Authors Note: This story spiralled out from the title. I wanted to show Edward's feelings after returning from Italy, but I wanted Carlisle and Esme's reactions to be in more detail. I think it would have affected them a lot more than the book made out.

Many thanks to Thats-So-Alex for her Beta-ing! I send her so much and she reads it always.

Okay, so this story is set just after Edward drops Bella off at home. It is before she wakes in the morning, and he convinces her it is not a dream, and it is before the vote. Just so you know ;)

Of course, I do not own Twilight; Stephenie Meyer does.

Happy Reading:

I was running to the house I hadn't called home in so long. It seemed familiar yet strange at the same time. I needed to continue my journey home, to my siblings, Carlisle and Esme, my wonderful parents.

But as I ran, Charlie's words echoed in my mind, demanding me to stay away from his daughter and to never set foot through his door again. I'd seen what Bella had been like – only minutes, even seconds after I'd been standing in the Swan household taking Bella to bed, and in that ridiculously small amount of time, I'd already seen and heard the amount of trouble I'd caused, the enormity of hurt I'd done, and the amount of damage that was unfixable.

Rosalie had driven home, typically un-thoughtful Rosalie. Charlie hadn't even noticed how strange it was for me to walk home in the dark alone. He didn't care either, probably hoping I got hit by a car, or mugged. I deserved it. I'd let it hit me if I knew it would hurt me – of course it wouldn't, only the passengers.

I slowed my pace, just for a second. I needed a minute to think properly, without the adrenaline of running pumping through my bloodless veins, and the energy it created.

It was all because of Bella.

It was amazing how well I felt, but so awful at the same time. I felt alive, happy and well because I'd seen Bella, smelt her hair, inhaled her scent, looked into her eyes, and kissed her soft, warm skin. Yet, I felt dead, hateful and evil because I'd caused her so much misery. The eyes I'd looked into had showed disbelief and pain. Her scent was tinted with misery, slowing diluting its way into mild happiness.

I was happy to be back but I regretted that I'd ever left in the first place.

The lights to my home were switched on. I hurried inside because I so desperately wanted to be back beside Bella, watching her sleep and breathe, waiting for her to wake. I could not control the curving of my lips as I thought about her smile, her eyes… just her.

I noticed that the house was currently vacated, all except Carlisle and Esme who sat on the sofa in a very pristine manner, and then I heard their minds.

They wanted to talk.

Honestly, when I'd decided to go to the Volturi, I had not been thinking. Bella was my life, and in my head, Bella was dead. What was the reason for existing if she was not living? None.

"Son," Carlisle greeted me with a small, forced smile. "Your mother and I feel we need to talk." He said, and Esme looked at me with a frightened look on her face.

Her thoughts were running over the same thing, over and over again. It made me heart ache and my muscles tense.

I lost a child before and I almost lost another. I can't believe I almost lost a second son.

Closing my eyes to try and ignore the painful words, I noticed her thoughts suddenly change as she thought the alphabet backwards – she was sparing me the pain I deserved.

"Edward, sit down please." Carlisle requested and I sat in the couch perpendicular to the one they were sitting on. I looked around and was amazed by the preservation of this house. It was clean and undamaged. It was a shame the people inside had been hurt so badly.

"Esme and I need to talk to you, son." He repeated and I nodded in verification, waiting for him to continue, despite the fact the thing I wanted most was to curl up beside Bella. Conscious of the time I was spending away from my beloved, I sighed, waiting until the time I could return to her.

"That was a very immature thing you did, Edward." Carlisle began but cut himself off. He did not know what or how to say the things he most wanted, the way to word them correctly. They treated me the way a normal person treated their suicidal son; fragile and breakable.

I wondered if that's how Bella felt all the time, curious to see into the mind which, to me, was nothing more than a blank sheet of paper. Everyone was so careful around her, except Rosalie who treated her with as much bitterness as she did everyone else. It's not as if I could change my ways; I could kill her if I didn't treat her like a treasured piece of priceless china.

"Edward, okay. I understand why you felt you had to go to the Volturi to do what you did, but I cannot accept behaviour like that. Not only did you scare me and Esme horrifically, but you almost made an irreversible mistake with your hasty actions." I could not look into his painful eyes. I think it was true to say that I had not seen Esme or Carlisle the way they were tonight; frightful and worried to the extent that they were. Before, we'd never had such experiences.

"Darling, we were extremely worried about you." Esme muttered when Carlisle failed to say any more, overwhelmed by the grief that he'd been prepared to feel. "I understand that you were in pain because you thought Bella was dead, but, honey, you are my son and the very thought of you being… killed. Edward…" Her voice trailed off, cracking as a lump blocked her throat, trapping her vocal cords. The emotion in her voice… I'd never heard it before. This was only a fraction of the treatment I deserved.

"Edward, I need to ask something of you." Carlisle whispered. I saw in his mind what he was going to ask but I blocked my mind from his, not wanting to think about the possibility that had appeared in his mind.

"Edward, if ever something happens to Bella in the future, you must promise me that you will think about your decisions – you must not run off to the Volturi, promise me." Carlisle instructed but the answer I gave was the one he didn't want to hear.

"I'm sorry; Carlisle, but I cannot make that promise." I said, and shivered from the spine gripping chill that ran down my back, totally controlled by my overpowering emotions.

"Edward!" Carlisle exclaimed. "Surely! You are unwilling to turn Bella, so she will, inevitably, die at some point. I cannot allow you to commit suicide!"

"Carlisle, please listen to me." I said calmly, quietly, a complete contrast to the rocketing anger that was bursting inside of me. "I cannot live without Bella – that much is simple and as obvious as the fact that I am a vampire. I can, however, promise my decision not to be hasty. I hope I have an extremely long time to think about it, and when the time comes round, I know the decision I will make."

Esme stared at me with her large golden eyes that shone with disappointment. Her lips were pursed together to stop the words she wanted to say from spilling out of her mouth, causing any mistakes she could not take back.

"Esme, please, you cannot say that you do not understand how I feel…You did something extremely similar when you lost your son." I pleaded with their understanding, trying to make her see.

She opened her mouth to protest but closed it, instead, answering with her thoughts.

Edward, I'm sorry to say this, but you will never be fortunate enough to have a child. You will never know the everlasting pain and grief at having lost a child. Losing a lover will never be equal to the loss of a child.

I did not know why Esme chose to speak in her thoughts instead of aloud, but I respected her wishes and shook my head in protest. A child, I would love to be a father, but I doubted that there could be a greater pain than losing Bella. Losing Bella was like losing my own self, my sanity, everything.

"You have a family here, Edward, who are willing to assist you with anything you may ever need." Carlisle smiled kindly, but it was a lie.

"Carlisle, forgive me, but you have just contradicted yourself." I began and his puzzled look encouraged me to explain. "You ask me not to go to the Volturi if anything happens, yet you assure me my family will be waiting to assist me with anything I may need." I paused as he analysed my words.

Finally, he understood what I was saying. "The only thing I will ever need if Bella is not around anymore is Bella herself or death, so I can meet her in another in heaven – that is if I am ever so lucky as to end up in heaven with her."

"You know what I mean, Edward." Carlisle said sternly. "I am fully aware that you are adult enough to make your own decisions, and I am in no position to make them for you." He paused and I saw a look of impatience cross his face. "But if you are making adult decisions, Edward, then you need to act like the mature man I treat you as. You have a family that love you – do not act selfishly and think they will not be impacted by your death. You are my son, and I love you like my own."

"But, Carlisle, I did think about my family for a moment. Maybe you are right, I should have considered them more carefully, but even then my decision would have been the same." I tried to make him see sense, but Carlisle was acting particularly out of character and not seeing my point of view. His thoughts were as kind as they could be, and extremely hurt. He was simply being the spokesperson who told me the rest of the family's feelings. If I were to die, I would be tragically missed.

"This decision that you have already made…" He asked, running his tongue along the inside of his mouth and closing his eyes for a moment. "You seem set upon it. How long have you known that this would be the path you would take?"

Whenever Carlisle had spoken to me before, he had talked with a level of authority and a level of mutual respect. Now, I was beginning to see the true father figure that we'd so often called him. The motions, previously, were correct; all that had been missing was the intense relationship of a father and son, purely because we had not had such a traumatic time that would bring family closer together. That gap was now full.

My mind contemplated the question he had asked. How long had I been sure of suicide?

I thought back to when Bella and I first fell in love. I knew then I would not change her, yet could not live without her, but right then, right there, death did not cross my mind. At least not my death – I was concentrating too hard on keeping Bella alive and blood flowing through her veins to think too far into the future.

That is why leaving her, in my eyes, would prolong both of our deaths. Without the presence of a vampire, her life would be long and hopefully happy. As it turns out, it was neither. Her life was nearly cut short because of her insane, idiotic behaviour that Bella had adopted and that was because she needed to add excitement to her depressive lifestyle. I shuddered at the bitter reminder of my everlasting mistake, and I remembered Charlie's memories of Bella in her fragile state.

But I'd forgotten a vital part of our history – when James had attacked her, almost turning her. I had watched as the doctors fumbled carelessly with the medicines she needed to live, and her heart beat falter at various times. In all honesty, it was then I'd thought about it. It was then that I knew if Bella was to die, then I would too, for I simply could not live if she did not.

"Edward?" Carlisle asked his eyes narrowed as if to protect them from the shards of glass I would throw his way when I gave my answer.

"Since James." I muttered quietly. Esme let out a small gasp of horror and disbelief. Carlisle did not seem shocked by my answer, nodding his head slightly.

"Excuse me." He pardoned himself, standing and making his way upstairs with quick yet jagged movements. Sighing heavily, Esme moved from the sofa she was sitting on to my own. The distance she allowed between us was appropriate, and her eyes asked permission for her to edge closer.

"Edward," She said with a forced smile. "You just worried us."

Very carefully, she moved her hand to my own hand and squeezed gently. It was rare that I made physical contact with my family – Alice often due to her hyperactive nature and desire for hugs – and I realised how hurt Esme was. "Carlisle is struggling, I think, to come to terms with the fact that he nearly lost you. You are our first born." She smiled, the joke turning her words into something of humour rather than sadness that had been in them moments before. It was ironic that I had been changed before my mother - for so many years it had been Carlisle, Esme and me.

"I'm sorry." I apologised, smiling as best I could. "I didn't mean to hurt any of you, but… I just… Bella..." I stuttered and Esme nodded with understanding.

"Shhh, you're my son and I want you to be happy." She soothed. "I want you to be living too, but your happiness is the most important thing." Somewhere deep in her words, she was telling me that it didn't matter the choices I made as long as they made me happy. I felt oddly soothed by the words that she forced to come out of her mouth.

"Thank you." I smiled. Before I knew it, she pulled me into a hug, kissing my cheek with her soft lips and squeezing me tightly exactly the way a mother would. Her grip around my arms lingered but eventually she pulled away with a reluctant smile on her face.

"You don't have to worry yet. Bella will live a long life, maybe eighty, ninety years. Let's enjoy them, and then I'll figure something out. Distance myself before hand if it makes it any easier on you."

Esme's face was full of shock and dismay as her eyes widened and her mouth opened to form a small 'o'.

"Edward, whatever you decide, I do not want you to distance yourself from us, you hear?" She forced firmly. I nodded.

I glanced at my watch, and realised the last time I'd looked at it was when I was timing my announcement into the midday sun in Italy.

"Bella." Esme guessed with a small smile. "Go and see her. I'll be here when you get back." She said with a final squeeze of my hand. "I love you, Edward." She whispered as I stood, and I turned to look at her mothering smile.

"I love you too, Mom." I said, returning the smile that radiated off her as I called her 'mom'.

With one last look, I took off out of the house and made my way to Bella where I could smother her in kisses, apologies and give her everything I could to try and fix the damage I'd done.

What did you think? Your thoughts and comments would be very much appreciated. Please review!

I hope you enjoyed it. I really loved writing it. It was great to write something focusing on Edward, Esme and Carlisle without the interference of the other family members.

Thanks for reading, and don't forget that little green button!

xx