Chapter 10

As she went through her preparations for the next mission, Tali's mind was elsewhere the entire time. She didn't think about the geth, her squad, dying, or anything like that for the duration of the day. All she could think about were her dreams. Each one was different, but they all had one central theme, Shepard. She had dreamt about when they first met and their talks down in engineering. She dreamt about the battles on Feros, Ilos, and the Citadel, and now, she had the most vivid and heartbreaking one of all, his death.

After it happened, Tali and the remaining crew of the Normandy were rescued. When they all got together, Joker told them all about what had happened, the few seconds before Tali saw him drift away. How Shepard had saved his life at the cost of his own. Even in death, the man was willing to give everything for his crew.

The funeral on the Citadel was a spectacle beyond measure for those in attendance. Since his body was never recovered, the ceremony was kept private to military, family and friends. Even though he was never found, the council went all out in supporting their savior. It was a beautiful ceremony, a proper goodbye to a hero. Admiral Hackett of the Alliance gave a moving eulogy, telling of a great man, who did nothing but great things. Tali sat next to Garrus and Engineer Adams and cried the entire time.

All of them had become close friends to the Commander, and everyone thought they knew how bad she felt, but none of them really did. She had lost the one person who helped her the most in those trying times. A man, who she was always watching, and realizing he wasn't just another human, he was her commander, her captain, her friend. She wasn't really sure how do describe the feeling, other than she cared about him more than anyone else she had met in her life. He had done so much that she even considered not returning to the flotilla, but staying on the Normandy. None of that mattered now.

When she returned to the fleet, Tali tried to stay strong. In front of her people, she was somewhat a hero, bringing back one of the most important finds from a pilgrimage in a long time. The information she recovered about the geth could give the quarians insight to recovering their home world. She was glad to help her people, but it didn't take away the sadness in her heart. It was almost cruel. When she set out on this journey, this was exactly what she wanted when she returned. She wanted to give her people hope, to bring back something great, and to make her father proud.

Now that she was back, she had accomplished exactly what she sent out to do, and it meant almost nothing. She had just given a great gift to her people, which would have an impact on them for generations. As great as gift like this was, it was insignificant compared to the gift he gave, the one that was taken away from her, forever.

Now here she was, around a year later, getting ready for one of the most dangerous missions in her life, and all she could think about was a memory and a ghost.

"Tali'Zorah, a message has just arrived for you." A voice off in the distance said. Tali composed herself, she was glad her visor hid her few solemn tears.

"What is the message Lo?" She said softly as she made her way over to the messenger.

"Admiral Raan has come as you requested. She will meet you in the briefing room." The messenger then gave a quick farewell and made his way back to his station.

As Tali made her way toward the meeting, she was uneasy. She had never really talked to anyone about how she felt about Shepard, but she had to get it out. Tali realized as she was walking, that she never felt this way about anyone before. She was twenty-three, and hadn't even considered linking suits with anyone. She started rubbing her hands together in front of her, a nervous mechanism of hers, as she got closer to the room. She didn't know what aunt Shala would say when she told her, she just needed her to listen.

Tali stood outside the briefing room, more nervous than she had been in a long time. She slowly reached for the metal door, and opened it. She peered inside and saw Shala sitting near the observation window starting out into space. Tali glided into the room trying to put things together in her head.

"Hello child, it is good to see you." Shala said as she turned around and faced Tali.

"Hello auntie Raan." Tali replied with hesitation. "It's good to see you too."

"I'm glad you called me here to talk before you leave on your mission. I was going to come and say goodbye before hand, but it pleases me to see that you would like to talk as well." Shala had started to make her way over to Tali.

"We don't get to see each other enough." Tali said with slight excitement as she hugged her, trying to hide her nervousness. She wasn't doing a very good job.

"What did you want to talk about Tali?" Shala asked as she placed herself in a chair in the front of the room where Tali stood.

"Auntie Raan, I need to talk to you about something, I mean, the mission is coming up and I'm having trouble because there's a lot on my mind, and I can't think about the mission. I know I should be thinking about it but there are other things, so I asked you to come because I should be thinking about the mission, and I need your help, and..."

"Tali, you are babbling. Are you nervous?" Shala interrupted.

"Right, I'm sorry. It's just, I've never talked to anyone one about anything like this before, and it makes me nervous, and I don't know what you're going to say and…"

"Tali, you're doing it again. Come now child, sit and calm down." Shala motioned Tali to take a seat next to her. "Now, tell me what is on your mind."

"Auntie Raan, I've been having some problems sleeping lately. I've been having some dreams about my past. I've been thinking about them, and it has kind of made me realize something." Tali looked down at the floor and began rubbing her hands together again.

"What is it Tali?" Shala said as she placed her hands on Tali's.

"Well, with these dreams. Do you remember when I came back from my pilgrimage? I told you all about my travels with Commander Shepard, about watching him, and helping him with his mission, saving the citadel. Then you asked why I seemed so distant, why I seemed like I was crying so much, and I told you how I watched him die. Well I was crying, and I think I know why." Tali looked up at her aunt.

"You loved him, didn't you Tali. You still do." Shala held her hands tighter together. "These dreams you've been having are about him."

Tali didn't speak; she gave a fake smile to her aunt through her helmet, then looked back down, and started to cry. Shala leaned in and pulled Tali close. She knew with her mother gone, and her father distant, she was the closest thing to a parent she had. She could feel Tali cry and shake as she poured tears into her helmet. Then she heard Tali whisper something, a small wish. A wish that, until a year later, she would have thought would have been impossible.

"I wish he would come back. I just want to see him one more time… I miss him…"