This is my first time submitting a fan-fic, although I've enjoyed reading stories on this site for quite awhile. I have been in love with the Twilight Saga since first reading it, although I've only recently come to grips with the fact that I'm Team Jacob ;). This is the story that spawned from that realization.

All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer; I just like to play with them.

Prologue- BPOV

Vitamin Water.

Seeing those stout plastic bottles, their labels bolding proclaiming the supposed benefits of their contents, always made me think of him. The one whose name I dared not think, let alone say. He never went anywhere without a bottle- usually the yellow. "Energy," or something like that. It all tasted like crap to me. I used to tease him about it, accusing him of sullying his Native American heritage by consuming mass-produced colored water. He'd just laughed at me. He was almost impossible to anger.

Almost.

I stared at the well-stocked selection with a mixture of sadness and regret. I hated feeling this way- hated remembering his face, his voice, his touch- hell, even his smell- and knowing that had I chosen differently, I could have been with him at that very moment. Instead, there I was, getting misty-eyed in front of a Vitamin Water display at my local supermarket.

I became aware that a middle-aged woman a few feet down the aisle was staring at me curiously. I hurriedly wiped my eyes and flashed her a quick smile. "Allergies," I said.

She nodded sympathetically and turned back to the shopping list in her hand. I ducked my head and walked further down the aisle, trying to remember what I'd come there for in the first place. Oh yes- a case of Sprite. Edward always liked Sprite when he wasn't feeling well.

I grabbed a twelve pack and carried it with me to the register, feeling the familiar pangs of guilt as I thought of Edward. He was at home, sick with bronchitis, and here I was, wasting time thinking about…I stopped myself before my mind could form his name. I didn't want to risk opening the floodgates.

I put the Sprite on the conveyor belt and pawed through my purse, looking for my wallet. I hoped I had enough cash on me that I could avoid using my debit card for a measly few bucks. Luckily, I did. The cashier wished me Merry Christmas as he handed me my change and receipt.

"You, too," I replied, a little taken aback. I still couldn't believe it was the Christmas season already. Edward and I had spent Thanksgiving at home this year instead of flying up to Seattle to see his parents and sister, and so I hadn't taken much note of the holiday. Then again, I hardly took note of much of anything these days. Time had passed in a blur since my return from Forks last August, the days blending seamlessly into one another without me marking their passage. I was like a zombie at school, and I felt a pang of remorse when I thought of how I must have short-changed my students this semester. Although I knew I'd given them the same level of instruction that I normally did, I'd done so with no passion or zest at all.

My mood was seriously crashing as I trudged across the parking lot, squinting my eyes in the bright Phoenix sunlight. I shifted the Sprite under my arm and dug my over-sized sunglasses out of my purse. They were Dolce, a birthday present from Edward. He'd surprised me with them early, after we'd returned from Forks, as if the rock on my left hand wasn't present enough. I stared thoughtfully at the ring for a moment, noting how the facets twinkled in sun. I usually avoided looking at the ring, partly because I felt I didn't deserve it, but mostly because I wasn't entirely sure I wanted it. I'd accepted Edward's proposal in a haze of guilt and a sense of obligation…

I climbed in my truck and slammed the door shut, trying to shake myself out of my reverie. I didn't like thinking about the events of the past summer to begin with, but it was particularly bad to get myself in this kind of mood before facing Edward. I was going to go home and take care of my sick fiancé, and block out all the other bullshit. It shouldn't be that hard; after all, I'd been doing pretty well at it for the last three and a half months.

The sun was beginning to set by the time I pulled into my parking spot in front of our condo. I gave my beat-up truck an affectionate pat as I shut the door, laughing inwardly at what an eyesore it was in the pristine gated community we lived in. Edward had begged me to sell the truck (hell, I could've abandoned it on the side of the road for all he cared) and to let him buy me a new car. I'd adamantly refused. The truck was one thing I was determined to hold on to, one part of my summer in Forks that I refused to reduce to memory. It was ironic, really, considering that I normally worked so hard to block Forks out of my mind, but I clung to that truck like a stubborn child.

Edward was sitting at the kitchen table on his laptop when I came in, and he looked up somewhat guiltily as I shoved the soft drinks in the refrigerator with an exaggerated sigh.

"Edward Cullen, what in God's name are you doing on that computer? You're supposed to be actually resting for once."

He smiled ruefully, one corner of his mouth quirking up. "Just checking email, love. Promise."

"I bet."

"The antibiotics are kicking in. I can't stay in bed all day doing nothing."

I shoved off from where I'd been leaning on the counter and went over to put my arms around his shoulders. "Edward, I think they can manage without you for one day. You were up until three this morning hacking up a lung. I command you to sit on the couch and be a lazy bum while I make dinner."

He turned and wrapped his arms around my waist. "Okay, Bella, you win. I'll go watch Sports Center or something if it will make you happy." His green eyes held a trace of suppressed laughter, knowing my aversion to sports.

I grimaced. "Uh, you don't have to go that far."

He snapped his laptop closed and stood, then turned to give me a kiss on the cheek. He leaned down to whisper in my ear, "More where that came from later if you're not afraid I'm still contagious." He squeezed me gently and left to try his hand at being lazy.

******

I made chicken parmesan for dinner, and we ate in the living room instead of at the table. We hem-hawed over movie choices and finally settled on "The Hangover." Despite my earlier funk, I couldn't help but laugh my butt off. Edward, on the other hand, was a little more reserved, and I knew it wasn't just because of his cold. He always had trouble unwinding enough to enjoy more sophomoric humor. I had the fleeting thought that it was probably a movie he would have enjoyed…but I pushed that notion out of my mind as quickly as it came.

We lingered in the living room for a bit after the movie. The next day was Saturday, so I didn't have any particular reason to get up early, but I knew Edward would be determined to make up for his missed day of work- if that was the case, he would need to get to sleep soon. I could tell he was ready to go upstairs, but I kept stalling, pretending to be interested in some mundane reality show. After his earlier comment in the kitchen, I had a feeling that Edward was in the mood for more than just sleep, and although I knew I would feel bad for turning him down, I just wasn't sure if I could get myself into the right mindset for sex. I'd spent so much of the day thinking about the past, about Forks- I was uneasy and preoccupied.

The one thing I couldn't figure out was why I'd been thinking about the past summer so much- why today of all days? Something tugged at my subconscious, but I couldn't get it to fully reveal itself.

The show I'd been only half watching came to end, and Edward stood and stretched, closing his laptop (he'd opened it again as soon as "The Hangover" was over). He looked at me expectantly and held out his hand.

"Ready for bed?"

I turned the TV off and stood, taking his hand. "Sure. You need some rest, anyway, especially if you really plan on going to the office tomorrow."

"I need to, Bella. If the volume of emails I received today is any indication, I have a lot to catch up on."

"It's all in your head," I grumbled, leading the way up the stairs. I heard Edward chuckle behind me, but he sounded a little exasperated. His over-exuberant work ethic had always been a sore spot between us.

We changed clothes and brushed our teeth side by side in silence. Edward kept glancing at me out of the corner of his eye and I could tell he was beginning to pick up on my mood no matter how hard I tried to hide it. That little nagging thought in my subconscious was stronger than ever. There was something I was overlooking, something that would explain why I felt so sad…although, in truth, the sadness never really left me.

I finished up in the bathroom and climbed in bed next to Edward, who was already stretched out under the light comforter. As soon as I joined him, he pulled my face to his and kissed me. It was long, slow, and full of no uncertain meaning.

For a few moments, I let myself surrender. His hands were confident as they moved over my body- after the years we'd been together he knew me very well. My body responded easily to his touch, although I could tell my mind wasn't in it, and in the end, I found it impossible to reconcile the two.

I thought of a quick way to remedy the situation. I sat up, much to Edward's surprise, and gently pushed on his chest.

"Lay back. You've been sick. Let me take care of you tonight." I lowered my head and traced a line of kisses down his chest and stomach, ending at the elastic waistband of his boxers. Raising my head to give him a devilish smile, I slipped my hands under the elastic and began to slide his shorts down. He lifted his hips for me to help me out, flashing his crooked grin in return. I lowered my head again to take him in my mouth, and his hands immediately went to rest gently on my hair.

"Bella," he moaned. I looked up at him and watched as his eyes slid closed. His body tensed.

I kept going, and it didn't take him very long to climax. When he was finished, he dropped his hands and opened his eyes. They found mine and he smiled, his breath coming out in huffs.

"God, I needed that," he said. He raised his hand again to lightly touch my cheek. "I feel bad for not taking care of you, though."

I leaned forward and kissed him softly. "I'm fine. I wanted to do this for you." I snuggled in next to him, wrapping my arm around his waist and resting my head on his chest. He squeezed me briefly and yawned. I realized he hadn't coughed but maybe twice since dinner. "You do seem to be feeling better. Hopefully you'll get some decent sleep tonight."

"Hope so," he murmured, and I realized he was already starting to drift off. "Love you, Bella."

"I love you, too, Edward."

He was out only minutes later. I tried to go to sleep, but I couldn't get my mind to shut down. I could feel the little elusive thought creeping closer to the surface, and I had a feeling it would make itself known before long. After another half hour of tossing and turning, I gave up and got out of bed.

Our bedroom was on the second floor of the condo and had its own private balcony overlooking the community pool. It seemed like a good place to sit and think (or possibly have a breakdown, I thought disjointedly). I pulled the sliding glass door shut behind me and curled up on the padded chaise. It was an unusually warm night for December, even by Phoenix standards. I felt completely comfortable in my silk pajamas and bare feet. I stared down at pool below me, noting how the Christmas lights on the various surrounding condos reflected across the water. If I'd been in a better frame of mind, the sight would have been soothing.

I let my thoughts wander for a moment, as dangerous as that was. I knew next week would be busy. Finals were coming up on Thursday, so I would need to spend the first part of the week reviewing with my classes. Then I would have the brief reprieve of winter break…

Suddenly I sat straight up on the chaise, my mouth popping open in a surprised "o." I counted back from the date of winter break, realizing that until now I hadn't even thought about what today's date was.

December 18th.

His birthday.

That explained it. Why I'd been so obsessed with thoughts of Forks today. With thoughts of him. We'd planned to spend this day together. We hadn't been sure how it would work out at the time, but we had talked about taking a trip together for the weekend. That was a conversation that had occurred in another time, before I'd accepted Edward's proposal and the shit had hit the fan.

I wondered how he had chosen to spend his birthday. More importantly, I wondered with whom.

But it wasn't my place to wonder about that. Not anymore. I had forfeited all my rights where he was concerned when I broke his heart.

Suddenly, all the guilt, remorse, and what-ifs of the day came crashing down on me. I felt tears well up in my eyes, and I knew that the floodgates were finally about to open. There would be no stopping them this time. All it would take was his name.

"Jacob," I whispered, a strangled sob escaping my throat.

And then the tears spilled over.

My Jacob.

I know it's a little wordy for a prologue, but I had a lot that I felt needed to established upfront. Please review and let me know what you think so far!