MY PEOPLE ! Haha , yes . I am back . For those of you who missed me . *gives death glares* You all DID miss me right ? Good, I thought so ! Haha , anyway , this chapter is short , forgive me . And it`s very dark and depressing . Which was hard for me to right . I`m not the depressed type . I`m pretty bubbly if I must say so myself . So I`m sorry for all of you dark people who felt it wasn`t dark enough . Bleh . Shove it up there , ohkay ? Haha , kiddn . . . to an extent. But anyway , love this story . Eat it . Breathe it . No , kiddn. Just read and COMMENT ! Thanks bee - yotches ! Muah !

Kacey (p.s. the song is Rihanna - Stupid in Love . . . listening to it while reading will give the better effect)

Disclaimer : I don`t own the boondocks. :)

It's been two weeks.

Two weeks since I walked away. Two weeks since I told him I couldn't do this anymore. Us anymore. He broke down in front of me. Telling me I had no integrity, no heart to just up and leave him. But with every insult he spit, it made me pack my bags faster, move harder, think quicker. I couldn't take what was healthy for me anymore. I was done. I just needed to learn how to let go. Yet why did it hurt so badly?

Let me tell you something
Never have I ever
Been a size 10
In my whole life
I left the engine running
I just came to see
What you would do if I
Gave you a chance
To make things right

I never wanted us to end. I didn't want to walk away from what I had spent half of my life building. From living across the street from each other, to graduating from high school together, to just simply being in love. Where had it all gone? What did I miss in the handbook? Had I overlooked everything? Maybe Huey was right when he said someday my naïve character would catch up with me.

So I made it
Even though Katy
Told me this would be nothing
But a waste of time
And she was right

I cried. Hard. Long hours were spent in the corner curled up like a child. I was lost without Huey. I was lost. But I wasn't dumb. I wasn't blind to what he had been doing to me. I may have been stupid, but I wasn't stupid in love.

Don't understand it
Blood on your hands
And still you insist
On repeatedly trying
To tell me lies
And I just don't know why

I spent so much energy drained, waiting for his answer. I asked him about marriage 3 months ago. He laughed in my face, saying marriage was for people who wanted to sell their souls. He couldn't see the bonding and the tie two people gave to each other when they were in love. He was so oblivious to everything around him. I couldn't reach him if I tried. I just gave up on love. I gave up on him. I gave up on us.

This is stupid
I'm not stupid
Don't talk to me
Like I'm stupid
I still love you
But I just can't do this
I may be dumb but
I'm not stupid

My mother and I went to dinner last night. She was so disappointed I had allowed myself to get so low. I was disappointed to let her see me that way. My eyes were red, my face was pale, I had lost my appetite. I was hiding out from the world. Shielding myself from hurt, the truth, deception. When I secretly knew it would be bound to catch up with me soon. I was afraid. I was cold. And I was hurting.

My new nickname
Is you idiot
(Such an idiot)
That's what my friends
Are calling me when
They see me yelling
Into my
Phone

Cindy told me I was stupid. I knew she was right. It started one year after Huey and I moved into our apartment. He became angry. He hit me, tossed me around. Yet I stayed. Every night I cried, yet every morning I awoke with a smile on my face. I was happy, right? I had a boyfriend that loved me, even if he couldn't show me in the best way possible. I had a life, a good life. I could have been dead or waking up alone. But I wasn't. I was happy. I knew it. Yet when Huey found out about our child, he lost it. He blew up on me. He hit me, and that night I miscarried.

They telling me let go
He is not the one
I thought I saw your potential
Guess that's what made me dumb
He don't want it
Not like you want it
Scheming and cheating
Oh girl, why do you
Waste your time
You know he ain't right

I hadn't been the same since that incident. I thought a pregnancy would bring us closer together. I thought it would help us to become whole again. I thought it would stop the bruises, the nosebleeds, the loud screams. But it didn't. It only made them worse, made him angrier. He became more distant, calling me a slut, whore, skank. Saying the baby wasn't his. Unlike him, I stayed faithful. No matter how hard it was.

Telling me this
I don't wanna listen
But you insist
On repeatedly trying
To tell me lies
And I just don't know why

My coworkers caught the bruises, but I made up excuse after excuse to save his sorry ass. I should have stopped, should have known better. It wasn't healthy. Nothing about our relationship was healthy. We couldn't even talk to each other without screaming or throwing something. I wanted this to go well. I wanted to marry him, to call him my husband. I just wanted us. Oh no, not the tears. Please, just not now.

This is stupid
I'm not stupid
Don't talk to me
Like I'm stupid
I still love you
But I just can't do this
I may be dumb but
I'm not stupid

How many days would it be before the scars healed? Before the tears stopped forming whenever I said his name. When I could stop feeling so disgusting? I was a disgrace. I was a misfit. I didn't belong here. No one deserved to have to look at me and continuously feel sorry for my mistakes. I should have known, should have take care of myself on my own. I'm a big girl. I can dry my own tears, fight my own battles. But why was I still losing?

Trying to make this work
But you act like a jerk
Silly of me to keep
Holding on
But the dunce cap is off
You don't know what you lost
And you won't realize
Till I'm gone, gone, gone
That I was the one
Which one of us
Is really done

I say these words to protect myself from future damage. From later obstacles. From him. I don't want to be another victim, living in fear that he would come after me. I just wanted to be free. And I knew the only way to do that. No matter how painful, I had to release the emotions, the fear, the hurt.

Ooh
No
No
No no
I'm not stupid in love

'Jazmine, you're not stupid. Don't let what one person has done to you determine the way you live your life. Someone needs you. He needs you. He just doesn't know it yet.'

This is stupid
I'm not stupid
Don't talk to me
Like I'm stupid
I still love you
But I just can't do this
I may be dumb but
I'm not stupid

I can cry, I can scream, I can yell. But I can't keep putting on this face of love when I only feel hatred. I can't keep feeling this way, this life is getting too hard. I need to move forward. Yet to move forward, there is only one way out. I have to get out. To show him that I'm smarter than what I lead to believe. I may have been dumb, but I wasn't stupid in love.

I may be dumb but
I'm not stupid
In love

Omg , so yes . this is the end . :( so sad . no one is gonna suck me into finishing this one this time . lol . enjoy it ! :))) and comment darlings !