Disclaimer – Yeah, yeah, yeah … they're JE's … not mine.

This story was first posted in 2002, right after Hard Eight was released and hundreds of Fan Fic fans and writers made the trip to Trenton, NJ to meet each other. Several readers have asked that I repost this story, so here it is … I've left the storyline intact, but heavy revisions have been done to each chapter. Someday, I'll get to post a new story!

HUGE thanks to Alf, May and Skye for helping to set things straight and for keeping me sane and not letting me throw in the towel.

Hope you enjoy the story and thanks for reading!

M (Marilyn)

Chapters will be posted on Monday and Thursday; hope that works for you!

The Opportunist

Chapter One

Two Months After Hard Eight

Stephanie whipped her car around the corner and ignored the horns and Italian gestures directed her way. She forced the front end of the car into the only open space in front of the bonds office and pulled the car in tight enough so the rear was out of the flow of on-coming traffic. She jumped out, slammed the door, shot an appreciative look at Vinnie's Harley parked one space down, and headed for the front door of the office. She shoved it open and stood there panting, her eyes blazing with anger.

"Jesus H. Christ!" Connie screamed and pinched her nose, raising the pitch of her words to a high nasal obscenity. She tugged open her desk drawer to search for anything that would bring relief to her olfactory nerves.

"Holy Shit! What the fuck is that smell?" Lula shrieked and grabbed a couple of Kleenexes from the box on Connie's desk to stuff them up her nose. Both women turned to glare at Stephanie where she stood just inside the door to the bonds office.

"Where is he?" Stephanie stomped past both women.

"Damn!" Connie keened as her eyes began to water when Stephanie passed by her desk.

When Stephanie reached the door of Vinnie's office, she pulled her right foot back and kicked it as hard as she could. The impact vibrated all the way up to her skull.. The steel toe of her boot almost knocked the door off its hinges.

"You lying, thieving, self-serving, arrogant, pompous son of a bitch!" Stephanie snarled when she barged into his office and used the heel of her boot to close the door behind her. She stood with her arms crossed and glowered at the rotten little weasel.

"Holy mother of God! You stink! Get the Hell out of here! Jesus, I can't breathe!" Vinnie leaped out of his chair and clamped the pages of the magazine he'd been reading over his nose and mouth.

"You think the smell is bad from your side, you should smell it from here!" Stephanie rounded the corner of his desk and flapped her shirt as she moved, wafting the powerful stench throughout the room.

"Keep away from me! You're fucking crazy!" Vinnie's muffed voice cried out from behind the magazine. He walked backwards trying to escape the unpleasant odor that rolled off of the woman in front of him.

"Right now, I'm not only fucking crazy … I'm fucking PISSED!" Stephanie matched Vinnie step for step around the desk. "You set me up, you lousy shit! You knew Thompson's brother would be there to run interference for him!" She wasn't sure if her light-headedness was from the smell or the yelling, but she stopped and rested one of her hands on the top of Vinnie's desk to steady herself.

Vinnie yelled, "NO! Don't you dare sit down in my new chair!"

Stephanie smiled, a slow, taunting smile, then lowered herself into the soft leather chair and began to wiggle her butt back and forth, then pressed her back against the plush tan leather of the executive chair. "Mmm, comfortable," she said and covered the large expanse of material with as much of her noxious body as possible.

"Aw, for Christ's sake, Stephanie, get out of my chair!" Vinnie pleaded.

"It's gonna cost you." She stopped wiggling, leaned forward, and rested her arms on top of the desk.

"What?" Vinnie choked out, his face green from the putrid cloud that filled the entire office. Why did this crap happen to him? Because he'd hired his disaster-prone cousin, that's why.

"Triple my take on the scum you sent me after today." Stephanie stared at him with a look of determination on her face.

"No." Even with tears floating in his eyes, Vinnie was able to focus his glare on her.

"Double and pay to have my car fumigated." Stephanie settled back into the chair and wiggled her butt deeper into the leather.

"Fine," Vinnie choked. "Just get the Hell out of here, will ya?" He turned and yanked on the cord to raise the blinds so he could open the window. "Shit!" He growled when it jammed in his haste.

"Thanks, Vinnie … always a pleasure doing business with you." Stephanie worked her car key off the key ring and tossed it onto his desk right next to the key to the Harley. She picked up the Harley key and walked to the door. "I'll use the Harley until my car is ready and, just so you know, if you ever double cross me like that again, I'll make your life a living Hell." She swung the door wide open and waltzed out of his office. She gave him a little wave over her shoulder as another tidal wave of disgusting odor swirled behind her.

"Like you haven't already! Fine, take the damn bike." Vinnie scrambled to bolt the door before she changed her mind and came back in with more demands.

Stephanie cringed when she saw the front door of the office propped open. She turned to look at Connie and then at Lula. Their cheeks puffed with air as they tried not to breathe. Their eyes circled with a bluish tinge.

"I know … I stink. I was chasing a skip across the road, slipped and fell on a dead skunk." She slapped Lula on the back. "Funny, after a while you don't even notice it." A huge grin spread across her face when Lula gasped for air.

Connie didn't want to receive the same treatment that Lula had and stepped off to the side, out of Stephanie's reach. She was about to take another step, when she stopped, her attention diverted towards the front door and a heated flush appeared on her face.

Stephanie frowned and realized there was only one reason Connie would forget about the fetid aroma around her. A mixture of dread and hot anger worked its way through her and she turned around.

"Holy shit!" Joe fanned his hand in front of his nose with a look of disgust.

Stephanie rolled her eyes. Right, like that would help.

"Vinnie messed with the wrong animal this time," Ranger said and exchanged his normal blank expression for squinted eyes and a slight scrunch in his nose.

"Never thought I'd say this to you, Cupcake, but I prefer you covered in garbage." Joe smiled and tried not to laugh; instead, he gagged when he drew in a huge whiff of Eau d'Skunk.

Stephanie narrowed her eyes at both men. Even after two months, she was still angry and hurt by the way they had treated her after the Abruzzi mess. Ranger had pushed her back to Joe and then promptly disappeared. Joe had refused to have sex with her that night; he claimed she needed to recuperate when what she'd needed was some hot, Italian sex to forget the hot, Cuban sex she'd had earlier that week. He, too, had left town the next day. Well, the Hell with both of them. I don't need them now. My new shower massager pulses in three different speeds and it's in perfect working order.

Stephanie squared off in front of both men and fisted her hands on her hips, seething not only from today's little escapade, but also from the unresolved issues that revolved around the three of them. "Well, if it isn't the Invisible Twins … Get 'n Go." She shot each of them a separate angry look to indicate which one was Get and which one was Go. She took a step closer, placed a hand on each of their chests, heaved a forcible shove to open the space between them and, without sparing them another glance, walked through them and out the door. The fresh rip in her jeans offered them a peek at the lower curve of her butt cheek and both men forgot the smell and enjoyed the view.

"She may reek, but she's got the best ass in Trenton. So glad she belongs to me," Joe said as he admired the back and forth twitch of her cheeks while she walked away from the office.

Ranger answered Joe's comment in his usual manner; no words, just a nod of his head, but more pronounced than normal. His eyes darkened when memories of his one night with Stephanie two months ago crept into his mind, a night when her bare ass had moved in an even more seductive motion.

Like it was a lover in anticipation, Stephanie swung her leg over the Harley and straddled it. She balanced the bike between her legs for a moment, her body poised over the seat while she readied herself for the ride, and then she roused the engine to a full roar. Her hips snuggled down into the bike's seat as if she were about to show a lover the ride of his life. From the way her shoulders relaxed and her body trembled, the vision didn't seem too far-fetched.

"How long were you gone?" Ranger asked, but kept his eyes on Stephanie's backside. He made a mental note to buy her a Harley of her own and to cancel Joe's supposed ownership of the finest female ass in Trenton.

"Two months," Joe answered. His eyes, too, remained fixed on the lower portion of Stephanie's anatomy.

"No wonder she's pissed," Ranger said with a slight tilt to his lips.

"Yeah, but why is she so angry with you? Last time I saw her that mad was when I had to leave just after we'd…" Joe tore his attention away from Stephanie's backside and turned it on Ranger with narrowed eyes and his jaw set. "You bastard!" Joe hissed and drew his arm back to throw a punch directed for Ranger's nose.

Ranger knocked Morelli's punch to the side. "You'd better think about your actions, Morelli." He bent his head in the direction of Connie and Lula.

Joe shot a glance at the two women who were staring at them with wide eyes. "Bastard," he fumed, stormed out of the bonds office, and jumped into his truck, the tires squealing when he sped away towards the police station. Ranger didn't blame Joe for not chasing after her. He'd pegged him for a good cop, but not for a man who would brave a pissed off Stephanie Plum that smelled like skunk.

Lula and Connie continued to stare out the door in shock when Ranger left the office. "Morelli didn't mean what it sounded like he meant, did he?" Connie asked, but didn't bother to take her eyes from Ranger's retreating ass.

"I don't know, but if he did, that girl is gonna have to share some details with us." Lula's eyes held onto the same object as Connie's until it was out of view.

sSsSs

Stephanie pulled the Harley up in front of her parents' house and lowered the kickstand. She sat and let the engine run while she collected her courage. Who knew? Maybe she'd get lucky and no one would be home. With a turn of the key, the engine died on a low rumble as she dismounted and slipped the keys into her front pocket. There were two purposes for her trip: the hose in the backyard and a chat with Grandma Mazur. She skirted the steps to the front door and walked around to the back of the house where the hose waited, wrapped up nice and neat in its metal caddy attached near the corner of the house.

After she opened the valve, she unwound a few feet of hose and stretched it out midway into the backyard. She held the sprayer over her head and let the water run down her body to soak her clothing. Despite the brave front she'd put on at the office, she had a severe headache and a queasy stomach from the potent fumes. She'd bet if Vinnie ever got run over, he'd stink twice as bad. Bastard.

"Stephanie? What in heaven's name are you doing out there?" Her mother called from the kitchen window. "What will the neighbors think?" The wet aroma of Stephanie's encounter must have reached her mother's nose, because she shut the window and crossed herself.

"Grandma!" Stephanie shouted.

The back door opened a fraction of an inch. "What?" Grandma Mazur answered, her voice barely audible from behind the protection of the door.

"Could you spend the night at my place?" Stephanie continued to spray herself with the lukewarm water from the hose.

"Sure! You want to have a girl's night out?" The older woman asked with eager anticipation.

Stephanie released the pressure on the nozzle and looked into her grandmother's hawkish eyes focused on her through the crack in the door. "No, not tonight. I have to work and I'd don't want Rex to be alone." She knew her explanation sounded stupid, but it fit with the day's events.

"Damn, I heard there's a new gay bar in North Trenton. Me and Maggie Cotswold want to go, but we need someone to be our designated driver," Grandma Mazur said with a disappointed look.

"Sorry, not tonight. Maybe some other time." Like when Hell freezes over, she thought. "Mom, would you and Dad leave the Buick for me when you drop Grandma off later?" She looked up at the kitchen window and saw her mother nod in agreement. "Thanks."

She squished through the small circle of wet, matted grass under her feet until she reached the narrow sidewalk and stopped to replace the hose. "I'll see you tonight." Her entire body leaked water from every orifice when she walked around the house.

When she reached the Harley, Stephanie heard the front door open and turned around to see her mother perched at the edge of the porch with a kitchen towel over her nose. "Stephanie? Use tomato juice … it's supposed to help."

Stephanie wasn't sure how tomato juice would help, but she nodded her head anyway. She dropped her body weight on the kick-starter and tried to figure out what her mother's comment had meant. What was tomato juice supposed to help? And why on Earth would her mother think she even had tomato juice in her apartment? She sure wasn't presentable enough to stop at the grocery store to buy some. The only way she could think tomato juice might help her right now was to mix it with vodka. The roar of the engine filled her ears and she pulled away from the house. Screw the tomato juice. She'd just make do with the vodka; she already had a bottle on ice in the freezer.