The flying vase smashed against the wall and glass tinkled everywhere. Luckily, Harry had ducked so the vase didn't smash on his head, the way it was supposed to. "Hermione, calm down!" Harry yelled as he crawled across the floor, avoiding more objects thrown at him by Hermione.

"CALM DOWN? ARE YOU INSANE? YOU TELL ME I'M SUPPOSED TO MARRY DRACO MALFOY AND YOU EXPECT ME TO CALM DOWN?!?!"

"I tried to change their minds, but they insisted you would be the best choice, considering how you hate each other, you and he getting married would unite purebloods and muggle-borns."

"I. AM. NOT. MARRYING. DRACO. MALFOY."

"The ministry decided it, Hermione. Their word is law. You don't have a choice."

Hermione sank to the floor. Married to Malfoy. Could life get any worse? Sure, she was allowed to divorce him after a year, but she still had to take his name, move into the manor, and even use public displays of affection to make people believe they were happily married. A year. A year of being Malfoy's wife.

Crap.

The next day at the ministry, Hermione headed to the courtroom to discuss terms of the marriage. She settled in a chair, she had Harry on one side of her, but the other chair was empty.

The minister looked over his glasses. "No Mr. Malfoy?"

Harry looked nervous. "I'm sure he'll be here soon."

At that moment, the door burst open, and an agitated Draco Malfoy walked in. He sat next to Hermione. "Let's get this over with." He said. The minister fumbled through his papers, and Malfoy rolled his eyes. "Ah, here we go," The minister said, adjusting his glasses. "Terms of the marriage: You must remain married for at least a year before divorcing."

Hermione and Malfoy nodded reluctantly.

"Whilst in the marriage, you must remain faithful to each other."

Hermione nodded, but Malfoy was outraged. "You CAN'T expect me to have no sex for a year whilst I'm married to HER!"

"Calm down, Mr. Malfoy. I was getting to that."

Malfoy sat back down. "You must conceive at least one child within the first year of your marriage."

Now it was Hermione's turn to be outraged. "NO WAY! I'm not carrying HIS demon spawn!"

"Miss Granger, if you'll let me finish. A child must be conceived, and in the event of divorce, one of you must give up all custodial rights."

"I'll have all the custodial rights. I'm not letting my child be a goody-two-shoes Gryffindor." Malfoy said.

"You forget the child will have half my DNA, and I refuse to let my child be a smarmy Slytherin degenerate!"

"How about you each get half of the custodial rights in the event of divorce?" The minister suggested.

"Fine."

"Fine."

"Excellent. Now on to – ahem- sexual relations."

Malfoy and Hermione grimaced.

"You must have intercourse at least once a month, on Miss Granger's –if you'll excuse my abruptness- ovulation, if you ever hope to conceive a child. But, understandably, everyone has certain.... needs that must be fulfilled. So, how often will the two of you be having... intercourse?"

"Once a month, when we're trying to conceive." Said Hermione.

"At least once a day."

Hermione turned to Malfoy. "What?"

"Come on, Granger. I have to remain faithful, and I have to have sex, and the only person I can do that with is you. Despite how much I loathe you."

"I'm not shagging you every day."

"How about once a week?" The minister suggested. "More times if you wish."

"I can deal with that."

"I don't want to, but I suppose I have no choice."

"Excellent. Miss Granger, you are aware you must take Mr. Malfoy's name and live with him?"

"Yes."

"And you must convince everyone you're happily married?"

"Yes."

"Well then, that's everything sorted. I'll see you at your wedding tomorrow."

But, before the minister could leave, Malfoy stormed out the door first.

"I still can't believe I have to do this. I always thought I'd marry someone I loved. Or at least liked." Hermione was stood outside the doorway to the chapel in her wedding outfit. She didn't see the point of buying a wedding dress for this one occasion, so she was wearing a white sleeveless cocktail dress with matching heels and she was carrying a small bouquet of tulips. She was waiting for her cue to enter. Harry poked his head round the door, and then nodded to Hermione. "Its time." He said. Hermione sighed, then opened the door and walked down the aisle. The traditional wedding march was playing and she stopped and made a slashing motion with her hand at the organ player. "We'll have none of that. This isn't a marriage of love."

The music stopped and Hermione half-marched down the aisle. "Let's get this done with." She said, not even glancing at her fiancée.

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here in the sight of God..." The vicar began.

Hermione glanced at the clock.

"...And we will now join them in the unbreakable vow. Though if they wish to part ways after the first year has passed, the vow is void."

Hermione and Malfoy turned to each other and grasped each other's forearms, as the priest recited the unbreakable vow. They both agreed to be faithful and convince others of their wedded bliss.

"I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride."

"No!" Hermione and Malfoy said in unison.

"It's necessary to complete the vow."

Malfoy groaned, shut his eyes and quickly kissed Hermione. They both wiped their mouths afterwards. "Come on." Malfoy said and grabbed Hermione's arm. Then he apparated them both away.

They appeared in what Hermione assumed to be Malfoy Manor. "I've set the wards and floo network to accept you." Malfoy said. "Unfortunately, we have to share a bed. The house elves will show you around." And He turned and walked off down the hall.

"Charming git." Hermione muttered.

"Me, madam?"

Hermione squeaked in shock, and turned to the voice that had spoken. It was a house elf.

"I'm Selah, madam. Selah apologises for startling you."

"That's all right, Selah. My things have been moved here?"

"Yes, Madam Malfoy."

Hermione winced at her new name. "Can you show me where they are?"

"They're in Master Malfoy's room. Madam Malfoy is to share her new husband's bedroom now."

"Can you take me there? I want to unpack."

"The house elves have already unpacked, Madam Malfoy."

"Oh. Well, thank you. Please, call me Hermione."

"Yes, Madam Hermione."

"No, just Hermione."

"We must use madam and master; it is a mark of our subservience."

Hermione became outraged. "Let me guess, Malfoy told you to do that."

Selah blinked. "No, madam. We house elves choose to."

"How much are you paid, Selah?"

"I'm not paid, madam. None of us are."

"Malfoy has plenty of money to throw around, yet apparently not enough to give to his servants."

"Oh no, madam! We insist upon not being paid. When Master Lucius died, Master Draco set us all free."

"He did?"

"Yes, but we chose to stay. We knew Master Draco wouldn't beat us. He offered us a wage, but we chose not to take it. We are happy to serve."

They'd reached the bedroom Hermione would be sharing with Malfoy. "Here we are, Madam" Selah gestured. "We've set out your toiletries in the ensuite bathroom, and placed your clothes in the wardrobe and drawers."

"Thank you."

"'Tis no trouble. If that is all madam requires, Selah will be heading back to the kitchens now."

"No, I can handle it from here."

Selah bobbed her head and left the room.

Hermione walked over to the large wardrobe and opened it. "What the-" she exclaimed. The wardrobe had some of her clothes in, but most of it was rich garments she couldn't afford even if she took five jobs!

"I took the liberty of getting you new clothes."

Hermione squeaked in shock and whirled around. Malfoy was leaning against the door frame. He arched an eyebrow in amusement.

"Where are all of the clothes I brought with me?"

"In the attic. You can have them back when we're divorced."

"Why can't I have my clothes?"

"You're a Malfoy wife now, and Malfoy wives don't wear T-shirts and jeans."

"So what casual clothes am I supposed to wear?"

"There are some more casual skirts and pants in there. Now hurry up and get changed, dinner's in fifteen minutes." He stalked off down the corridor.

Hermione flipped through some of the dresses in the wardrobe, and pulled one out. It was pale blue silk with simple straps and a skirt that fluttered outwards slightly and ended at her ankles. She pulled it on, and placed the matching shoes on her feet. She twisted her hair up into an elegant bun and secured it with a few diamond topped pins. She checked her make up in the mirror, and then descended downstairs. She worried over where the dining room was, but a house elf popped up and guided her there.

Malfoy was sat at the end of a long polished table, and he gave Hermione an appraising look as the house elf pulled out her chair and she sat down.

"You clean up well." He said simply, and dug into his food.

Hermione followed suit, as she was absolutely starving. When they'd finished, the house elves cleared their plates away. Malfoy stood and held out his hand towards Hermione. She took it uncertainly, and he towed her out of the dining room.

"Where are we going?" she asked.

He pulled her into the main hallway and gestured to each door in turn. "Dining room, sitting room, ballroom, study, library-"

"You have a library?" Hermione's interest had perked up.

"Should've known you'd want to see that." He shoved her towards a door, and disappeared through another one.

Hermione stepped through the door and gasped. There were more books than the Hogwarts library. It was like a labyrinth of floor to ceiling shelves. There were a few tables and arm chairs scattered around, but Hermione walked along the shelves, trailing her fingers over the books lovingly. There were so many shelves; there were little placards on the side of each one, just like a public library. There was even a muggle books section, which surprised Hermione no end. She selected Jane Eyre, one of her favourites, and walked over to a nearby armchair. She settled in for some quiet reading.

A few hours later, she yawned and had to admit it was time for bed. She placed her book back on its shelf and exited the library, reminding herself to return tomorrow. She drifted up the stairs into her shared bedroom. She opened a few drawers until she found the one containing night clothes. She cussed when she couldn't find her favourite pyjamas, and could only presume they'd been stashed in the attic. The drawer was filled with skimpy nightdresses. She opted for a white negligee which was still a lot raunchier than she would've liked. She reached behind her to unzip her dress and tugged unsuccessfully.

"Need a hand?"

Hermione whipped her head round and gasped in surprise. Malfoy was leaning against the door frame again.

"Will you stop doing that!" she snapped.

Malfoy rolled his eyes and walked over to her. "Do you need help unzipping your dress?" he asked.

"No, I've got it." Hermione tugged on the zip again, and it stayed in place. Malfoy sighed and unzipped it in one swift movement. Hermione backed away from him quickly. "Thanks." She muttered.

Malfoy tugged off his shirt, and Hermione quickly backed into the bathroom to change before she could look too closely at his well-defined chest.

When she re-entered the bedroom, Malfoy was just climbing into the bed. He wasn't wearing anything but some faded blue pyjama bottoms, and Hermione had to tear her gaze away from his chest again. She looked at his face instead, and it was frozen in shock, eyes wide and mouth partially open. "What?" she asked, tugging on the negligee's hem. He shook his head and swallowed. They both climbed into the bed, and Malfoy flicked his wand and the lights went out.

Hermione's eyes fluttered open, and she wondered why her pillow felt hard. She looked down and found a pair of muscular arms wrapped around her torso, and a leg draped over hers. She had her head against Malfoy's chest, and was equally cosied up to him. She attempted to disentangle herself as gently as she could, but Malfoy mumbled in his sleep and pulled her tighter against him. His eyes flickered and Hermione quickly pretended to be asleep. She heard him swear under his breath and he quickly loosened his arms and took his leg back. Hermione felt a pang of regret at the loss of his body from being wrapped around hers. She quickly drifted back into her fake slumber and waited until she heard the click of the bathroom door before she opened her eyes.

She stretched and was about to get out of bed when the bathroom door opened and Malfoy came out. His eyes went straight to her chest and stayed there for a few moments until he looked away and cleared his throat. Hermione looked down and flushed when she saw that her negligee had slipped down during the night, exposing an embarrassing amount of her chest. She quickly tugged it back up and glared at Malfoy. "It's your fault for getting me this skimpy little things." She said.

"I'm not having my wife in ragged old pyjamas."

"You could at least have gotten me a long nightdress that didn't expose parts of me I'd rather keep hidden. And what did you just call me?"

"I said you're my wife. What's the problem? It is what you are."

"Unfortunately. And I assumed you'd rather die than admit we're married. At least, you'd die if you said it when it's just us, rather than in public where you'd have to."

"Well, as unfortunate as us being married may be, I'm going to have to come to terms with it sooner or later."

Hermione slid off the edge of the bed, brushing her hand against the night stand as she did. She accidently knocked her wand off and bent to pick it up. She heard Malfoy groan, and she glanced towards him. He was facing the wall. She glanced down at herself, but now she was stood, she didn't think she looked too indecent. "Malfoy? Are you all right?"

"I'm fine." He said, but it sounded like he was forcing it out. He banged into the bathroom, still without facing her, and slammed the door.

"Well, someone's not a morning person." Hermione muttered.

Draco's POV

Draco leant against the bathroom door and slid down slowly until he was slumped on the floor. "How the HELL did that happen?" he whispered. He thought back to a few moments ago. Hermione had bent over to retrieve her wand, causing most of her backside and a delicious amount of cleavage to be on display to him. He'd had to turn away quickly to hide his 'excitement' from her and clamp his lips together to stop himself from groaning. Unfortunately, one had slipped through, alerting Hermione somewhat to his predicament. "I really hope she has no idea why I was so frustrated." He said under his breath. "Oh, Merlin. I'm actually attracted to my wife!"