modest but successful career out of his music both alone and in a succession of bands, and they had been happy to fly him out to do a little light entertaining along with simply being at the party. "Let's go say hello."

"In a minute." Jason was looking upwards. Kim looked up too, just in time to catch the flash and sparkling trails of the beginning of the fireworks that had been arranged to kick off the evening, followed by banging explosions that made her cover her ears even as she laughed with delight at the bursts of light and color overhead.

"After this - don't say I never gave you fireworks," Jason said between explosions after a few minutes. He grinned down at her.

"No, I can't say that." She considered him with a smile, and thought of silk sheets with only the smallest twinge of regret.

"They seem happy," Shayla said in a neutral tone.

"Yes, they do. And they have a wonderful daughter," Kim said, watching as Faith appeared from the crowd and joined her parents. She frowned slightly. "You know, she looks a lot like Astrid, from the last - whatever it was, when I was with Billy."

"It's not surprising. They have the same mother."

"Yeah, but it's more than that. They don't look exactly alike, but somehow they seem the same." Kim's frown deepened. "I can't put my finger on it."

"Some people are meant to be," Shayla said enigmatically. "What did you think of this future?"

"Well... things turned out okay, but..." Kim waved a hand at her other self. "I agree with what she said before. I want the fireworks and silk sheets kind of love. What she has with Jason is great, but I want more. I want all that passion and romance she was talking about."

"Very well," Shayla said. "You want passion, let's see some passion! And off we go!" She gestured, the California evening lit by fireworks faded, and was replaced by the light of a sunny winter morning. They were standing on the sidewalk outside the Juice Bar again, watching a terribly familiar petite young woman approach.

"Oh no," Kim gasped. "Not again!"

To be continued...