Hey people this is me trying to be satirical. Kind of. i'm not saying that i disapprove of lemons, just that... well read on to find out.

Also I and a mystery guest will make an appearance in this fic.

I own nothing but the plot and term tajima uses to describe how most lemons go...

This is M for a reason people, even without smut.

Lemonade

"Tajima what are you doing?"

To think, an innocent question started something huge. Yuuichiro Tajima was sitting at a computer in on of the labs at the school during break one day. He thought he was going to be alone, but Hanai had seen him and dragged Abe along-who had to force Mihashi to stay in the classroom out of fear that Tajima was doing something indecent.

"Please tell me it isn't porn," Hanai sighed. "On a school computer no less!"

"No way Hanai," Tajima giggled (giggled?). "Strictly business, StarFix asked me to update his profile of ."

Hanai flinched. Everyone knew that it was beyond stupid to even mention StarFix in Abe's presence. The catcher had a deep seated hatred of the writer beyond mean and measure. He couldn't stand how in all of his fics he was portrayed as someone secretly in love with Mihashi, but in denial.

Besides, his love for Mihashi was more platonic than anything.

"WHY THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HIM ANY FAVORS?!?!?!?!?" Abe demanded, almost pouncing on the clean-up.

Tajima shrugged, "It was either me or Mihashi, and he knows how much you hate 'Fix-kun'."

Tajima turned his attention back to the computer and quickly changed some profile information such as the location, the fics that were being cancelled (A/N: None, I swear!), and the polls.

"Done, done, done!" he exclaimed.

"Okay since you're finished, let's head back," Hanai suggested, fearful that something indecent was about to happen. He made his way to the door with Abe muttering various curses on StarFix behind him, hoping that Tajima would follow.

And of course he didn't.

"Guys, I found the section with fic about us!" Tajima exclaimed, pointing to the screen. Hanai realized that he had no control over what was about to happen so he decided to just let go and go with the flow.

"What kind do they have?" Hanai sighed.

"Hanai, are you insane?" Abe hissed. "Theses fans are probably as bad as StarFix!"

"They've got fantasy, funny, ooh and mature!" Tajima squealed, ignoring Abe's words. "Maybe they've got me getting some at last!"

And then the gates of hell broke loose. For the following twenty minutes the trio sat and sped read every M rated fic in the section. All twelve of them. Even Tajima was taken aback by what he saw. Never had the three of them seen so much (though you and I wouldn't consider it so much) yaoi in one place.

Once they were done Tajima, along with Hanai and Abe collapsed to the ground. The shock was obvious all were silent; they couldn't speak lest they remember what was read.

"I can't believe…" Hanai started to say. He couldn't express how he was feeling; confused, annoyed, distressed, disrespected, objectified, with a little bit of wounded pride mixed in.

Abe was sitting in a corner rocking back and forth in fetal position. Of the fics that they read most of them were him and Mihashi doing things that he never thought about doing with anyone. He was scared that he wouldn't be able to look his pitcher in the eye.

"Wow, it's like being a porn star and not even realizing it!" Tajima laughed. He didn't really think it was funny, but he wanted to diffuse the awkwardness in the room.

"We have to do something about this!" Hanai resolved, finally finding his words.

"Does anyone else think that none of those fics made sense?" Abe whispered to the wall. He turned slowly to face his teammates.

"What do you mean?" Hanai implored. Abe looked away; it was hard to maintain eye contact.

"Well, don't you think it was odd how experienced we all were, even though two thirds of the people in this room are virgins?" Abe sighed.

"Hey I take offense to that!" Tajima exclaimed. "Just because I'm nasty doesn't make me a… a…"

"Man-whore," Hanai suggested.

"Yeah that!"

Abe bowed his head in apology, and continued to list some other things in the fics that made no real sense.

"Like the convenient placement of the l-l-l," Abe stuttered, unable to say that word either.

"Yeah," Tajima agreed. "Like in that one where me and Hanai do it in the locker room shower some how I pull out a tube of strawberry flavored lube from my bag!"

"Aren't you allergic to strawberries?" Hanai asked.

"Damn straight and how do my fangirls not know that?" (A/N: Tajima isn't really allergic to strawberries) the cleanup huffed.

A level of the awkwardness passed so there was a feeling in the air that someone else add something.

"Or how it just went perfectly," Hanai added.

"Or how there was no awkwardness during or before?" Tajima suggested so that he could say something too. "I mean we were all so ready to just suck and fuck."

"Did no one else notice that in almost all of them there is oral sex of some kind?" Abe gasped.

"Again, why was there no awkwardness?" Hanai wondered. "I mean even in the fics it was our first time doing it, so shouldn't we have hesitated a little?"

"Because the authors didn't want to write us wondering if we really wanted to do it, that's the whole point of lemons. Pure smut," Tajima sighed.

The three of them sat for a moment when Tajima asked for Abe's cell phone.

"What do you need it for?"

"I'm calling StarFix!"

Abe handed it over without any protest, which made Hanai gasp. Of course the other two ignored his; this was no time for them to be acting like they normally would.

"StarFix? Yeah, we need you over here…" Tajima said into the mouth piece pausing ever other second. "Yeah, we kinda read some of the M rated fics from our section…"

"No, he didn't read them too, and we'll keep this strictly a secret…"

It didn't take an idiot to figure that StarFix had asked if Mihashi had seen the porn-y fics too. Abe shuddered to think what would happen if Mihashi had seen them.

"Just get here quick man…"

The clean up hung up the phone and tossed it back to the catcher who implored with his eyes to find out what had been said.

"StarFix will be here in a second with a friend of his to take care of this," Tajima explained.

Once more awkward silence stretched over them.

"You know what else I don't get?" Hanai asked, hoping what he said next wouldn't make things more awkward.

"What?"

"In every one with me and Tajima he topped, what was that about?" Hanai exhaled. The moment he did, however, he wondered if it would have been funnier if it had come out of Tajima's mouth.

"You know you're right," Abe snickered. "Why on earth would all theses fan-girls/boys think that you are his bitch?"

Tajima reddened, "Hey it does too make sense!"

"How so Tajima, Hanai I bigger than you?" Abe scoffed.

"Well I'll bet he isn't where it really counts!" Tajima laughed.

The three distracted themselves talking about all the funny things they notice in all the fics such as an Abe/Haruna/Mizutani pairing, a Sakaeguchi x Hanai make out scene, and a dominatrix Mihashi.

"Wow, when you really think about it these lemons are actually kind of funny!" StarFix chuckled.

The three of baseball players turned their necks to the window to see StarFix sitting there with a blonde girl who looked very familiar.

"Hey guys, sorry I'm late, but I had to pick up Naminé on the way to fix you problem," StarFix bowed.

"and how exactly is she going to fix our problem?" Abe scoffed.

"OH MY GOD I REMEMBER YOU FROM KINGDOM HEARTS!!!!!" Tajima exclaimed. Then he frowned, "You're going to erase our memory!"

Naminé and StarFix nodded, "It'll be better if we make you all forget."

"But that doesn't stop all those fans from posting that stuff about us!" Abe shouted.

"Nope, but it's all I can do since I cannot force every naughty minded fans to stop." StarFix explained. "Unless you think you can handle remembering all of what you saw…"

"I'd rather than remember than forget you can't do anything!" Abe grunted.

"Me too" Tajima and Hanai agreed.

StarFix shrugged, "So be it, but if you need help you know how to reach me."

And with that StarFix and Naminé were gone, and the trio felt a little bit more at ease with everything.

*** Much, much later...

It was a day off when one day Mihashi decided to check out for the first time…

Okay now review!

I might even write a sequel of sorts, but that might be non-smut related...

Who knows, drop me a line in review form people.

StarFix out!