Later that night, I crawled into my bed, wondering what I was going to do about Jake. Should I just tell him? I knew I couldn't go on like I was. It was like torture not knowing where he stood, but knowing that somehow I'd fallen so deeply in love with him that I wanted to cry. I knew my father had caught on.

He'd been given me pitying/encouraging looks since I'd first realized how my feelings had changed. He hadn't come out and said it, but I knew he'd approve of the match Jake and I made. But that brought me back around to wondering whether or not Jake felt the same way. I wanted to call Alice. I could cheat the system a little and see what he would say if I just out and out told him I loved him. Just one little phone call to Peru and I'd be in business.

I sighed and rolled over, trying to punch my pillow into shape. No. Alice wasn't a toy I could play with. And she was on her fourteenth honeymoon. Besides, I'd been taught at a very early age not to take advantage of my assets. I was already immortal. Tipping the balance even more is just unfair to other people. I punched my pillow harder, a little too hard. I heard a tearing sound and a few feathers flew out the side. I growled and threw the pillow across the room, scattering feathers everywhere and watching them drift down like snow onto my carpet.

I heard a howl outside. I turned my head sharply to look out my window. Some nights, when Jake was restless, he ran patrol around our house. The phone rang downstairs and I barley focused on my father answering it in hushed tones, talking low and fast to someone on the other end. I didn't pay attention to the words he was saying. I was slipping out of bed and going to the window, unlatching it and climbing out onto the balcony.

There had been something in Jake's howl. He sounded so…distant or sad. I was drawn to it. I leaned over the railing, my eyes scanning the tree line for his large form. There he was. I watched as he shifted, seeing a flash of skin in the shadowy trees. I shivered, aware of the fact that it was in no way cold outside. I was perfectly warm in a tank top and a pair of Jake's old boxers. I cocked my head to the side, allowing my mind to wander a little, thinking about Jake's body.

He was so sculpted and beautiful. Any girl would be lucky, so lucky, to have him. I had to squash down a ping of jealousy towards this stupid, fictional, unknown cow that got to be with him when I didn't. I watched the moonlight play across his abs as he jogged out of the woods, headed towards my house. I held my breath, but I didn't need to. Of course he saw me, and of course he was waving to me, of course he was heading straight for me and then swinging himself up to the balcony. And of course I began to hold my breath for a different reason. Like: I had forgotten how to breath. He's that perfect.

Then he was leaning on the railing with me, looking out over the field he'd just crossed before his eyes travelled back to me.

"Hey, Ness. Can't sleep?" I narrowed my eyes. If I was going to do this I might as well do this, right? I took a deep breath.

"If I stay your imprint…platonically…" I peeked up through my lashes to see how he'd taken the subject change. His brows shot up, but other than that, he froze. Like a statue. Like my father when he's angry. I continued.

"…does that mean that you'll…get with some other girl…romantically?"

"No." He said it immediately. No hesitation, so convinced, that I was taken aback.

"No?" He shook his head, looking at me with narrowed eyes. I paused, clicking my fingernails against the rails and leaving tiny marks in the wood.

"Why not?" I asked, trying to leave emotion out of my voice. He inhaled slowly before blowing it out. I peeked up at him again. He was facing me completely now.

"It's…It's complicated, Nessie. It's a pack thing that's really hard to explain…."

"Will you try?" He blinked down at me, unsure for some reason. I reached up to wrap my hand around his wrist, looking straight into his eyes. "For me?" I asked out loud, while my fingers sent a please buzzing up his arm. He shivered a little at the semi-desperate tone I had in my head. But this conversation was a lot desperate for me, so he got off pretty easy. He sighed.

"Once, Quil told me…He described it as not seeing the other girl's faces. That's as close as I can come to a description." I frowned, sending disbelief through his wrist.

"You walk around seeing faceless people?" I asked. He shook his head, taking a tiny step closer.

"No. It's like, I see them, but all I really want to see is you. Because I know that any other girl in the entire world, even on their best day, could not compare to you." I swallowed and had to snatch my hand away from his arm before I let some stray emotion leak out. I faced back towards the railing. I waited a moment, fully aware of his staring down at me.

"Well, if I was to…be with you…romantically…?" I heard his soft, sharp intake of breath and how his heart sped up just a touch. My mind spun. Did that mean he does want me like that? Or was he, like, horrified at just thinking about it?

"Nessie, what's this about?" he asked, almost using his Alpha voice. Almost. I sighed, still not meeting his eyes and gauging five holes in the railing with my fingers. I picked at the splinters coming off and sprinkled them onto the ground below, trying to look nonchalant.

"I just…want to know my options, here. You know? How it works and stuff." And stuff. Liar! I berated myself. I peeled away more wood from under my hands. Beside me, still staring at me (probably like I was a lunatic), Jake took a deep breath.

"Well, what do you want to know, Ness? I'm an open book." I had to force myself not to look up. He sounded so strained all of the sudden. I tried to focus on the trees in the distance, making them out individually in the forest.

"Um, well, if we were to be together…like that…how would it work?" I sounded lame and reaching even to my own ears. I felt the railing shake beneath me and I glanced over to see that Jacob had gauged his own holes in the wood.

"Well that's irrelevant seeing as you don't feel that way about me." He sounded so…resigned. Or questioning. Or insecure. Or angry? I sighed, in way too deep over my head, here. Like the first time Jake had ever taken me cliff diving.

"You'll get scared at first, cause you'll go deeper than you think. Deeper than you've ever been. But, Ness, you have to promise me you'll keep swimming back up to the top. Otherwise you're stuck underwater until I come save you." He'd said. Thinking back, it wouldn't have been too horrible a thing for me to have stayed underwater for a while. I can hold my breath for an obscenely long amount of time. But it's a sentiment that I've kind of applied to all the other parts of my life. I had to keep swimming, even if it didn't look like I was going to make it.

"Can't you just save me this time, too?" I grumbled under my breath, still staring at the trees.

"What?! What the hell does that mean?" I heard a crack beside me as he broke the banister even more.

"It means…" I shook my head hard. "It means…maybe." A loud snap told me that he'd completely cracked the railing in two. But it was with the gentlest of hands he reached out to grip my shoulders and turn me towards him.

"You mean maybe it is relevant? Like maybe you do feel that way about me?" I was staring down at my bare feel, feeling the tingle of his hands on my bare shoulders. I couldn't really think of an answer that didn't go one way or another. Either way could ruin everything or be complete bliss.

"Renesmee Carlie." He brought one hand up to cup my chin, forcing my head up so that I had to look at him. "If you're telling me that there's any chance, I mean any chance in hell that you might have feelings for me, I'm going to need to hear it. Right now." There was a desperation in his face that I couldn't read. Did he want this or not?

Part of me, a very large part, wanted to just say no and shrug it off and keep on living life like we had for nine years. But the other part of me, the part that was just loving his hands on my skin, the part that remembered what it was like to have him on top of me today, the part that died a little every time he treated me like a "buddy" told me I had to keep swimming.

I swallowed, hard, focusing on his elevated heartbeat. I brought my hands up to grip his forearms, rubbing my fingers over the banded muscle and sending the teeniest, tiniest current of emotion to him. It was just a low buzz of warmth. I was feeling him out, seeing how he was going to take it. Later, if I had to, I could tell him it was just friendly, "buddy" feelings.

Please, God, don't make me have to.

His grip tightened on my shoulders. Otherwise, he was completely still. Back in statue mode. The tension between us swelled until he finally inhaled sharply, shaking me the smallest bit.

"What does that mean, Nessie? I need words." I shook my head slowly.

No words. I sent to him. The muscles in his neck bunched up. He was trying not to grip me too hard. He growled low in his throat. Not only did the rumble serve to further heighten the tension, but it was just sexy as hell. More goose bumps on my arms.

"Come on. I need something more, here." His thumbs flicked out and stroked my cheeks, too fast, almost panicked. He got so quiet, that my super-hearing almost didn't even pick up on what he said next.

"It has to be you. You have to be the one to do this. Come on." He whispered, his eyes practically pleading for me to make my move. But my heart had already made my decision. I could have been reading him all wrong, but I felt like he wanted me to tell him I loved him.

Slowly, I pried my fingers off of his arms. For the briefest moment, his face looked completely crestfallen. Then I kissed him.

My hands slid up his chest to cup his neck, bending him closer to me so that I could tilt my head a little this way, and he could slide his nose a bit that way…and then our lips touched.

It felt like coming home and finding your soul-mate and fitting into the world's best jigsaw puzzle made just for you. There wore fireworks and my head began to buzz and I felt the kiss all the way to my toes. His lips were soft on mine, almost too soft. His hands dropped down to my waist, but I barely felt his fingers resting there. I pulled back. Not much, but enough that our lips weren't touching anymore. I blinked my eyes open.

His were closed and he seemed completely frozen. Without thinking, I sent all my panic towards him. I had gotten it wrong. He really didn't want me, and there was no coming back from this, and we'd have to stop being best friends, and I'd never see him, and my mom would be so upset at having lost him, because there's no way he'd ever stick around after this. God, I'd have to move to Peru with-

"No! Nononononononono. No. NO!" I sent more uncertainty to him. "You didn't get it wrong, Nessie." He whispered and my heart jumped up into my throat. My hands tightened on the nape of his neck.

But - I sent. He cut me off.

"But nothing. I never imagined in a million years, and-" he huffed out a laugh, "you need to believe me when I say I've imagined this a lot, I just never imagined it would be so good." He ran his nose along side mine, bringing our lips so close, almost close enough to touch. "I just have to be careful with you. You're…" but apparently he couldn't think what I was, because he was staring into my eyes, and then his head tilted forward just enough for our lips to touch again.

And there were still the fireworks and all that from the first time, but I was still unsure of how to proceed. His words were telling me he wanted me but his body…

I stepped closer, almost feeling his body on mine, pressed my lips against his a little harder. He didn't budge. My fingers sent waves of frustration at him. Kiss me. Really kiss me. Please please please. He broke away, his hand reaching up to brush along my jaw to the curve of my ear.

"You're so fragile." He whispered. I frowned, sending him my memories of this after noon, when he'd tackled and tickled me.

I didn't break then. I insisted. But I lost control of what I was feeding him, because that memory was tinged with the pleasure I'd gotten out of feeling his weight on me, and his skin on mine, which had led me to wonder what would happen if I could feel more of him on me. I snatched my hands away from him, knowing I'd given too much away, but just then he hissed and jerked me against him, gripping my hips tighter. I felt his chest heave against mine, our bodies pressed all the way together. He froze, suddenly breathing heavily.

My head snapped back and my eyes widened. My hand reached down to cover his. What was that? I asked, curious and hopeful. He growled again and my knees went weak. He pulled me tighter against him, burying his head in my shoulder. I could feel his breath against my collarbone, making me shiver.

"Nessie, you definitely can't do that anymore." He whispered, holding so still against me, shaking a little.

Why not? I asked, holding my breath again for the answer.

"Because…because…" his fists clenched and unclenched on my hips.

Because of the wonderful things he does? I sent a few bars from the Wizard of Oz at him and he laughed, but turned he head more fully into my neck.

"No, silly girl. Because I can't control myself when I feel…everything you feel and everything I feel. It's too much." But I was already snaking my arm up so that I could run my fingers over his jaw, my other hand staying on his. I started out slow, remembering things like the first time we ever saw each other, or when he first hunted with me. But I built from there.

Soon images were flashing of us at the beach, with my parents, playing football, reading together. Then I brought out my big guns. Slowly, a little torturously, I gave him the memory of the first time I'd noticed that I felt differently. Then how that feeling had grown and grown. I gave him memories of watching him run with his shirt off, feeling the strength in his arms when he lifted or hugged me.

He growled against my skin and I replayed it for him, only I showed him how I made my skin tickle, and how I thought it was so hot. He gave in.

A second later, he was crushing himself to me, molding all my curves to fit all his hard lines, his mouth hot and demanding on mine, his hands suddenly everywhere. I gasped and kept sending him more and more images, layered with everything I was feeling at that moment. I felt his hands grip my wrists and wrench them away from his skin. He held my hands in one of his as he gasped for air, backing away from me a few steps.

"You…definitely…You just cannot do that!" He would almost sound angry if her weren't so happy. He was smiling down at me, but his eyes held a warning.

"Why?" I broke my silence because he was currently holding my main sources of communication with one hand, and with surprising force. He shook his head, bringing my hands up to his mouth to kiss my fingertips.

"Nessie, think about everything you're feeling. I mean everything, and then double it. Maybe even triple it." I raised my brows. I could barely contain my own emotions. If they got any bigger, they would completely swamp my brain and body. He leaned in to me, his eyes teasing with mine.

"It's harder than you can possibly imagine." He whispered before dropping a kiss on my lips, not breaking eye contact. But I'd made my point. He didn't kiss me like I'd break. He kissed me like I was his. Like he knew everything about me and knew exactly where to put his hands and how to place himself around me so that I felt completely enveloped by him, like I could sink into him and live there and be happy.

Neither of us noticed the sound of someone else climbing out onto the porch. Or the slight cough that came from over my shoulder. Nothing mattered but Jake, and his hands, and his mouth…oh, God, his mouth…

But both of us noticed when my father practically yelled my name in my ear. Jake pushed away from me so violently he almost fell off the porch. I tried to cover my laugh with my hand and he glared at me before focusing back onto my father. He was breathing heavily with the phone in his hand. I cocked my head to the side.

"Is that…" I pointed to the phone. I could hear someone one the other end laughing and singing "Finally, finally, finally!" over and over. Dad glanced at the phone in his hand.

"That's Alice. She told me to be expecting this." He narrowed his eyes at Jacob. "This doesn't mean anything's changed."

"Daddy, this means everything's changed." I told him, not at all scared that he might do something to Jake. He loved Jake. But he was looking at me with such sadness. Finally he sighed and pulled me into a tight hug.

"I never fully understood why Charlie looked so sad when I married your mother." He murmured. "I know, now, though." He pulled back to look at me. "You'll always be my little girl, right?" I nodded and he hugged me again, squeezing almost painfully before he let me go. "I should go tell your mother. She'll be very happy." He paused before jumping off the porch.

"What happened to the rails?" he asked, pointing to the wood Jake and I had demolished. We looked at each other guiltily, but dad shook his head at us. "Don't worry. I saw the pillow in your room earlier, Nessie." He smiled crookedly for some reason. "It must run in the family." He said before jumping over the railing onto the ground, running into the forest where I could see my mother waiting to hunt. I frowned.

"What runs in the family?" I turned to Jake, but he was too busy pulling me into him and kissing me to answer.

A/N: Thanks for reading, guys! I'm always up for reviews, if anyone is willing to give them to me… Anyways, I hope you liked my first Jake/Nessie fic.