Narrator

A/N: Somewhat AU. Take's place in the ninja world. Naruto and Sasuke are both 18.

CRACK! CRACK! CRACK!

Warning: Crude Language and Sexual themes. Yaoi Pairing. I'm not out to offend nobody, this is just for laughs- So please enjoy my crack

...

He barely blocked the punch that was thrown his way. His blond hair shinned in the sunlight that was burning down. Blue-eyes sparked red as he spun on his heel and landed a kick to his opponents gut.

Sasuke stumbled back from the force of Naruto's kick but he quickly recovered and answered with a kick of his own. They were thrown several yards apart and Naruto took the moment to wipe the blood from his lip on the back of his hand. Across from him Sasuke was doing the same.

Sasuke's pale skin glistened with sweat and Naruto licked his lips from the delicious sight.

Blue-eyes blinked. "What the…?" Naruto said bewildered. Did he just hear a disembodied voice? Crap, was that the voice of Kami? Wait, wait, wait, hold on a second…what did that voice say? Impossible- Naruto's thought track was interrupted when he saw Sasuke charge at him. He disregarded the voice as a side-effect from not enough sleep and he focused on his opponent. He caught Sasuke's punch, crouched down and swiped the raven's feet from under him.

Sasuke landed with a hard thud but sprang right back up. Throwing a few kunais to put distance between them once again.

When Sasuke's body was pressed up against his in the midst of battle, Naruto couldn't help but imagine a much more passionate setting.

Naruto snapped his head from side to side. There it was again. This time he knew he didn't imagine it. "Did you hear that?" Naruto asked turning toward Sasuke in panic.

Sasuke raised an eyebrow. "Hear what?"

"You're telling me you didn't hear that?" Naruto exclaimed.

"What are you talking about?" Sasuke said annoyed. He wanted to get back to sparring.

"The voice!" The blond cried franticly.

"Voice?"

The raven looked so sexy with his shirt torn and his-

"Right there!" Naruto yelled pointing blindly to the sky. "Did you hear that?"

Sasuke with his eyebrow still raised looked up at the sky where Naruto was pointing. "What are you getting at, idiot? Can we get back to sparring?"

Naruto released a growl as he searched the sky, searched the trees, and the building tops. Just where was that voice coming from?

"What's the voice saying?" Sasuke asked after seeing just how affected Naruto seemed.

The blonds eyes suddenly widened and Sasuke was amazed when a blush dusted his tan cheeks. "Nothing! Nothing at all!" His blue eyes darted anxiously. "I gotta go!"

Naruto disappeared in a gust of wind leaving Sasuke alone in the training grounds. "Whatever," Sasuke said with a shake of his head as he made his way home.

…

After sprinting all the way home Naruto locked his door behind him. His chest was heaving, his head pounding. "Phew, I think I lost that-"

After so many years how was it that just now Naruto started noticing the physical changes in his best friend.

"What! What the fuck is going on?" Naruto ran into the kitchen, into his living room, and lastly into his bedroom. No one but him was here. If that was true then where was that voice coming from?

Would his dark hair feel as soft as it looks.

And why would it say that? Naruto was bewildered. Well,..yeah okay there were a few times when Naruto would catch himself thinking inappropriate things. But, that didn't matter! He had that under control.

The deep voice sending shivers of delight across-

"Shut up! If this is some kind of joke its not funny at all!"

Silence

Naruto stood a little straighter thinking he had successfully scared the voice away.

Just how would Sasuke appear? Flushed and burning hot.

"Arrgggg!"

…

"You okay, Naruto?" Sakura asked concerned as she sat next to the blond at his favorite ramen stand.

The blond grumbled. In the span of a week he has hardly gotten any sleep because of that damn voice! Every time he tossed in his bed the voice would make some lewd comment on how the bed creaked or how the moonlight danced on the sheets.

Naruto looked up toward the sky expecting the voice to say something. It always had impeccable timing whenever Sasuke or something related to Sasuke crossed his mind. The voice said nothing. Naruto raised an eyebrow. Was the voice gone?

Sasuke's name falling from his lips tasted like sin.

"Son-of-a-bitch!" Naruto shouted enraged. He slammed his hands on the countertop, stood up and walked away.

Sakura just blinked.

…

"Ever heard of a door?" Naruto asked grumpily when he noticed Kakashi perched at his kitchen window.

Kakashi smiled behind his mask. "I just came to remind you that your break is over."

Naruto frowned. When the voice had first started it was distracting and way too dangerous when they were on missions. And since Sasuke was on his team and always nearby the voice just wouldn't shut the hell up. Finally it came to the point where Naruto had to ask Tsunade for some time off. Naruto had a week to find out what was going on and put a stop to it.

After some awkward conversations and questions he had with fellow ninja's Naruto was nowhere near an answer. Just WHO would torture him like this! WHAT DID HE DO TO DESERVE THIS!

It has been two weeks. Two miserable fucking weeks. Naruto sighed he couldn't stay away from Sasuke forever. And then as if own cue-

That raven hair plastered on his forehead. Those muscles straining under pale skin.

Naruto looked up and blushed as he became aware of Kakashi's analyzing gaze. Fuck, did he notice?

The copy-ninja seemed to smile.

Naruto glared. For all he knew he was behind this. "Hey, Kakashi-sensei…" Naruto began.

"Yes?" Kakashi replied a little to chipper.

"Do you know of any techniques on where you could…" Naruto paused to find the right wording. But the sound of a messenger bird overhead gathered Kakashi's attention.

"I got to go. Be at the bridge at seven." Kakashi said before disappearing.

"Great…" Naruto mumbled dejected. Tomorrow he would have to spend the whole day with Sasuke. "Cue voice."

His hot breath was-

Naruto smacked his forehead on the wall.

…

"Hn. I thought you were dead."

Naruto turned and watched as Sasuke approached him.

The way his body moves. The way the sun danced on his features. He was hot.

The blond scoffed. It was meant for the voice but Sasuke answered it instead. "What's the matter? Cat got your tongue.

I would rather suck on your tongue.

Oh, felt his eyes widen. That was different, Naruto thought. More like mentally screamed. For a horrifying second Naruto thought he had said that aloud.

The voice usually talked in the third person. Like he was telling a story. But now it was narrating in the first person. This was getting disturbing. Not only was he having nightly wet dreams but now the voice was bluntly suggesting things that were not true! Well…mostly not true.

Sasuke didn't miss Naruto's alarmed expression. He was being unusually quiet also. Sasuke stepped closer. Maybe the blond was getting sick.

Naruto's blue-eyes came into focus to find Sasuke only a few inches away.

I want you to fuck me

Naruto face flared up. Sasuke raised an eyebrow. "What the hell's wrong with you?" He asked. There was a note of genuine concern that Naruto couldn't help but pick up. Was Sasuke really concerned about him?

Fuck! I want you to fuck me. Touch me. Taste me.

Naruto shuttered. "What in the fucking god damn hell is going on!" Naruto screamed.

Sasuke was taken aback by the outburst. Confusion apparent on his face.

"What do you want!" The blond yelled up toward the sky.

Kiss him

Naruto blinked. Did the voice just answer him?

Kiss him

Kiss him

Kiss him

Naruto growled. "Fine!" And then without thinking of consequence he reached forward and pulled Sasuke into a searing kiss.

Naruto didn't register that Sasuke completely tensed as Naruto ravished him.

The blond, ending the kiss with a loud wet 'pop', looked up at the sky again. "There! Are you FUCKING HAPPY?"

The voice didn't answer. There was no voice! Naruto had won! But Naruto's victory was short lived as the anger-filled-voice of Sasuke made itself known. Along with a punch to his jaw that sent him flying to the ground.

Those soft lips and roaming hands-

From his place on the floor, blood dripping down his chin, Naruto groaned. "Fucking hell."

…

Across town Jiraiya chuckled to himself. He was just helping a student out, he didn't mean to be cruel. But damn how fun it was. He put his pen back onto the scroll. He just knew his writing skill would come in handy someday.

-End-

To hear the raven moan sent shivers down his spine

…End…

Kissing his neck and feeling his pulse quicken

Um…End…

Moving together, the heat becoming unbearable and-

Naruto: The author said END! Shut the fuck up already!

…End

…The way his hips thru-

Naruto: Fucking hell! Come here!

(Distant strangling sounds)

Jiraiya: Stop! I was trying to help!

Naruto: Argh. I thought I was going crazy! Pay!

(More strangling noises)

-END-