Hello there! Thanks for clicking on this story. I hope you enjoy it!

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

Why hello there, male population of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Don't worry, we all know why you're here. It's not that hard to figure it out really, plus we're all in the same boat to be truthful. The facts just prove it to us all, which means we need to be prepared. It's a dangerous situation we are about to encounter. In the words of Mad-Eye Moody- CONSTANT VIGILANCE! We've got to be prepared for what's waiting out there for us.

No kind sirs, it's not Lord Voldemort that's waiting for us, it's something much worse. Girls. Weasley girls.

Fact- You will fall for a Weasley girl at least once (maybe twice or more) during your seven years at Hogwarts.

Sorry to all you gentlemen of Hogwarts, it's a fact. There is no point trying to avoid the fact or deny it (I should know, I've tried many a time) because as you will soon find out (or have already found out) that there is no escaping that 'Weasley charm'.

But luckily for you, oh male students, there are number of Weasley girls to choose from.

We go all the way from the ever popular, ever loving Victoire Weasley to the little, fiery, redheaded Lily Potter (Potter by name, Weasley by nature) and every single Weasley girl in between. The curls, Quidditch positions, flaming tempers and 'loveable' personalities are all here in one specially wrapped guide just for you (and all the other boys of Hogwarts- knowledge is power after all)!

It's the Guide to the Weasley Girls, lads! It's a simple (complicated) guide to help you get through the heartache, joy and hexes thrown at you by these redheaded demons and of course, pick the right one to fall for. It's an important process.

But I suppose I should explain why I, Scorpius Hyperion Malfoy, am explaining this to you young, poor, poor souls. Well I just happen to be best friends with a certain Albus Severus Potter. Never heard of him? I'm not surprised, scrawny git he is. He's the son of the famous Harry Potter, I reckon you've heard of him. However I'm getting off topic. So seeing that I've spent a lot of my holidays (and sanity) at the Potters it's safe to say I've gotten to know the Weasley girls quite well. Not as well as spiffing young Mr Potter himself, but him giving you advice on which of his relatives you should crush on doesn't sound like a good idea, he's dead protective of them you see.

And I suppose that leads us to another fact for all you students out there, one that I'm sure you don't want to hear but one that is necessary for all us non-Weasley males to survive.

Fact- All Weasleys males (and Potter males for that matter) are dead protective of all female relatives.

In other words, if you are 'lucky' enough to date one of these monsters *cough* I meant young ladies, you are facing one father, one grandfather, 5 uncles and 5 brothers/cousins. And let me tell you for a fact, Al Potter might be a scrawny midget on his own but when you've got James Potter, Fred, Louis and Hugo Weasley with him as well, then you my friend are in for one serious beating/hexing/pranking/death. Not to be dramatic or anything. Or scare you off for that matter.

On the plus side though, you're not a Malfoy so you're already got one up on me! Congrats to you.

But we'll go through them one by one shall we? Just so you get the idea of which one would be the safest to fall for. Remember soldiers, safest is always best.

So step on board the Weasley Girls express, we'll be taking you through everything you need to know about those charming *cough* young Weasley girls.

Hold onto your hats Gents, you're in for a wild ride.

Author's note: Thanks for reading! I'd love a review to see what you think, this is the first time I've ever classified a story as humour (and I'm a little worried about that) so I'm hoping you find it amusing. Thanks again!

TTFN

Dork-with-glasses

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo